Nothing is Forever
by ShiningXStar
Summary: SEQUEL TO CRASHING DOWN.Manny and Roxie return to Degrassi,but could thier presence destroy everything? CraigAsh,SpinPaige,and EmmaSean's relationships will be put to the test...but can their love overcome the many obstacles they are going to face?R&R!
1. Strangers in the Night

**Authors ****Note****-** Ok, first, **DO NOT READ** this is you haven't read **CRASHING DOWN**. It is the sequel, therefore, you must read story _before_ it. So before you read this, read **CRASHING DOWN** ( and review it)! This story is going to be about Manny, Craig, Roxie, Spinner, Paige, Ashley, Emma, Sean, Ellie, and Jay. It is set one month after the ending of **Crashing Down,** and Manny is back from rehab…but is she any better? Craig and Ashley are dating, but they're going to encounter some problems…Emma and Sean have been dating for awhile, but Sean's troublesome friends will come between them, _and _another girl….Roxie is back in town, but what is her real reason for returning? Read and Review! Thanks

  Nearby, a car door slammed loudly, shattering the peaceful silence of the dark evening. Roxie turned onto her side on her bed and stared out the closed window, watching as the clouds cleared away, revealing a bright, full moon. She wrapped her arms around her pillow and sighed loudly, wondering if she was ever going to be able to fall asleep.

A minute later, Roxie heard loud footsteps coming down the hallway, and her bedroom door opened slowly. A sliver of light penetrated the dark room, and a dark figure was silhouetted in the doorway. Roxie immediately felt her entire body tense up, and she didn't have to turn around to know that Dan, her Aunt's sleazy boyfriend, was standing a few feet away. She squeezed her pillow tighter, and closed her eyes. From her bed, she could practically smell the alcohol on his breath. 

"Go away," she said, her voice sounding vulnerable and small, even to her own ears. "Please…"

She heard a low, drunken laugh. "You don't mean that. I cam home tonight just for you, baby." Dan slurred as he took a few unsteady steps to her bed, and Roxie took a deep, shaky breath. She kept her back turned to him and continued to stare at the moon.

"Please…you said no more," she said, clutching her pillow even tighter. There was another harsh, drunken laugh. Roxie squeezed her eyes shut, and a solitary tear slid down her cheek as Dan laid a hand on her shoulder….

    Manny rummaged furiously through her closet, the bright, glistening moon shining into her window. She could barely see in the dark, but she didn't dare turn on a light, in risk of waking her parents, who she knew were sleeping peacefully down the hallway. Manny stopped and threw up her hands in frustration.

It was her first night home from rehab, and already Manny was considering hiking to the nearest bridge and taking a flying leap. She couldn't help smirking slightly when she remembered the conversation she had had with parents in the car after they had picked her up from the center that afternoon. Her mother had babbled on about "trusting her" and how they were allowing her to come home and expected her to "behave." Whatever the hell_ that_ meant. Manny had had to refrain from gagging.

What had they expected her to do- thank them for letting her leave the Hell-Hole that they had forced her into a month before? It was like they expected her to be _appreciative_ or something. If anything, Manny's month of horror in rehab had only made her bitterer and more fucked up than she was before. _Way to go, parents_, she thought sarcastically as she resumed rooting through her messy closet. For the past month, Manny had been insisting to anyone who would listen that she didn't have a drug problem, but no one listened to her! Well, she was going to show them.

A minute later, Manny triumphantly held up a shiny, black boot that she had bought two years ago. She had somehow managed to lose the other boot when she had gone on a school camp trip in sixth grade (she still thought J.T had taken it when she was sleeping in her tent), but Manny had found other purposes for the shoe. She reached into the boot and pulled out a small, but substantial, bag of weed. She grinned. _Excellent_, she thought.

Ten minute later, after pulling on a purple fleece jacket, Manny slowly pulled open her window. Glancing over her shoulder wearily at her closed door, she slowly hoisted herself over the windowsill. Manny shimmered herself down the brick exterior of the house, and finally landed gently on the grass. She dusted her hands off and smiled in satisfaction. _Well, that was surprisingly easy. _

She turned and quietly ran across her front lawn, taking the bag out of her pocket as she went. There was a neighborhood park about three minutes away. She decided she would crawl into one of the large tires that kids climbed on, but then she realized she couldn't do that- she had always suspected that stupid little kids peed in those tires. Manny wrinkled her nose and shivered as she neared the park. It really didn't matter where she got high- all that mattered was that she _got high_. Manny smiled happily as she pushed through the fence that surrounded the small park. _This is going to be the best night in a long time…._

The sun was just setting as Roxie stuffed the last of her clothes into the large suitcase that was sitting on her bed. She glanced out at the evening sky as she continued to pack the rest of her things. She carelessly tossed in a few t-shirts, and then attempted to zip up the over-stuffed bag. She groaned in frustration as she tugged on the zipper, and after what seemed like forever, it finally zipped. Roxie took one more glance around the spacious room that she had been living in for the last month, making sure she had taken everything that she needed. When she was satisfied, she picked up the heavy suitcase and dragged it out of her room to the staircase.

She walked through the living room into the kitchen, and dropped her suitcase on the floor. She walked over to the kitchen counter and grabbed a notebook and pen.

_    Aunt Tammy, _

_        Thanks for letting me live with you for awhile, but it just wasn't working out for me. Don't worry, I'll be fine. I'll call you._

_                                                                                          Roxie. _

There. Short, simple, and to the point. She thought for a minute.

_         P.S    I took the last banana. _

She laid the note on the counter where she was sure her Aunt would find it, grabbed that banana, and picked up her suitcase. Aunt Tammy had been great to her, but she just couldn't stay. She had made a decision. She lugged her bag to the back door and headed out.

Twenty minutes later, Roxie was standing at the ticket counter at the local bus station. A girl who looked only a few years older than Roxie was sitting behind the counter, holding a nail file and looking extremely bored. Roxie cleared her throat loudly, and the girl finally looked up. "May I help you?" she asked, in a lazy mono-tone. Roxie nodded.

"Yes," Roxie said, nodding, as she pulled out her money. She asked the girl for one ticket, and the girl nodded and turned to the computer. She fiddled with the computer, and that took about twenty minutes alone. Roxie fidgeted anxiously, wishing the girl would stop being a complete moron and just give her the ticket. Finally, the girl nodded again and glanced back to Roxie.

"Are you sure about your destination?" the girl asked. Roxie sighed.

"_Yes_." _So give me the goddamn ticket that's in your chubby little hand_! She thought angrily.

"_I have_ to ask that. Aren't you a little young to be traveling alone?" the girl asked, handing her the ticket.

"Aren't you a little incompetent for this job?" Roxie snapped as she snatched the ticket out of the girl's hand. Roxie then handed the girl her money, and the girl made a face. Roxie rolled her eyes and turned and walked away. A few minutes later, Roxie was sitting in the back of the large bus, staring out the window. Roxie hardly noticed as the engine roared to life, and they pulled away from the station….

Emma walked out of the counselor's office that same afternoon, and she glanced around the hallway. She spotted Sean leaning against the wall a few feet away. She smiled softly and walked over.

"Hey," she said, reaching over and giving him a quick hug.

"Hey. How did the session go?" Sean asked, as the two began walking down the hall to Emma's locker. Emma shrugged thoughtfully.

"It's going ok. The sessions have been helping a lot," Emma said slowly, inwardly wincing as she thought about the reason she was in counseling- her rape at the party a little over a month ago. She swallowed hard and tried desperately to push the memory aside. She was definitely moving on- and she was moving on with Sean. She glanced over at him, glad that the two were officially "together."  

"So…how was your day?" Emma asked, deciding to change the subject. Sean shrugged and sighed.

"Well, I got detention for two weeks. You know that big painted portrait of Principal Raditch outside his office? Well, Jay thought it would be funny if he drew earrings, lipstick, and nose hair on it with a marker," Sean said as they neared Emma's locker. "Of course, Raditch blamed me."

Emma sighed angrily as she pulled open her locker. "Why do you hang with him? He's clearly bad news."

Sean shrugged. "I don't know…he's cool."

"Cool? What cool about him- he goes around and makes fun of people, and gets in trouble? Sounds awesome to me," Emma said sarcastically. "I just know he's not going to be able to make our ten-year reunion because he'll be sitting in jail."

Sean frowned harder and narrowed his eyes. "Emma, I don't jump all over your friends. Speaking of jail, isn't one of your friends sitting in a rehabilitation center right now?"

Emma closed her locker and turned to her boyfriend. "That was low, Sean."

Sean was quiet for a minute, and then he nodded. "Look…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that about Manny. I just…get defensive, you know?"

Emma nodded in understanding. "I know. I'm sorry, too. Look, let's not let our friends get in the way of us, ok?" She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. Sean smiled and nodded.

"Deal."

   "Spinner, you are a complete pig!" Paige squealed, setting down her hamburger as she watched her boyfriend in amazement. "Ok. Have officially lost my appetite."

     Ashley, Craig, Paige, and Spinner were sitting outside the school during lunch the next day. Spinner was hording a juicy hamburger into his mouth, and he had somehow managed to get a large streak of ketchup on his cheek. Paige shook her head in amazement as she pulled out a napkin. She then reached over; grabbed Spinner's face before he could take another massive bite, and wiped the ketchup off.

Craig and Ashley watched in amusement. "I think we should start a petition to the school about investing in a troth for Spinner," Craig joked. He watched Paige as he slung his arm around Ashley's shoulders. "Paige, I forgot- are you Spinner's mother or girlfriend?"

Paige rolled her eyes as she tossed aside the napkin. "Please, Craig. Someone has to look out for Spin here. Or else he'd probably weigh three hundred pounds and walk around with condiments smeared all over his face."

Ashley cringed as she opened her bottled water. "I guess we should all thank you, then."

Craig smiled and leaned back on the stone step he was sitting on, and glanced over at his girlfriend, who was trying to look interested as Paige began chattering away about the Spirit Squad. Ashley and Craig had been dating for almost a month, and things couldn't have been going better, in his opinion. The two had completely reconnected, and on an even deeper level than before. Craig felt like he could tell Ash anything, which he took as a good sign. Craig took a long sip from his can of soda. Things had been pretty rocky between the two (cough, Manny, cough), but now thing were back on the right track.

Suddenly, Craig found his thoughts wandering to Manny…and inevitably to Roxie. Craig hadn't seen or heard from either of them in a month. He wondered how things were going with both of them…and if _they_ ever wondered about him. Craig shook his head, trying to clear away any thoughts of Manny or Roxie. Just as he told himself to start focusing more on Ash, he spotted someone walking toward him from the parking lot. It was…._Carter __Monroe_.

Craig gulped and felt his stomach drop as he realized that Carter was heading _straight for him_. Craig was pretty sure that anything Carter had to say to him _was not_ good.

"Well, if it isn't Craig Manning," Carter said when he approached, a bitter smirk on his handsome face. "We haven't talked in awhile….have you managed to steal anyone else's girlfriends lately?"

Craig glanced anxiously at his friends, who had grown completely silent and were watching the confrontation wearily. Craig sifted anxiously in his seat. "Look, Carter…could we not do this? I'm just trying to eat lunch with my girlfriend, and I'd really appreciate-"he began, before Carter cut him off.

"Your girlfriend?" he said, glancing at Ashley. "It's Ashley right? Well, Ashley, you should keep an eye on your boyfriend. He likes to go after other people's girlfriend, or maybe you knew that already?"

Craig stood up quickly, and he felt something inside him snap. "Man, she was my girlfriend first!"

Ashley stared up at Craig in horror. "Craig!" she exclaimed in surprise, but both Carter and Craig ignored her.

"So, are you happy, Craig?" Carter said angrily. "You're sitting outside, enjoying a nice meal, all la-la-la, while Manny is sitting in some rehabilitation center! Don't you feel bad about what you did?"

"Wait-you're blaming this on me?" Craig cried. "If you hadn't cheated on her, she would have never come to me in the first place! If this is anyone's fault, it's yours!"

Before he knew what was happening, Craig felt a sharp pain in his stomach, and he realized that Carter had punched him. He staggered back slightly, but recovered quickly, and delivered a blow to Carter's jaw. Carter then grabbed Craig by the shirt and threw him down, and soon the two boys were fighting it out on the ground and a small crowd had gathered around. Finally, Spinner stepped through the kids and grabbed Craig and pulled him away, and one of Carter's friends did the same to Carter.

"Calm down, man!" Spinner said, putting a restraining hand on Craig, who was still glaring at Carter, who had a bloody lip. Finally, Carter shook his head and walked off angrily. After the other kids had cleared away, Craig gently touched the bruise that was forming on his cheek, and turned to Spinner, frowning.

"Man, you should have let me have him!" Craig exclaimed. Just then, Ashley picked up her lunch. She brushed past Craig, giving him a cold, hard stare, and then hurried off.

"Nice going, Craig," Paige said sarcastically. Craig ran a hand over his face and groaned.

He heard Paige sigh from behind him, and she walked up and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Um…F.Y.I…this is usually the part where you go chasing after her," she said, nodding toward Ashley's retreating back. Craig nodded quickly, and then hurried after his girlfriend…

     Roxie shivered slightly as she hurried up the walkway to the familiar, split-level house, and wrapped her arms around herself_. I hate the cold_, she thought bitterly. Roxie glanced up at the house with the blue shutters and the matching front door. It was big, but not that big. Roxie stepped onto the front porch, and took a deep breath, trying to find the courage to just knock.

_Do it_, she thought. But she seemed frozen in place. A part of her mind screamed at her to turn around and just run away, but another part was telling her that she had come all this way…she couldn't back down. _Ok, you're freezing your butt off, standing on the doorstep….damn it…just knock! _ She had come back for a reason, a reason that no one else could possibly understand.

Before she could stop herself, she knocked loudly on the door. A minute later, she could hear footsteps approaching the door. The blue door flung open, and before she could react, two arms were engulfing her in a big hug.

"Honey!" her mother said into her hair. "You've come back."

Roxie simply nodded and let her mother hug her….

     "Ashley! Ashley, wait!" Craig called, following Ashley around the school. He finally caught up with her in the small alley behind the building. He grabbed her arm to stop her, but she wrenched her arm away from his grasp.

"Craig, you just got in a fight over Manny Santos!" Ashley cried, staring at him with wide eyes.

"I know! I know. It was stupid, Ash," Craig said desperately, raking a hand through his hair. He glanced up at the sky and sighed. "I just…"

"You just what?" Ashley asked softly. "You're just is love with Manny?"

"No!" Craig said quickly. "It's not that. You heard him, Ashley. He was blaming me for what happened to Manny. I just snapped, because…maybe…" he trailed off, swallowing hard and glancing at the ground. "I do blame myself." He glanced up at his girlfriend. "But I love you, Ashley. It's you I want." He reached out and took her hand.

Ashley stared at him for a long minute, and finally she nodded. "I love you, too." She reached up and wrapped her arms around Craig's neck, and she laid her head on his shoulder. Craig smiled softly.

         "Ok," Mr. Raditch said. "Well, isn't this a lovely bunch," he said sarcastically. "Now, because you have insisted on continually making trouble, I've come up with a special project for you. We are having a special alumni gathering in a few weeks, and it's going to be an excellent time to promote our wonderful school. I want you four to work on something for the special presentation we are going to be having. I was thinking…a little speech…a video documentary..."

The four kids gathered in the small classroom stared blankly at him. He sighed. "I want this to promote and make our school look like a good environment to learn in. Now, you may spend the next hour brainstorming. Have fun." He smiled at the group and walked out of the room.

"Man, this sucks," Sean muttered, slouching down in his seat.

"Continually making trouble?" Marco said, looking confused. "Ellie, we skipped class once."

"Yeah, so you could go buy that jacket before anyone else did," Ellie said, rolling her eyes. "Just so you know, I blame this entirely on you."

"Hey, this doesn't sound so bad. This project could be kind of cool," Marco said, glancing around the room. Jay snorted from next to Sean.

"Ok, Marco. Then why don't you just take care of the whole thing?" he suggested, smirking at Sean.

"Ignore him," Ellie said quietly. "He's just mad because he's a huge loser," she said louder, so Jay could here. He rolled his eyes again and looked at Sean.

"Oh, that was a nice one," he said sarcastically. "I'm not doing this lame-ass project shit, ok?"

Twenty minutes later, Mr. Raditch walked back in. Sean was listening to his C.D player with his head in his hands, and Jay was throwing a ball against the wall. Ellie was working on a piece for Caitlin's show, and Marco was drumming the table with two pencils. Mr. Raditch sighed and shook his head.

"Maybe this was a mistake," he muttered to himself. He walked to the center of the classroom and cleared his throat. "Alright. I can see that you're obviously not making much process with this. Alright. Sean and Ellie, you two can work on the video documentary. Marco and Jay, you can work on the speech for the alum, and the signs. Now, I'm going to sit here, so split up, and get to work."

After a minute of grumbling, Marco went and sat next to Jay, and Sean plopped into the seat next to Ellie. Ellie tried not to roll her eyes as she pulled out her notebook. Sean may be a complete slacker, but Ellie was so not going to let him spoil this. She was excited about making the mini-documentary.

"Ok…so…I'm thinking we could just go around and film a regular day at Degrassi. Or maybe just do a montage of kids and events at Degrassi?" she suggested, scribbling her idea down. Sean shrugged, and glanced at Raditch.

"Whatever," he muttered, and then he slipped on his headphones. Ellie's mouth dropped open. _Ok, rude_, she thought. She wasn't going to take his attitude. She reached over and yanked his headphones off. He frowned.

"Hey!" he said, sounding angry. Ellie rolled her eyes.

"Look, I'm not going to just let you slack off on this. We're a team. Have you heard of that? It's when people work together," she said. "So do you have any ideas? Any good ideas?" She tapped her pencil against her notebook. Sean rolled his eyes and shrugged.

"I was thinking we could just film a regular day at Degrassi. Or maybe just have a montage of kids and events at Degrassi," he said, basically repeating what she just said. Ellie sighed in exasperation.

"You know what, forget it. I'll just do this all by myself, alright?" she said coldly. She sighed, and there was a long minute of silence. Ellie stared down at her list of ideas, and Sean noticed that she was absent-mindedly snapping a rubber band against her wrist. Sean frowned, but decided not to say anything. He sighed, feeling a little bad.

"No. Look, Ill help out. I think your idea sounds good," Sean said. Ellie glanced at him, and he thought he saw her smile. She stopped snapping the rubber band and picked up her pencil.

"Good. Let's get started."

     Manny adjusted the blue polo shirt she was wearing, and flipped her long, black hair over one shoulder. The polo shirt was a little conservative for her, but she hadn't wanted to come on too strong- after all, she and Craig were supposed to just "friends." She smiled happily as she glanced up at Craig's house. No one knew Manny was back from rehab, and Manny had thought it would be fun to surprise Craig. 

She had thought about him a lot in rehab- ok, more like every second of the day. He was one of the only things that kept her from sneaking a knife from the kitchen and slitting her wrists when she was in there. She wanted him to know that- how much he really meant to her.

Manny held her head high and walked confidently up to Craig's front door. She couldn't wait to see the surprised and excited look on his face when she saw her. She smiled happily and rang the doorbell. A minute later, it opened, and Craig was standing there, of course, looking as adorable and cute as ever.

"Surprise!" she said, smiling. "Guess whose back in town?"

Craig simply stared at her. Manny's bubbly smile faltered. _Ok, that's not exactly the excited and happy look I was going for, but he's probably just….shocked. _She glanced around.

"Um…that wasn't a trick question or anything," Manny said slowly. "The answers…me."

Craig glanced over his shoulder, and smiled softly. He leaned against the door. "Um…Manny. Look, I'm really glad to see you and everything, but this isn't really…the best time," he said quietly. He looked…nervous. Manny frowned. Was she getting…the brush-off? She had been gone for a month, and Craig had barely even said hello! In fact, he kind of looked like he wanted to push her off the doorstep or something.

"Craig….who's there?" Manny heard a voice call out. Suddenly, Ashley appeared behind Craig, her hair slightly disheveled.

"It's….uh….Manny," Craig stuttered. Manny felt her stomach turn. He said her name like it was a disease or something.

"Oh." That was all Ashley said.

God, Manny felt like throwing up. She felt completely unwelcome. She had obviously just interrupted a very special "Ashley and Craig make-out-session." Manny honestly wanted to sliver into the ground and die. So Craig had wanted to be just friends with Manny, because he had actually wanted to be with Ashley.

Manny cleared her throat, interrupting the awkward silence. "Um….I should go. I just wanted to tell you I was back." Without waiting for a response, Manny turned and fled from the house, her cheeks heating up with embarrassment. When she finally reached the corner, tears were streaming down her face.


	2. Forget Me Not

**Author's Note**- I feel like I haven't updated in forever! I've been really busy playing softball and stuff, and haven't been home a lot.( Plus, I didn't really have any good ideas for either of my stories for awhile!) But I finally figured out where this story is going, so I'll be updating more. It's definitely going to get really intense later in the story, even if it starts off a little slow. So please Read and Review and give me your opinion, and check out my other stories! Thanks

         Roxie pulled out the last of her t-shirts and hurled them into her dresser. She glanced around at her old room, and couldn't help but sigh. _Never thought I'd be back in this hell- hole_, she reflected absentmindedly as she hung up a skirt in her closet. _If I hadn't heard that Mom and her boyfriend had moved back here, I'd probably still be living with Aunt Tammy._ Roxie smirked when she remembered her mother's phony reaction to seeing Roxie- she had hugged her and told her how much she loved her. Roxie had played along, knowing that her mother was only trying to show off for her boyfriend.

After unpacking most of her things, Roxie decided to go down to the kitchen and get something to drink. When she entered the kitchen, she spotted Jake, her mother's boyfriend, putting some spaghetti into a boiling pot on the stove. When he saw her enter, Jake smiled.

"Hey, Roxie. Happy to be back home with your mother?" he asked, stirring the pasta with a spoon. Roxie walked over to the fridge and shrugged. _Happy isn't exactly the word I would use_, she thought sarcastically. 

"Oh, I'm absolutely thrilled," she said sarcastically. Jake nodded, obviously not picking up on the sarcasm in her voice.

"You're mother's a wonderful lady," he said.

Roxie pulled out a carton of milk and smirked. _Let me guess- Mom conveniently forgot to tell Jake about her drug problem. _ Roxie probably figured Jake didn't know the real Jana at all- she was obviously putting on this holy-saint act shit that was really beginning to piss Roxie off. Roxie took a sip of milk. _Yep, she's one hell of a lady. She's a fucking drug-addict who abandons her kids to move in with her boyfriend. You picked a real winner, Jake. _

"Yeah, I guess. You look awfully young for my Mom," Roxie blurted out. She figured she might as well be blunt about it- Jake looked like he hadn't even gotten his drivers license yet._ Where does my mom pick up guys- the local daycare center? _She wondered. Jake just shrugged and chuckled.

"I'm twenty-two. I know how old your mother is, and I don't really think thirty-one is too old for me," he said. Roxie nodded. _Well, she didn't lie about her age, even if she did lie about pretty much everything else._

"Can I ask you something?" Jake said after a minute, turning from the stove and setting down the spoon. Roxie shrugged and nodded. "That day in the hospital….why did you say you were her niece and not her daughter?"

Roxie bit her lip. She could just blurt out the whole story. Tell the poor boy the truth. Instead, Roxie just shrugged and smiled sheepishly.

"I didn't know who the hell you were, honestly," she said with a casual shrug. "How did I know you weren't some serial killer stalking my mother or something? After all, my mother never really mentioned that she was sleeping with some teenager, since, you know, she _was_ married." Roxie said a bit angrily, giving him a cold stare. Jake shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm not a teenager," he muttered, looking away.

"Whatever. The point is, what did you expect me to do? Go up and introduce myself to the man who was having an affair with my mother? Talk about awkward," she said, tossing her cup in the sink. "Look, I know you're only being nice to me because of my mother. You're twenty-one- I'm sure you're not really prepared to have a sixteen year-old "daughter". You probably still spend every night chugging beers with your fraternity brothers or something. So I'll stay out of your way, and you can stay out of mine, alright?"

Jake stared at her for a minute, and then smirked a little. "You're something, aren't you? You're a lot like your mother, you know."

Roxie rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the insult," she muttered, and then she turned and walked out of the room. 

     Manny sniffled quietly as she glanced up at the large mansion that was looming in front of her. She sighed sadly and walked up the long pathway to the front door. After Craig's blatant rejection that afternoon, Manny had felt alone and depressed. In some irrational part of Manny's fucked up mind, she actually thought that Craig would still be in love with her, and would be waiting around for her when she got home. _What is that matter with you?_ Manny wondered angrily. _Of course he was going to go running back to Ashley- he always does._

Manny was emotionally drained from the events of the past week, not to mention horribly confused. The fact that she had just snorted cocaine twenty minutes before didn't help anything at all. Manny bit her lip as she stepped up to the large wooden door. She couldn't believe she had ended up here- at Carter's mansion. She wasn't even sure she wanted to be with him anymore. She knocked loudly and waited for the door to be pulled open.

"Manny!" Carter said as soon as he opened the door. He looked surprised, and pleased._ Well, at least someone's happy to see me_, she thought bitterly. "What are you doing here?"

"I got out of rehab. I'm back for good," she said, smiling at him. He grinned and nodded. Carter then took her hand and led her inside, all the way up to his room on the second floor.

A minute later, Manny stepped into Carter's large room, and as usual, it smelled like men's cologne and weed. Loud rock music was blaring on the stereo, and Carter walked over and turned it down. Manny settled herself onto his bed, and glanced around. _God, it feels like I haven't been here in forever_, she thought.

"So, did you bust out or something? Am I conversing with an escaped convict??" Carter teased, turning around and grinning at her. Manny shook her head and shrugged modestly.

"It _would_ be cool if I was on the run or something, but my parent's actually had me released," she explained. She still felt a little light-headed, so she leaned back on the bed to steady herself. "God, I hated it in there, Carter." Without any warning, Manny felt hot tears fill her eyes. All the emotional shit she had been dealing with burst inside of her, and she couldn't control it anymore. She buried her face in her hands and began crying. A second later, she felt Carter sit down next to her, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"It's alright, Manny. You're out of there. You can start over. You never have to go back there," Carter said gently, stroking her back. A minute later, Manny took a deep breath and wiped away the tears. She looked up at her ex-boyfriend, and smiled appreciatively_. I don't want to be alone anymore_, she thought suddenly. _Even if Craig doesn't want me, Carter still does. _

Manny unsteadily threw her arms around Carter's neck, and kissed him firmly on the mouth. The sudden movement caused her to become dizzy, and she stumbled off the bed, practically taking Carter with her. A minute later, Manny was sitting on the floor, and Carter was standing over her, staring down at her in confusion.

"What's the matter with you, Manny?" he asked. Manny smiled and stood up unsteadily and wrapped her arms around him again.

"I thought this is what you wanted," she purred. "I want you, Carter. Don't you want me?"

Carter stared at her for a long minute, then took her arms, unwrapped them from around his neck, and pushed her away gently. "Manny, are you on something?"

Manny smiled and waved a hand flippantly. "So what if I took a little Coke? I…I think I deserve it after that month in hell."

Carter frowned and shook his head. "What is the matter with you?" he said angrily. "You just got out of fucking rehab! Do you want to go back there?"

Manny frowned. "Look, stop acting like my parents. I didn't think you of all people would jump all over me like this. You do pot all the time. Don't deny it."

"Yeah, and I'm probably fucking stupid for doing it! But cocaine is completely different, Manny. You have to stop doing this shit! You're going to end up in rehab or dead or something!" Carter explained, looking frustrated. "I don't want you doing anything anymore. You need to clean up your act."

Manny suddenly found herself growing furious. Carter was beginning to sound like every stupid nurse in that rehabilitation center! She was young- she was just trying to have a little fun! Manny shook her head angrily. "You can't tell me what to do! Look at yourself, Carter! You're practically a fucking alcoholic, just like your drunk parents! You never do anything at school, and you basically have no future! You're a loser, Carter. I don't even want you anymore. The only reason I'm here is because Craig completely rejected me this afternoon for Ashley! And who gives a fuck if I go back to rehab! At least my parents care enough about me to get me help. You're parents are too damn drunk to give a fuck about you!"

There was a long moment of tense silence. In the back of her head, she knew that was completely unfair and harsh. But she was to damn angry to listen to herself, so she just stood there. Carter was staring at the ground, and finally, he looked up at Manny.

"Get out," he said quietly, his voice angry, but mostly just sad.

"Carter, wait. I-" Manny began, but Carter simply walked over and pulled open his bedroom door and cut her off.

"Just get out, Manny," he said.

Manny was silent, and finally realized that she there was nothing she could say to save her ass. So she simply walked out the door, down the staircase, and out the front door. And for the second time that day, Manny hurried away from her ex-boyfriends house with hot tears streaming down her face.

    The wind whipped Emma's hair as she clutched her Math book to her chest and hurried up to Sean's house that same evening. She shivered as she stepped onto Sean's front doorstop, and raised her hand to knock on the door. Then she stopped, and smiled. Sean had been living alone ever since his brother moved away, and he had always told Emma that she could just come in whenever she wanted. Emma reached out and opened the front door, and stepped inside.

"Sean!" she called out, closing the door and turning around. When she did, she jumped slightly.

Jay was standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and eating a sandwich. He smirked when he saw Emma, and took another bite of his sandwich. "Scared you, huh?"

Emma made a face and set her book down on the kitchen table. "Yeah…guess you did. I wasn't really expecting to find you in Sean's kitchen. Where is he?"

"He's not home," Jay said simply. Emma frowned.

"Oh. Well, we were supposed to study at his place tonight." Jay just stared at her and chewed on his sandwich. Emma sighed. "Would you happen to know where he is?"

"Yeah. He told me to give you a message," Jay said, setting down his sandwich. He tipped his head to the side and pretended to be thinking. "Let me see…oh, that's right. He said he'd be a little late. I think he said he was on a date with another girl," he said, with a clueless shrug. Emma sighed and rolled her eyes.

"You're really hilarious," Emma said sarcastically. "Could you stop being a complete jerk and please tell me where my boyfriend is?"

"Well….he is with another girl," Jay finally said. "He got stuck doing some "special" project with Ellie in detention this afternoon. Jealous?"

"No," Emma lied testily. 'I guess I'll just wait for him, then."

"Whatever," Jay said with a shrug. Emma nodded and took a seat at the kitchen table and opened up her textbook. She began reading the book, trying to study, simply because she didn't feel like talking to Jay.

"You're not actually studying, are you?" Jay asked after a few minutes.

"Yeah. I actually care about my grades," she said, subtly insulting him. Jay just smirked.

"So, let me get this straight. You and Sean actually get together, and just _study_?"

"_Yes_."

"That's pretty gay."

Emma closed her book with a snap and sighed. "I guess I wouldn't expect you to understand that concept. If I don't study with Sean, he probably wouldn't study, period. It's not like you're a wonderful influence or anything," she muttered the last part. Jay took the last bite of his sandwich and studied her for a minute.

"You don't like me much, do you?" Jay asked, wiping his hands off on his jeans. Emma just shrugged and stared him straight in the face.

"Honestly, no, I don't. I think you get Sean into trouble, and he'd be better off if you weren't friends with him. You're rude, and you steal," she said blatantly. _Might as well be honest_, she thought. Jay chuckled quietly, and Emma frowned. "What?"

"You're so naïve. You think _I'm_ the only one that causes the trouble? You think _I'm_ the only one that steals?' Jay asked, gesturing to himself. He smirked again. "News flash, Emma, Sean has a serious case of sticky fingers himself."

Emma frowned. She had always sort-of suspected Sean stole, but she had always told herself that Sean was too good for that. But something about the way that Jay said it made Emma believe that Sean really did steal. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, ready to fire an icy comeback at Jay, when suddenly, the front door flew open and Sean walked in.

"Emma. Sorry I'm late. I had to do this thing in detention…" Sean said, tossing his book bag on the couch. Emma smiled and shrugged.

"It's fine. He told me," she said, nodding at Jay. Sean walked into the kitchen and rolled his eyes at his friend.

"Oh. I didn't invite him," Sean said, nudging Jay in the stomach as he passed him on the way to the refrigerator. "He only comes over for the free food," Sean joked. "Alright, are you ready to study, Em? I know nothing about this chapter.'

"Yeah, well, it sounds like Emma doesn't know a lot of things, either," Jay said, glancing at Emma.

Emma just opened her book back up and looked away.

       Craig opened his locker the following morning, and tossed his jean jacket inside. He glanced into his locker, and frowned. _Alright, definitely time that I clean this locker out_, Craig decided. He spotted a moldy, half-eaten banana on the top self, and made a disgusted face. _You're truly disgusting, Craig._ He picked up the banana, and shrugged. _Oh, well. Spinner will probably eat it. _

Suddenly, two hands clamped over his eyes, and everything went back. He smirked.

"Guess who?" someone whispered from behind him. Craig smiled and sighed loudly.

"'Have I ever told how old this little game is getting, Ashley?" he teased. He felt the two hands drop from his face, and he could see again. "Do we have to have this discussion again, because I-" he began, turning around to face who he thought was his girlfriend. Instead, he got a bit of a surprise.

"Roxie?' he squeaked out, sounding like a mouse on helium or something. He could believe it. But it was true- she was standing in front of him, wearing a black t-shirt and a pair of worn-looking jeans.

"Well, I guess you didn't like my Guess-Who game very much," she said, with a casual shrug. "Is it because you suck at them?"

He smiled and shrugged. "What are you doing back?" he asked, still slightly surprised by her sudden presence. "I thought you were living with your Aunt."

Roxie shrugged and looked away. "Yeah…well…things didn't work out."

"Why not?" Craig asked. She looked back at him and suddenly smiled brightly.

"Well, if you want the truth, I missed you horribly, Craig Manning. I couldn't sleep at night. I couldn't eat. I had no choice but come back," she joked dramatically. "You're my everything, Craig.'

He laughed and then nodded solemnly. "Yes. I do tend to have that lasting affect on everyone." Then, a thought occurred to him, and he frowned. "Have you talked to…Ashley?" He wanted to know if Roxie knew that Ash and Craig were dating. She was acting pretty normal, but Roxie was a pretty good actress. She could be furious right now, but still managing to have a pleasant conversation with him_. Oh, please, Craig. Get over yourself. She's probably not even interested in you anymore. _

Roxie shrugged. "Yeah. I saw her this morning. We only talked for like, a minute, since she had some environmental meeting before school or something. Why?"

Craig just smiled. "Oh…you know. She's probably excited to see you, that's all."

A few minutes later, Roxie and Craig walked into English class, and Craig walked over to sit next to Marco, and Roxie headed over and sat down next to Ashley, who had saved her a seat. She set her bag down on the floor, and smiled at her friend. Paige, who was on the other side of Ashley, glanced over, and smiled.

"Well, it _is_ true. Roxie's back. Did you really miss me that much that you just had to come back?" Paige joked. Roxie rolled her eyes.

"Don't flatter yourself, Paige."

Mrs. Kwan walked in then, and she asked everyone to open their new books to page one. Roxie opened the copy she had gotten from the school secretary. She had gone up this morning to the front desk to get back her old schedule and any new books, and the secretary had looked less than thrilled to see her. The first thing she had asked was if her sister had come back. Roxie had heard the two had had a few unpleasant encounters before Angel had moved away.

A few pages into the book, Ashley leaned over and nudged Roxie. "Hey. I'm really happy your back," she whispered.

Roxie smiled and nodded. "I'm happy to be back. It's been fun. I nearly gave Craig a heart attack when he saw me in the hall."

Ashley's smile faded a little, and she looked down at her book, as if she wanted to say something. She finally looked back up at Roxie, a questioning look in her clear blue eyes. "Um…do you still like Craig?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well…I was just wondering if you still….have feelings for him. Because…we've kind of…been going out for awhile now. I thought that things might be weird…if you still like him," she said slowly, trailing off and glancing over her shoulder at Craig, who was sitting in his seat and staring at them. Roxie looked back at him, too, and he quickly glanced down at his book. 

Roxie turned back around and shrugged. "It's not like it matters. We couldn't be together anyway," she muttered under her breath.

"What?" Ashley asked quietly. Roxie looked at her and smiled casually.

"Um…I said…no, not really. That was just a little crush," Roxie said flippantly, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "Actually, I was kind of seeing this guy back in my Aunt's city," she lied. "Craig and I are just friends."

"That's good," Ashley said with a smile. She glanced around, and leaned in closer. "Because I really like him. A lot."

_That's fantastic_, Roxie thought sarcastically, smiling at Ashley as if it were the most exciting news she had ever heard. _Well, this has been a wonderful homecoming_, she thought sarcastically_. I'm going to have to sit around and watch Craig and Ashley cuddle and whisper sweet nothings in each others ear_ and _I have to watch my mother and her boyfriend make out. _ _Things are only going to get worse_, she reminded herself.

"So…tell me about this guy you were dating. What's he like?" Ashley whispered.

Roxie bit her lip, trying to figure out how to dodge that question. She quickly put a finger to her lips. "Sssh. I really think we should pay attention," she said, pointing at Mrs. Kwan. Roxie then opened her book and pretended to be concentrating on the story. Ashley frowned in confusion, but went back to her book, too.

_Why did you tell that stupid lie?_ Roxie wondered. _You _are_ an idiot._

        Ellie walked into her bedroom late that evening, coming home from Marco's house, and she tossed her black leather jacket onto her bed. She had definitely had a horrible day. She had gotten a D on another math quiz, which couldn't help her overall grades much. Then, Roxie had suddenly reappeared, and Ashley had been talking about it all day. Ellie sighed. Roxie was cool girl, and the two were technically "friends", but Ellie always felt a little jealous when Roxie was around Ashley. It was like Ash had a new best friend or something, instead of Ellie.

Ellie flopped down onto her bed. She had been secretly happy when Roxie had moved away. Ellie ran a hand over her face. Things were not going well. She had that stupid documentary to work on, and she could tell that Sean wasn't going to be a tremendous help. Just as she reflecting on all the stresses in her life, the phone rang. Ellie rolled over and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hello. Is this Eleanor Nash?" a formal voice asked. Ellie stared up at the ceiling. "Yes, this is she."

"Eleanor, I'm Victoria Blaine, from St. Mary's Hospital. I have some bad news for you. Your mother has been in a car accident this evening, and she was brought into the ER."

Ellie felt her blood run cold. She sat up. "Is she alright?"

"She's currently stable, although it was a pretty severe accident."

"I'll be at the hospital in a bit," Ellie told the doctor. She said good-bye, and hung up.

Ellie was stunned. She just sat there for a minute, processing the news. After a long minute, she reached over and called Marco, asking him if he could come pick her up and take her to see her mother. He told her he'd be there in fifteen minutes.

As soon as she hung up, she reached under her bed and pulled out something that she hadn't seen in awhile- a pair of scissors. Ellie took a deep breath, suddenly feeling as if she was sitting in a box, and as if she couldn't breathe. She hadn't needed this. She hadn't needed this _at all._

She opened the scissors and quickly put one blade to her wrist. She closed her eyes and sliced the skin, and when she opened them, she saw a neat line of blood on her arm. It gave her a sick satisfaction.

_You're a freak,_ she told herself, staring at the blood. But even as she told herself this again and again, she couldn't stop from cutting her own skin….


	3. Shame

"Ugh. This salad is disgusting," Roxie said, making a face and pushing the salad away from her. She sighed and flipped her hair over her shoulder. "It looks like it's been regurgitated. It resembles throw-up or something."

"That's why you always pack your lunch," Ashley pointed out, gesturing to her own brown paper bag that was lying on the table in front of her.

"I think the food is great here!" Spinner exclaimed, staring down at his own plate, which had a Sloppy Joe, French fries, an ice cream cup, and a large soda on it. Paige, who was sitting next to him, smirked and nodded.

"You would say that," she said, biting into her apple.

"Hey, Craig, tell Ash about the song you wrote for her!" Spinner said, dipping his French fry into ketchup and nodding at Craig. "It was really awesome. The best song you've ever written."

Craig smiled sheepishly and rolled his eyes at Spinner. "Spin, we agreed it was a _surprise_. Do you know what that is?" He sighed and turned to his girlfriend. "Well, I kind…of wrote this song for you."

"You did!" Ashley said happily. She set down her banana and gave Craig a kiss on her cheek.

Roxie, who was sitting across the table from them, rested her chin in her hands as she violently stabbed her salad with her fork. _Why is Ashley flaunting her stupid relationship with Craig in my face_? She wondered bitterly_. It's disgusting. It's revolting. I hate them,_she thought angrily, even if she knew that it wasn't true at all.

"You two are too cute," Paige said, grinning at them. Ashley just shrugged and went back to her lunch.

"So, Roxie, tell us about this boy you're dating?" Ashley asked, glancing at Roxie. Roxie picked at a tomato in her salad, and frowned. _What the hell is she smoking?_ Roxie wondered distractedly, no idea what she is talking about.

"What boy?"

"The boy…back in your Aunt's city…." Ashley said, trailing off. Roxie cleared her throat and smiled, nodding.

"Oh. _That boy." If you're going to make up stories, Roxie, at least try to remember them, _she reminded herself.

"What boy?" Craig asked lightly, but he clearly seemed interested…and a little hurt. Roxie just shrugged and stared down at her salad.

"I was seeing this boy for awhile," she said, glancing up and staring straight into Craig's eyes. He swallowed hard and looked away.

"What's his name?" Paige asked.

Roxie bit her lip. _Uh….why did you make up this stupid lie?_ Ok, this shouldn't be that hard. Just pick a random name, and say it.

"Ryan," she blurted out. "He was a soccer player," she said quickly. "And he played…the flute."

"The flute?" Craig asked, looking slightly amused. Roxie frowned at him.

"Yeah. What, does he have to strum on some stupid piece of wood to be cool?" she said testily. Craig frowned and shook his head.

"No…the flute can be cool," he replied, shrugging.

A few minutes later, the group cleared their trays and headed out of the cafeteria, and parted ways to their locker. Roxie and Craig walked in silence to their own lockers. When they got there, Craig opened up his locker, glanced at Roxie hesitantly, and then pulled something out of his locker.

"Roxie," he said, and she turned from her locker to face him. He held out the jacket that she had forgotten the day she had left a little over a month ago. "You left this when you left. I tried to catch you before you left, but I was too late…." He trailed off as she took the jacket from him. She smiled softly at him.

"Thanks. I knew I left it somewhere," she said, glancing at it. She glanced up at him slowly. "Um…I was wondering…remember what you said that day. About wanting to be…more than friends…" she said quietly. Then she shook her head and smiled sheepishly. "Forget it. Never mind."

"Look…we might as well get this out in the open," Craig said after a minute. He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and finally looked at her. "I'm not going to lie. I…I definitely had feelings for you, Roxie. And I know you're probably confused about the whole Ashley thing…but we kind of had a history. Well, you know about that…" he said, trailing off and glancing around. "Um….how are you feeling about this?"

"Honestly, I hate the fact that you're dating Ashley. I hate it so much, I want to lean over and slap both of you every time I see you kiss, or hold hands, or even just talk. Oh, and I _adore_ the fact that you made me think you liked me before I left, but when I came back, you were practically _married_ to my best friend." Roxie blurted out.

There was a moment of awkward silence, and Craig just stared at her. Finally, Roxie forced herself to laugh weakly and nudge him playfully in the arm.

"I was _kidding,_" she said. Craig finally smiled after a minute. "I'm totally fine with you and Ashley. I mean, there was a little something between us awhile ago, but it's totally over. I had a boyfriend back in Chester, and you had Ashley here. The only thing I'm worried about is you and I still being friends."

Craig nodded quickly and grinned. "Roxie, of course we are going to be friends! You're one of the most awesome girls I've ever met. You're like one of the guys," he said. Then he reached over and punched her in the arm. Roxie put on a fake smile and rubbed her arm tenderly. _Great. I'm "one-of-the-guys." Which basically means "I' like hanging out with you, but I'm not attracted to you-at all." _

Roxie sighed. "Great. Um, Craig. There's something I need to tell you-" she began, but the bell cut her off. She sighed. "Never mind. I'll tell you later."

Ellie walked into the library the following afternoon, holding a notebook in one hand and her video-camera in the other. She stopped and glanced around the large room, and finally spotted Sean sitting at a corner table, his head in his hands. It looked like he had fallen asleep. Ellie sighed and walked over. _Lucky bastard_, she thought. She had spent the last two days in the hospital with her mother, and had gotten about two hours of sleep. She had finally decided to go back to school this afternoon, and now she was meeting Sean to work on the project. She sat down and tapped Sean on the shoulder. Sean woke up with a start.

"Hey," he mumbled, glancing at her. He noticed the large bags under her eyes, and even though her skin was pale to begin with, she looked chalky and ghostly white. "You look…."

"Like hell?" Ellie interrupted, opening her notebook. She reached over and began fiddling with her camera. "Thanks. I just spent two days in the hospital. My mom was in a car accident," she muttered, concentrating intently on the camera. Sean frowned and sat up.

"Is she ok?"

"They said she's going to be ok," Ellie replied, reaching over and opening up her notebook that she had written down their ideas in.

"Oh…well, I'm really sorry," Sean said. Ellie glanced over at him briefly, and then went back to focusing on the notebook in front of her.

"Thanks, but I'm not. Maybe she'll think twice next time before she goes and gets wasted at a bar and decides to drive home drunk," she said bitterly. She glanced over at Sean and sighed. "Never mind. You wouldn't understand."

"Actually…I would," Sean said slowly. "My parent's were…are…alcoholics. That's why I lived with my brother before he moved out. I haven't seen my parents in a few years."

"Oh. I just….god, I wish she'd just stop drinking," Ellie said without really thinking. She smirked slightly and shook her head. She glanced over at Sean. _This is Sean Cameron, Ellie,_ she told herself. _You haven't even been able to talk to Marco about your Mom, and he's your best friend! Why are you suddenly willing to talk to some relative stranger about it? Just shut up and focus on the project. _

"Um…anyway," she said quickly, gesturing to the notebook. "I brought my camera, so we could start filming. I think we could start interviewing some of our friends."

Sean nodded, and they were both quiet for a minute. "You know, something you could do is get all the alcohol out of your house. That's what I did," Sean said. "She'll be mad, but at least it will stop her from drinking….temporarily."

Ellie sighed_. Gee, I don't remember asking for your advice_, she thought bitterly. And she _definitely_ wanted to be discussing her mother's drinking problem with a guy who'd she's barely ever talked too.

"I don't really want to talk about it right now," Ellie said quickly. "I just... think we should work on the project right now."

Sean stared at Ellie silently for awhile, and then nodded slowly. "Ok. That's cool. But if you ever do need to talk, that's cool, too. I understand what it's like."

Ellie nodded and smiled at him slowly. _Well, it looks like Sean Cameron has a heart after all_.

"Roxie, can I walk you home?"

Roxie turned and saw Craig walking toward her. School had let out about an hour ago, but Roxie had had to stay after to catch up on some work. She was surprised to see that Craig was still there.

"Um….what are you doing here?" she asked.

"I had photography club," he said, holding up the camera around his neck. Roxie nodded silently. "Come on. It's cold."

"You don't have to walk me home," Roxie said quickly. Craig shrugged.

"No…I'm going that way," he said lightly. He saw the hesitation on her face, and he smiled and nudged her. "I'm not taking no for an answer. Don't make me follow you."

Roxie was quiet for a minute, and then finally sighed. "Ok. If you insist…but I'm going to stop at The Dot. You can buy me something.' Then she turned and began walking away. Craig just shrugged and hurried to follow her.

Fifteen minutes later, Craig pulled open the door and ushered Roxie in. Roxie walked in and glanced around hesitantly. Craig followed her. "Ok, should I get us a table?" he asked. Roxie sighed and ran her hands over her face. She turned and stared at Craig, and Craig frowned. _Ok, I'm not getting the welcome-vibe here_, he thought. _She's acting really weird._

"Ok. Let's sit here," Roxie said, gesturing to a table. Craig nodded and walked over and sat down, but Roxie just slowly laid her jacket on the back of a chair and rested her purse on the table. Then she glanced around again. "Craig. I'll be back….just order whatever, ok?" And before Craig could say anything, she hurried off.

Roxie wandered around the restaurant for a minute, and then finally spotted who she was looking for. She walked over slowly to Spinner, who was wiping off a table. He spotted her coming toward him, and smiled as he picked up an empty plate from the table.

"Hey, Roxie. You want a table?" he asked, glancing at her as he cleared off the table. "I'm just a dish pig, but you can have this table when I'm done with it. Then I'm taking my break."

Roxie shook her head. "No. I don't need a table…I need to talk to you. It's really important."

Spinner turned to her, looking confused, but he shrugged and nodded. "Um…ok. Sure. Just let me put this stuff away and we can go out back." Roxie nodded and watched as he walked through the swinging doors to the kitchen. A minute later he reappeared, and gestured for her to follow him outside. The two walked to the back of the restaurant and out into the small alley behind the building.

"Ok. What's up?" Spinner asked, folding his arms across his chest. Roxie stared down at her feet and wrung her hands together. Finally, she looked up at him and took a deep breath.

"Ok, I know this is probably a horrible place to talk to you about this, but I thought I would lose the nerve if I didn't do this right now. Ok…I'm kind of losing the nerve right now…" Roxie said, trailing off and biting her lip nervously. Spinner frowned.

"Uh…Roxie, you're kind of freaking me out right now," he said slowly. Roxie nodded and smiled weakly. "Roxie…is this about Angel?" he said, frowning harder. Roxie looked up and shook her head quickly.

"No! This isn't about Angel…this is about me. Spin, I'm…pregnant," Roxie said slowly. "You're the father…"

There was a long moment of silence, and Spinner just stared at her. He hardly moved or reacted at all. He just stared at Roxie. Roxie bit her lip.

"I've decided to keep the baby," Roxie continued. "I thought I'd tell you just so you know. You don't have to be a part of the baby's life or anything, if you don't want…" She trailed off, staring up at Spinner. He finally blinked, and ran his hands over his face.

"Oh…wow," he muttered. "Um…"

Roxie took a deep breath, and looked away. _What were you thinking?_ She asked herself. _Maybe you shouldn't have told him at all_. "I'm…I'm sorry," she stuttered. "I shouldn't…I'm sorry," she stumbled out, and then turned and ran back into the restaurant.

Craig tapped his fingers again the table, and craned his neck to the back of the restaurant. Roxie had disappeared awhile ago, and he had spotted her talking briefly with Spinner, and then suddenly disappearing out the back with him. Craig frowned, remembering that Roxie had told him that she had slept with Spinner. _Does she still have feelings for him?_ He wondered. _Is there something going on between them?_

He took a deep breath. _Don't jump to conclusions_, he thought.

Just then, Craig saw the back door open, and Roxie came running through. She walked quickly through the restaurant, and as soon as she reached their table, she grabbed her jacket and purse. Craig stared at her in confusion.

"Roxie….what happened?" he asked, standing up. She just shook her head.

"You can stay," she said shakily. "I…I have to go." Then she turned and hurried out of the restaurant. Craig winced, but followed her out of The Dot and down the sidewalk.

"Roxie! Please…are you ok?" he asked, hurrying up to her. She kept walking fast, and didn't bother looking at him.

"No. I'm not fine," she said. "Nothing's fine. God, I'm so stupid!"

Craig hurried to keep up with her. "No, you're not. Roxie, would you slow down and tell me what's going on?" Finally, Roxie stopped and turned to face him. He saw that there were tears in her eyes. _What's wrong_? He wondered, genuinely concerned.

"I've ruined everything, Craig," she said, a sob escaping her throat. She put a hand to her mouth and looked away, tears spilling down her cheeks. "I've ruined everything for me, and for Spinner."

Craig reached out and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. "It's ok, Roxie. I'm sure it's going to be fine," he said into her hair. She shook her head firmly and pulled back to stare at him.

"No…Craig…I'm pregnant," she said.

Craig stared at her in amazement. "What?"

She stepped away from him. "I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant…"

"And Spinner's the father," Craig finished slowly, realizing what she meant about ruining everything for him. He swallowed hard, not sure what to say or do. _What can I say?_ He wondered, still surprised. _She's pregnant._ He wanted to tell her everything was going to be ok, but he didn't know that for sure. He couldn't imagine Roxie giving birth, having a baby, _being a mother_.

"This wasn't supposed to happen!" Roxie said, throwing up her hands. "I just want to be like everyone else, Craig! Nothing in my life had ever been normal. And now this…" she trailed off, and turned to look at him. "I can't have an abortion. I can't give it away. But I can't be a mother, either."

Craig nodded slowly, and stepped out and hugged her. It was the only thing he could do.

Paige opened the door, and smiled when she saw her boyfriend standing on her front porch.

"Hey, baby," she said. "What are you doing here?"

Spinner stuffed his hands in his pockets and stared at the ground. "Um…we have to talk."

Paige frowned. Spinner wasn't acting like….Spinner. _This must be serious_, she thought. _I've never seen Spinner like this_. She flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder and shrugged. "Ok. Come in," she said, stepping inside and gesturing him in, but Spinner shook his head.

"No. Let's…sit on the porch swing, ok?" he suggested. Paige nodded and followed him out and to the swing at the back of the porch. They both sat down, and it was followed by silence. Paige rolled her eyes and smiled.

"This isn't talking, Spin," she pointed out. "Talking usually involves speaking, you know?"

Spin didn't say anything. Paige shook her head. "Spinner, say something or I'm going to ring your neck, I swear!"

Spin nodded quickly. He rubbed his hands on his jeans nervously and glanced at his girlfriend. "I think we should break up."

Paige felt her blood run cold, and she sat back, stunned. She totally wasn't expecting that. Things between her and Spinner had been going perfectly, and she had honestly thought they were going to be together for…well, forever. Spinner and Paige. Paige and Spinner. It just _went_ together. And now he wanted to break up? Why?

"Spinner…why?"

He looked off into the yard. "It's complicated, Paige. But we just can't be together anymore."

Paige made a face. "Complicated? Things are never complicated with you, Spinner. So tell me why. Tell me why you're doing this!"

Spinner shook his head, looking anguished. Paige was getting angry. "Spinner, you're not leaving until you tell me why you're breaking up with me! Do you even know? I thought things were fine between us. Did I do something-"

"No!" Spinner interrupted, looking frustrated. He turned to Paige and stared at her. "No. You want to know why? Fine. I got Roxie pregnant, ok? And I think that I need to be with Roxie, since it's my kid."

There was a long silence, and it took Paige a minute to process what he had just said. "You…you got Roxie pregnant?" she said slowly.

"Yeah. But…it's not what you think. It was mistake. We both knew it, and-"Spinner tried to explain, but Paige just shook her head and cut him off.

"Leave," she said coldly, staring straight ahead. "Just get out of here." She stood up and quickly walked across the porch, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to come. Spinner jumped up and followed her.

"Paige, please, you have-"he began, grabbing her arm to stop her. She whirled around and slapped him hard across the face. Spin stopped and let her go, and Paige pulled open the front door and went running inside, on the brink of tears. Spin watched her go, a red handprint on his check.


	4. Super Freak

Roxie stomped into her house and ripped off her jacket, hurling it into a chair near the door. She tore off her scarf and hurled it onto the floor. She trooped through the kitchen and into the living room, where her mother and Jake were cuddled on the couch, watching a movie on the television. Roxie marched right into the room and planted herself directly in front of the T.V, and placed her hands on her hips.

"Mother, I'm pregnant," she said. "I'm pregnant, and I'm going to keep the baby, just like you kept Angel and me. I know who the father is, and I told him already. I'm going upstairs to my room." With that, she turned and walked out of the living room, her head held high. She hurried up the staircase to her room.

Roxie walked into her room, and shut the door behind her. She sighed. _That went well_, she thought. She had decided that she might as well just tell them- they were going to find out anyway. Roxie walked over and sat on her bed with a large sigh. A minute later, she heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and toward her bedroom. She groaned. _Don't tell me Mom is going to try to have a heart-to-heart or something,_ she thought angrily. _I should have known_. There was knock on the door.

"Come in," she muttered, just loud enough so her mother could hear her. But when the door opened, it wasn't her mother who walked in. It was Jake. Roxie narrowed her eyes. _Great_, she thought bitterly.

"Can we talk?" he asked, stepping in hesitantly and glancing around. Roxie shrugged and grabbed a pillow.

"Gee, about what?" she said innocently. Jake smiled crookedly.

"Your mother is pretty upset," he said.

"What- so she sent you up here to talk to me? Shouldn't she be doing this?" Roxie asked. She hadn't really expected her mother to come up and talk to her, or even really acknowledge the fact that she was pregnant. But to send Jake up here-pure laziness.

"No. She doesn't know what to say to you, so I thought I'd come up. You know, having a kid is a big responsibility," he said, walking over and sitting in her desk chair. "Are you sure you're ready for that?"

Roxie snorted. "I'm sixteen. I'm _obviously_ not ready. My mother got pregnant when she was fifteen, and she kept Angel, although I often wish she hadn't. I can't give the baby up, because I'll always regret it as long as I live."

Jake nodded thoughtfully. "That's a good point. But Roxie, sometimes girls who get pregnant young are looking for a family. A real family. Their just calling out for someone to pay attention to them."

Roxie stared at him. "Are you saying that this is some desperate cry for attention?" She shook her head. "You don't know anything. I didn't want this. I didn't want this at all. It was just…a one time thing," she muttered, looking away. Jake nodded again.

"Things have been hard for you lately, Roxie," he said. "You've been through a lot. But your mother and I are going to be there for you through all of this. You don't have to feel alone."

Roxie stared at him, and then laughed out loud. "What the fuck is this?"

Jake looked surprised. "What do you mean?"

"You're not my fucking father, so stop acting like you are. You're just some kid who's sleeping with my mother. You're not a part of this "family", because if you were, you'd know that this isn't a fucking family at all. You don't know anything about anything. You think you know my Mom so well, but you don't know shit about her," she said angrily.

Jake took a deep breath. "I wasn't saying that. But I think that in this situation, that maybe I could-"

"That you could what- be a "father figure" to me?" she spit out. "You're practically saying that I went and got knocked up just so people would feel sorry for me! I hate the fact that you're just butting into our lives like this. Don't think that you're special or anything, though. You're probably going to be around for a few more weeks, and then my Mom is going to ditch you for someone else."

Jake was silent for a long moment, and Roxie could feel the anger boiling up in her. _Who the hell does he think he is? _She thought angrily, clutching her pillow tightly in her lap. _Just coming up here and trying to talk to me like this._ Roxie shook her head. _He's practically a child_, she thought. _Why the fuck did my Mom let him live in our house? I fucking hate this. I really do. _

"Roxie," Jake said after a minute. "I wanted to tell you that I'm going to ask your mother to marry me. I love her."

Roxie stared at him in amazement. Then she shook her head. "You're a fucking idiot." Then she flipped over onto her side with her back toward him. "I'm tired. Could you please leave, now?" She mumbled. After a minute, she heard him stand up from the chair and walk to the door. Before he left, he turned and glanced at her.

"You can't keep pushing people away, Roxie," he said quietly. Then he left.

Roxie listened as the door closed behind him, and hot tears slid down his cheek. _I'm not going to let him be my step-father_, she thought angrily. She brushed away a tear and sniffed. _I'm not going to let him_.

Craig yawned and stared at the open textbook in front of him. Technically, he was supposed to be studying biology, but right now, he had the attention span of a two-year-old. He had been sitting in the library for twenty minutes during his study hall, and he had read the same page about ten times, and still had no idea what the hell it was about. He glanced at the picture in the corner of the page. Whales, he thought distractedly as he began clicking his pen. I don't really care about whales.

Craig glanced around the library and glanced at his watch. He was supposed to be meeting Ashley when this period was over, and he couldn't wait. _This is useless_, he realized, closing his textbook. Suddenly, he heard something from the table next to him that made his ears perk up.

"…Manny Santos," one boy said to his friend. Craig glanced at them. "Man, she is hott."

Craig looked away, but continued to listen. It wasn't really eavesdropping…after all, they _were_ talking loudly. They were practically asking him to listen. Besides, the two boys were complete stoners, and Craig only vaguely knew one of them from his gym class. Craig kept clicking his pen and trying to look like he wasn't listening to their conversation.

"Bryan said he totally scored with her, but you know that's not true," one boy said, rolling his eyes at his friend. "Didn't she used to date Carter Monroe or something?"

The other boy shrugged. "Yeah, I think so. I don't think they're together anymore. I hear she's a huge drug-addict now."

The other boy punched him in the arm. "No way. She went to rehab, dude."

"So? That doesn't mean anything. The other night, she paid Hayden for some cocaine. She's totally a coke-head, I swear."

"How do you know that's true?" the other boy asked, not looking completely convinced.

"I saw her, dude. She met him in the park, and he hooked her up. She's totally a drug-addict, man. And I hear she's easy as hell."

Craig scooted back his chair suddenly, and the two boys glanced over at him. Craig grabbed his book and stood up_. I really don't want to hear this_, he thought angrily, shoving the book into his bag. _I don't want to hear some losers talk about how drugged up and easy my girlfriend is_. Then he stopped. _Man, she's not your girlfriend. Ashley is._ He had to keep reminding himself of the fact that he and Manny were over.

Craig glared at the two boys as he walked past them and out of the library. He knew he'd been a jerk when she had visited him the other day, but he really hadn't expected Manny Santos to just randomly show up on his doorstep. He'd been totally taken by surprise, and the two hadn't talked since. _She looked ok_, he thought as he walked through the hallway to his locker. _She can't still be doing drugs…can she?_ He shook his head. He honestly didn't know. Manuella Santos was just full of surprises.

He approached his locker, still lost in thought. Craig and Manny had agreed to be friends, but apparently Manny had been expecting more. He sighed. He hadn't really been a friend to her at all. He had been so preoccupied with Roxie to really worry about Manny.

He made a decision-he was going to try to be friends with Manny. She obviously needed someone to help her, especially if all that shit those guys were saying was true. He nodded slowly. He wanted to be friends with Manny.

_But does Manny want to be friends with me?_ He wondered with a frown.

Roxie walked through the cafeteria the next day, holding her tray in her hands as she looked for a seat. She spotted Ashley waving her over to a table in the corner. Roxie bit her lip. She really didn't want to go over there. She looked at Paige, who was sitting across from Ashley. Roxie wondered if Spin had told her yet. She couldn't tell. Paige was just peeling an orange with a neutral look on her face. Finally, Roxie just shrugged and walked over.

"Hey. Did you totally flunk that English quiz or what?" Ashley asked as soon as Roxie sat down. "My mother is going to murder me. My grades totally suck this year."

Roxie smiled as she opened her carton of milk. "Tell her Mrs. Kwan is an evil Nazi and it's practically impossible to pass that class."

Ashley scrunched up her nose and shrugged. "I don't want to talk about grades. I want to talk about the carnival coming up. Are you and Spin going to do that pie-contest thing again, Paige?"

Paige finished peeling her orange and dropped it onto her plate. "_No_. Spin and I aren't together anymore," she said, looking directly at Roxie. Roxie stopped in the middle of chewing her French fry and felt her stomach turn. _Damn it_, Roxie thought. _She knows. She has to know. Why else would she be looking at me in the seriously creepy way?_

"Oh my God!" Hazel exclaimed, putting a hand on Paige's arm. "Why?"

Paige was silent for a minute, and then she nodded at Roxie. "Why don't you tell them, Roxie?" Ashley, Hazel, and Ellie all turned and stared at Roxie.

Roxie closed her eyes. _Please let this be a dream_, she thought. _Maybe I should just pretend to faint. Collapse onto the floor and start having a seizure or something. _Roxie opened her eyes and cleared her throat.

"I…don't…know," she said slowly, and then winced. _Wrong answer!_

Paige's jaw clenched. "Why don't you just tell them?"

"Paige…please…" Roxie said desperately. But Paige ignored her and glanced around at the table. She had caught the attention of the table next to there's, where Craig, Jimmy, Marco, and Spinner were sitting. Then she glanced back at Roxie.

"Fine. I'll tell them," she snapped. "Spinner broke up with me because he slept with Roxie and got her pregnant. First, her sister steals Spin away from me. And now little, sweet Roxie here went and got pregnant. Pretty convenient, huh?" she said loudly.

Roxie froze, acutely aware that they were all staring at her. She felt hot tears come to her eyes, and she realized she had never been so mortified in her entire life. She glanced at Paige to see is she was enjoying this, but she clearly wasn't. Paige was just ripping at her orange, looking angry and upset.

Roxie didn't know what to say. _I have to get the hell out of here_, she screamed at herself. So she jumped up and ran through the cafeteria. She pushed through the doors and hurried down the hallway to the girl's bathroom. When she went in, she was relieved to see it was empty. She leaned against the sink as tears slid down her cheeks. A minute later, Paige walked in.

"What? What do you want? Why don't you just put up a billboard on Main Street, so word gets out faster?" Roxie yelled, throwing up her hands. "I bet you're loving this. Did you just come in here to smirk and watch me cry?"

"Cry?" Paige said, shaking her head. "You want to talk about crying? I cried for _hours_ after Spin broke up with me, Roxie. I didn't even want to live anymore. We were in love."

Roxie stared into the mirror and frowned. "Oh, poor Paige. She's sad because her boyfriend broke up with her. He's probably going to go running back to you, just like always. You have so many problems," she snapped sarcastically. Her sadness melted away, and it was replaced by anger. "You think things are so hard for you, don't you? You're not fucking pregnant. You don't know what hard is."

"If you didn't want to get pregnant, then why did you go and screw my boyfriend? It's not my fault you're a slut!"

"You're right. And it's not my fault Spinner broke up with you! I didn't tell him too. If he really loves you, he would stay with you anyway." Roxie snapped back. Paige was quiet, and clearly furious.

"I always knew you were trash," Paige said in a cold, quiet voice. "Look at your family. You're sisters a slut, and everyone knows how fucked up your mother is!"

Roxie whirled around. "Shut up. Just shut up and stay away from me." She brushed past Paige. "No wonder your boyfriend doesn't want to be with you," she said quietly, and she pushed open the bathroom door and stalked out. Paige just watched her go, her arms folded over her chest.

Emma glanced at her watch again, and sighed in frustration. She had been standing at The Dot for nearly an hour, waiting for Sean to meet her, but of course, he had ditched her- again. So she was loitering outside, looking like a complete loser. Emma sighed loudly as she folded her arms over her chest_. Sean better have an amazing explanation for not being here_, she thought bitterly_. I'm leaving_, she decided. Then she winced. She had no ride home. Sean had gotten a car, and she had been relying on him for ride. _I can walk home! It's like, five miles_! _I know-I'll walk to Sean's house and bitch slap him. He better not be sitting on his ass while I'm standing outside in the cold. _

She was just about to start walking when the front door of the restaurant opened and Jay walked out. Emma frowned when he spotted her.

"You know, they don't serve people outside," he pointed out cockily. "You actually have to go into the restaurant to eat."

Emma kicked at a rock on the sidewalk and frowned. "I know that. But my so-called-boyfriend was supposed to meet me an hour ago, and I don't have a ride."

Jay shrugged. "I'll give you a ride."

Emma looked up._ Ok, I wasn't implying I wanted a ride from you_. "No…I'll walk."

"It's cold as hell outside," Jay said. "If you want to freeze your ass off, fine." He turned and began heading toward his car, and Emma bit her lip.

"Wait!" she called and he turned slightly. "_Fine_. I'll take the ride."

Jay rolled his eyes. "You act like your doing _me_ a favor. I don't have to give you a ride, you know." But Emma was already climbing into the passenger seat. Jay walked over and slid into the driver's seat, and turned on the engine. The C.D player clicked on, and a loud rap song began playing. Emma wrinkled her nose and quickly hit the off button.

"Hey! That's my favorite C.D," Jay protested. Emma shrugged.

"It's giving me a headache," she said simply. She fiddled with the radio, until she found a good oldies station. She sat back in satisfaction and nodded. "This is a good song."

"What are you- eighty three?" Jay asked in disgust, pulling away from the curb. "You really are a nerd, Nelson."

"And you really are a bad-ass," Emma retorted, but then she shook her head. "Oh, wait- I forgot. You're not a bad-boy. You're just a huge poser."

Jay kept one hand on the wheel as he casually lit a cigarette. "I immediately regret giving you a ride." Emma just shrugged and stared out the window. They drove in silence for a few minutes.

"Could you put out that cigarette?" Emma asked after a minute. She turned and looked at him. "I kind of care about my lungs."

Jay smirked. "All that crap about second-hand smoke is bullshit, you know."

Emma frowned. "Do your parents know you smoke? Or about anything you do? Don't' they ever try to discipline you or anything?"

Jay looked out the window, and the smirk on his face faded. "My dad's in jail. And my Mom…well, I don't know where the hell she is."

_God, you're a jerk_, Emma thought to herself as an awkward silence filled the car. She stared down at her nails, wondering if she should just shut up. Did she ever? Emma sighed and glanced at Jay. "Oh. That really sucks." _That was really insightful_, she told herself sarcastically. _Seriously-shut up._

Jay just stared straight ahead at the road. "I don't really care." Emma didn't really believe him.

"Is that why you steal?" she asked quietly, her curiosity getting the better of her. Jay smirked and shook his head.

"Don't think I steal just for attention because Daddy's locked up," he said. "Or because Mom doesn't give a crap about me. I steal because money's basically non-existent in my house." Emma nodded, and Jay glanced at her. "What would you know? You have it easy with Step-Papa Simpson."

"That's your problem. You think you have everything figured out," Emma said, slightly frustrated. "Yeah, Archie is a pretty cool step-dad. But my real dad…he can't live by himself. He fell…and has permanent mental problems. My Mom didn't even tell me. I had to find out on my own," she said bitterly, thinking about how she had found her dad in that institution.

"So…looks like we both have father issues,' Jay finally said, glancing at her and smiling slightly. "Maybe we should form a club." Emma laughed softly and shrugged.

"Why? So we can sit around and feel sorry for ourselves?" she replied. "That's my place, on the right."

A minute later, Emma stepped out of Jay's car. She closed the door and looked at him through the open window. "Thanks for the ride."

Jay shrugged. "Whatever. You should kick Sean's ass, though."

Emma smiled. "I know. Bye." She stepped back as Jay revved the engine and speed off. She watched his car disappear down the street, and then she turned and walked up to her front door. She flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder as she pushed it open and walked into the foyer. _That was weird_, she thought, still smiling_. Did I just have an actual, semi-deep conversation with Jay? _She hung up her coat. It was weird…but Emma felt like she understood Jay a little better. _Very interesting,_ she thought, skipping up the staircase to her room.

"You're kidding! That was the best movie ever," Ellie exclaimed. Sean shook his head and smirked.

"No way. That was lame," he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "I hate that romantic crap. Action movies are my thing."

Ellie just smiled and rolled her eyes. "That would figure. Ok. Enough about movies. We came here for a reason. We want to film some kids playing in a park, or ask some kid about living in Degrassi." She held up her camera and glanced around the large park.

Sean frowned. "Why? Isn't the documentary about the school?"

Ellie nodded. "But it will make it deeper if we talk about how awesome our city is, too. Here. Go ask that little kid near the swing set what he thinks."

Sean shrugged. "Fine. " He walked over to the playground, and Ellie followed him as she turned on her camera. Sean approached the boy. "Hey. Come here."

Ellie sighed. "Don't scare him, Sean. Be nice," she whispered. Sean rolled his eyes as the kid left his friends and walked over to them.

"What?" the kid asked.

"We're filming a documentary about Degrassi. We were wondering if you could tell us what you like best about this city," Sean said. The boy nodded, folded his arms over his chest, and tipped his head to one side, thinking. Ellie trained the camera on the small boy. The boy was silent as he continued to ponder, and finally Sean sighed.

"Ok. There's a time limit, kid," Sean said. "It's not a math problem. There is no right answer. Just say something."

The boy frowned. "I was _thinking_. But I have a question for you. Why are you wearing that stupid knit hat?"

Sean frowned. "Why are you wearing that lame plaid shirt? What, does your Mommy dress you?"

"No. Who dresses you- a blind clown? You look like you should be in the circus," the little boy said. He stepped on Sean's foot, and stuck out his thumb. "You suck, poser!"

Sean stepped closer to the boy. "You want to fight? Come on," he said. The little boy turned and ran away. Ellie lowered the camera and sighed loudly. Sean was still staring after the boy, looking pissed. Ellie turned off the camera.

"Well, that went great," she said sarcastically. "I just filmed you getting a fight with a eight-year-old. Why don't you just go and threaten babies, make it really interesting." She rolled her eyes. "Look, let's forget it for today. It's getting cold, anyway, but next time, I'll ask the questions, and you hold the camera." She glanced down at the camera. "Damn…I have to fix this." She walked over and sat down on a swing, and Sean followed her.

Ellie began fiddling with the camera, and Sean sat down and watched her. A minute later, he frowned and nodded at her arm. "What happened?"

Ellie looked up. "What?"

"Your arm. It's bleeding." Ellie glanced down at her arm, and saw that her sleeve had ridden up, revealing a few bruises on her fore-arm. One scab had opened and was bleeding. Ellie blushed and quickly pulled her sleeve down. "Oh. That…I…" she trailed off, glancing down at her camera.

"What happened?" Sean asked again. Ellie swallowed hard.

"I…I cut myself. I cut myself when I get stressed, ok?" she said with a long sigh. She didn't feel like making up lame excused anymore. Sean just stared at her. "I knew it…I scare you."

After a long moment, Sean shrugged. "Why would you?"

"I'm a razor freak or something," Ellie said, gesturing to her arm. "It scares everyone else," she mumbled. Sean scuffled his feet against the mulch.

"That doesn't scare me," he said. "Why do you do it? Does it, like, feel good or something?"

Ellie shrugged. "I don't know. It's…hard to explain." Actually, it wasn't, but she just didn't feel like explaining all of her inner conflicts while she was sitting on a swing in a stupid playground. "Why does anyone do anything, really?"

Sean smirked. "So philosophical." He was quiet. "You know, I steal. And I don't know why I do it, either."

"It's not really the same thing."

"I know. I was just trying to relate," Sean said with a shrug. "Come on. I'll buy you an ice cream."

Ellie smiled and stood up. "Sounds good. Are you actually going to pay for it, or are you just going to steal it?" she joked. Sean smirked and shrugged.

"Nah. I actually brought some money." The two began walking across the park toward the ice cream fender. Sean glanced at Ellie. "Oh, and Ellie?"

"Yeah?"

''I don't think you're a razor freak."

Ellie smiled.

Spinner felt horrible. He totally hadn't expected Paige to act like that. But what did he expect? For Paige to thanks Roxie or something. Of course she was pissed. She had every right to be. Spinner scratched the back of his head._ I hope I'm doing the right thing,_ he thought. Part of him wanted to just forget that Roxie was pregnant, and he could just keep being a normal kid. But he couldn't. He should be there for Roxie…after all, it was partly his…fault. He was thinking about it just when he spotted Roxie walking down the hall toward him. He hurried up to her.

"Hi, Roxie!" he said, smiling. Roxie smiled at him, but kept walking.

"Hi! I wish you were dead," she said cheerfully, and just kept going. Spinner frowned and hurried after her.

"Wait! What did I do?"

Roxie finally stopped. "Hmm…let's see. Where you there in the cafeteria, Spin? Did you see what Paige did!"

Spin frowned. "Yeah…but what did _I _do?"

Roxie threw up her hands. "I didn't say to break up with her! Now she hates me because you dumped her."

"Well, chances are, she was going to hate you anyway," Spin pointed out.

Roxie sighed. "I know. I'm sorry Spin. Things are just….fucked up, you know?" She ran a hand through hair. "I'm just scared. Really scared."

Spin nodded. "You don't have to be. Look, I want to be there for you and for the baby, you know? This is my responsibility. That's why I broke up with Paige. I want to be in on all that, you know…baby stuff that you do."

Roxie smiled. "Really?"

Spin nodded. "Really. We're in this together." He reached out and took her hand. Roxie smiled softly.

"Wow. I always thought you were kind of an insensitive moron," Roxie said. "But you're not."

Spin looked slightly confused. "Uh..thanks…I guess."

**Authors Note**- Not alot of excitment in this chapter, but something big is going to happen in the next one, so keep reading! Thanks


	5. Lights Out

       Manny locked the door of her bedroom, and ran over to the closet to pull out a large, black suitcase on the top self. She pulled it down, and lugged it over to her bed. For the next few minutes, Manny slowly and delicately began packing her most important things. She sighed as she walked over to her dresser and opened the top drawer.

She was leaving. She had made a decision that afternoon in Math class. While Mr. Armstrong babbled away about fractions, it had suddenly dawned on Manny that she didn't need school, or her parents, or anyone in Degrassi, for that matter. So she was leaving- she wasn't sure where she was going, or how she was going to get there, but that didn't matter. She just wanted to get the hell out of the stupid town as fast as humanly possible. She hated it, and she couldn't take it anymore.

Suddenly, she heard a loud knock on her door, and the doorknob began rattling. "Manuella…what are you doing in there?!" he mother cried. Manny sighed as she shoved the suitcase under her bed_. She probably thinks I tried to hand myself on the rafters or something. _

"Hold on," she called back, and she went over, unlocked the door, and let her mother in. Her mother stared at her while she stood in her doorway, and then she glanced around the room.

"I was just…changing, Mom," Manny said, hoping her mother wouldn't notice the fact that she was wearing the same clothes she had been wearing all day. Manny's mother nodded slowly.

"There's a boy downstairs. He says he wants to talk to you," she said. Manny frowned and walked over to her window. When she glanced down, she saw Carter standing at the front door, his hands stuffed uneasily in his pockets. Manny bit her lip, and turned to her mother. "Mom, can I go out and talk to him?"

Manny's mother shook her head. "I don't think I want you to go out. I'll send him up here, but he can only stay until your father and I leave for the play tonight." Manny shrugged and nodded. Her mother left, and a few minutes later, Carter appeared in her doorway. He stepped in and closed the door behind him, staring at her the entire time.

"Carter…what are you doing here?"

Carter took a deep breath. "I had to talk to you. Manny, I love you. More than anything. I…I don't care if you have problems, or if you take drugs, or whatever. I want to be with you. I have to be with you," he said meaningfully, staring straight into her dark brown eyes.

Manny looked away, full of mixed emotions. She cared about Carter, but her heart was still pining for Craig. She thought about the half-full suitcase that was hidden under her bed. She was leaving, and that was final. At this point, she didn't think that anything or anyone could make her stay. She looked back at Carter. _He really loves you_, she realized.

"Carter… that's sweet, but….I don't want to be with you," she said slowly. _He's going to be crushed when you leave_, she thought_. The best thing to do is make him hate you now, so it won't be as bad when you leave_. She knew what she had to do.

"Manny….I love you," he said suddenly, stepping up to her. "I'm graduating next year. I don't want to lose you. When you graduate, I want us to be together…I want to marry you."

Manny felt her stomach drop. Carter Monroe just proposed to her.

"Carter…I told you, I don't want to be with you!" she said harshly, stepping back. _He is not making this easier_, she thought, staring at his handsome face, and his sad eyes. "What part don't you understand? I don't love you like you love me. I…I love Craig," she said. "I always have. You….you never really meant anything to me anyway," she lied. _Stop_! She screamed at herself. But she couldn't. "But Craig is dating Ashley, and if I was with you…well, you'd just be a rebound."

Carter stared at her. "So this is about Craig?"

Manny took a deep breath. "No…yes…I don't know. Everything sucks, Carter! Craig didn't want to be with me, my parents are always on my ass, and everyone treats me like some freak! You don't what it's like. You haven't had to go through all this."

Carter shook his head. "God, you're selfish."

"What?"

"You're selfish. Everything is all about you, isn't it? Everything you've been through. Yeah, it's sucked. But _you_ made a decision, and _you_ got yourself thrown into rehab. You've made all the decisions that have ruined everything. This isn't easy for anyone, Manny! Not your parents, or Craig, or Emma, or….me. So stop feeling so sorry for yourself and start realizing that you've hurt a lot of people by getting thrown into rehab."

Manny didn't say anything, so Carter sighed and went on. "I want to help you, Manny. I care about you so much…and I know you care about me."

"No," she said. "I…I don't. Look, we're not meant to be together…we're just not," she said, holding her head up high. "We're done, Carter."

"Why are you doing this, Manny?" Carter said, and Manny could hear the pain in his voice.

"My…parent's are leaving soon, and you have to go," she replied quietly. "Good-bye, Carter."

He turned and walked out of her room, and he slammed the door shut behind him. Manny sat down on her bed, suddenly feeling horrible. _Why did you hurt him like that?_ She wondered. _All Carter's ever done is want to be with you. He's loved you, through everything. And you just broke his heart._ He was right-she was selfish. She had hurt everyone.

_That's why it will be better that I'm gone_, she told herself as she reached under her bed and took out her suitcase. _It will be better for everyone. _

         Sean groaned unhappily and clutched his pillow over his ears. _Who the hell is that?_ He wondered. He sighed and rolled over onto his back. Sean had been sleeping, until someone began pounding loudly on his front door. Sean sat up groggily and rubbed his eyes. Usually Sean didn't take afternoon naps, but he had had basically come home and collapsed into bed. _Someone's in for a serious ass-kicking_, he thought as he got up, left his room, and walked to the door. When he pulled open it open, he saw Jay standing there. _I got up for him?_ Sean thought with a sigh.

"What?" Sean barked, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Jay smirked.

"Man, were you napping?" Jay asked, shaking his head.

"Uh…no," Sean lied, standing up straighter. "I was…you know. I was-"

"Yeah, whatever," Jay said impatiently. He glanced over his shoulder, and then turned back to Sean. Sean noticed that he was grinning and bouncing on his feet anxiously. "Come on. Let's go."

"Go where?"

"These jerk-offs from Stanton High have been saying shit about a bunch of the guys at Degrassi," Jay said. "Including me and you, man. They jumped Jason last night, and now there's gonna be a big fight. Man, I can't wait to kick some serious ass," Jay said, punching a fist into his other hand.

Sean sighed. "Calm down, tiger. What have they been saying about us?"

"Well…" Jay said, glancing away and then back at Sean. "I wasn't going to say anything, but…some guy's been saying that he hooked up with Emma. At some party a couple of weeks ago."

Sean jaw clenched and he felt anger boil up in him. It had to be the guy that raped Emma! Sean grabbed his jacket and pulled it on. Then he stepped out and closed the door behind him. "Let's go."

A few minutes later, Jay pulled his car onto a curb next to the park, and killed the engine. "There. There are a few guys up there," Jay said, pointing to a few shadowy figures that were standing a few yards away. The sun was gone now, and it was dark and chilly outside. Sean shifted in his seat and stared out the window. He had completely worked himself up when they had been driving, and he was dying to go and smash someone's face in. He turned to Jay. "What are we waiting for? Come on."

They both got out of the car and stalked across the grass, toward the small crowd that had gathered. When he spotted them, one Stanton guy smirked and nudged his friend in the arm. "Well, look who it is. Jay and Silent Bob." He and his friends chuckled at his lame joke. Sean and Jay glanced at each other and rolled their eyes.

"Look, we can talk shit about each other all day," another Stanton boy said, stepping up. "But it's not going to get us anywhere, is it? Just admit that you're a loser school with nasty chicks, and this will all be settled."

Roger, a Degrassi student, shook his head. "No way. Why don't you keep your mouth shut and stop saying crap about us, and maybe we won't beat the shit out of you."

"I don't think so," the boy said, shaking his head and smirking. "See, unlike you wimps, _we_ don't back down."

"Well, if you're not wimps, then why don't you stop gossiping like little girls and start acting like a man?" Sean said. The head boy laughed and nudged another boy behind him in the arm.

"Sean Cameron," he said. "It's Sean Cameron, Kevin," he said, smirking at his friend.

"Start acting like a man, huh?" Kevin replied. "I think I was man enough for your cute little blonde girlfriend when I fucked her!"

That was it. Sean leaped out and slammed Kevin right in the face. _No one talks about Emma like that! _He thought, so angry he could hardly see straight. The idea of this jerk touching Emma and kissing Emma…it made Sean want to throw up. He kicked Kevin hard in the stomach, watching in satisfaction as the asshole winced in pain. Soon, an all-out battle began, and boys from the two schools began pounding each other, just taking random shots at anybody. Sean hardly noticed, because he was too focused on Kevin.

"You want me to stop?" Sean yelled at Kevin, who was hunched on the ground. He kicked him hard in the chest. "Did Emma want you to stop? Huh?"

Finally, Kevin rolled over and staggered to his feet. "I can't help it if your girlfriends a slut, man!" He went charging at Sean, and Sean ducked to avoid a punch to his face. Kevin swung around and nailed Sean in the stomach. But Sean had already beaten the crap out of Kevin, and he clearly had the upper hand. Sean threw Kevin to the ground and jumped on top of him, and he began repeatedly hitting Kevin in the face.

Sean was too busy pounding Kevin to notice the police cars pull up, or to notice the burly cop hurry up toward the fighting. He was followed by a few other officers, and they began grabbing and cuffing boys. Sean felt two strong hands grab his arms and lug him off of Kevin. Before he knew what was happening, his face was being smashed into the dirt and he was being handcuffed.

"Come on," the tall officer said, pulling Sean to his feet. "You really did a number on that kid, you know that?" He nodded toward Kevin. Sean didn't say anything as the officer led him to the police cruiser….

     "Alright, son," the officer said. He pushed Sean toward the payphone in the corner. "One call. You know the drill."

Sean remained silent as he stepped up to the phone and picked up the receiver. He thought for a second, and glanced around the police station. Two cops were staring at him with large smirks on their faces, and Sean just turned back around and sighed. Without thinking, he began dialing….

      "Ok," Roxie whispered, nudging Spinner in the side. "This is an introductory parenting class. This is serious, alright?"

Spin glanced around the airy classroom at the community center, and shrugged. "Duh, it's serious. Do you think they are going to serve food or anything?"

Roxie sighed. "I don't know. Why don't you ask?" she said sarcastically. Spin began raising his hand, but Roxie grabbed it and put it down. "Spin, I was kidding. Look, try not to talk, ok?"

"Ok!" the instructor said loudly from the front of the room. "Good parenting isn't just about having the right crib or baby clothes. It's about knowing how to love and care for your child. Most of you are going to be first-time parents, and even though it may seem overwhelming, having a baby is wonderful. It is going to change your life, but for the better." She clapped. "Ok. You've all been given a baby. First, we're going to practice changing diapers. It may seem simple, but it's something you absolutely have to know."

Roxie sighed and picked up their baby. "Alright. Hand me the diapers. This should be simple."

Spin shook his head. "No, you hand me the diapers. I want to change it." He reached out for the doll, but Roxie pulled it away and shook her head.

"No. I'm changing it first."

"Just give me the doll- thing," Spin insisted, reaching out and grabbing at the baby.

"It's not a doll-thing. It's a baby," Roxie said in frustration, refusing to let the baby go. Spin began tugging at the baby, and Roxie tugged back. "Spin, stop being such an insensitive jerk!"

Finally, after a minute of pulling the baby back and forth, the baby's leg popped off. Roxie held up the baby's leg, and sighed.  "Look what you did!"

"You did it!"

The instructor walked up holding a clipboard, and spotted the baby. "Well, you've managed to amputate your child. But don't worry. Real babies limbs don't come off that easy." She walked away, and Roxie sighed miserably.

"The government should make me barren," Roxie said, holding up the leg and shaking it at Spinner. "We look completely incompetent."

The instructor overheard this, and walked over to them with a reassuring smile. "Don't be so hard on yourselves. It was a little mistake. You and your boyfriend are going to learn to work together, believe me."

"Oh, he's not my boyfriend. Well, not really. He was my sister's boyfriend," Roxie blurted out. A few couples glanced over at each other, and Roxie winced. _You sound like you belong on a Jerry-Springer episode_, she thought. "I mean…uh…actually…."

The instructor held up and hand. "It's alright. We don't pass judgments here, we just try to help. Now, we try to make these babies as realistic as possible. This is what your baby is probably going to resemble about a month after birth."

"Except our baby isn't going to be Asian, that's for sure!" Spinner joked, gesturing to the baby in front of them, who was Chinese. Roxie nudged Spinner in the side. The instructor just smiled politely.

"So, honey, how far along are you?" the instructor asked kindly. Roxie frowned.

"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.

"What trimester are you in?"

"What's a trimester?" Roxie said. The instructor smiled politely again.

"Honey, I think I'm going to get you a few books on being pregnant," the instructor said, jotting down a note on her clipboard. "I think their really going to….help you."

Roxie nodded slowly as the instructor walked away, and then she set down the baby on the table in front of them. "I'll be right back, ok?" She turned and hurried out of the classroom. Spinner frowned and followed her into the hallway. Roxie was sitting in a chair, looking sad.

"Roxie, is everything ok?" he asked, sitting down next to her.

"No!" she suddenly burst out, throwing up her hands. "Spin, I hardly know anything about being pregnant, or having a baby or anything! And I highly doubt you know anything at all! Maybe keeping this baby is a mistake. I'm going to the be the worst mother in the whole world!" Roxie buried her face in her hands, and Spinner shook his head and put his arm around her.

"No way. You're going to do fine. There's like…well, plenty of time to figure all this out," he said reassuringly. "Don't worry so much."

"But what if I don't hold in enough, or if I forget to feed it?" she asked. Spin smirked.

"Ok, this isn't going to be a hamster or something. It's a human being. Believe me, you won't be able to ignore it," Spin said. Roxie looked up, and sniffed. "Well…I guess your right. I still have months to figure this whole "mother" thing out."

Spinner nodded and stood up. "Good. Let's go back inside."

Roxie stood up and smiled. "Ok. But let's just try not to mutilate any more babies, ok?"

Spinner nodded and slung his arm over her shoulder as they walked back to the classroom. "Deal."

      Ellie walked up the steps of the police station, clutching her bag toward her side uneasily_. Who knows what kind of creeps hang around police stations_, she thought as she pulled open the doors and stepped inside. _Ugh….this place is disgusting. _

Ellie walked up to the front desk, where a short bald man was talking on the phone and eating a turkey sandwich. When he saw Ellie, he put the phone on his shoulder and smirked at her. "May I help you, missy?"

_Yeah. First, you could not call me "missy",_ she thought sarcastically. She nodded firmly. "I'm here to post bail."

The man rolled his eyes. "Larry, I'm going to have to call you back," he said into the phone, and then hung up. He ruffled through a few papers and finally looked up at her. "Name."

"Ellie Nash."

"_No_. The name of the person you'd like to bail out."

Ellie blushed. "Oh. Um, Sean Cameron."

After a minute, the man nodded. "Bailing out your boyfriend, huh?"

"No!" Ellie said quickly. "Just a friend. Well, not really a friend even. We got stuck working together on this project at school, because we both got detention, and…" she trailed off. The man just stared at her blankly._ Oh, right…he doesn't care._ "Um…I have the money."

The man shrugged. "Ok. Well, your boyfriend beat the crap out of some kid, but the bail shouldn't be that much."

Ellie nodded silently, figuring it was useless to point out that Sean wasn't her boyfriend. _He's clearly incompetent,_ she thought, pulling out her wallet. As she went through the process of bailing Sean out of jail, she wondered why the hell she was doing this. _I'm spending all the damn money I've been saving for four months because Sean got in a stupid fight? There's something wrong with this picture._

       Sean leaned against the steel bar of the his holding cell, and sighed miserably. _My probation officer is going to kill me! _He thought. But he wasn't really thinking about the trouble he was in- he just wanted to get the hell out of the place. There was a tall man sitting in the corner that kept staring at Sean, and a drunk man had fallen asleep on the bench, and was snoring loudly. Sean wanted to bang his head against the cinder-block wall. _Get me out of here!_

Sean watched as an officer walked in, and nodded at him. "Well, it's your lucky day. Your girlfriend's here to get you," he said, walking over and unlocking the door with his keys. Sean sighed with relief when he saw Ellie walk up. "You're free to go, son."

Sean nodded and stepped out. "Thank you so much," he said sincerely, turning to Ellie.

Ellie shrugged and nodded. "Let's just get out of here," she said quietly, glancing around. Sean nodded.

After he had retrieved the things they had taken from him, Sean followed Ellie into the lobby, and then outside. As soon as he stepped out, he took a deep breath of the fresh night air. Ellie began walking down the steps, and Sean quickly followed.

"Ellie…wait," he said. "Thank you. I really mean it."

Ellie shrugged. "Oh, it's fine. I love coming down to the police station and spending all my money on getting people out of jail," she said sarcastically. "It's my _favorite_ past time."

Sean smiled sheepishly. "I kind of…got in a fight."

Ellie rolled her eyes. "Yeah. I heard. With who?"

Sean shrugged. He didn't really feel like telling Ellie the whole story. "Just some jerk that got in my face," he said.

"Oh," Ellie said, stepping onto the sidewalk. "Can I ask you something?"

"You just bailed me out of jail. At this point, you can do whatever you want."

"Why did you call me and not….say….your girlfriend Emma?"

Sean stopped and thought. Actually, he had no idea why he had called Ellie of all people. He had just automatically dialed her number without really thinking. He stared down at his shoes. _Why didn't I call Emma?_ He wondered. He looked at Ellie, who was staring at him, waiting for an answer.

"Well….I doesn't know. I guess…I trusted you," he said.

Ellie nodded. "Oh."

Sean cleared his throat. "Anyway….thanks for coming.  I owe you."

Ellie nodded and smirked. "Seventy-five dollars, to be exact."

     Manny slumped against the back of her couch and stared at her parent's open liquor cabinet as she took another sip of her parents imported Scotch. After her parent's had left for their play, Manny had laid on her bed for an hour, just sobbing and randomly throwing things at the wall. Finally, after she felt like she couldn't cry anymore, she had wandered downstairs and raided all her parent's alcohol. _They'll come home and be completely pissed off_, Manny thought, but she was too drunk to worry about her parents.

_Carter hates me now_, she thought sadly, unscrewing the cap of a bottle of vodka. _I don't blame him. I'm a witch_. It was probably, like, impossible to love Manny. _I'm definitely leaving_, she decided. _There's nothing left here for me here. I should just start over. _

Manny heard the doorbell ring, and she sighed. She struggled to get to her feet, and then unsteadily walked to the front door. _Maybe it's Carter,_ she thought. _Yeah, right._ She opened the door, and came face to face with Craig Manning.

"Craig?" Manny said slowly, surprised to see her ex-boyfriend standing on her doorstep.

"Hi, Manny," Craig said. He bit his lip. "Do you think we could talk? I know it's late, but…"

"Why would I want to talk to you?" she snapped. Craig shrugged.

"Because…there are some things I need to say," Craig confessed. Manny rolled her eyes, shrugged, and pulled open the door. "Fine. You can come in. My parent's aren't home or anything." Craig nodded and stepped inside. Manny closed the door and turned to face him.

"Alright. What do you want to say?"

"Manny…I know you're pissed off at me.  When you cam by my house the other day I acted like a complete jerk. And I'm sorry. I was surprised. I wasn't expecting you."

"And I wasn't expecting you to be with Ashley," Manny said coldly.

"She's my girlfriend, Manny," Craig said weakly with a shrug. Manny shook her head.

"But in the hospital that day…you made it seem like you wanted to be with me!" she suddenly cried, throwing up her hands. "You're always playing these fucking games, Craig. Games I can't seem to win."

"We agreed to be friends that day, Manny," Craig said calmly. "We_ both_ agreed. You and me….we don't belong together. Things are too messed up when we're together."

"So you came over here to tell me that I'm not good enough for you?!" she replied. " Gee, thanks." She turned and ran up the staircase to the second floor, and stomped into her room. Craig winced when he heard her bedroom door slam, and he sighed. _This is exactly what I was talking about!_ Craig thought as he headed up the stairs. _Things are always way too complicated with Manny.  _

Craig walked up to Manny's closed door and knocked lightly. "Manny…you're reading this all wrong."

"Leave me alone," she called out. "Go back to your _girlfriend_ Ashley."

"You're not being fair," Craig said through the door. "I came here to be your friend, Manny. I care about you, and I always will. That's why I'm so worried about you."

Manny, who was standing in the middle of her room, snorted and shook her head, even thought Craig couldn't see her. _Who the fuck does he think he is?_ She thought. She stomped over, grabbed a teddy bear off her bed, and hurled it at the wall. _This is my house- he needs to just get the hell out._ She picked up a hairbrush off her dresser and threw it at her closet. "I loved you, Craig! I thought about you all the time in rehab! You're why I came back."

 Craig leaned against the door and sighed. What could he say to that? He couldn't tell her that he had been thinking about her the whole time she was gone, because that wasn't true. Sure, he had thought about Manny _sometimes_. But, honestly, he had been too absorbed in Ashley and their relationship. _Great. She's throwing things in there. _That was never a good sign.

Craig opened his mouth to respond, but suddenly the door flew open and Manny walked out, tears stains on her cheek. "Why can't you just leave?" she yelled, stomping past him to the staircase. Craig followed her.

"Manny, you need help. I saw your parent's liquor cabinet. I've heard things about you at school….you need help!"

Manny whirled around. "I don't need your help, or anyone's help! You don't have to worry about me anymore, Craig. I'm leaving Degrassi forever, ok?" With that, she turned to the staircase. Craig reached out and grabbed her arm and stepped in front of her, blocking her path.

"What do you mean your leaving?"

"I'm leaving, ok?" Manny said, wrenching her arm away from him. "I can't take all this anymore!"

"You can't leave!" Craig cried. "Manny, you seriously need some kind of help. The things you're doing…their dangerous. I'm not letting you leave!"

"You don't know anything!" Manny screamed. "Now let me go!" With that, she reached out and shoved Craig away from her.

But Manny forgot that they had been standing in front of her staircase. She watched in horror as Craig stumbled backward, lost his footing on the top step, and went tumbling down the stairs. Manny screamed, and reached out to catch him, but it was too late. A minute later, there was dead silence, and Manny stared down the staircase. Craig's body was scrawled on the ground at the foot of the stairs, and he wasn't moving.

_Oh, my, God_, Manny thought, and she put her hand over her mouth. _What did I do? _

Automatically, Manny hurried over to the phone in the upstairs hallway_. I have to call the police…before it's too late. _Just as Manny reached out to pick it up, the telephone suddenly rang. Manny jumped. _Whoever it is…I have to get rid of them_.

"Hello?" she said into the phone, still thinking of Craig's lifeless body downstairs. "Look, I can't talk right-" She stopped when she heard loud sniffling on the other end.

"M-Manny?" Manny frowned.

"Sadie? Is that you?" she asked.

"Oh, my, god….Manny," Sadie sobbed into the phone. "M-Manny. Something's happened."

Manny's blood ran cold. "What?"

"Carter came over earlier. He-he was really upset and depressed about something. Then…he….he…" Sadie trailed off, and Manny could hear her crying uncontrollably. "He left. They said he started drinking…a lot. Then he…got-got….in his car. They said he crashed into another car."

Manny leaned against the table next to her for support. "Carter…was in an accident."

"He….he didn't make it, Manny. He's….dead."

Immediately, Manny's entire body began to shake, and her mouth went dry. She shook her head numbly. "I…I have to go," she whispered into the phone, and then placed the phone back on the receiver.

Manny stood there in shock, and she couldn't stop her hands from shaking. _It's not true_, she thought_. He can't be…he can't be dead. _Manny suddenly felt dizzy, and her breathing became shallow. Unwilling to believe that her boyfriend was dead, Manny picked the phone up again._ I have to help Craig_, she thought, but she seemed completely detached from the entire situation. With shaking fingers, she punched in 911.

"Hello?" the dispatcher said a minute later. "Hello? Is anyone there?"

But the phone fell from Manny's hand, and landed on the floor a loud thud. A second later, Manny fainted, and collapsed backwards onto the ground….

   **Authors Note**- Oh, no! Carter's dead! Oh, and I don't live in Canada, so I don't know what the police number actually is, so I just had Manny dial 911. Anyway….Roxie and Spinner are going to try to work together, but what happens when she reveals a surprising secret? Manny is crushed over Carter's death, but what will she do to vent her anger? Sean and Ellie are becoming closer, so where does that leave Emma? Plus, a lot more! Keep reading and reviewing!


	6. Cold Is The Grave

       Ashley walked slowly down the hallway of the hospital, her coat clutched in her hand nervously. She hated hospitals- the smell, the noise, _everything_. Hospitals always made Ashley think of death. She shivered as she stepped up to a large, wooden door. She knocked lightly, and then stepped inside. The room was dark, with a solitary light sitting on the table next to the large, hospital bed.

"Ashley!" Craig said, looking surprised. He was sitting on the bed, and his face was pale, but he looked alright. Ashley smiled lightly and walked to his bedside. "I didn't know you were coming."

Ashley shrugged. "When I heard about the accident….I had to come. Are you alright?"

Craig nodded, and then gestured to his left arm, which was wrapped in a cast. "I'm going to be ok. I have a few bumps and bruises, and I sprained my arm, but I'm fine." He smiled. "I'm pretty tough, you know."

"I know," Ashley said. She swallowed hard, and looked down at the hospital room's beige floor. _Ask him_! She yelled at herself. _You know you want to._ Ashley fiddled with the silver-cross necklace that hung on her neck, and finally looked up at her boyfriend. "Craig….what were you doing at Manny's house? What-what happened?"

Craig bit his lip. "Well…I went over there to talk to Manny." Ashley gave him a skeptical look. "No, really! I was worried about her…she's in over her head. I was just trying to be a good friend. And then….we talked and…" Craig trailed off and glanced out the window. "I was leaving, and then I just tripped down the stairs. Pretty stupid, huh?"

"Yeah….pretty stupid," Ashley said, and she couldn't help but think that there was something off about his story. "Craig…I just wish you…I just wish you would stay away from her. It would make me feel a lot better…after everything that has happened between you two."

Craig frowned. "I can't do that.'

"What?"

"I can't just abandon Manny, Ash. Especially not now, after Carter's death and everything. She _needs_ someone."

"Why does that someone have to be you?" Ash snapped back. "Why do you always have to be the knight in shining armor?"

"Are you hearing yourself?" Craig asked in amazement. He shook his head. "Her boyfriend, or whatever he was, was just killed in a car accident. And I'm supposed to just turn my back on her because you ask me to?"

"You're not turning your back on her- you're turning your back on me!" she yelled, throwing up her hands. "Things were perfect between us, Craig. But lately…it's like you're not even here anymore. Between Roxie and Manny coming back, I feel like I'm just some fourth wheel who is getting in your way."

"You're not in the way," Craig said calmly." It's just…they're my friends. And right now, their both going through some really hard shit.  And I'm sorry if you feel neglected, but I never meant to make you feel bad. It's just kind of selfish to demand _all_ my attention _all_ the time.'

Ashley was dead quiet for a long time. Craig sighed_. Maybe she's seeing my point_, he hoped._ It's really not like Ash to be all needy and jealous. _

"Maybe…we should stop seeing each other," Ashley finally said, and Craig's mouth dropped open. "It's just not working out anymore."

"Ash…" Craig began, reaching out to take her hand with his good one. But Ashley stepped back and shook her head, and Craig's hand dropped limply on the bed. "No, Craig. Let's just take some time apart, so we can both figure out what we want."

Craig swallowed hard. "Oh…ok."

"I hope you feel better,' Ashley said quickly, picking up her jacket and hurrying over to the door. If she didn't get out of that room, she knew she was going to burst into tears. "Bye." And with that, she stepped out of the door, and shut it behind her. Then, she wiped away a tear as she walked quickly down the long hospital corridor and out the swinging doors.

       The cemetery had been cold and damp, and Manny had watched numbly as Carter's casket was lowered into the ground. She had kept her head down the whole ceremony, allowing her long, black hair to shield her face like curtain. Manny didn't cry- she didn't really have any tears left in her. Now she just felt cold and dead inside- just like Carter_. I should be the one in that casket_, she had thought. She should be dead- she _felt_ dead.

Manny had stood perfectly still as the pastor had given a sermon about "life after death", but she hadn't really been listening. She had been too busy subtly glancing around at all the other mourners, wondering what they would think if they knew the truth. _I killed him_, she realized_. If I hadn't been such a complete bitch to him, he wouldn't have gotten drunk and driven a car.  _

Manny tried to push that thought aside, and she simply wanted to ignore everyone and everything. But she couldn't ignore the curious stares of her classmates. She couldn't ignore the horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach. And most of all, she couldn't ignore the heart-wrenching sobs of Carter's mother.

After what seemed like an eternity, the service was over, and people began going their separate ways, many of them stopping to give Carter's parents their condolences. Manny walked over and leaned against a tall oak tree and slumped down. This was the worst day of her life- worse than when she had been put in the hospital after her overdose, and worse than the day she was put into rehab.

After a long time of just sitting and staring at nothing, Manny saw Carter's parents walk over to her, holding hands and looking absolutely horrible. Manny swallowed hard and stood up, trying to think of something to say. Before she could say anything, Carter's mother reached out and hugged her tightly.

"Manny," Carter's mother said into her hair. "He loved you so much."

Manny felt her throat close up with tears. She knew he had loved her- and she had completely broken his heart. Part of her wanted to tell his mother the whole story, but she knew she couldn't. Instead she stepped back and stared at them. "I'm…I'm so…sorry," she said, and then she turned and ran across the cemetery_. I'm sorry I killed your son. I'm sorry I'm such a horrible, heartless witch. _

Manny hurried to the edge of the cemetery, and immediately spotted Emma sitting on the curb. She saw Manny, stood up, and walked over to her. "Hey. I was just waiting for you…I thought I could walk you home."

Manny shrugged mindlessly. "Sure. Whatever," she muttered.

The two girl began heading home, walking quietly without saying anything. It wasn't an awkward silence- it was a nice, peaceful silence that seemed totally appropriate. Manny wrapped her arms around her waist protectively and stared down at her sandals.

"Manny…are you going to be ok?" Emma finally asked as they approached a crosswalk. She stopped and turned to her friend. "This must be really hard."

_Of course it is, you idiot!_ Manny thought bitterly. Then she shook her head, realizing there was no reason to be angry at Emma. Her long-time best friend was just trying to be nice, but Manny really didn't want to hear it. It only made her feel worse that people were feeling sorry for _her. I just want to go home, crawl under the covers of my bed, and never come out. _

A few minutes later, they stopped in front of Manny's house. "I'll call you later, ok?" Emma said gently, and then she hugged Manny. Manny kind of hugged her back, but her heart wasn't into it. She watched as Emma walked away, and then she turned and walked inside her house. She jogged up the stairs, eager to just rip of the stuffy dress she was wearing and jump into bed. But when Manny walked into her room, she was surprised to find her mother sitting on her bed, and her dad leaning against her dresser. Manny swallowed hard.

"What are you doing?" she asked, noting their sad, serious faces. _Shit. This isn't good_.

"Manny…you need to pack your things," her mother said, in a quiet, hollow voice.

"What? Why?" Manny demanded, glancing back and forth between her parents.

"Manny…we've tried so hard to help you," her mother said, sounding slightly choked up. "But…we just don't know what to do. But they will…."

Manny froze. "Who will? What the hell are you talking about?"

"You're going to a rehabilitation center in New York. We've already phoned them, and they're expecting you by Thursday," her mother continued, as if Manny hadn't spoken. Manny saw tears glisten in her mother's eyes.

"What? Why do I have to go back to rehab? You can't send me back there!" she cried, staring at her parents in horror. This was officially the day from hell. Manny had never explained her relationship with Carter to her parents, and she doubted they even knew that he was dead, let alone that she had just come from his funeral. Her father walked over, and Manny spotted something in his hands. A bag of cocaine she had bought a few nights ago. _Oh, fuck_, she thought, her mind whirling. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

"This is why, Manny. We won't stand for this. We won't have this in our house," her father said angrily, and Manny could see that he was furious.

"Its' one of the best centers in North America!" Manny's mother quickly cut in, standing up. "They will help you. They're one of the best centers in North America!" she repeated, as if that was supposed to make everything better. Her mother reached out to touch Manny, but Manny slapped her hand away.

"You've been going through my things?"

"That's not the point! The point if, you have drugs!" her father roared, shaking the cocaine at his daughter.

"Manny," her mother pleaded, ignoring her husband as she stared intently at her daughter. She reached out to hug her daughter, but Manny shoved her away.

"No!" she screamed frantically. "I'm not going back to rehab! You can't fucking make me!" She stomped over to her bed and pulled out her two packed suitcases under her bed. "I'd rather die than go back there."

Manny's mother stared at her in shock. "Manny, what are you doing? Why are your bags packed…?"

"Fuck off!" she yelled, walking over to the door with the bag in her hands. "Good-bye, Mom. Bye, Dad." Then she hurried out of the room and down the stairs. She could hear her parents running after her, but she kept going, completely ignoring them.

"Manny!" her mother yelled, coming out of her room. "Stop right now! Where do you think you're going?"

"Anywhere but here!" she screamed, throwing open the door.

_I'm getting the hell out of here_, she thought angrily. _And I'm never coming back._

         Paige sipped her lemonade as she flipped a page in the teen magazine in front of her. She was sitting at a table on the patio of Granger's, a local restaurant, and she was waiting for Hazel to show up. She frowned when she saw an article about "How To Tell If Your Guy's Lost Interest". Paige rolled her eyes as she skimmed over the list. She knew what would be an excellent number-one way to tell your guys lost interest- he gets some other girl pregnant! Paige quickly flipped the page. She didn't need some crappy list to tell her if Spinner wasn't interested in her. He had made it perfectly clear that he wasn't.

Paige fiddled with her straw and tried to focus on an article on good hair tips, but she just couldn't. At first, Paige had thought that Spin had simply broken up with her because he felt obligated to Roxie since she was pregnant, but now she wasn't so sure. Lately, the two had been practically inseparable- Spin was always opening doors for her and carrying around her books. Paige narrowed her eyes. It was like Roxie was the new Paige! Did Spin actually have romantic feelings for Roxie? He sure acted like it.

Paige decided to stop thinking about the two- it was depressing her severely. She was already sad enough about Carter's death. She had always had a tiny crush on the guy, and she was going to miss him. She winced when she remembered their disastrous hook-up at Charlie Dover's party awhile ago. It had ended with Carter shoving Paige off the bed and running off after Manny.

"Paige?" she suddenly heard a deep voice say. She looked up, and her heart dropped. Standing next to her table was Dean, and he was staring at her with large, solemn eyes.

"'Dean," she choked out. She glanced around, glad to see that she was surrounded by people. "Get out away from me. _Now_." For the first couple of months after her rape, Paige had been terrified of Dean. She still was, but now she was stronger. She wasn't going to let him get to her.

'Paige, please…" Dean said, looking down at his hands. "You have to let me explain. You never did, and I-"  
 

"Let you explain?" Paige spit out. "You want me to let you explain why you_ raped_ me?"

"No!" Dean explained, sitting down at the empty seat across from her. "What I did was horrible, but please just let me tell you my side of the-"

"Get away from my table!" she said quietly, her voice shaking. "I swear to God, if you don't leave right now, I'm going to scream." Dean was silent for a minute, and then sighed.

"Please," he said, staring at her with sorrowful, pleading eyes. "Just give me a chance. What can it hurt?"

Paige clenched her jaw. He obviously wasn't going to leave, so Paige decided she might as well let him talk for a few minutes, and _then_ scream. "Fine. Talk."

Dean sighed in relief. "Thank you. Look, I really liked you when we met at that party. You were easy to talk to, and I thought we really connected. When you pulled me upstairs…I thought you wanted…" he glanced around and lowered his voice. "I thought you wanted to have sex. That's what most girls do. I got rough, and I didn't listen to you. I thought you were just playing hard to get. I was so caught up in the moment that I didn't understand you didn't want to. I never meant to rape you, Paige. I swear."

"You didn't mean to rape me?" Paige spit out, shaking her head in amazement. "I said no, Dean. You should have stopped."

"I know! But no girl has ever…no girl had ever said no to me before! I thought you were teasing, just trying to spice things up."

"So if you felt so bad about it, why didn't you apologize when you came to my school for that basketball game?"

"I was a jerk. I know. But by then, everyone had heard about what happened. People were giving me a hard time, calling me a rapist and everything! I was mad at you, because I'm not a rapist. Things went too far, but I never intended to do that to you." Dean looked down at his hands. "After you first pressed charges against me, I went to psychiatrist, and I've been seeing him for a long time. I'm realizing that what happened was horrible, and that I can get too rough sometimes. But I've changed."

Paige stared at him, not sure what to think. On one hand, this was her rapist. Shouldn't she absolutely despise him with all her heart? But he seemed so genuine…and what exactly did he have to gain from apologizing like this? Paige had decided to press charges awhile ago, but things had gotten all messed up, and they were eventually dropped. Paige bit her lip. _Don't fall for it_, a little voice yelled in the back of her head.

"I'm sorry I messed everything up between us," Dean said, swallowing hard. "I really liked you, and I ruined everything. But I really wish you would forgive me…and give me another chance."

_Give him another chance? Is this boy demented? _That little voice screamed again_. But people can change. Everyone deserves a second chance….right? _Suddenly, Paige was horribly confused.

"Al…alright," she stuttered out. "What you did was horrible, Dean, but you seem….genuine."

"Great!" Dean said with a smile, leaning back in his chair. "I was hoping we could meet up again and talk, and really get to know-"

Paige snorted. "Are you kidding? You think I'm going to go on a date with you?"

"Not a date!" he said quickly. "We could go somewhere really public- somewhere you'd feel safe. Please, Paige. Give me chance. I'm a good guy when you get to know me."

Paige stared down at her magazine. She knew she should probably jump up and throw her lemonade in his face, and stalk off. But maybe it was because she was still depressed over Carter's death, or because Spin broke up with her, but something about him made her want to give him another chance.

"Fine. Tommorow. At Charley's Pizza Place, ok?" she replied curtly.

Dean smiled happily. "Awesome! I can't wait."

Paige stared down at her nails again, and slowly sipped her drink. She was going to be in total control the next night- there was no way that Dean was going to try anything. And if he did, she was _so_ out of there. She glanced back at Dean's handsome face, and swallowed hard.

            Manny fiddled with her hair as she sat at a bus stop in downtown. She shifted uncomfortably, not exactly feeling safe. She was young girl, all alone- she was practically asking to be harassed or something. Manny bit her lip. Maybe this was a horrible idea. Who knew what could happen to her on the road? Manny sighed. She couldn't change her mind now. She was taking the next bus to Montreal, and then she would decide where to go from there.

Manny glanced around, and she actually found it fun to watch the different types of people who were walking down the street. There was a tall, black man holding a briefcase. She saw an older woman walking with a cane. Manny then saw a tall, black-haired woman strutting down the street, dressed in fancy clothes and high stilettos. She was the most glamorous woman Manny had ever seen. Manny stared at her for a minute, and then quickly looked away when the glamorous woman looked her way. Manny blushed, and stared down at her hands.

Suddenly, the woman walked right up to Manny, smiling mysteriously. Manny shifted uncomfortably again. "Hey, honey. Aren't you a little cold without a jacket?"

Manny shrugged. She was cold, but there was nothing she could do about it. "Yeah, kind of. I'm just hoping the bus will be heated or something."

The woman smiled, and her teeth were brilliantly white. "Don't count on it, hon. Where are you going?"

"I'm not...I'm not sure yet," she muttered, looking away.

"A little lost?"

Manny shrugged. "Yeah. You could say that."

The woman glanced around, and placed her hand on her hip. "Listen, honey, why don't you come to my place for a bit? It's right up there, and I guarantee it's nice and toasty."

Manny shook her head. "Thank you, but I can't."

"I swear, I'm not some creep or something. I just got this big place, and I hate to see a girl like you sitting here, freezing."

"I'll miss my bus."

"There will always be another."

Manny bit her lip, glancing at the woman. She seemed nice, and she didn't look like a weirdo or anything. Manny was practically freezing her ass off, and a warm house sounded _really_ nice. Manny finally nodded, realizing she was in no rush to really get out of town. He parents probably wouldn't look in the city, and if they did, they would never find her. Manny nodded slowly, picked up her suitcase, and stood up. "Alright. Thank you."

Manny followed the woman for two blocks. A few minutes later, they approached a large, brownstone facing the busy street. It was a city-house, but it looked pretty nice. The woman simply opened the door and walked in, and Manny followed her. As soon as they were in the large foyer, the woman shrugged off her jacket. "Why don't you come into my office, sweetie?"

Manny nodded. Just then, she saw a tall blonde woman walk down the staircase, wearing black negligee. The woman didn't even notice. She just gestured Manny over to her office, and Manny followed her in.

"You can sit down," the woman said, lighting a cigarette and nodding toward a chair. Manny set down her luggage and sat down. There was a long moment of silence as the woman inhaled on her cigarette. She stared at Manny.

"Has anyone ever told you you're really pretty?" the woman asked. Manny blushed. Carter used to tell her she was beautiful every day. "Well, you are. I'll get to the point, honey. You said you're lost. And by the looks of it, you don't know where the hell you're going." She set down her cigarette. "You can stay here for as long as you like. Lots of my girls have been here for months, even years."

"You're girls?" Manny said, frowning. The woman smiled slyly.

"All you have to do if work for me and you get free board. I like to think I run a very….fair business."

Manny nodded slowly, suddenly realizing exactly what was going on. "Your business…which would be prostitution?"

The woman smiled slowly again, and she shrugged. "It's quite a noble business, actually. The oldest profession in the world, as they say."

"And this is your….headquarters?"

The woman chuckled. "It's a brothel, actually, but you could say it's the headquarters. Sweetie, I know what you're thinking, but it's not like that. This isn't some sleazy whore-house. We serve to some of the richest and most influent ional men in the city. It's all very hush-hush, of course," she said, winking at Manny. "So are you in or not?"

"I don't even know your name."

"It's Isabel. Sweetie, this is the life!" she said, gesturing with her hands. She got up and walked around, and she perched on the edge of the desk. "You get all the clothes and drugs you can imagine. If you're into that, of course," she said quickly picking up her cigarette. "You get a free place to stay, as opposed to wondering around the country on some bus."

Manny bit her lip. It sounded great to her, except the whole sleeping-with-strange-men part. But, couldn't she get over that? Sure, she wasn't getting as far away from home as she had liked, but her parents would absolutely never look for her in a _brothel_ downtown. It was actually the perfect place to stay.

"Ok," she finally said, looking at Isabel. "I'm in."

"Excellent," Isabel said smoothly. "You won't regret it, believe me. Just think of us as….your new family. You can move in as soon as you like- I was full, but one of my best girls moved out a few days ago. Oh, and how old are you?"

Manny swallowed hard. "I'm…I'm nineteen," she lied, hoping Isabel would buy it. She knew she looked older than she actually was, but she wondered in nineteen was pushing it a little. Sixteen…nineteen…what was the difference?

"Good," the woman said, standing up. "I can't have minors, for _obvious_ reasons." She turned and smiled at Manny. "What's you name, again?"

"Manny," she said, and then winced. That made her sound five. She saw Isabel frown thoughtfully.

"No. That won't work. It's a cute name, sweetie, but you want something exotic. Something…sophisticated."

"Well, my real name is Manuella," Manny said quickly. Isabel smiled and nodded slowly.

"Perfect. That whole Mexican look you have going for you will drive men wild." Manny smiled weakly, deciding to not point out that she wasn't Mexican, but Philippine. She decided to just roll with it. Isabel turned and smiled at her. "Welcome to the family, sweetheart."

Manny smiled. "Thanks."

        Paige walked into Charley's Pizza Place the following evening, and she ran a hand through her hair anxiously. She hadn't wanted Dean to think she was actually dressing up for him, so she had just thrown on something simple but nice- a jean skirt and a pink t-shirt. Paige glanced around the restaurant, and spotted Dean waving her over. She sighed_. I can't believe I'm doing this. _

"Paige, you look amazing!" Dean said when she approached the table, and he quickly stood up and pulled out her chair. Paige plopped down in it, noting that Dean looked great too- he really was handsome.

"I'm glad you came," he said. "I really thought you weren't coming."

Paige shrugged. She had thought about just ditching him, which would have been the least she could have done after all he had done to her, but she hadn't. "Yeah, well…lucky you, I guess." She grabbed menu and opened it, and she began intently reading each and every item on it.

"So…are you still a cheerleader?"

Paige looked up."_ Head cheerleader._ Yeah."

"You were really awesome at our games. See, the girls at our school, they try to look all sexy and do all these weird, provocative dances. They think it's cool, but it's just funny and kind of pathetic," Dean said with a smile. Paige allowed herself to smile slightly.

"I know. I thought I was going to throw up at the soccer game a few weeks ago when they started grinding with each other."

Dean laughed. "So, are you still dating that Spinner guy?"

Paige frowned. "_No_. It didn't work out."

"That sucks. I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Me too," she mumbled, glancing down at her menu. "Can we order now? I'm starving."

         "This is great!" Spinner exclaimed. "It's so nice to finally have a girl who can eat as much as you," he told Roxie as the couple approached Charley's Pizza Place. "I can't believe your still hungry after that hamburger you just had."

"I'm pregnant," she said with a sniff. "I'm eating for two."

"Man, I wish I could eat for two," Spinner said.

Roxie rolled her eyes. "You already eat for two, I swear. Although I don't know who that other person is. Maybe I shouldn't eat anything. If I keep eating like this, I'm going to get totally fat."

Spin rolled his eyes. "I know you're kind of clueless about this whole pregnancy thing, and I hate to be the one to tell you, but you're already going to get fat. Really fat. So you can just eat whatever you want, anyway. Plus, even if you're three hundred pounds or something, you'll still be beautiful."

Roxie smiled slightly. "You know, I'm liking this whole complimenting phase you've been going through. And I like how you always open doors for me," she said. She patted him on the shoulder. "Actually, you've become quite the gentlemen. Now, if you can manage to not make a spectacle of yourself while you're eating, you'll be perfect."

Spin shook his head and smiled slightly. "You sound just like Paige," he said without thinking. Roxie frowned.

"Gee, _thanks_," she said sarcastically. "Girls absolutely _adore_ it when you compare them to your ex-girlfriend." Roxie saw Spinner stop dead. She smiled and punched him playfully. "I was kidding, Spin."

"Oh, my, God," he said, staring at something in shock. Roxie turned and saw exactly what he was staring at- Paige was exiting Charley's Pizza Place- with a boy. Roxie sighed. _Ok. Nice timing, Paige._ "I can't believe it," Spin said in disbelief. Roxie patted him on the arm.

"It's alright, Spin. So Paige is seeing someone else. It was bound to happen sometime-"

"_No_," Spin cut in. "You don't understand, Roxie." Then he quickly began walking over to the couple. Roxie rolled her eyes and scurried after him.

"Paige, what are you doing?" Spin asked her, skipping the greetings. Paige turned and saw Spinner, and her eyes narrowed. She glanced at Dean, and then at Spinner. Dean cleared his throat. "I'm just going to…leave." Then he turned and walked off, and Spin resisted the urge to grab him and slam his face in.

Once he was gone, Spin turned back to Paige. "Dean? Paige, what the fuck? Were you…actually on a date with him?"

Paige shrugged. "I don't see how that's any of your business."

"Paige, he…" Spin said, and then glanced at Roxie. "How could you- after what he did?"

"People change, Spin," Paige said coldly. "Dean is different now. It's kind of like when you think someone cares about you, and then they find out that they were messing around on you. Or like when you think someone's your friend, but they turn out to be a backstabbing slut," she said, staring directly at Roxie.

"Paige, come off it!" Roxie snapped, stepping up. "Oh, I love Spin. I can't live without him!" she said, impersonating Paige in a high, squeaky voice. "Well, it looks like you got over him pretty fast!"

"You know what, Roxie? You can just-" Paige began, but Spin held up his hands.

"Stop!" he said. "This isn't about you two, ok? This is about Dean, and why you were with him."

Paige held her head high. "I was with him because I wanted to be. We talked about things. We're not together, Spin. I can do whatever I want, and you have absolutely no say in who I see, ok? So just go off and enjoy your little date with Roxie." Then she turned and stomped off toward her car. Spin watched her go, and then he ran his hands over his face.

"I feel like I'm missing something here," Roxie said after a minute of silence.

"Well, you are," Spin said angrily, and then he turned and stormed into the restaurant.


	7. Screwed

Ashley frowned as she rested her chin in her hand and stared out of the large, glass windows that surrounded the library she was sitting in. She watched as Roxie and Craig walked by in the hallway, laughing at something that was apparently hysterical. Ashley sighed as they disappeared from view. _I don't get it_, she thought bitterly_. Roxie can sleep with someone else's boyfriend and then get pregnant, and everyone still loves her- especially Craig. No matter what, Roxie always comes out on top. And as for me….I always get screwed_. Ashley opened her Math textbook and suddenly realized something. Roxie had gotten beat up by her step-father, abandoned by her mother, had had to move to a whole new town, and was pregnant, and Ashley was still completely jealous of her. Unbelievable!

Ashley glanced around as she wallowed in pathetic self-pity, and saw Jimmy, he ex-boyfriend, sit down at a table nearby. Suddenly, feeling extremely lonely, Ashley stood up, gathered up her things, and walked over to Jimmy, feeling a little nervous. She and Jimmy had gone through their share of break-ups and make-ups, but she still considered him a friend.

"Hi!" she said, forcing a smile on her face. Jimmy looked up. "Can I sit here?"

"Oh…sure," Jimmy said, moving his book-bag to make room for her. Ashley sat down, and there was an awkward silence. Jimmy cleared his throat. "So…what are you working on?"

"Just Math. Armstrong's being brutal this year." Ashley looked up at Jimmy. "I miss grade eight. It was so much better."

"Yeah," Jimmy agreed. "Grade eight rocked."

Ashley looked away. _Was it because we were together?_ She silently asked him. "It really did. I really miss it. I really miss you," she blurted out without thinking. She immediately felt her cheeks grow warm. Jimmy nodded, looking slightly surprised.

"I…miss you, too," he said slowly, staring straight into her eyes.

Ashley stared back. What she had said was completely true- she really did miss Jimmy-a lot. He was smart, funny, cool, and sweet….suddenly, Ashley wasn't quite sure why they had broken up. _Oh, yeah- you took Ecstasy and acted like a bitch_. _Now_ she remembered. It wasn't exactly an experience she liked to reflect on. Then, when they got back together in Grade Nine, Ash had felt like Jimmy was trying to change her into something she wasn't. In Ashley's opinion, they had both made mistakes.

"Hey….Jimmy," she said. "We don't really hang out much anymore. We should go out sometime."

"Like a date?"

Ashley thought for a second. Why not? She wasn't seeing Craig anymore. Jimmy and Hazel had broken up a few weeks- something about Hazel falling in love with her brother's college roommate. The point was they were both single. They had both changed a lot since last year- maybe, just maybe, they could give it another shot. So why the hell not? Plus, Ash didn't want to admit it, but it would probably make Craig totally jealous to see Ash and Jimmy together.

"Yeah…I mean, if you want," she said quickly. _Please want to_. "Maybe like for a pizza or something."

Jimmy smiled faintly. "Ash….I know you just ended things with Craig…"

"This isn't about Craig," Ashley said quickly. "Craig and I weren't really serious."

Jimmy frowned. "You weren't?"

"Um…" The truth was, Ash had totally been in love with Craig. Like_, I'd marry you in a second- have your- baby_ kind of love. "Not really. Honestly, I never really felt about him like I felt about you."

"Oh…ok." Jimmy said, sounding a little uneasy. "Maybe we could go out."

Ashley smiled widely. "Great. Well, are you going to the party tomorrow night?"

Jimmy shrugged. "I don't know. Hazel's going with her new boyfriend…" he trailed off, looking sad.

"Well…why don't you go anyway? I'm going to go, and I could kind of use someone to hang out with."

Jimmy smiled. "Sure. I'll meet you there, ok?"

"Ok!" Ashley said, grinning. _Take that, Craig Manning._

Ellie opened the door of the bathroom stall, stepped out, and glanced at the small watch on her wrist. School had ended a few minutes ago, but Ellie actually wished that the school day would last forever. Her mother was being released from the hospital that afternoon, an event that Ellie was exactly looking forward to. Part of her had been lonely living alone, but another part of her had actually been relived that she no longer had to watch her mother get trashed on cheap wine and vodka. Ellie walked over to the sink, and noticed Emma Nelson washing her hands in the sink. She smiled at Ellie, but didn't say anything.

Ellie turned on the faucet, and Emma glanced at her. "So, how is that documentary going?"

Ellie shrugged. "Fine, I guess. Actually, have you seen your boyfriend around? There's some things I need to ask him about."

Emma frowned slightly as she dried her hands with a towel. "Sorry, but he left early today."

Ellie nodded, suddenly remembering. "Oh, yeah. The meeting with his probation officer was today. Oh, well…I'll just talk to him tomorrow."

"He told you about that?"

"Well….yeah," Ellie said uneasily. "He just mentioned it yesterday."

"Yeah. I hope everything goes alright," Emma said, slightly taken aback at the fact that Sean had actually told Ellie about his meeting with his probation officer. For some reason, it rubbed her the wrong way. _Maybe Sean and Ellie have become closer while working on this documentary thing, and he feels comfortable talking to her_, Emma reasoned as she glanced into the mirror above the sink. Then she frowned again, realizing that thought didn't make her feel any better. "He seemed pretty nervous before he left."

Ellie nodded casually as she dried her hands. "Yeah, well, after the other night….I'd be nervous, too." Ellie reached over and picked up her leather bag. "Well, see you later," she said, walking over to the door. Emma turned.

"Ellie, wait!" she said, leaning against the sink. "What about the other night?"

Ellie turned and shrugged. "You know, the fight…and then jail…." Ellie saw the confused look on Emma's face, and she gulped. _You idiot_, she scolded herself. "Which you knew….absolutely nothing about…" she murmured, staring at the ground. "Look, Emma, I'm sorry, but I-"

Emma stared into the mirror, and cut her off. "No, Ellie, its fine," she lied with a tight-lipped smile. Emma wasn't even going to bother asking why Ellie knew about the other night and Emma didn't. "You probably assumed my boyfriend would tell me something like that. I have to go." With that, Emma turned from the sink and scurried out of the bathroom, but not before Ellie saw the cold, angry look in Emma's eyes. The door slammed shut behind her.

Ellie sighed miserably and walked back over to the sink. She had the horrible feeling that she had just put a major damper on Sean and Emma's relationship. She glanced into the mirror and bit her lip. She hadn't wanted to admit it before, but Ellie thought she might have…well, _feelings _for Sean Cameron. He was different than all the other boys. Yes, Ellie definitely liked Sean, but it wasn't like it mattered- he was dating Emma Nelson.

Ellie reached into her bag and pulled out a kitchen knife that she had slipped in there a few days ago, just in case. She rolled up her sleeves and began quickly slicing her skin, watching as bloody lines began appearing on her arms. It felt good, and Ellie stopped thinking about her mother's return home, Sean, and even the stupid fucking documentary that was taking up so much of her damn time. All she thought about was the pain.

Suddenly, Ellie flung the knife into the sink as hot tears began rolling down her cheeks. _God, I can't do this anymore_, she thought angrily, hating herself for doing what she was doing. _This is so fucked up. I'm so fucked up._ She realized something- she needed help.

Quickly rolling down the sleeves of her black shirt, she stuffed the knife back into her bag. She hurried out of the bathroom, and down the empty hallway. She stopped when she got in front of the guidance counselors officer, and took a deep breath. She opened the door, and found Mrs. Suave gathering up some papers on her desk. She looked up, and saw Ellie standing there. She smiled.

"Ellie, can I help you?" she asked, standing up. Ellie nodded slowly and stepped into the room. She gently closed the door behind her and turned back around. Silently, she rolled up her sleeve to reveal the numerous cuts up and down her arm.

"Oh, Ellie," Mrs. Suave said sadly, walking out behind her desk. Ellie began crying quietly, and Mrs. Suave reached out and hugged her tightly. "It's alright, Ellie. You've done the right thing by coming to me. You've done the right thing."

"I…I can't stop," Ellie whispered as she brushed away her tears and stepped back from the guidance counselor. Mrs. Suave nodded slowly.

"Ellie, sit down," she said, and Ellie did. Mrs. Suave went back behind her desk, sat down, and began shuffling through her drawers. Finally, she pulled out a pamphlet, and handed it a confused Ellie. "Ellie, I think that it might be a good idea if you went to a facility that treats girls who have problems with drugs, eating disorders…and self-mutilation problems." Ellie glanced down at the pamphlet. "I think that counseling a few times a week simply isn't enough. I'm going to contact your mother about this decision, but I strongly suggest you go. In fact, I'm going to have to tell your mother that I think it's really the only option."

Ellie glanced up. "Do I have to live there?"

Mrs. Suave nodded. "Yes. You will move in there for as long as they think it is necessary."

Ellie swallowed hard and glanced down at the pamphlet again, which displayed a large building surrounded by plush grass and large trees. "O….Ok," she choked out. "I'll go."

Sean was just about to bite into a turkey sandwich when he heard a loud bang on his front door. He jumped slightly, and dropped his sandwich on the counter. He frowned as the banging on his door continued, and he quickly walked over to the door. _It better not be Jay_, he thought bitterly. A few weeks ago, Jay had come over, pounding loudly on the door until Sean had answered, and demanded that Sean cook him _macaroni and cheese_. Like Sean was his Mommy or something. Sean pulled open the door.

Emma was standing there, her hands placed firmly on her hips, and she was glaring at him. Sean squirmed uneasily, wondering if he had forgotten again that they had had plans. It was something he had been doing a lot lately, but he couldn't remember if they had made any plans for that evening.

"Um…Emma, hey," he said, smiling slightly, even though she was frowning at him. "Uh….did we have any plans?"

"No, we didn't," she said, sounding surprisingly normal. "I thought we could just go out, have something to eat….maybe get in a fight and get thrown in jail. Oh, wait- you already did that this week."

Sean froze, suddenly comprehending her sentence. _Shit_, he thought. She knew about the whole thing- and she definitely hadn't found out from _him._

"Why didn't you tell me?" Emma snapped. "What happened, Sean? Did you really get go to jail?"

"Uh….yeah," he admitted, not able to look her in the eyes. "I did. How did you find out?"

"Ellie told me," Emma said. "Look, why didn't you tell me? You didn't even mention it to me? Were you ever going to tell me, or were you just hoping that I'd never find out?" she asked, sounding hurt.

"No!" Sean said quickly. "Look, I got in a stupid fight with some guy in the park, and the police came and I kind of got arrested. I didn't think it was the big of a deal. I just…didn't want to upset you." He intentionally forgot to mention that they guy he had beat up was the same guy who had raped her, but he just didn't think it was a good time to mention it and make Emma even more upset.

"Why did you tell Ellie Nash and not me?"

Sean cleared his throat. "I….well, actually…she bailed me out of jail."

"So let me get this straight," Emma said calmly. "You got in a fight, got arrested, and called _Ellie Nash_ to bail you out?" Emma asked in disbelief. "And then you didn't even have to nerve to tell me about it. Sean….why didn't you call me to get you? I would have come."

"I know….but…" he trailed off. He had no reasonable explanation as to why he had called Ellie and not Emma. And Emma knew it. She frowned and shook her head.

"I think we need some time apart."

Sean shook his head. "Emma, no! Just because I didn't tell you about getting arrested, you want to break up?"

"No. You weren't honest with me, and you didn't come to me when you really needed help," she said slowly. "I think that shows that something's wrong with this relationship," she said in a small voice. "We just need a little time apart to make sure we really want to be together, ok?"

Sean opened his mouth, and then closed it. What could he say? Emma just turned and walked away, and Sean let her. He sighed and closed the door slowly_. I guess that's that,_ he thought miserably_. I lost the only person that really matters to me. _

"What are you thinking?" Hazel demanded, walking up to Paige. They were at the party at Julia Hanson's the following evening.

"Um….hi! I'm doing fine, thanks for asking," she replied sarcastically.

"Seriously," Hazel said, staring at her intently. "I can't believe it."

"Ok, Hazel," Paige said, holding up a hand. "Please stop babbling incoherently and tell me what you are talking about?"

"I'm talking about you and Dean," Hazel said, frowning. "I heard that you went on _a date_ with him? Paige, he raped you, and you were enjoying a slice of pizza with him?" she whispered, leaning forward. "Please tell me that I've got it completely wrong and you still despise Dean like you always have!"

Paige sighed and took a sip of her beer. She had a good idea of exactly who had told Hazel about Dean- _Spinner_. She flipped her hair over her shoulder and shrugged. "Actually, I did go out with Dean, although it wasn't a date. Look, he explained things and I felt like I should give him another chance. It was no big deal. I'm not marrying him or anything."

"But…but…" Hazel sputtered, looking stunned. "He raped you, Paige. How could you forgive him?"

"I just did."

Hazel shook her head. "What's happened to you? The old Paige would have _never_ allowed Dean to even talk to her, let alone actually go out with him. Look, I know things have been pretty rough after Spinner dumped you twice, but this is just-"

"This isn't because Spinner dumped me twice," Paige snapped. "It's because I think people can change. He's changed, ok?"

"No,_ you've_ changed. He's dangerous, ok?" Hazel pointed out.

"Let me guess- Spin asked you to try to stop me from seeing Dean, right?"

Hazel hesitated, and Paige could see from the look in her dark eyes that that was exactly what had happened. "No," Hazel lied. "Promise me you won't see him again, Paige." Paige was quiet for a long minute.

Finally Paige picked up her notebook and stood up. "No. You have no idea about anything, Hazel. So just leave me alone, ok?" she snapped, and then she stalked off. _Who does she think she is?_ She wondered as she pushed through the doors of the library and wondered out into the hallway. _Bossing me around like that….whatever. I'm sick of Spin and Hazel trying to tell me what to do. I'll see Dean when and where I want, and no one will stop me._

Roxie sat on the couch at the party, staring at her nails and feeling extremely bored. Usually, she loved parties, but since she was pregnant and couldn't drink, it was kind of a drag. She had only come because Spinner had convinced her she should get out and have some fun. She took a large bite of her brownie-it was her third-and tried to listen to the conversation Craig, Spinner and Marco were having next to her.

"Ok, watch this!" Spinner exclaimed, grabbing a handful of popcorn out of the bowl in front of him. He tossed one up in the air and caught it in his mouth. He glanced at Craig, as if he expected him to be amazed. Craig nodded.

"Ok…awesome," he said hesitantly, and then he turned to Roxie. "Hey, you sure like those brownies, don't you?" he joked.

Roxie stopped and stared at him in horror. "What- are you saying I'm fat?" she said, sounding a little joked up.

"Oh, no! I was just-" Craig said quickly, but Roxie cut him off.

"Because I know I've gained a little weight," she said sadly, staring down at the small lump on her stomach, which wasn't very big, but she sure noticed it. "But you know Craig, I'm only going to gain more. I'm probably going to get so big I won't even be able to see my feet or fit into any of my regular clothes. _Ok, Craig_?" she said, sniffling sadly. She set down the brownie and stood up. "Excuse me. I'm going…I'm going to the bathroom," she said, tears glistening in her eyes. She hurried off toward the bathroom, and Craig watched her go, confused. Then he stood up to follow her, but Spin stopped him.

"Dude, just don't. She's having another mood swing," he explained, shaking his head. "Leave her alone for awhile and she'll be fine."

"I didn't mean to hurt her feelings," Craig explained.

"Word of advice- _do not _ever talk about her weight," Spinner said. "She hates that."

Craig nodded and leaned back against the couch. "So…you two are getting pretty close," he said casually, trying to appear as if he didn't care. Spin shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, I guess. She's a really great girl."

"Oh, yeah," Craig agreed quickly. "So…are you two like…dating?"

Spin smirked. "As in, would you be mad if I made a move on her?"

Craig blushed and looked at his sneakers. "Um…something like that. No, not really. I was just wondering."

"I don't really know," Spinner said simply. "We haven't really discussed it, but I don't think it's romantic like that."

"Oh."

Spin reached over and grabbed a beer out of the cooler. "Here, want one?" he asked, popping open the can and taking a long sip. Craig shook his head.

"Hey….are you sure you want that?" he asked. "You've already had a couple, right?"

"One more can't hurt," Spinner said, smiling.

Ellie knocked quietly on Sean's front door, clutching the half-finished tape of their documentary. She waited for a minute until the door slowly opened, and Sean appeared, wearing a white t-shirt and baggy jeans. She tried to read the expression on his face, but his face completely lacked any expression. He silently stepped aside and let her in. Ellie shifted uneasily and stepped inside. He closed the door behind him and turned to her.

"Why did you tell Emma about the whole fight thing?" he asked, folding his arms over his chest and frowning at him. "What the hell gave you the right, huh?"

Ellie frowned and glanced at the ground. "Sean, I'm sorry about that, ok? I didn't know you hadn't told her about it-"

"So you thought you could go right ahead and tell her yourself?" he snapped. "Thanks to you, Emma and I are over."

"And that's _my_ fault?" Ellie asked. "Maybe you should have been honest with her. Girls don't usually like it when you _lie_ to them."

Sean narrowed his eyes and stared at her. "Emma didn't need to know, ok? It was my choice not to tell her. So, yeah, I think this is your fault. Why don't you just stay away from me and finish the documentary on your own?"

Ellie stared at the tape in her hands. _What a dick. And I actually thought I liked him. There's a laugh. _Sean Cameron was turning out to be everything Ellie had assumed- a complete jerk. Sure, Ellie probably shouldn't have let it slip about the fight, but Ellie had assumed Emma already knew. "Well, you won't have to worry about that, ok?"

"What?" Sean said with a frown. Ellie sighed.

"I'm going away to a center for messed up girls, so I won't be in your way for awhile. I just came by to drop of the documentary, which you're going to have to finish by yourself," she said, shoving the tape toward him angrily.

Sean stared at the tape. "Wait- you're leaving? Just like that?"

Ellie shrugged. "Yeah. So I'll be out of your face."

"For how long?"

"For however long it takes to make me normal, I guess," Ellie said. "So…I guess I'll see you in a few weeks or something. Sorry I ruined your relationship with Emma." She shoved her hands into her pockets and walked toward the door.

"Ellie, wait!" Sean said. _Tell her_, he thought. _Tell her how you really feel. Tell her that you don't want her to go. _But the truth was, Sean didn't exactly know how he felt. Ellie turned and looked at him. Sean swallowed hard. "Um…nothing."

Ellie nodded and walked out, and the door shut loudly behind her. Sean stared at the tape in his hands, and then carelessly tossed it onto the couch.

Ashley took a sip of her beer and smiled at Jimmy, who was in the middle of one of his stories. "So I get home, and the place is a complete mess. I think we were robbed, you know? So I walk into the kitchen, ready to call the police or my parent's or someone, and suddenly I see this pigeon sitting on the counter."

Ashley laughed. "So the pigeon trashed your apartment?"

Jimmy grinned and nodded. "It was horrible. Then my parent's finally get home and the place is a wreck and I'm trying to explain that a pigeon did it, but they thought I had had a huge party or something. I got grounded for two weeks because of a damn pigeon."

Ashley giggled and sipped her beer again. She had had few- ok more than a few and she was…well, she was a little drunk. But it felt good- Ashley had always needed to let loose a little. She glanced up and saw Jimmy staring at something. She looked over her shoulder and saw Hazel walk by, and a tall guy had his arm wrapped around her shoulder. Jimmy looked down at his feet and shifted uncomfortably, obviously hurt by seeing Hazel with her new boyfriend.

"Are you ok?" Ashley asked. Jimmy shrugged.

"I'm fine," he insisted. Just then, someone bumped into him, and his drink spilled all over Ashley's new white top. She gasped. "Oh, my, God! Ash, I'm sorry." Ashley sighed and shook her head. "It's fine. Really. I'll just change into one of Julia's shirts." The two set down their drinks and made their way upstairs. They walked into Julia's room, and Ashley headed over to Julia's closet. "I hope Julia won't mind."

Jimmy smirked. "I don't think so. She's passed out on the deck." Ashley smirked and pulled a shirt off its hanger…..

Craig jogged up the steps, frowning in worry. Marco had said that Roxie hadn't felt very well, and had suddenly disappeared. Craig figured that maybe she had decided to lay down in one of the beds upstairs. He walked down the hall, checking the different bedrooms. He reached the last one on the far right, and pushed the door open.

Ashley was standing next to the bed, and Jimmy was standing near her. The only problem was Ashley wasn't wearing her shirt...which Jimmy was holding in his hands. Craig's mouth dropped open.

"Uh….sorry," he stuttered out, and he quickly pulled the door shut. He stood there for a second, trying to comprehend exactly what he had just seen. _Ashley….with Jimmy?_ He turned and hurried down the stairs._ No wonder she wanted to end things,_ he realized_. She just wanted to get back with Jimmy. _He reached the bottom of the staircase and saw Roxie walking toward the front door, holding her jacket in her arms. She saw him and smiled weakly.

"Are you leaving?" Craig asked.

"Yeah. I'm a little tired," she admitted with a shrug. "You might want to watch out for Spinner. He's had a lot to drink and he's been babbling incoherently for awhile now." Craig nodded distractedly. "Craig, are you ok?"

Craig bit his lip. "Yeah…I'm fine. I'm going to go find Spinner really fast….will you take him home?" Roxie nodded. "Alright…hold on one second." He turned and hurried off, glancing around to spot his friend. He finally saw Spinner chugging a beer with a few boys, and Craig sighed and walked over. "Spinner, I think Roxie is leaving."

"I'm going to kick that mother fucker's ass!" Spin said, stumbling slightly.

"Uh…who?" Craig asked.

"That jerk Paige is with," he said. "Dean," he spit out.

"Oh…him," Craig said, frowning slightly as he spotted Dean and Paige walking across the living room toward the front door. Spin saw them, too, and tossed his empty beer can on the ground, a hard, determined look on his face. Paige whispered something into Dean's ear, and then disappeared to find her coat. Spin began unsteadily walking toward him, and Craig reached out to stop Spin, but Spin pushed him away. Craig sighed. _A drunk Spinner...great. This could get ugly. _

Spinner walked up to Dean. "Hey! Stay away from Paige, ok?" he slurred. Dean frowned.

"Man, you're wasted."

"So-so what?" Spin said. "At least I'm not a rapist," he spit out. "You should be in jrail," he slurred again. Dean shook his head.

"Dude, get a ride and go home. Paige and I are leaving," Dean said, pulling open the front door and walking out into the cool night. He stepped out onto the lawn where a few other kids were hanging out, and Spin quickly followed him. Dean was walking across the grass, and Spin ran up behind him and shoved him from behind. Dean stumbled and turned around.

"What is your problem?" Dean snapped, whirling around.

"You!" Spin yelled, shoving him. "What? Aren't you gonna fight back, Jean?" He reached up and took a swing at Dean's face, but completely missed. Both Craig and Roxie hurried outside, followed by Paige. "Come on. Fight like a man!"

"You're just mad because I'm hanging out with your girlfriend," Dean said, pushing Spin away and gesturing to Paige. "Come on, Paige. Let's go."

Spin charged at Dean, throwing him to the ground. "Spin, get off him!" Paige screamed.

"Spinner, come on!" Craig called out, shaking his head. "Don't do something stupid."

Paige slapped Craig hard in the arm. "Do something, Craig! Get him off or something!"

Craig rubbed his arm and scowled at her, but hurried across the lawn and grabbed Spinner by the shirt. He dragged Spinner off Dean, who staggered to his feet. "Dude, your crazy!" he yelled, and Paige hurried over to him. She took his arm and glared at Spinner.

"Come on. Let's just go," she said, and the two walked off towards Dean car.

Roxie walked up to Craig, who was still holding Spinner. "Nice work, Craig."

Craig grunted under Spinner's weight. "Yeah. But Spinner's kind of…passed out. Let's just put him in your car and you can drive him home."

Roxie rolled her eyes, but nodded. "Fine. Stick the drunk with the pregnant girl."

A half hour later, Spinner woke up, and glanced around in confusion. He glanced at Roxie, who was sitting in the driver's seat. They were parked outside of his house. He rubbed his eyes and stared at her. "What happened?"

"Well, without going into any details, you made an idiot out of yourself. And then you passed out. And I drove you home," Roxie said, pointing to Spinner's house in front of them. Spinner frowned.

"Man….I had a lot to drink," he muttered.

"Really? You're kidding," Roxie said sarcastically, turning off the engine and sitting back in her seat. "Spin, I think we need to talk. You might not remember this in the morning, but I'm going to say it anyway." She took a deep breath. "You're a great guy, and you've been great about this whole pregnancy thing. But…this isn't working out."

Spin frowned at her. "What?"

"I mean, we're spending a lot of time together, but we're not….in love, you know?" she said. "It's so obvious you're still in love with Paige. Painfully obvious, actually. I don't think we need to spend all our time together, you know? We've kind of been acting like we're going out, but I don't feel like that about you, and you don't feel that way about me. Why don't you just get back with Paige?"

Spin smirked. "Um, I don't think she wants to, after everything.I haven't exactly been Prince Charming."

Roxie smiled. " Believe me, that's become quite clear after tonight. But you never know. You can still help me with this pregnancy thing _and_ date Paige. I have a theory that no matter what happens, you and Paige will get back together.It's just the way things are supposed to be."

"You really think so?"

"I really think so."


	8. Lie To Me

**Author's Note-** I know in a million years that Paige would never forgive Dean, but I had to do something with Paige. Also, I kind of had a few mistakes in the previous chapters because i kind of changed my mind about some things, so I'm sorry for typos and things that don't make sense. I guess I need to proof read better! Anyway, keep reading and reviewing!

Roxie stared out the window of Jake's car forlornly, watching as the trees whirled past, a blur of colors. Most of the trees were losing their leaves, because winter was just around the corner and it was getting colder and colder outside. She frowned bitterly and glanced at her mother's boyfriend, who was focusing intently on the road. Roxie was heading for her first pregnancy check-up, and her mother _was_ supposed to take her, but _of course_ she had bailed out at the last second (a.k.a she was probably drunk) and had stuck her with this l_oser_. Roxie had been simply horrified to walk out of the school and find Jake waiting for her, sitting in his stupid, crappy car and waving like a nerd. Roxie was already considered a complete "slut", so she really didn't need Jake showing up and seeming like her older boyfriend.

After a few minutes of silence, Jake pulled the car to a halt in front of the doctor's office, and he killed the engine. As Roxie gathered up her things and prepared to get out, Jake glanced at her and cleared his throat. Roxie looked up at him in frustration.

"Roxie…before you go in, there's something I'd like to talk to you about. I know this probably isn't the best place, but you don't ever seem to be around at the house when I'm there, so…."Jake trailed off, glancing into his lap. Roxie shrugged. She did make a point to avoid Jake at all costs, but what did he expect? "Anyway, I…I found something yesterday. I found a bag of cocaine in your living room."

Roxie continued stared at him. "Yeah….so?"

"Well…" he looked at her. "Roxie, you're pregnant! You can't be doing drugs, and frankly, I'm worried about you. If you continue to take drugs, it could have serious affects on your baby-"

"Wait," Roxie interrupted. "You think the cocaine is mine?" she asked in disbelief.

Jake rubbed his hands against his jeans. "Well, who else's could it be?"

_My mothers, you naïve, stupid idiot,_ she thought, but she was too angry to even point out the obvious. She almost forgot- Jake thought her mother was practically a saint- she could do no wrong. Roxie couldn't believe that this_ child _was accusing her of doing drugs _while she was pregnant_. She hadn't touched a thing since she had found out! How insulting.

"Listen, Jake, you don't know what the hell you're-"

"Your mother has told me about your problems with drugs," Jake said calmly, as if she hadn't even spoken. "She told me about your year in rehab, and your overdose."

"My what?!" Roxie cried, staring at him in horror. If it hadn't been so pathetically wrong, Roxie might have actually laughed out loud. Her mother was such a pathological liar- it was sick. She had manipulated Jake so horribly that Roxie almost felt sorry for him. Almost-but not really. "I was never in rehab! And I never overdosed!"

"Your mother said you would say that," Jake said calmly, sighing. He looked at her. "I don't want to get in a fight about this, but I just wanted you to know that I found it. Promise me you'll stay away from drugs, at least while your pregnant, if not after, ok?"

Roxie wasn't sure what to say, so she just opened and closed her mother, not sure how to respond to _that_. She almost wanted to reach out and slap him, but she managed to contain herself. Instead, she decided to remain calm. She reached over and snatched up her book bag off the floor. "Fine. From now on, I'm on the straight and narrow," she said through clenched teeth.

Jake sighed with relief. "Good. I'm so glad to hear that."

Roxie popped open the door and stepped out. Jake leaned over. "Wait. Are you sure you want to go in alone? I can go with you, if you want."

_You are the last person on Earth I would ever ask to go with me_, she thought. "No. I'm fine. I'd like to go _alone_, thank you very much," she snapped, disdain dripping from her voice.

Jake nodded. "Well, alright. I'll see you later. By-"Jake began, but Roxie slammed the door before he could finish. Then she trooped up the steps to the office and pulled open the large glass door. After she stepped inside, she turned and peered out of the glass to watch as Jake pulled away from the curb and drove away. She frowned. That entire encounter had just confirmed how much she totally _despised_ Jake_. I have to find a way to get rid of him,_ she silently vowed_. If it is the last thing I ever do. _

An hour later, Roxie was sitting on an examining table, dangling her feet over the edge as she glanced around the empty, sterile doctor's office. She hated going to any type of doctor- she hated it when people probed and prodded her and basically invaded her personal space. She glanced at the clock on the wall, wondering what was taking the doctor so long. After her examination, Dr. Green had disappeared, and Roxie was beginning to get a little worried. Was there something wrong?

Just as Roxie was officially beginning to freak out, the door opened and Dr. Green stepped in. Roxie felt her stomach turn, expecting the worst. Dr. Green gave her a calm smile, and closed the door behind her. "Sorry I took so long, Roxanne."

"It' ok," Roxie said quickly. "I've just been sitting here, contemplating all the things that could be wrong."

Dr. Green smiled softly at her and took a seat across from Roxie. She folded her hands and stared at Roxie for a long moment, making Roxie shift uncomfortably. Finally, Dr. Green cleared her throat. "Roxie….has anyone ever…touched you?"

"Sure," Roxie said with a shrug.

"I mean, in an inappropriate manner that you didn't like?"

"Um…I'm not following."

Dr. Green cleared her throat again. "Roxanne, during my examination, I found some evidence of sexual abuse. I also checked you files, and I found that you had been admitted into the hospital in Parker Beach for unusual bruising. Now, had anyone….been hurting you, Roxanne?"

She hated being called Roxanne. "I like being called Roxie," she said in a quiet voice, staring down at her hands.

"Oh…I'm sorry," Dr. Green said gently. "Roxie, has anyone been hurting you?"

Roxie felt tears well up in her eyes, and she realized that denying it would be stupid. "I…I….yes," she choked out.

"Who?" Dr. Green asked. Roxie was silent. "Roxie, we need to know whose been doing this to you, so it stops. You understand that, right?"

Roxie nodded slowly, and looked up at the doctor. "Roxie, who?"

Roxie swallowed hard. "My…my mother's boyfriend. Jake."

Paige skipped out the front door of her house and down the driveway to Hazel, who was sitting in her mother's car, waiting for her. Paige quickly opened the passenger door and jumped in, beaming at Hazel in excitement. "It's so cool your Mom let you borrow her car!" she exclaimed, strapping on her seatbelt. "Thanks for picking me up, though. Dylan was supposed to give me a ride, but he ditched his little sister to go on a date with his lover, Marco."

Hazel wrinkled her nose as she put the car in reverse. "Why do you always refer to them as "lovers? It's kind of creepy. I mean, their a cute couple and everything, but…."

Paige glanced at her and winked. "Oh, please. You are so jealous of my brother and _his lover_. Everyone knows you used to like, have a shrine of Marco in your closet."

Hazel frowned and glanced at her as she pulled the car out of the driveway. "It wasn't a shrine, _technically_. It was more like a small collection of things Marco had given me, or touched, or….ok, it was a shrine. But I'm trying to forget that. I mean, he's gay. And it's not like he was to busy to date or something that simple. He turned out to be gay, so that pretty much ruled me out of the running…forever."

"I should hope so, unless you're planning on a sex change," Paige teased. "Not that it would even matter. He's way too in love with my brother. You should see them. It's nauseating."

Hazel smirked. "No, thanks. My ego is already bruised enough. That would be like rubbing salt into my already blistering wounds. But it's not like I'm pining over Marco Del Rossi," Hazel said quickly.

"So, how is your passionate relationship with your brother's roommate going?" Paige asked. Hazel shrugged half-heartedly. "I don't know. At first I thought I was madly in love with him, but I'm not sure. He's great, but he's not…."

"He's not Jimmy Brooks?" Paige finished. Hazel was quiet. "You know, I heard that he and Ashley are possibly back on."

Hazel looked at her quickly, and she almost veered off and slammed into the car in the next lane. She grabbed the wheel and smiled sheepishly. "Are you serious? No way! How could he- I mean, I don't really care. It's his life," she said with a casual shrug, trying to act nonchalant. "Ok, can we find a new topic of conversation, _please_," she asked with an unhappy sniff.

"Ok, just let me drop this off at my mother's seamstress," Paige said a few minutes later as Hazel pulled the car to a stop in front of the sewing shop. "Then, we have to go right back to my house. I…have plans," she said slowly, deciding not to mention they were with Dean. She knew Hazel knew, anyway, but luckily she didn't say anything. Paige quickly jumped out and ran into the store.

After dropping off her mother's ripped sweater, Paige and Hazel pulled away from the curb and headed down the street. A minute later, Paige glanced around and frowned. "Hazel, where are you going? My house is the other direction, Miss. Directionally- Challenged."

"Uh….I just need to make a quick stop. It will only take a second," Hazel assured her. Paige frowned.

"But it's getting late. The sun is setting!" she whined, but Hazel just ignored her and kept driving. Paige folded her arms over her chest and slumped down in her seat, silently pouting. She was too busy sulking to notice that Hazel was driving out of town into the hills that surrounded their town. Finally, she sat up and glanced around. "Hazel, why are we at Heaven's Peak?!" Hazel had pulled the car into the small parking lot that overlooked the town, referred to by many kids as "Heaven's Peak" because people usually just came up there to fool around. Paige glanced at her friend and smirked. "I like you, Hazel, but not like that."

Hazel didn't say anything. Now that Paige looked at her, she saw that Hazel kind of had this guilty look on her face. Paige glanced around and spotted someone standing near the ledge. She clenched her jaw and whirled to face Hazel. "Hazel, how could you?!" she shrieked. "You're my best friend, you back-stabbing little…"

Hazel bit her lip and smiled weakly. "Sorry, Paige. But Spin asked me to get you here, and I had to. He wants you back so bad, and I-"

Paige held up a hand. "Just forget it, and let's go, because the only way I am leaving this car is if you drag my cold, dead body out of it."

"And we're not leaving until you at least go out and talk to him," Hazel retorted. "I'll sit here all night, if I must. Just go and give him a chance. Look, he even made a picnic!"

"Oh, how adorable," Paige said sarcastically. She glanced at Hazel, and realized it was a lost cause arguing with her. Paige jerked open the door and stepped out. "Fine. I'll talk to him. But you should know that you're dead to me." She hissed just before she slammed the door shut and stalked over to Spinner, who was watching her hopefully.

"Paige….hi!" Spin said nervously, wringing his hands together and shuffling his feet. Paige almost smiled, because she had forgotten how cute Spin was when he was nervous and bashful like this. "I'm glad you came. You're probably wondering why I had Hazel bring you here."

"She didn't bring me here," Paige interrupted quickly. "She tricked me into coming here. There's a difference."

"Yeah….look, I've been an idiot. I made a lot of mistakes, and I understand that you probably hate me, but I'm really sorry. I love you, Paige. When I saw you with Dean, I just went crazy because I was so jealous. It made me realize that I really want to be with you, and no one else."

"What? Did Roxie dump you or something?"

"No!" Spin said quickly. "We weren't really dating, anyway. I was only with her so much because I thought I had to be. I like her, and I'm still going to hang out with her, but I don't love her, like I love you. So….will you take me back?"

Paige stared at him. "Spin, you hurt me twice. First with Angel, and then with Roxie. Do you know what that felt like? Do you know how much that hurt?" she asked, her voice trembling with emotion. Spin glanced at his feet. "I'm beginning to think that you think that you can just cheat on me and dump me and then I'm going to come running back to you whenever you snap your little fingers. Give me one good reason I should get back with you."

"I'm never going to cheat on you again. I love you."

Paige's heart melted instantly, and she silently cursed herself for having such a soft spot for Spinner Mason. Even though he had run off to Roxie, she had always still considered him _her_ Spinner, her lovable little honey bee. And even before she had gotten out of the car, Paige had subconsciously known she was going to get back with Spinner tonight. Call her weak or stupid, but she couldn't help it.

"I love you, too," she said slowly. "And I've missed you so much!" She flung her arms around him and hugged him tightly, savoring the way his strong body felt against her own.

"I've missed you, too," Spin said into her hair, a soft smile on his face. "You have no idea how much."

Paige smiled up at him, just as Hazel pulled her car up next to them and leaned out the window. "So…I take it I can leave now?" she called out, smiling at them happily. Paige rolled her eyes, knowing Hazel probably felt completely responsible for bringing them together.

"Yeah…I think we can take it from here," Paige said, glancing up at Spinner again. Hazel nodded, honked and then went flying out of the parking lot, leaving Paige and Spinner staring lovingly into each other's eyes and feeling like the two luckiest people on Earth.

Craig flipped through a stack of C.D's at the music store at the small, preoccupied with thoughts of Ashley, Manny, and Roxie. Things just kept getting more and more confusing- Roxie and Spinner were no longer attached at the hip, and Craig wondered if he should make a move on her. He thought about that, and then made a face. Hitting on a pregnant girl just seemed…._wrong_. And then there was Manny, who had the whole school gossiping about her mysterious disappearance after Carter's funeral. Craig was completely worried about her and wanted to help look for her, but he figured that was a bad idea. He glanced at his left arm, which was partially covered in a cast, and shook his head. He was probably the last person Manny wanted to see, after their little "incident" the night Carter died.

He hadn't told anyone how he had really fallen down the stairs- he had simply claimed he lost his footing and tripped. Sure, it made him sound like a clumsy idiot, but he hadn't been able to rat out Manny. He had always felt protective of her, and even though she had basically shoved him down a flight of stairs, he felt like he should watch out for her. It was weird. He wasn't even angry at her for pushing him, probably because he knew that, wherever she was, she was still hurting over Carter's death

Even though Roxie and Manny were definitely confusing him, the biggest problem was Ashley. Craig glanced up, and froze. Speaking of Ashley, she was standing right across from him, staring at him with large, terrified, sad eyes. Craig dropped the C.D he was holding. "Ash…hey."

She cleared her throat. "Um…hi. Looking for a new C.D?" she asked, and he knew she was just trying to make polite conversation.

"Yeah. I'm not finding much, though."

Ashley nodded, and there was a long moment of heavy silence. "Well…cool. See you later," she said quickly, walking past him. Craig hesitated for a second, and then whirled around. "Ash! Wait!" She stopped and turned. "This is a mistake," he blurted out. Ashley's eyes widened. "I didn't want to break up. I really didn't."

"You….didn't?"

"No. It was your idea, remember? And I think we both said things we shouldn't have…" he said, trailing off.

"So you want to get back together?"

"Well…" Craig said, fiddling with a C.D he had absentmindedly picked up. "What about Jimmy?"

"What about Jimmy?" Ashley asked, looking confused.

"I saw you at that party…in the bedroom…" he said, with a slight blush. "I thought maybe you two were dating again or something."

Ashley blinked. "No! I…I was really upset about our break-up, so I kind of had a lot to drink at the party. Jimmy spilled something on my shirt, and I went upstairs to change. I had a lot to drink, so I'm not really sure what happened….but I'm positive nothing _really happened_ between us. Nothing at all." She said. She felt a little guilty saying that, because she had considered getting back with Jimmy simply to make Craig jealous. It looked like it had worked.

Craig smiled in relief. "Good. You don't know how glad I am to hear that. So…you want to come back to my place and hang out for awhile?"

Ashley smiled and nodded eagerly. "Yeah. That sounds great."

Emma popped a piece of popcorn into her mouth as she switched the channel of the television, sick of watching stupid rap videos and depressing, bleak videos featuring girls complaining about their boyfriend breaking their hearts. She could only take so much of _that._ She changed it to a black and white movie on the classic-movie-channel. She settled back into the sofa cushion's when she suddenly heard a car- horn honk outside. It sounded close, so Emma got up and wandered over to the window. She peeked out, and saw a sleek black car in her driveway. She frowned and headed out the door.

"Jay?" she asked, walking over to the driver's window and peering in. He rolled it down. "What are you doing here?"

"Well…I kind of wanted to talk to you."

Emma blinked, shocked. Jay wanted to talk to her? What could they possibly talk about, besides Sean, who was kind of a sore spot with Emma right now, anyway? She folded her arms over her chest and stared at him suspiciously. "You want to talk to me?" Jay "talking" to her usually involved him making fun of her for something, so she wasn't exactly jumping at the opportunity.

"Yeah," Jay said with a slight smirk. "So, are you just going to stand there and stare at me in disbelief, or are you going to get in? I don't bite. I swear."

Emma smirked. "So I guess those rumors about you aren't true," she joked. "Alright, I'll get in." She walked around the car to the other side, and slipped into the car. "So…what do you want to talk about?"

Jay shrugged. "Stuff. I just needed to be around someone who would actually listen."

Emma nodded, slightly flattered that Jay had come to her, even though she wasn't quite sure why. After all, the two had never really liked each other, but they had tolerated each other for Sean's sake. "Oh. Well, you can tell me anything. I promise I won't tell anyone. I'm pretty good at keeping secrets."

Jay smirked as he took a hit of his cigarette. "The girl who never shuts up can actually keep a secret?"

"I thought you came here to talk, not insult me," she said haughtily. She wrinkled her nose and stared at his cigarette. Jay saw her and glanced at it. "Oh, sorry. I forgot," he said, flicking the cigarette out the window. "Well, I heard you and Sean called it quits. Finally realized you had nothing in common?"

Emma sighed. "No. I realized I just can't trust him. I mean, I know he steals, but whenever I ask him about it he just kind of walks off. And then I found out about that fight, and that was the last straw, so I just got pissed and broke things off. I think it's probably better this way." She glanced over at Jay, and noticed that he had a small gash on his cheek, right under his left eye. "Let me guess- you got that defending your honor in the rumble?" she joked, reaching up and pointing to his face.

"Naw," he said, gently touching the cut. "That's from my Dad. He got out of jail yesterday."

"Your dad got out of jail?"

Jay laughed hollowly. "Yeah. Daddy Dearest is home."

"Oh...that's a bad thing, right?" Jay could be hard to read, but behind his tough-guy act Emma wondered if he was actually a pretty complex person.

"Oh, no," Jay said sarcastically, rolling his eyes at her. "We had a big welcome-home party for him, and we invited the whole family- the ones who aren't in jail, of course."

Emma was silent. _Ok, I guess that was a no_. She cleared her throat. "And he hit you?"

"Just once," he replied. "He gave it to my Mom good, though." He pulled out his pack of cigarettes and shook his head. "It was pretty bad. Hey, I know you don't like it, but I really need a smoke." Emma nodded, and Jay stuck the cigarette in his mouth.

"I'm sorry about your Dad," she said quietly. "You don't deserve that."

Jay shrugged. "Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I can handle it, you know, but my Mom….she's not as strong. You know, I don't really want to talk about that anymore."

The car was silent for a few minutes, as Jay puffed on his cigarette and Emma fiddled with her bracelet. Emma finally decided to speak up. "Um…why did you come to talk to _me_?" she blurted out. "I mean, I never really thought we were friends…"

"You're special," Jay said slowly. "I just knew you wouldn't give me bullshit about everything. You know, I almost went to Amy's house, even though we haven't really talked since we broke up. But she can be a pretty big bitch, sometimes, so I ended up here instead." Emma nodded. "Sean doesn't know how lucky he is," he said.

Emma blushed furiously and looked into her lap. "How lucky he _was_. We're not together anymore, remember?"

"Yeah…I remember," Jay said, and he began leaning toward her, like he was going to kiss her. Emma's first instinct was to shove him away and give him a piece of her mind, but she just didn't. She was stunned to find that she actually wanted to kiss Jay, and she began leaning in, too. And before she could stop herself, she kissed Jay. After a minute of kissing, Emma pulled back suddenly. "I…I should go," she stuttered out, reaching for the door.

"Emma….you don't have to go," Jay said quickly, but Emma was already opening the door. She jumped out, closed the door quickly, and hurried up toward the front door without bothering to say good-bye. She opened her front door and ran inside. A few seconds later, she peeked out the window, and saw Jay sitting in his car, looking confused and disappointed, and his cigarette was dangling from his mouth. Emma just swallowed hard and turned and ran upstairs.

Ashley closed her eyes and sighed happily, not quite able to believe that she was lying in Craig's bed, and that they were actually in the middle of an intense make-out session. Three hours ago they weren't even on speaking terms, and now it was like nothing had ever changed, like Roxie had never come back and Manny and Craig had never even dated. It felt good_- really_ good.

Ashley's eyes flew open when she felt Craig put his hand on her belt, but she didn't move. A second later, Craig drew back his hand and rolled over, staring at the ceiling. Ashley frowned and sat up, running a hand through her disarrayed, short red hair. "Is something….wrong?"

Craig glanced at her. "No. I just thought you wanted me to stop…"

Ashley bit her lip. It was true- she usually did stop Craig before things went too far, but suddenly, she wasn't sure why. She was almost seventeen- perfectly old enough to make her own decisions, right? And she loved Craig and trusted him, so why not take their newly rediscovered relationship to the next level?

"I don't," Ashley blurted out, glancing at him quickly. "I'm ready."

Craig sat up and stared at her. "Are you….sure? I don't want you to do anything you don't want too…"

Ashley shook her head and smiled. "You love me, right?"

"Well….yeah."

"And you want to do this too, right?"

"Oh, yeah!"

"Then I don't see why we shouldn't," Ashley declared, reaching over and kissing him on the cheek. Craig nodded eagerly, excited beyond belief. He didn't want to sound like a jerk- but he had wanted to go all the way with Ashley since they had started dating….hell, he had wanted to go all the way with _anyone_ since he had hit puberty in seventh grade! Sure, Craig wasn't exactly as virgin (cough, Manny Santos, cough), but it would be special to him, too. He leaned over and began kissing her neck, trying to get a romantic mood going. She giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck, and Craig began working his hands up her shirt.

Suddenly, Ashley reached over and shoved him away. "Um…I need to go freshen up, ok?" She jumped up and scurried to the bathroom across the hall, but not before she grabbed the telephone. She closed the door behind her and took a deep breath. She quickly punched in a Paige's cell phone number, and waited until someone picked up.

"Hello?" Paige barked, and Ashley frowned. Paige always sounded so aggressive over the phone, like she was pissed off at you for even calling her. Ashley leaned against the sink and rubbed a hand over her face. "Paige, its Ashley."

"Oh, hey. You'll never believe what happened tonight!" Paige squealed, and Ashley had the distinct feeling that that Paige was about to pour out one of her overly-long stories about her favorite subject- herself. "Ok, well, Hazel picked me up, and-"

"Look, I need your help," Ashley cut in. She heard Paige sniff.

"Ok_, since I wasn't talking or anything_," Paige said sarcastically. "What?"

"I'm in Craig's bathroom."

"Um…cool?" Paige said hesitantly. "Should I even ask what you're doing in there- not that I want to know, anyway," she said quickly. Ash sighed and began pacing the length of the small bathroom. "Paige, I called you for a reason. Look, should I have sex with Craig?"

"In the bathroom? Hun, tacky. If I were you, I would demand something a little more romantic _and_ hygienic," Paige said, and Ash could practically see the smirk on Paige's face.

"No. Paige, he's waiting in his bedroom. So should I do it?"

"Do you want to? Because, if you really did, you'd be doing it right now, not standing in the bathroom talking to me. Can we say stalling?"

"Yeah," Ash said. "Well…yeah, I do. But I'm kind of…nervous. What if I suck at it…or if he's completely disappointed?" she asked, and she suddenly realized how horribly wrong this could go. "What if I don't know what to do….like what goes where?"

"As a virgin, you're not supposed to know," Paige pointed out. "Just go with the flow, and it will be fine. Everyone's been a virgin at one point in their life, so don't worry about it. Now, I'm driving home with Spin right now, and since you're apparently _busy_ and don't want to hear about my amazing night, I'll call you later, ok?" Ash heard a click, and realized Paige had hung up. Ash glanced in the mirror, and nodded. Paige had made some good points, and she had totally given Ash the confidence to go through with this. _Thank you, Paige_, she thought, opening the bathroom door.

A minute later she walked into Craig's room, and saw Craig lying on the bed. He smiled at her hesitantly. "So…." He said, asking her whether she wanted to have sex without actually asking her.

"So….I'm ready. Let's do this."

Later that night, Paige stepped onto her front stoop, and she turned and waved at Spinner, who waved back and then drove off. Paige pulled out her key and twisted it in the lock, since her parents were at a conference that week and after his date with Marco, Dylan had gone off to a hockey camp for a few days. So, Paige was going home to an empty house, which would normal depress her, but after the amazing evening she had had, it didn't really bother her.

Paige stepped into the foyer and shrugged off her coat, a whimsical smile on her face. After Hazel had left, she had Spin had enjoyed a great picnic, and then had sat in the dark and talked about everything- Paige had felt like she and Spin had totally connected. They had been so absorbed in each other that they hadn't realized how late and cold it was getting, so they had finally packed up and left. It had been the_ perfect_ evening.

Paige walked into the kitchen, flipped on the light, and tossed her house keys on the counter. Just as she did, the doorbell rang. Paige hurried back into the foyer and peaked out the window- it was Dean. Oh, right, she remembered. We had plans. She had been to busy with Spinner to even think about Dean. She hesitantly pulled open the door.

Dean saw her and sighed. "Oh, good. I thought something had happened to you. I was worried."

Paige bit her lip, feeling slightly guilty. "I'm sorry, but something kind of…came up."

Dean frowned, but he shrugged. "Oh. Ok. Well….it's not too late, so maybe we could go grab a bite at The Dot really quick?"

Paige leaned against the door frame, trying to think of the nicest way to let him down. "Actually, Dean….I really can't see you anymore. I'm sorry, but it just isn't going to work out."

Dean's face fell. "Why?"

"Well….we can still try to be friends, but I just got back together with Spinner tonight, and I really think that it just wouldn't be right if I hung out with you."

Dean clenched his jaw. "You mean, you ditched me for him?"

Shit. She really shouldn't have said that. "Um….it wasn't like that, Dean."

Dean shook his head. "You can't just mess with my feelings like that. You can't just dump me."

"We….we were never dating," Paige said, suddenly feeling uneasy. She grabbed onto the door and swallowed hard. "I'm sorry, but I think you should go-"

"No!" Dean yelled angrily. Paige tried to shut the door, but Dean reached out a pushed it open and stepped inside. Paige tried to push him out, but he was too strong. He slammed the door shut behind him and grabbed onto her wrist. Paige felt terror grip at her heart as she stared into Dean's angry, cold eyes, and she realized something- he hadn't changed. She was a fucking idiot, because Hazel was right- some people just didn't change.

"Get- get out!" she cried. "My parent's are home, and they'll-"

"You already told me that your whole family was away tonight," he said with a sneer. "Don't lie to me. You were always a liar. Lying about the rape, lying about liking me!"

"I didn't lie!" she screamed, struggling to get her arm free so she could turn and run away. "And I never liked you! I mean… I was just trying to forgive you for what you did to me! I was never going to date you- ever!" Wrong thing to say.

Dean grabbed her and pushed her into the living room, and he shoved her onto the couch. "What- am I not good enough for you?"

"Please…" Paige whimpered, tears forming in her eyes. "Don't hurt me."

Dean scowled, and climbed on top of her, pining her legs underneath his weight. Paige suddenly realized exactly what was about to happen, and she felt like throwing up. There was no way that a petite cheerleader could fight off a built soccer player. She had no chance in hell, and he knew it.

"Please…" she begged him. "Please don't…."

Ellie kicked open the door of her new room at the New Moon Rehabilitation Center that evening, and she scooted her suitcase across the floor. She shoved the suitcase across the room toward the neatly made bed with a dull brown comforter in the corner. _God, this place is depressing_, she realized sadly_. I thought this place was supposed to help people become happier, not make them want to kill themselves. _Maybe this had been a mistake, going to rehab and everything. But it didn't matter that she was regretting it- it wasn't like she could call her Mom and ask her to pick her up or something.

"Hi!" she heard someone say and Ellie jumped. She hadn't realized there was someone else in the room until she turned and saw a blonde girl sitting hunched over on the bed across the room. Ellie nodded. "Hi," she said back, and then turned to begin unpacking her things. She began removing her shirts, and could feel the girl staring at her. It made her uncomfortable.

"So, what are you here for?" the girl asked bluntly, as she wrapped her arms around her legs and stared at Ellie with large, dark eyes.

"What are you in here for?" Ellie retorted, even though she didn't really have to ask. From the girl's waif-like appearance, she figured the girl probably didn't eat. She could have weighed more than 80 pounds, if that.

"Oh, I don't eat," the girl said, as if it were the most normal thing in the entire world. "My name is Dawn, by the way."

"I'm Ellie."

"So, what are you here for?" Dawn repeated. Ellie thought for a second.

"Well… I'd actually rather not say," Ellie muttered, turning back to her suitcase. She was willing to come to rehab, but she wasn't quite ready yet to just openly talk about her problem. Cutting was a very private thing for Ellie, and at some level she was embarrassed and appalled by it.

"Oh, ok," Dawn said. She studied Ellie for a minute. "Can I guess?"

Ellie resisted the urge to roll her eyes. That sounded like a fun game – "Guess-What's-Wrong-With-The-New-Freak." But Ellie really wasn't in the mood to be sarcastic with this girl- maybe it was her painfully skinny appearance, or her large, sad eyes that made Ellie refrain herself. She had the feeling this girl had been through a lot, so she just shrugged.

"Um….you're a cutter, right?" Dawn said after a minute. Ellie stopped unpacking, turned, and stared at her.

"Is it really that obvious?" she asked. Dawn smiled slightly.

"No. Actually, the nurse told me," Dawn said. Ellie nodded, wondering if the staff just went around with a mega-phone announcing everyone's problem.. "So…did you leave a boyfriend at home or anything?"

Ellie thought for a second, and immediately one name sprang to her mind- Sean. She almost laughed, because Sean was definitely not her boyfriend, and he probably didn't even like her after she had ruined his relationship with Emma Nelson. Nope, Sean was not her boyfriend, and he never would be. She shook her head. "No…not really."

Dawn smiled, stood up, and walked over to the door. "Well, I'm going to the recreation room- you should come in there and meet everyone when you're done unpacking," she suggested. "And don't worry- you'll learn to love it here."

Even as she nodded, she couldn't help thinking, _I highly doubt it._

"That son of a bitch!" Jana yelled, throwing up her hands. "That sick, perverted freak!"

Roxie hovered in the corner, completely embarrassed by her mother's outburst. Two police officers were standing in her living room, while her mother paced back and forth, obviously furious. Dr. Green had called her mother and the police, and they had escorted them home. Now they were just waiting for Jake to return home, and the police were ready to cuff him and take him downtown. Roxie bit her nails as her mother screamed at the police for no reason, like it was their fault her boyfriend was a child molester. But that was the thing.

He wasn't.

Roxie had no idea why she had blurted out Jake's name- maybe it was because she was so pissed at him from the cocaine thing, or maybe just because she wanted him out of her house. She had been completely determined to remove Jake's presence from her life, but she certainly hadn't intended to accuse him of _that._ It had just….slipped out.

Roxie continued to bite on her nails. She wanted to tell the police the truth, but she was too scared to take it back now. So she just stood there, strangely detached from the whole situation, as she watched the police officers trying to calm her mother down. Roxie wondered if her mother was so upset because her daughter had been abused, or because her boyfriend had, in a way, "cheated" on her with her daughter.

Suddenly, everything grew completely silent when a car pulled into the driveway, and a car door slammed shut, signaling that Jake had arrived. Suddenly, Roxie felt like throwing up, and it wasn't just her morning sickness. The door opened, Jake stepped in, and his eyes widened when he saw the police standing there.

"Is there a problem?" he asked. The police glanced at each other.

"Ok, we are going to have to take you down to the station," one grunted, reaching out and cuffing Jake's hands behind his back. Jake glanced around in shock.

"What? I don't understand!"

"You stupid son-of-a-bitch!" Jana suddenly yelled, lunging toward him and clawing at his face. The other officer grabbed Roxie's mother before she could touch him, and Roxie swallowed hard. "How dare you lay a hand on my daughter! You're disgusting!"

"What?!" Jake cried, and he looked across the room, directly at Roxie. Thier locked eyes, and she knew he finally understood.

"Alright, let's go," the officer grunted. They began leading him across the room to the door, but Jake stopped when he passed Roxie.

"How could you do this?" he asked in a sad, hollow voice. "I never- I never-"

"Stay away from the girl, alright?" one officer said, grabbing Jake and hauling him over to the door. Roxie watched him go, paralyzed to her spot. A heavy guilt tugged at her heart, but she couldn't speak up. She just couldn't. Roxie's mother ran over and wrapped her arms around her daughter in a rare act of motherly love, and Roxie buried her face in her hands.

But even as she did, she couldn't get the image of Jake's sad, confused eyes out of her head.

"That was amazing."

Manny rolled over onto her side and grabbed a cigarette off the table next to the bed. As she lit it, she glanced over at the man lying next to her. He was middle-aged, with tousled brown hair, and he had a large smile on his face. Manny simply nodded, not really in the mood to talk. She just wanted to get paid, and for this guy to leave. The man glanced at his watch, and sat up. "Oh, I should leave. I have to pick up my daughter at a friends house."

Manny swallowed hard. "You have a daughter?"

"Yep. She's in ninth grade. Best damn soccer player in the world," the man said proudly, picking up his shirt and pulling it on. Manny looked away, suddenly feeling completely dirty and wrong. This man had a daughter just a little younger than her, who probably went to the same school as her! Manny felt completely disgusted by the man for even coming here when he was clearly married with a family, but she was even more disgusted with herself. She shivered, wanting desperately to take a long shower.

"Sorry I have to leave. But you are amazing. What's your name- I'll ask for you next time," he promised with a wink.

"It's….Kerri," Manny lied with a false smile, not wanting to ever see the man again, since she was now officially repulsed by him. He nodded, did that creepy wink thing, and then left the room. The door closed after him, and Manny sighed with relief. She stubbed out her cigarette and jumped up, pulling on a long, black trench coat. She ran out of the room, down the stairs, and out of the front door. Since she was wearing the coat and nothing underneath, she was practically freezing, but she kept going until she reached the end of the block. There was a pay-phone, so Manny ducked inside and shut the door behind her. She dialed a few numbers that she knew by heart. Craig's number.

She needed to talk to him. She needed to talk to someone familiar, someone from back home. She had thought about calling Emma, but she knew what that would mean- a long lecture on coming home. She totally didn't need that right now.

"Hello?" asked a voice. It was late, but Craig sounded wide awake. Manny swallowed hard.

"Craig….it's me."

"Manny?"

"Yeah. How are you?"

"I'm fine," he said quickly. "Manny, where are you? Everyone's worried about you. Your parent's have been looking all over…."

Manny took a deep breath. "I'm….fine. I swear. I can't tell you where I am."

She heard Craig sigh. "Manny….please, you need to come home. Just tell me where you are, and I'll come get you right now."

Manny bit her lip and she almost blurted out the whole story. It was an enticing proposition- part of her could just tell him exactly where she was, and he would be here in a few minutes, and they would go home- together. And maybe, just maybe, things would be alright. But Manny knew she couldn't, because she had vowed never to go home. It would just cause a shit-load of trouble. So as much as she wanted Craig to come and be her knight-in-shining armor, she knew it couldn't happen.

"I'm sorry…I just can't," she whispered. Craig was silent on the other line, and Manny wondered if he had hung up.

"Manny…why did you call, then?"

"Because…I just wanted to hear your voice," she said, resting her forehead against the cool glass of the telephone booth. "And I wanted to apologize….about pushing you down the stairs. It wasn't my best night."

"Manny, forget about that. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you come home. I know things are hard, but you can't just run away. People here love you and miss you. J.T's been walking around like a zombie, Emma's a wreck, and I….I'm so worried about you. This year has been a total roller-coaster ride for us, and it sucks, but you have to come back," Craig said, desperation creeping into his voice. "Please."

Manny was on the verge of tears. "I can't go home. No one wants me there. It's to fucking hard, Craig."

"_I _want you here."

Damn. Why did Craig have to be so sweet? She shouldn't have called, because now it was just messing with her head. She was quiet, not sure what to say. Craig cleared his throat.

"Ok. Well….let me come talk to you and at least see you," he suggested hopefully. "Just tell me where we can meet, and I'll come-"

"No," Manny interrupted. She knew she had to hang up now, or she might crumble. "I have to go, Craig. Tell Emma I said hi," she choked out, and then she slammed the phone down. She turned and ran from the phone booth, tears overflowing onto her cheeks, as she headed back to her new "home."


	9. Don't Go

Author's Note- I haven't updated in forever! School's started, but hopefully I'll be updating more often. So keep reading and reviewing!

Paige sat slumped against her bed, wearing her silk bathrobe and her favorite pair of fuzzy pink slippers. Sitting on the floor beside her was a bottle of her mother's sleeping pills. She picked up the orange bottle and stared at it for a long minute, and then she finally unscrewed the top and poured out a generous portion of the pills into her lap. She glanced into the full-length mirror that was hanging on the wall directly across from her, and she cringed. She had large, unattractive bags under her eyes, and her golden hair was pulled back into a messy, sloppy bun. She looked like shit. But what really caught her attention was the large bluish-black bruise on her right cheek, right under her eye. She swallowed hard and looked away.

_I'm so stupid. I'm such a fucking idiot_, she told herself, fiddling with the green and blue tablets in her lap. She had been stupid enough to believe that Dean had actually changed, and she had let him back into her world- and look what had happened. She had been raped again. It almost made her laugh- who the hell got raped twice by the same guy? Paige placed three pills into her mouth and swallowed them dry. It was pathetic._ Utterly_ pathetic.

Paige hated Dean, but she hated herself even more. Everyone had warned her to stay away from Dean, but did she listen? No.

_I just want to die_, she thought again, stuffing a handful of pills into her mouth. She had skipped school that day, and she wondered if anyone had noticed or cared. Her parent's weren't coming home until late that evening, so Paige figured she didn't exactly have to rush killing herself. More pills into the mouth.

_This world is so stupid_, she decided. _Boys pretend to like you and make you trust them, and then they turn around and take advantage of you. All the boy's are the same. Slimy, worthless creatures that just make girls miserable._

Paige gathered up the last of the pills and tossed them into her mouth. Subconsciously, Paige really didn't want to die, but she felt so horrible and disgusting that she felt like she just had to do something drastic. Something to stop the pain. Something to take away all the dirt that covered her skin, but it was dirt she couldn't even see. She had showered and showered, but she couldn't get it off. She still felt like Dean was all over her. It made her sick.

_Its better this way_, she thought, tossing aside the empty bottle. She bent her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. _Its better this way._

Ashley walked distractedly down the hallway the following morning, and she was so preoccupied that she almost didn't even notice when she bumped into a girl and her books went tumbling to the ground. She blinked and glanced down, and saw Roxie squatting down to pick up her books. Ash's eyes widened.

"Hey, Ash, walk much?" Roxie asked, rolling her eyes. "I don't know if you noticed, but other people use this hallway, too."

"Oh, sorry!" Ash exclaimed, reaching down and helping her gather up the books. "Let me do it. You really shouldn't be bending over like that. Or carrying your books. Let me take those!" Ash insisted, snatching the books out of Roxie's hands.

Roxie smirked. "I'm pregnant, but I'm not an invalid. But I'm not exactly going to turn down an offer to have someone to carry my books…here, while you're at it, take my bag, too!" Roxie said, reaching over and tossing her bag on top of the books. Ash grunted under the extra weight, but forced a big smile on her face. "So, Ash, what's up?" Roxie asked.

Ash shrugged. "Nothing, really. Um…can I ask you something?"

Roxie nodded as the two began walking down the hallway toward their next class. "Ok. Well….does sex usually….change a relationship?"

Roxie glanced at her. "It depends, I guess. Why?"

Ash shrugged quickly and began fiddling with her bracelets. "Oh, I was just wondering what you thought. But like…is it supposed to be awkward afterward?"

Suddenly, Craig walked up to them, scuffling his feet and looking kind of nervous. He smiled at Roxie, and then at Ashley, but in a different way. "Hey, guys. So…Ash, um….are we still…eating lunch together?" he asked, rubbing the back on his neck, as if he was actually afraid to ask. Ashley cleared her throat.

"Yeah! I mean, yeah," she said. "If you want to."

"Oh, yeah, I do," Craig said quickly. There was a moment of silence, and Craig smiled uneasily. "Ok, well…bye!" Then he turned and hurried off, like he couldn't get away from them quick enough. Ash watched him go, a confused frown on her pretty face. Roxie's eyes widened, and she smiled almost gleefully. "Oh, my, God! You had sex with Craig!" she practically screamed. "Was it hot and passionate? Did you guys-"

"Would you shut up?" Ash hissed, glancing around.

"I can't believe it," Roxie continued, like she hadn't even spoken. "You slut! Was it your first time?"

"Well, if it was my first time, then I'm not really a slut, right?" Ash pointed out with a long sigh. "And yes, it was. I thought I was ready, you know? But now…I'm not sure."

"Virgin alert! Oh, don't tell me you regret it or something! You'll always remember your first time, Ash….the whole fifteen minutes of it," she teased. Ash smirked and slapped her in the arm.

"Well, at the time, I honestly felt like I was just ready to go and….do it!"

"And you weren't?"

"Well…I think I was," Ashley said, thinking back on the previous night. "But I didn't expect it to be so….awkward. I mean, we did it, and it was great, but then we just kind of laid there in silence. Like, we didn't know what to say. And now I'm just wondering if…it ruined everything."

Roxie laughed, glad to have something to think about besides her own problems. "Sex doesn't ruin everything. Come on- you'll get over the after-sex awkwardness in a day or two. And then you can go and have sex again," she joked, nudging her friend in the arm. Ash cracked a smile and shrugged, realizing Roxie was kind of right. "So, did he use a condom?"

"Well…no," Ash admitted with a frown.

"Take it from me," Roxie said, patting her stomach. "Next time, use a condom. Always use a condom, or else you're might end up like me- with back cramps and mood swings."

Ash looked at her, completely horrified. "What if I am pregnant? What if I got an STD or something?"

"Well, it was your guys first time, right?"

"It was our first time _together_. And it was my first time, period. But it wasn't Craig's…"

"It wasn't? No offense, but Craig doesn't exactly seem like….a non-virgin. He's too sweet. And I highly doubt he's been walking around with an STD."

Ashley looked at her. "He dated Manny Santos, and I happen to know for a fact that they did it," she said, feeling bitter, the way she always felt when Manny as mentioned. Her passionate contempt for Manny had died down after awhile, especially after Carter had died and Manny had run off. But still….Manny would always be a sore spot for Ashley.

"Oh, I see how it is. You got Manny's left overs," Roxie joked, winking at Ashley with a teasing nudge. Ashley gave her a look, and Roxie smiled weakly. "Ok….poor timing and bad joke. Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it too much, Ash. But, um…I thought you a Craig weren't together anymore." Actually, Roxie had known that they definitely weren't together, considering the hours she had spent on the phone with Ashley, listening while she mourned over her failed relationship with Craig. Roxie didn't want to sound like a horrible friend, but she had been a _tiny bit_ happy that they had broken up. Ok, so she had literally jumped up and down with joy, but Roxie wasn't about to admit how totally lame she was.

"Oh, well….I guess we're back together!" Ash said. Roxie nodded and looked around. "Hey, are you ok, Roxie? You seem a little….upset."

"Oh….it's nothing. Home's just not going that great."

"Oh, yeah. Sick of that Jake guy?" Ash teased, rolling her eyes. "I was pretty upset when my Mom started dating Toby's dad, but it turned out ok. You'll warm up to him, eventually."

_Maybe….if he's not in jail for the next ten to fifteen years_, Roxie thought guiltily. "I don't really think so," she said slowly. "Somehow, I have the feeling Jake and I aren't going to exactly become…close." _Accusing him of rape isn't exactly a bonding- experience. _"I'm going to the bathroom! I'll talk to you later, alright?" she chirped, and then she ducked into the nearby bathroom.

Ellie sat on the toilet in a small stall in the bathroom at her rehab center. Usually, the bathroom was noisy, with girls brushing their teeth or hair, gossiping, or taking a shower. But it was strangely quiet now, and Ellie wondered if anyone even knew she was in there. Rehab wasn't what she had thought it would be. She felt suffocated, and she hated feeling like she was in a fishbowl, with everyone watching her every move. Well, not her every move.

Ellie reached into her pocket and pulled out a small pocket knife that she had sneaked in- those idiots hadn't even bothered to check inside her shirt. She had slipped it into her bra before she had left her house, not because she had planned on cutting, but just because it made her feel safe. It was strange- a knife was her false sense of security.

Ellie cut herself a few times, just minor slices on her forearm. Nothing major, just something to make her feel good and to keep her sane. She sighed with relief as the warm tingling sensation engulfed her body. She knew it was wrong, but she couldn't stop herself. In a sick, twisted way, it felt _so_ good.

A minute later, Ellie heard the bathroom door pound open, and Ellie dropped the knife on the floor is surprise. She reached over quickly and snatched it up, holding her breath.

"Ellie!" she heard a deep voice say, and Ellie recognized it as one of the nurses on her floor. Ellie bit her lip. "Ellie, are you in here?"

"Um…yeah!" Ellie called out, stuffing the knife back into her pocket and rolling down her sleeves. "I'm here."

"I've been looking all over for you!" the nurse called. "You have a visitor!"

Ellie frowned and stood up. Who would be visiting her? She stepped out of the stall, and saw a burly nurse standing in the doorway, her arms folded over her chest. Great- it was the nurse that seriously frightened- the fat one with the oily skin. She didn't have to worry about this nurse suspecting she had been cutting, because she always thought Ellie was in here for anorexia. At meals, she's always pinch Ellie in the stomach and tell her she was too "scrawny", and then she'd give Ellie extra helpings.

"Who is it?" Ellie asked, silently praying it wasn't her mother. The nurse snorted and rolled her eyes.

"I don't know his name. He refused to give it to me," the nurse said, and then she turned and walked down the hall. Ellie frowned in confusion, and followed her. She thought for a second- maybe Marco had come to visit her! It was a long shot, considering Ellie hadn't told anyone where she really was, but she could still wish.

Ellie was walking down the hall toward the visitor room when Dawn suddenly popped out of nowhere, and Ellie jumped in surprise. Dawn had the habit of suddenly appearing, so Ellie just stopped and smiled. Dawn was overly hyper and perky that it almost made Ellie sick, but she just couldn't cut the girl down. In the few short days, Dawn had kind of become Ellie's little sister.

"Hey! Want to play ping-pong?" Dawn chirped. Ellie shook her head.

"Sorry…I have a visitor," she said slowly, and continued walking. Dawn frowned and scurried to follow her. "You have a visitor?"

"Yeah? So?"

"Well…I've been here for months, and I've never had a visitor," Dawn said, trying to sound casual, but Ellie could hear the hurt in her voice. Ellie frowned as she approached the visiting room, which was surrounded with large glass windows. She was about to comfort Dawn when she spotted someone sitting in the visiting room.

"It's that one," the nurse said, pointing into the room. "He's a moody little thing, isn't he?"

Ellie swallowed hard. Sean Cameron had come to visit. That was pretty much the last person on Earth that she had expected, yet she wasn't disappointed. _He better not be here to yell at me some more for ruining his stupid relationship with Emma,_ she thought bitterly. But she figured that wasn't the case- after all, why would he go out of his way to just come here and bitch her out? Ellie stood, frozen in her spot, when Dawn nudged her and squealed.

"Oh, wow!" she said with wide eyes. "He's cute! I thought you said you didn't have a boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend," Ellie hissed. "He's just…he's not even a friend, really. More like an acquaintance."

"Then why is he here?" the nurse asked skeptically, a slight smirk on her hideous face.

_Why don't you mind your own damn business_! Ellie wanted to scream, but she remained quiet and walked into the visiting, pointedly closing the door loudly behind her. Sean looked up and saw her, and he smiled shyly. Ellie stared at him for a long moment, and then finally sat down across from him at the table. "Sean…what are you doing here?" she asked, deciding to just cut to the chase.

"Um…I don't know…I just thought you could use a visitor," he said.

"Like you would be my first choice?" Ellie snapped, and she instantly regretted it. You didn't exactly insult someone who had gone out of their way to visit you in the loony bin. "Sorry," she mumbled. "That was totally uncalled for."

Sean shrugged. "It's ok," he said. He glanced around and nodded. "This place is….interesting." Ellie smiled slightly.

"What- you don't like it?" she joked, gesturing around. "This is the crème of the crop for rehab centers. They only take the most insane and screwed up people in the world."

Sean stared at her. "You really think you're pretty messed up, don't you?"

Ellie looked down in her lap. "I'm sitting here, aren't I?"

Sean shifted uncomfortably, and finally cleared his throat, deciding to change the subject. "No, this place is ok. I was kind of expecting cells and concrete walls and stuff."

"It's not prison, Sean. You don't have to pee in public and you don't become somebody's bitch," Ellie pointed out with s small smile. "Unless you want to, of course."

Sean nodded. "But it's nice. I wasn't exactly expecting to be the night's entertainment, though." He nodded at something over Ellie's shoulder, and she turned around to see what he was talking about. A group of girls had gathered in a doorway down the hall, and they were staring at them, including Dawn. When they realized they had been spotted, they all squealed and scattered in different directions. Ellie laughed and turned back. "Sorry. They don't exactly see boys very often. Well, unless you include Ralph, the only male nurse here. My roommate is madly in love with him, and practically stalks him."

"Ralph's the only male nurse?" Sean said, smirking. "What about that burly nurse that informed you I was here?"

"Surprisingly, that was a woman. But don't feel bad- I thought she was a dude when I first got here, too."

"Yeah. That pot belly and partial beard can be deceiving."

They chatted for a few minutes, when Sean's suddenly reached into his bag and pulled something out. "I almost forgot. Ash heard I was coming, and she wanted to come, too, but she couldn't. She asked me to give you this," he said, leaning over and handing her the paper. Ellie took it and opened it up, and smiled when she saw that it was a collage, with pictures of her and Ash, Marco, and even a few of Spinner, Paige, and Jimmy. She smiled wistfully at the thoughtful gift.

"Tell her I said thanks," Ellie said quietly. "I'm going to hang this right over my bed."

Sean nodded. "Everyone really misses you."

"Really?"

Sean chuckled. "Yeah. Why do you sound so surprised?"

Ellie shrugged. "I don't know," she said slowly, and felt a wave of sadness wash over her. She folded her arms over her chest and looked at him. "Do people know…the truth?"

Sean shrugged. "There are a lot of rumors. I'm not sure what people really know." Ellie nodded and swallowed hard. She blinked back tears and sniffed, hating herself for actually crying in front of Sean Cameron. She missed home. She missed her room, her friends, and- she hated to admit it- but she even missed her alcoholic mother. She could suddenly feel the fresh cuts under her sleeves, and the tears rolling down her cheeks, and she was too embarrassed and ashamed to even look Sean in the eye. But to her surprise, he leaned over and took her hand.

"I'm…scared," she said quietly, knowing her would understand.

"I know…but I know you can overcome this," Sean said, squeezing her hand. "I know you can."

"But…but I don't think I can."

"Yes. You can."

"No!" Ellie suddenly burst out. "You don't understand, Sean. I can't stop myself." She pulled away her hand and rolled up her sleeves, revealing the bloody cuts. "I'm not going to change. I _can't_ change. I…I sneaked in a knife. And then I went and cut myself in this stall in the bathroom, like, two minutes ago," she said. She laughed hollowly. "It's so pathetic."

Sean stared at the cuts in surprise, not sure what to say. Ellie blushed and pulled down her sleeves. "Sorry. You didn't really need to see that….God, I'm sorry. I bet you're really regretting coming here right now."

Sean blinked and shook his head. "No. Look, you can stop. Hey, how about this. If you stop cutting, I'll stop stealing stuff."

Ellie smirked. "That's not really the same thing."

"It kind of is. Stealing can be pretty addictive, you know," he said. "So, what do you say- we keep each other on the straight and narrow?"

Ellie smiled. "I say deal."

Craig sighed distractedly as he pumped on the pedals of his new bike, picking up speed as he drove along the sidewalk. He had been riding around for what seemed like hours, thinking about a lot of things- mostly about Manny and Ashley. The sun was setting, and it was getting late, but Craig really didn't feel like going back to an empty house. Joey hadn't been home a lot, and Angie was always over at her grandma's. Craig had thought about calling Ashley, but he just didn't feel like it.

Craig had honestly thought that having sex would take their relationship to the next level, but now he wondered if it had just ruined everything. Things were just awkward now, and Craig wondered exactly what had gone wrong. After they had done it, they had laid there in silence for a few moments. Then, Ash had jumped up, taking the whole sheet with her, and leaving Craig lying on his bed, naked a confused. It hadn't exactly been the romantic, life-altering experience they had both been hoping for. Craig sighed. They hadn't talked about it yet- well, they hadn't really talked about anything at all. Craig sighed again, wondering why stupid crap always happened to him.

Craig passed the neighborhood park, which looked spooky and depressing in the dark, without little children running all around it. He glanced over, and was surprised to see a lonely figure sitting on the swings. It was Roxie. Craig stopped, jumped off his bike, and let it fall to the ground. He walked over to her, and she looked up and spotted him.

"Roxie…hey," Craig said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "What are you doing here?" He saw that she was wearing a long coat, and a small suitcase was sitting on the ground nearby. He frowned and sat down next to her on the swing.

"Nothing," she said, swinging half-heartedly, staring at the ground.

"So you always hang out alone in parks at night?" he asked, smiling at her. Roxie looked at him and rolled her eyes.

"Don't be a smart-ass, Craig. You've already ruined my private moment of reflection, you know. Don't' you ever just want to be alone?" she asked.

"Sure," Craig said, and they were quiet for a minute.

"So, I heard you and Ash are back on," Roxie said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah….kind of," Craig said.

"You don't sound too sure."

Craig sighed. "Ash can be so…complicated. Like, things are never easy with her. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier if we just….weren't together. God, I must be the most horrible boyfriend in the world."

Roxie nodded. "Yeah, pretty much. Can I give you some advice?"

"Um…ok. As long as it's constructive criticism, and not the kind where you just call me a big jerk and yell at me for treating Ash like shit."

"Hmm….alright. I'll try to make it constructive. Look, break up with her. You're obviously not in it for the right reasons."

"You really think so?" Roxie nodded. "Ok, well, can I ask you something, Roxie?" She nodded again. "What's with the suitcase? And why are you here" he asked, gesturing to the bag.

"See, Ash is a really cool girl, and I think that you need to decide if you really love her. I mean, do you really want to be with her, or are you just with her because you think you have to be?" Roxie asked, continuing as if he hadn't spoken. But Craig could tell she was avoiding his question, so he nodded thoughtfully.

"Your right," he agreed, "I guess I need to start thinking about things."

"Well, there's a first time for everything."

"And you think I'm the smart-ass?" Craig joked, smiling. "But you didn't answer my question. What's going on?"

Suddenly, to Craig's surprise, Roxie burst into tears. "I've done something horrible, Craig!"

"I'm sure it's not that bad, whatever it is," Craig said reassuringly, putting an arm around her.

"You're right- it's worse," Roxie said, running a hand across her face and wiping away her tears. She took a deep breath and composed herself. "But it's fine, because I'm running away and I'm never coming back."

"What?!"

"Why should I stay?" Roxie said with a shrug. "It's not like anyone is going to care. Everyone thinks I'm just a slut, anyway."

"That's not true," Craig argued. Roxie smirked.

"Haven't you noticed that hardly anyone talks to me? When I walk down the hall, people just whisper about me. I'm like a plague or something- everyone would be better off if I just disappeared."

"So you're running away because people are mean to you at school?" Craig asked in disbelief. "You act all tough, but I can't believe you're such a wimp."

"Craig!"

"No," Craig said, getting up off the swing and turning to face her. "You are a wimp. You can't always run away from your problems! God, you're just like Manny," he muttered, shaking his head. Roxie stared at him.

"What does that mean?"

Craig turned to her. "Things were too hard for Manny, so she ran away. She couldn't handle everything, so she just left, without considering anyone else's feelings but her own. And now you want to do the same exact thing. I know things are pretty fucked up now, but how can you just leave? You're pregnant! What- are you just going to run off and hope that Spin magically forgets that you were having his kid?"

Roxie jumped up. "You don't think he'd love it if I magically just went away, so he can go back to being Degrassi's "super-couple" with Paige? I know the only reason he's even bothering with me is because he thinks he has to! I think we both know that Spin would be happier if I left."

"Look, you can't just run away. Where are you going to go? You can't just leave because things are hard at school, Roxie."

"God damnit, Craig!" Roxie yelled. She flopped down back onto swing and lowered her voice. "It's not just school. I really couldn't give a crap about the people at school. I've done something really bad, and I can't fix it, ok?"

"What did you do? Why can't you just tell me?"

"Because…you'll think I'm a really fucked up, sick person."

"Try me. I've heard some pretty messed up shit before."

"Fine," Roxie said with a long sigh. "You know my mother's new boyfriend, Jake? Well, he was trying to act like….a part of my family or something. Like he was my fucking father or something. He's twenty-one, Craig. He's like, four years older than me. My mother is dating someone who is four years older than me." She looked at him. "I hated him so much. I wanted to get rid of him. But I didn't mean to…."

"What did you do?" Craig asked.

"I…I kind of told the police that he….molested me. And they arrested him."

Craig stared at her in shock. "Wow. Um….Wow. Are you serious?"

"No, I was just kidding," Roxie said sarcastically. "I love to joke about sexual abuse."

Craig swallowed hard. "But did he….do it?"

"No. I lied. Jake never laid a hand on me. In fact, he's never been anything but nice to me," she admitted, staring at the mulch and kicking it with her feet. "See? I'm a sick liar."

"No. You made a mistake," Craig said quickly. "All you have to do is tell the truth, and things will be fine. Roxie, you have to tell the truth, or else some guy is going to jail. You're not going to be able to live with that."

Roxie sniffed. "I know. You're right. I'm going to do it. I'm going to tell the truth. In fact, I'm going to go tell them right now," she said in determination, standing up and picking up her suitcase. "And I'm not going to just run away. Thanks, Craig. You're the best!" She turned to go home, but Craig stood up and took her arm. He swung her around and kissed her, and she was caught off guard. They kissed for a long moment, and finally they pulled back. Roxie caught her breath. "What….what was that?!"

Craig blushed. "Um….I'm sorry. Did you…mind?"

Roxie grinned and threw her arms around his neck. "Are you kidding me? I've been waiting forever for you to kiss me!"

"Really?" Craig said. Roxie responded by kissing him hard on the mouth, and he laughed. "I'll take that as a definite yes." They kissed again, until Roxie gently pushed him away and smiled apologetically at him. "I'd love to continue this, but I really have to go and make things right, before I completely chicken out." She reached over and grabbed her bag. "Bye!" Then she turned and hurried out of the park. Craig watched her go, and small smile on his face.

He hadn't really been thinking when he had kissed Roxie- but when she had been sitting on that swing, crying, Craig had suddenly realized how much he really cared about her- he might even say he loved her, which was pretty big for him. But then, as she disappeared into the darkness, he realized exactly what he had done- he had just kissed his girlfriend's best friend.

_Oh, shit_, he thought miserably.

Spinner ran through the corriders of the hospital, running around like a chicken with his head cut off. A few minutes ago, Hazel had called, practically hysterical, ranting incoherently about Paige overdosing. She wasn't making much sense, so Spin had rushed down to the hospital as fast he could. Now he was scurrying around the hospital with no idea where Paige was or what had happened. Finally, he grabbed a nurse by the arm. "I need to know where my girlfriend is…I think she's here."

The nurse looked at him sympathetically. "Did she overdose?" Spin nodded. The nurse glanced at her chart. "She came in an hour ago."

"Is she ok?"

The nurse sighed. "It's a bit early to tell," she admitted. "She's had her stomach pumped, but-"

"What room is she in?" Spin asked, clearly exasperated. "Can you just tell me what room she's in?"

"I can't tell you that," the nurse said, shaking her head. "Look, you can go in that waiting room down the hall, and when we have information, we'll tell you-" she began, but Spin was already dashing down the hallway toward the small waiting area. He turned the corner and found Hazel and Jimmy. Hazel was sitting in a chair, with tears in her eyes, and Jimmy was anxiously pacing the length of the room. "What happened?" Spin demanded. "What the hell happened?"

Hazel looked up. "She-she….they think she swallowed some sleeping pills…"

"Dylan's in with her now," Jimmy said, walking over and patting Spin on the arm. "She's had her stomach pumped."

Spin kicked the wall, and ranked his hands through his hair. He didn't understand this at all. "Why- why would she swallow pills?" he asked to no one in particular, completely baffled. "Paige would never try to kill herself. Never. It's impossible!" he yelled, shaking his head. "Their wrong."

Jimmy and Hazel glanced at each other uneasily. "Spin….she did."

Spin shook his head. "Why? Hazel, why would she do this? When did you last talk to her? What did she say?"

Hazel shrugged. "I…I don't know. The last time I talked to her was…..when I dropped her off to meet you at Heavens Peak. I….I honestly don't know why," she admitted. Then she bit her lip and looked at her hands. "Well….actually…."

"What? What?" Spinner pressed. Hazel looked up at him.

"She did tell me on the way to there that she had plans with Dean that night….but she must have forgotten, since she was with you," she told him. "Oh, God, you don't think…..?"

Spin clenched his jaw. "It's him. It's that stupid son of a bitch," he growled. "He did something….why didn't you stop her from seeing him? You knew she was seeing him, Hazel, and you didn't do shit about!" he snapped, staring at Hazel coldly. "You were supposed to be her friend!"

Jimmy stepped out and put a hand on Spin. "Calm down, man. You're upset. But this wasn't Hazel's fault," he said in a calm voice. "Maybe you should go outside, or just go home for a bit and cool down…."

Spin shrugged Jimmy's hand off and shook his head. "No. What I need to do is go and kick Dean's ass. I know this is his fault."

"You don't know that. It could be-" Jimmy said, trying to reason with him, but Spin was out of control. He shook his head.

"No_. I know_. I'm going to go find him."

"Spin, don't do this. Come on-"

"I'm going. Either you can stay here or come with me," Spin said. "But either way, I'm going."

Jimmy thought for a second. He was going to go with Spin, but only to make sure he didn't do something really stupid. By the crazed look in his eyes, Jimmy knew that was a very serious possibility. He glanced at Hazel and sighed. "Ok. I'm going with you."


	10. Kick the Habit

The sound of broken glass vibrated through Roxie's head, and it distinctly reminded her of her childhood- the sound of broken glass and harsh yelling. She remembered when she was little, when she would hide in her closet at night, just so she wouldn't have to listen to all the fighting and screaming. Roxie would wrap her small arms around her knees as she sat in that dark closet, wishing she could just be somewhere else- someone else. Now, as she got older, Roxie began to realize that the bruises and cuts would always heal and fade away, but the memories would last forever. She had never wanted people to feel sorry for her, because she saw no point in having people pity her- it wasn't like it made anything better. So she had never let anyone see how much she really hurt. She had accepted her life for what it was- drunk, junkie parents who didn't give a fuck, and a crazy sister with a violent temper directed mainly at her.

"You stupid little bitch!" her mother screamed, picking up half-full coffee cup off the table and hurling it against the wall. Roxie winced as it shattered, and sticky brown fluid streamed down the wall. Her mother always resorted to throwing things. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

"I'm….I'm sorry," Roxie choked out. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone-"

"Oh, I didn't mean to hurt anyone," her mother said, imitating her in a high, whiny voice. She placed her hands on her hips and sneered at her daughter. "What exactly were you trying to accomplish, then?" Roxie was silent. "Fine. Don't talk. I'll do the talking. You've ruined everything between me and Jake! You think he's going to want to come back to me when he knows what a stupid little liar I have for a daughter?"

"Well, you didn't even ask me what I wanted!" Roxie suddenly yelled out, standing up from her chair. "You abandoned me to run off with your loser boyfriend! I had no where to go, Mom! It was lucky they contacted Aunt Tammy, or else I would have been out on my ass!" she screamed, tears forming in her eyes. "You chose Jake over me! He stole you from me!"

Her mother stared at her. "What are you talking about? Don't give me that shit. I did you a favor by disappearing!"

Roxie shook her head and dragged her hand across her face, brushing away her tears. "Favor?" she laughed bitterly. "I guess you did, Mom. You did me a huge favor by leaving me all by myself. But I guess I've always been alone, haven't I? You've always ditched me for something- your boyfriends, your drugs- everything in the world was more important to you than me. Well, I'm sorry I seem to have inconvenienced you by simply being alive. I'm sorry I made a mistake- but it's not like you haven't made your share of them."

"A mistake? So that's what this was? Some pathetic cry for help? Mommy wasn't paying enough attention to you, so you went and accused her boyfriend of fucking molesting you? You think that was going to make things better?" Jana cried, her eyes blazing. "Let me tell you something. You think I'm a horrible mother? I put a fucking roof over your head, and I've provided for you all your pathetic little life. You know what my mother did? She locked me in a closet for days without food. She burned cigarettes on my arms. And my father? He actually molested me. I didn't have to lie about that."

"So that makes everything ok? Just because your childhood sucked, you have to punish me for it?" Roxie asked. "I'm sorry your parents were horrible people, but you should know better. All I want is a mother. But I guess that's asking too much."

"I _am_ your mother."

"Yeah. And a junkie. And an alcoholic. Look at you. You're pathetic. Those needle marks on your arms. The alcohol on your breath. You're disgusting," Roxie spat out. "So go on and be engaged to Jake. But when he finds out what you really are, he's going to drop you so fast your head is going to spin. And you're going to end up all alone, just like you deserve!"

Jana was absolutely furious. "Well, you won't be around to see that, because I want you to get the fuck out of my house." She reached over and grabbed Roxie's jacket. "Jake is coming home from jail, and I want you gone before he gets here. And this time, I don't want you ever coming back. I've taken care of you for long enough. So if you hate me so much, go and grow up and take care of yourself." She flung the jacket at Roxie.

Roxie caught her jacket and stared at her mother for a second. Her mother's eyes were blazing with fury, but Roxie thought she saw a glimmer of sadness. Maybe, just maybe, something Roxie said got through to her. But Roxie wasn't going to wait around to find out. She was leaving, because she didn't need her mother, or her shit, or anyone in her damn family, for that matter. They were clearly only bringing her down. She'd just be one of those drifters- without a family, but so much better off.

"Goody-bye, Mother," Roxie said slowly, opening the front door. Her mother just plopped down on the sofa and took a sip of gin and toxic, looking miserable and confused. Roxie suddenly felt sorry for her, watching her sit there and probably about to drink herself until she couldn't stand. Her life was so empty, so pointless. Roxie actually hoped that Jake would stick around for awhile, just to keep her mother a little happy.

Roxie took one last look at her pathetic excuse for a mother, and shut the door behind her.

Isabel set the phone down and shuffled a few papers around on her desk, trying to keep things in order. She didn't really have much of a purpose for her office-mostly to just handle money and try to appear like she was running a legit business when strangers came around. But Isabel wasn't ashamed of what she did- she was actually quite proud. Prostitution was illegal, of course, but Isabel had always thought it shouldn't be. If women wanted to sell their bodies, it was their business, right? There were plenty of girls completely eager to start turning tricks- it was fairly easy and earned great money. Isabel had done a bit back in the day, but she was management now, so she really didn't have to.

Isabel stood up from behind her desk, eased around it, and walked out the double doors of her office. She wandered to the staircase and climbed up it. She walked slowly down the hallways, ignoring the loud moans and groans coming from the various rooms. Once she reached Manny's door, she lifted her hand and knocked gently. There was no response, so Isabel assumed she wasn't in there with a customer. She opened the door and stepped in.

_Rubber headed motor junky, run me down and try to stomp me  
Throw my life away, and I'll be worthless just like you  
Somewhere now a baby's crying, down the road his mother's dying  
Shot a line and blew her mind and now she's turning blue_

The lights were dim, and a soft pink glow filled the room from the lamp on the bed stand. It took Isabel a moment to comprehend exactly what she was seeing. Manny was lying on the bed on her back, and even in the dim lighting she could see she was a grotesque color of blue. A needle was stuck in her arm, and Isabel put a hand over her mouth in shock. She had only had one girl overdose in all her years, and it had been horrible. The smell of death had hung in the air for weeks.

Isabel ran over to the bed and pulled Manny up. She removed the needle from her arm and knew immediately what it was- heroin. Manny's skin was cold and clammy, so Isabel screamed for help. She hadn't known Manny for that long, but she had grown quite fond of her. There was certain innocence, a purity about her when she had first arrived. But now that was tainted, and this was what was left. A junkie and a girl that was seemed older than she really was.

_Don't you throw your life away, just wait until another day  
Don't you throw your life away, cause baby I can feel it  
Don't you ever compromise it, don't you even realize it  
Don't you throw your life away, cause baby I can feel it, now_

A few girls rushed in, and they managed to revive her, but just barely. Her normal color returned, and she regained consciousness, and after a few minutes, she was fine. She was actually fine, as fine as she could get. The other girls left to get back to work, leaving Isabel alone with a shaken Manny. They sat on the bed in silence, both reflecting on what had happened. Finally, Isabel spoke.

"I think you should leave, Manny."

Manny looked at her with wide eyes. "No! I- I….no. I can't leave."

"I won't let you stay around here so you can go and kill yourself on drugs. You don't belong here," Isabel said quietly, reaching out and stroking her hand. Manny shook her head.

"I…I don't have anywhere to go," she admitted, her voice cracking as tears came to her eyes.

_Trip and fall, I'm sure you all can tell me what is on the wall  
Behind the liquor store where you get smacked up all the time  
Perfect little life you wasted, overdosed and that death you tasted  
Scared you back into yourself, and now you walk the line_

"Go home."

"I can't!" Manny burst out. "You….don't understand. Please let me stay. I promise, I'm off everything as of now. I won't do anything ever again. Just please let me stay," she begged, looking at her with large, watery eyes.

Isabel was quiet for a moment. She didn't really believe Manny, but she couldn't just kick this girl into the streets, because that was where the real trouble began. She sighed. "Fine. You can stay. But no more of this, alright? You may think you need it, but you don't." Manny nodded, and suddenly reached out and hugged Isabel tightly. She wasn't Manny's mother, but she was the closest thing Manny had right then. So Isabel hugged her back.

_Don't you throw your life away, just wait until another day  
Don't you throw your life away, cause baby I can feel it  
Don't you ever compromise it, don't you even realize it  
Don't you throw your life away, cause baby I can feel it, now_

Jimmy pulled the car to a stop in front of the large fraternity house on campus, and killed the engine. For a long moment, Craig, Marco, Jimmy, and Spin simply stared at the house, which was bursting with people and vibrating with music. A typical frat party, but the boys weren't there for a good time. Marco finally cleared his throat from the back seat, and leaned forward. "Guys, this isn't a good idea."

"God, you are such a major wimp, Marco," Spin snapped from the passenger seat, glaring out the window intently. "Why don't you just stay in the car and fix your makeup in the mirror, ok?"

There was a tense silence, and Marco and Craig exchanged a glance. They both understood that Spin was obviously hurting over Paige's suicide attempt, so they both had decided not to take anything he said personally-even when Spin had basically accused Craig of being an uptight transsexual (he wasn't sure where that had come from). Craig had been thinking about talking to Spin about his kiss with Roxie, but he had decided that now was probably the worst possible time to bring it up.

"He's right, Spin," Craig finally said. "Look, maybe we should just go back to the hospital and see how Paige is doing. Don't you think it's more important to be there for your girlfriend right now, as opposed to going around and trying to start shit with college boys?" Spin grunted from the front seat.

"God, you guys are such pussies!" Spin cried, shaking his head in amazement as his friend's blatant spinelessness. "Since when are you guy's such wimps? If you're not going back me up, why did you even come along?"

Marco glanced at Craig. Why had they come? Because Spin and Jimmy had pulled up in front of his house, Spin had come stomping across his lawn, and pounded on the door, yelling and demanding Marco come with them. Marco hadn't even wanted to come-he had perfectly content on sitting home and coloring with his little sister. But _no_. Spin had basically dragged Marco out of his house, and his sister had gotten scared and started screaming. His parents had probably called the police because they thought he was kidnapped or something.

"For the free car ride and male-bonding experience?" Craig joked with a shrug, trying to lighten the tension that filled the car. Spin turned and glared at him, unbuckled his seat belt, and jumped out of the car. The door slammed shut behind him, and Jimmy turned to Craig.

"So not the time, dude. So not the time," Jimmy said, unbuckling his seat belt. "Guys, he's really upset. He's going to regret everything he said and did tonight, believe me."

"It's hard to tell," Marco pointed out. "He's acting like, possessed."

"His girlfriend just tried to kill herself," Craig said. "You think he's going to be turning cartwheels and skipping around like he's having a gay old time?"

"No," Marco said, frowning. "But he's crazy, ok? I think we should stop him."

"What do you suggest we do, then? Maul him and drag him back here?" Craig asked, shaking his head. "Look, he's out for blood. But Jimmy, I have to agree with Marco- he's literally gone insane." Jimmy looked thoughtful, and then reached over to open the door. Marco sat up, staring at him. "You're going with him?"

"Of course," Jimmy said. "We've all seen Spin fight- he looks like he's having multiple spasms or something. He's going to need our help. Look, we can't just bail out on him. He's my best friend, and I've always got his back. If we're there, he might not do something entirely stupid." With that, he pulled open the door and jumped out, hurrying to follow Spin across the lawn toward the house. Marco and Craig glanced at each other again, silently agreeing they should find new friends, because the ones they had were pretty fucked up. But they both got out, because Jimmy was right- if you didn't have your friends, who did you have?

Craig and Marco walked into the Frat house, which was crowded with bodies and booze. They stopped in the front hall and glanced around. They had completely lost sight of Jimmy and Spin. Craig sighed. "Excellent. We've managed to lose them already."

Marco shrugged. "Well, we'll find them. Why don't we just walk around and enjoy ourselves until we do?" He patted Craig on the shoulder and walked off, and Craig rolled his eyes and followed them. Almost immediately, a bubbly blonde bounced up to Marco, holding a beer in her hand and grinning like Brad Pitt had just entered the room. "Hi, cutie!" she chirped. "Where did you come from?"

Marco shifted uneasily. "Um…hey."

Craig smirked. For some unknown reason, girls just flocked to Marco. Maybe it was that gay-vibe that girls get that automatically makes them assume they've found a new shopping partner and another "girlfriend" to do their hair. But not this girl. By the way she was groping Marco's arm and practically salivating over him, she was obviously looking for_ more_ than a friend.

The girl batted her insanely long eye lashes and threw back the rest of her beer. She smiled and held out the empty can and shook it at him. "Would you get me another? I'm so thirsty!"

Marco smiled weakly and nodded, obviously eager to get away from her. "Sure…I'll be right back," he said, hurrying off. The girl turned to Craig, and he could smell the alcohol on her breath. She stumbled a little and grinned stupidly at him. Craig made a face, realizing how unattractive drunk girls actually were. "He's a hottie! Does he have a girlfriend?" she asked.

Craig thought for a second. "Um….kind of," he said, wondering if a _boyfriend _counted.

"What's his name?"

"Marco," Craig yelled, trying to be heard over the music. "But word of advice- you're barking up the wrong tree." He patted the girl on the arm. But she obviously didn't get it, because she just stared at him and then grinned stupidly, as if it were a funny joke. Craig smiled at her and walked away, not feeling like bursting her bubble. Plus, it would be amusing to see how Marco would handle having a drunk girl falling all over him.

Craig wandered into another room, where a few large, burly guys were gathered around a beer bong, cheering and clapping like they were at the damn Super Bowl. Craig rolled his eyes and sat down on a tattered couch. Usually, if he was at a party, he would be stoked to drink it up, but tonight he just wasn't in the mood. Suddenly, someone caught his eye across the room. A tall girl with long, straight, black hair, pale skin, and that whole "fuck-the-world- I-don't-give-a-shit- about anything" look going for her. An alternative chic, clearly, but not one of those who tries way too hard to appear different. She was walking toward him, and she finally plopped down next to him. She sighed and looked over at Craig, who quickly glanced away, because it was kind of creepy to have someone just staring at you.

"Having fun?" she asked dryly. Craig glanced at her in surprise.

"Uh…..not particularly," he said with a shrug. "My friends kind of dragged me here…"

"Join the club," she said, rolling her eyes. Craig noticed that she had her eyebrow pierced as well as her tongue.

"My friend had about two beers and fucking passed out on the porch." She rolled her eyes. "Frat parties," she said, nodding to the boys all around the beer bong, taking turns. "Just a way for horny, mindless idiots to gather together and drink themselves into oblivion. Pathetic." Craig smirked, and she glanced at him. "Let me guess- you're in a frat, right?"

Craig shook his head. "No. Actually I'm in-"_Don't say high school_. "An….anti-fraternity." The girl glanced at him curiously. "We're totally against fraternities. We meet once a week in….a basement."

The girl stared at him. "So, one of your "anti-fraternity" activities is attending a frat party?" Craig just shrugged. "Right….well, that sounds interesting. I guess. I never heard of an anti-fraternity, but I'll just take your word for it" She reached into her leather bag and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. She pulled one out and offered it to him. "Want one?"

Craig shook his head. He had tried smoking a few times, simply because everyone else did it, so he figured it must be appealing. But when he had actually inhaled, it felt like fire traveling down his windpipe, so Craig had pretty much gave up on smoking before he could even start. "Nah. But thanks." She shrugged and lit one.

"I've been trying to quit for ages," the girl admitted, blowing out some smoke directly in Craig's face, and he resisted the urge to cough. "But what do you know- their actually addictive!" Craig smiled. The girl glanced at him. "Hey, what's your name?"

"Craig."

"Tessa. Do you want to go somewhere a little more….quiet? The music and the overwhelming amount of testosterone floating in the air is giving me a killer headache," she said loudly, attempting to be heard over the music that had suddenly come on, a pop-like song with a whiny, high-pitched girl singing. "God, what is this shit? So you in or what?" She stood up, and stared down at him. Craig nodded and stood up.

"Sure." Tessa grabbed his hand, and Craig liked how it felt- her hand was warm and soft. She pulled him up the staircase to the second floor, which had slightly less people. Tessa glanced around and then ducked into an empty room with a couple couches and a T.V. Craig followed her in, and shut the door behind him. Tessa plopped down on one of the couches and smirked. "Are you nervous or something?"

Craig looked surprised, and shook his head. Ok, he was a little nervous, but he wasn't about to admit it to a girl that obviously didn't know what nervous meant. "No....are you nervous?" he shot back, sitting down next to her. Tessa smiled slightly.

"No," she said. "I never get nervous. You're really cute, you know that? I love your hair," she said, reaching out and twirling a strand of his hair around her fingers. She moved slightly closer to him. "You play the guitar, right?"

Craig looked at her. "Yeah. How did you know?"

"I can just tell," Tessa said with a shrug. Her eyes were really blue and bright, and her lips were full. Craig blinked and looked down at his hands. "Musicians give off this vibe, you know?" Craig nodded.

"I like you, Craig," Tessa said suddenly, leaning closer to him. "You're special, I can tell." And she kissed him. No warning, nothing. She just leaned right in and kissed him. Craig had to hand in to this girl- she was bold. Most girls got all shy and timid, but Tessa just dived right in there- and Craig liked it. The rational part of brain was telling him to stop her, but the horny part of him was kissing her right back. She leaned back and smiled softly at him. She took off her leather jacket and tossed it on the ground, and Craig immediately wondered if she wanted to have sex. God, he was a horny bastard. He really was. Then she wrapped her pale arms around his neck and kissed him harder, and Craig didn't stop her. He was weak as hell.

Finally, after a few minutes of intense making out, something finally clicked in Craig's brain. He suddenly pushed Tessa away, and she frowned at him. "What?"

Craig smiled sheepishly, and moved over to the other end of the couch. "You…you just made me realize something." She just stared at him. He sighed. "I…I have this problem with cheating on my girlfriend. And there must be something wrong if I can just come to party and start making out with some random girl that I've known for five minutes. If I really loved my girlfriend, I wouldn't be here with you. I have to break up with her," he said suddenly, nodding to himself. "She deserves better. Plus, I think I'm in love with her best friend,"

Tessa nodded. "Oh…you're one hell of a guy, you know that? Making out with random girls and falling in love with your girlfriend's best friend. Boy, she picked a winner," she said sarcastically. Craig shrugged. "Alright. We don't have to do anything. But just so you know, I was going to sleep with you. This party is totally depressing. But I have something that will make it more fun." She reached into her bag and pulled out some weed and a bowl. She waved it at him. "Care to indulge?"

Craig shrugged. What the hell? Either that or go down and watch some girl attempt to dry hump Marco. "Alright," he agreed, and Tessa smiled at him.

"Spin, maybe he's not even here," Jimmy pointed out, taking a sip of his beer. He wasn't even sure how he had got it, but he drank it anyway. "We should go. See how Paige is doing."

"No!" Spin said, shaking his head. "He's here. This is his Frat. I asked around." He spotted a girl and called out to her. "Hey! Do you know where Dean is?"

The girl gave him a weird look. "Who's Dean?"

Spin sighed. "Never mind."

"Look, I know your upset," Jimmy said reasonably a minute later. "But this isn't the way to deal with this. Maybe Dean didn't even do anything. Maybe Paige was just depressed or something. She did have a hard time when you broke up with her…" he said, trailing off. He realized that's not how he wanted it to come out. "Spin, I didn't mean-"

"No, I get it," Spin said, glaring at him. "This is my fault, right? You don't think Dean had anything to do with this, do you?"

Jimmy looked down at his feet. "I'm not…sure."

"Well, I am," Spin said defensively. "Paige and I just got back together. Hazel said she ditched out on plans with Dean to be with me. It all makes perfect sense. If someone hurt Hazel, wouldn't you want to defend her?"

Jimmy bit his lip. "Well, yeah…but Hazel and I aren't together anymore, remember?"

"That's not the point," Spin said, rolling his eyes. "Look, we are going to find him," he said in determination, setting down his beer. "Hey, you!" He called out to a blonde girl who was walking by with her friend. "Do you know a Dean?"

"Dean?" the girl squealed. "Sure! Major hottie, soccer star?'

Spin clenched his jaw. "Yes. That would be him. Is he here?"

The girl nodded. "Yeah. I think he was outside on the porch a few minutes ago." The girl smiled flirtatiously at Jimmy, winked, and waltzed away with her friend. Jimmy shuddered, but Spin was bursting with excitement. "See, dude! I knew he was here! Come on. Let's go. We need to find Marco and Craig." Spin set down his beer and hurried toward the back porch, and Jimmy reluctantly followed.

They walked around looking for Marco for awhile, and when they entered the living room, Jimmy stopped short. Spin bumped into him, and scowled. "Dude, I'm walking here. Can you…" he trailed off when he spotted what Jimmy was staring at. "Oh, God. What the hell?"

Standing on top of a table was Marco, without a shirt, and he was grinding with this girl and wearing a really huge, weird hat that Spinner couldn't even begin to describe. The girl with him was obviously drunk, and so was Marco. But he was laughing and dancing like there was no tomorrow, and he and the girl were all over each other. Spin frowned at Jimmy. "Hey, maybe Marco's straight when he's drunk and gay when he isn't," he said with a shrug. Jimmy looked at him and rolled his eyes. "Shut up, Spin."

They walked over to the table. "Hey, Marco!" Jimmy called, but Marco was way to into his dancing to notice Jimmy. "Marco!" he yelled. Finally, Marco spotted him and grinned.

"Hey! Come on, Jimmy!" Marco yelled, waving his hands in the air like an idiot. "Join us. It's _sooooooo _fun!" And then he giggled like a school girl. He actually giggled. Jimmy and Spin glanced at each other. Marco reached out and grabbed his hand. "Come on! Get up here!"

"Yeah, Jimmy," Spin said, nudging his friend in the shoulder. "Get up there and grind with him! You know you want it." Jimmy just scowled at him.

"He's the best!" the girl cried to them, and she grabbed Marco and kissed him hard on the mouth. "Isn't he the best?!"

"Dude, we found Dean!" Spin called up. Marco glanced at him.

"Who?"

"Dean! The entire reason we came here!" Just as he yelled this, Marco lost his footing and fell off the table to the floor, dragging the girl down with him. They laid there for a minute, and then they began rolling around and laughing like it was the funniest thing that had ever happened. Jimmy sighed and turned to Spin. "He is wasted, man. We should just leave him here with that girl, because it's probably going to be the only action he gets from a girl- ever. Hey, Marco! Where is Craig!" He yelled, nudging Marco with his shoe.

"He-He's upstairs…I think. I saw him go up there…but….I can't remember!" he yelled, and then he and the girl began laughing again. Jimmy and Spin soon knew it was time to leave when the girl started licking Marco's face, so they quickly turned and walked away, leaving Marco and the girl making out on the floor. They climbed up the staircase to the second floor, which was considerably quieter than the downstairs, but not by much. Spin and Jimmy wandered around until they finally came to a room at the end of the hall. Jimmy opened the door and walked in, and saw Craig sitting on a couch with some pale-gothic looking chick. They were just sitting there, slumped over on the couch, staring at nothing.

"Craig. Hey, man. Look, we found Dean, so…" Jimmy said, and Craig finally picked up his head and stared at Jimmy.

"Dean?" Craig said. "Guys, violence isn't the answer. Tessa, here, helped me realize that…" he said, reaching over slowly and stroking a strand of the girl's long, silky, black hair. "Isn't she magnificent?"

"Give peace a chance," Tessa said seriously, and then Craig and her glanced at each other, and began laughing in this slow, quiet way, like it was some private joke.

Jimmy groaned and ran his hands over his face. "Did you drink, too?"

Craig nodded seriously. "Yes….no," he said solemnly. "I didn't have a drop, I swear."

"Then what's wrong with you?"

Tessa glanced at Craig and began giggling, much like Marco had. She was stroking his shirt like it was a damn dog or something. "Let's just say we had a nice little visit with Mary-Jane."

"You smoked weed?" Spin asked. Craig just chuckled to himself. "Man, we didn't come here to get messed up; we came to get back at Dean!"

"And I…wish you luck with that," he said. Then he frowned and scratched his head." Wait, what were we talking about?"

Spin and Jimmy slowly backed out of the room, leaving Craig and his little hippie chick by themselves. Once they shut the door behind them, Spin banged on the wall in frustration. "Those losers! We came here with a purpose, and we got ditched for some girls! I mean, even Marco, who doesn't even like girls!"

Jimmy sighed. "Well, their not going to be much help now. Marco's dancing like a freaking back-up dancer on some table, and Craig is sitting around, being stoned and discussing world philosophies."

Roxie was officially screwed.

After her mother had practically shoved her out the front door, Roxie had wandered around for a bit, feeling sorry for herself and just basically getting all depressed and suicidal. Finally, she had ended up at Ashley's house, where she had interrupted an adorable little family moment for the Kerwin- Issacs bunch. Toby, his dad, Ash, and Ash's mom had all been sitting around watching an old movie, munching on popcorn and laughing gaily as if the world couldn't get any more fucking perfect because they were all together. That only depressed Roxie further, because she realized that, as gay as they were, she would never have precious family moments like that. Roxie had always been slightly jealous of Ashley- she had a great future, great friends, a wonderful boyfriend that Roxie was madly in love with herself, and now apparently a great family that actually loved each other. That was a foreign concept to Roxie, and now she couldn't help resent Ash even more.

"Roxie! Hey!" Ash had said cheerfully when she had answered the door, smiling and looking calm and relaxed. Roxie knew she looked like shit it comparison- her eyes were red from the crying she had done, which she would never admit to anyone, and her blonde hair was all tousled and messed up from the wind.

_Die, bitch! _Roxie thought. But she forced a smile. "Ash, hey! Um….I ….I have a little problem."

"Oh. What is it?" Ash asked, staring at her with wide eyes as she leaned against the doorframe. Roxie shifted uncomfortably when she saw that Toby, his dad, and Ash's Mom were all staring at her from the couch. She cleared her throat. "Can you come outside for a sec?" Ash nodded in understanding and stepped outside, shutting the door behind her.

"Well, see, the thing is…I…." she babbled, trying to figure out the best way to explain it. "Um….my Mom kicked me out….forever."

Ash's mouth fell open. "Are you kidding? Oh, Roxie!"

"Yeah….isn't it pathetic?" Roxie said, shuffling her feet and sticking her hands in her pockets. "As if being pregnant wasn't enough, we can now add homeless to the shit list. Anyway…..I was kind of hoping you could help me figure out something to do. I mean, I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place here." She could just sleep at the playground- she's done it before. One time, when her mother and George had been screaming at each other for an hour, Roxie had run out and had spent the night on a park bench. When she had woken up, she had found six dollars next to her, and someone had thrown a half-eaten cheeseburger on her.

Ash put a hand on her shoulder. "God, that sucks," she said. "What happened?"

Roxie shrugged. "Oh….things were said, feelings were hurt, my mother's a wretched hag….the usual. The point is, I'm kind of out on my ass right now."

"Well, you can definitely stay here for a night or two, before my Mom starts asking questions. Actually…" she said, her eyes lighting up. "I have an excellent idea! Hold on one sec." She dashed inside and reappeared with a paper. "My Mom and I got in a fight this morning, so I was trying to piss her off by pretending to browse through the apartment listings and threatining to move out. But here…you can get your own apartment!"

Roxie snorted. "Yeah, and I'll just pay with the imaginary bundle of money I have in my pocket."

Ash rolled her eyes. "Alright, so money might be a small problem. But we can take care of that tomorrow. But attempt to sound optimistic, alright? Do you have a better idea?" she asked, fixing Roxie with a look that said _I-know-you-don't-so-stop-being-so-bitchy. _God, Roxie hated it when Ash was right, which was most of the time. She didn't have a better idea- actually, she had no ideas.

"Well….no," Roxie admitted, biting her lip. "That's an _ok_ idea, I guess, but let's face it- it's never going to happen. Who is going to loan money to a pregnant teenager who got kicked out of her house? And who the hell is stupid enough to give _me_ an actual apartment?"

Ash folded up the newspaper and patted her friend on the shoulder. "We'll figure out something, don't worry. Now, get your butt of the porch and come inside, ok? We have an apartment to find!" 

"This is disgusting!" Emma hissed to J.T, nudging him in the arm. "You're actually enjoying this?" She nodded toward the large screen at the drive-in, where a gory, disgusting action flick was playing. Emma found in simply nauseating, but J.T was apparently mesmerized by it. He hadn't taken his eyes off the screen in the last hour. Emma, on the other hand, was trying to refrain from throwing up all over her new white peasant shirt.

"Fake blood and gore is an art form, Emma," he said, not even looking at her. "An art form only understood by a rare few. Here, if you don't like it, go get me a refill on this popcorn, k?" He shoved his empty bag toward her, and Emma rolled her eyes and snatched it out of his hand. She wondered exactly why she though going to see a movie with J.T was a good idea. One, she really had nothing better to do- no boyfriend to cuddle with or best friend to gossip with. Two, she was trying to get her mind off Jay and the infamous "kiss". The past couple of months had been a complete roller coaster of emotions- ending her relationship with Chris, rekindling her friendship with Manny, her feelings for Sean, her "slut" phase, the rape, and of course, finally getting back with Sean. But her "thing" with Jay- or whatever the hell it was- was definitely the most confusing thing. She didn't actually like rude, obnoxious Jay, did she? She actually thought she did.

Emma walked toward the concession stand, and suddenly she spotted Jay and a few friends nearby, talking loudly and just plain being obnoxious. She stopped for a second and glanced at them, and Jay spotted her. He jumped off his car and nodded at her. "Well, it's Emma Nelson, everyone!"

Emma blushed, wondering if he was going to announce to the entire drive-in that they had kissed. She slowly walked over to him. "Hey, Jay."

"We gotta talk," he said, grabbing her arm and pulling her aside. He turned to face her and placed both hands on either of her arms, and stared intently into her eyes. "I like you, Emma."

Emma smiled uneasily. If she wasn't mistaken, Jay was drunk. "About the other night…"

He grinned. "Yeah. About the other night…." Then, he leaned in a kissed her, without even saying anything. Emma's eyes widened, and she shoved him away. She could believe he would have the nerve to do that! His stupid friends were laughing and nudging each other, as if Jay was some major stud.

"Jay!" she said. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, come on," he said, slurring slightly. He rested his hands on his shoulders and tried to kiss her again, but Emma pushed him away.

"God, what are you thinking? You're completely drunk."

Jay shrugged. "Yeah. Your point? Come on, Emma. Is this cuz of Sean? Who cares about him?"

"_I _care about him," she said, shaking her head. "Look, I'm not ready to start anything with you. Not yet….I'm just…really confused, ok?" It was the truth- things were completely confusing lately. She wasn't sure if she wanted to be with Sean, or Jay, or anyone for that matter. Maybe it was just time Emma forgot about having a boyfriend and try being single. It would be a pleasant change.

"Oh, you're confused?" Jay said, scoffing, throwing up his hands and waving them around incoherently. "'Well, why don't we all just stop what we're doing and wait for Emma to stop being confused? If you're still hung up on SEan, then why don't you just forget about us, alright? It was just a fucking kiss, ok?"

"Why are you acting like this?" Emma asked quietly, but then wondered why she had expected anything different.

"You know, just forget it, alright? You're a prude princess that thinks the whole world revolves around her," he said, shaking his head and walking unsteadily back to the car. Alex was leaning against it, and he walked over and slung an arm around her. "Besides, I have Alex here. Why the hell would I need you?" His friends laughed, and Alex smiled smugly and wrapped her arms around his waist. Emma's cheeks burned with humiliation.

"Fine. I have no idea what I saw in you, anyway!" she snapped. "You're a rude, fucked-up loser who acts all tough when he's just a scared little baby inside."

Jay looked angry. "Yeah, well, I only kissed you because I…I thought it would be funny to mess around with Sean's girlfriend. So don't fucking think you're special or anything. You think you're so fucking perfect and you have all your dumb morals..."

Emma shook her head, wondering why she was even still standing there. She didn't need this. She had been right about Jay all along- he was an asshole, incapable of human emotions. She must have been temporarily insane to think she even remotely had feelings for him. She looked at him now. Standing there, drunk, and completely all over Alex, the girl he had called a "heartless bitch" just a few days before. Ugh. What was she thinking?

She turned sharply on her heel and walked toward the concession stand, leaving Jay and his lame friends at their car. As she stepped into line, she scolded herself once more for being such a complete idiot. Jay was Jay, and he always would be. The kiss obviously meant nothing to him- he'd just done it for kicks. She slipped her hair over her shoulder and decided to forget Jay even existed.

_Who needs Jay, anyway?_ She told herself. _Not me._

__

_Author's Note- Not too much action, but it will get better. I put a song in there, only because i like song fics and simply felt like it. Thanks for all the reviews! Keep reading and giving your thoughts! THanks! _


	11. Beautiful Disaster

**Author's Note-** Thank you for all the reviews so far....they're all really great. To answer some questions, I think Roxie is pretty sure it's Spin's baby...or is she? Lol...that really didn't answer the question at all, but...The song in the last chapter was "Smack" by 3 Doors Down, and I probably should have given them credit before. The song in this is my favorite band Linkin Park, "Faint". I'll probably be updating all my stories more frequently (hopefully), so keep reviewing!

"What the fuck! Where the hell is he?" Spin slurred, leaning heavily against Jimmy's shoulder just to remain standing. The two had searched for Dean outside, but hadn't been able to find him anywhere. Spin had probably had about three more beers since then, and was now angrily ranting about completely random things. Jimmy sighed and glanced around. Since when did this day go completely down the shit-hole? It had started out good enough- up until Hazel had called to tell him Paige was in the hospital. And somehow he had ended up at an overcrowded frat party, with two friends who were off being assholes with girls they had just meant, and another wasted friend who was lusting for revenge against a guy who didn't even appear to be at the party. Was he the only sane one left? Jimmy had the overwhelming urge to just leave, go to bed, and forget this night ever happened.

"Why are we just standing here?" Spin asked suddenly, hurling himself off of Jimmy and throwing his hands in the air.

"Look, I'm taking you home," Jimmy said, putting a hand on Spin's shoulder, trying to steer him toward the door. "You should just go home and-"

Spin whirled around, shoving Jimmy's hand off his shoulder. "No. Fuck you. I'm not leaving until I find Dean. I don't fucking need you. I can do this shit on my own."

"You can't even stand by yourself. Do you really think your going to be able to kick Dean's ass?"

Spin paused for a moment and blinked. "Fuck you," he repeated. "You know what? You're just a lousy friend." He reached out and pushed Jimmy.

"No, I'm not. If I was a lousy friend I wouldn't still be here, following you around while you stumble about and yell incoherently," Jimmy said angrily, pushing him back. "So don't talk to me about being a lousy friend. If anything, your being a lousy _boyfriend_. Why do you have this deluded idea that going to a party and getting drunk is going to help Paige? You should be with her right now or at least doing something semi-productive with your time." He stopped and shook his head, rubbing his hands over his face. "Sometimes you are such a fucking idiot, Spinner."

For a few minutes, Spin just stood there, staring at Jimmy, and blinking occasionally, as if trying to clear his head. Jimmy was just beginning to think that maybe something he said had actually gotten through to him, when suddenly Spin's eyes wandered over Jimmy's shoulder and lit up. Jimmy turned and saw Dean escorting a tall girl up the staircase. _Great timing, Dean, _he thought miserably. He was _this close_ to getting Spin to just leave.

Spin began ambling toward the staircase. Jimmy quickly followed him, and the two trooped up the staircase. They reached the large hallways upstairs, just in time to catch Dean and the girl disappearing into a room. Apparently seeing Dean had sobered him up a bit, because Spin stalked toward the room in complete determination. Spin finally reached the room, and threw open the door. He flipped on the light switch, revealing Dean and the girl locked in a passionate embrace in the center of the room. The broke apart, and Dean scowled at him.

"What the hell? Occupied," he snapped, stepping out to slam the door in Spin's face. Spin stepped in front of the door, blocking his way. Dean stepped back and shrugged. "Dude, come on. There are plenty of other rooms."

"You don't remember me, do you?" Spin asked. Jimmy hung back in the doorway, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Dean smirked. "Um, should I? Look, I'm a little busy right now, so can we do this some other time-"

"No," Spin cut in. "I'm Paige's boyfriend. You remember _Paige_, don't you? You know, the girl you meant at a party and ra-"

"Ah, yes. Spinner," Dean interrupted quickly, darting a glance at the girl, who was twirling a strand of hair around her finger in boredom. "Look, I _said_ I was busy right now. So why don't you just run back to your little high school and come back when you hit puberty, alright?" He smirked, and shoved Spin lightly, a clear message that he wanted him to get the hell out.

"No. What did you do to Paige?"

Dean glanced at the girl, rolled his eyes, and smirked cockily. "I don't know what you're talking about."

But he did, and Spin knew it. He could tell just by the way he said, by the look in his squinty little eyes. Spin grinded his teeth, unable to believe that this cocky bastard was actually standing there, smiling at him, and acting like everything was fine and it was all some big misunderstanding. It killed Spin to think that Paige was lying in some hard hospital bed, fighting for her life, while Dean was making out with some girl and having a jolly old time. It was so unfair.

"Screw this," Dean said, wrapping his arm around the girls shoulder and smiling apologetically. "Come on, Karen. We'll find some other room." The couple brushed past Spin to head out the door. Spin clenched his jaw and spun around.

"Hey! Karen!" he called out loudly. "You might want to think before you go off with him. Or else you might become his next _rape victim._" Ouch. That one was going to hurt.

The girl stared at Dean and stepped away from him. "What is he talking about?"

Dean licked his lips and narrowed his eyes at Spinner, sending him a silent threat to back off. Maybe it was the pure hatred for the guy, or the six beers in his stomach, but Spin wasn't afraid of him. He wasn't going to back down. Sure, Dean had muscles that could rival Pop-Eyes, but what he lacked in muscle tone, Spin gained in motivation.

Dean scowled at Spin. "How the hell should I know? I went out with his girlfriend a couple of times. He's obviously not over it."

"He raped my girlfriend," Spin told the girl. "He's a fucking rapist. He met her at a party, just like you, and then he took advantage of her. Yeah, big man on campus is a rapist." The girl stared at Dean in horror, and Dean shook his head.

"Fuck off, Spinner," Dean scowled, stepping up and shoving him. "It's none of your damn business, ok?"

Spin shoved his back. "I think my girlfriend is my business, wouldn't you say?"

"This is ridiculous!" Dean snapped, shaking his head. But the girl just stared at him in disgust and began to walk away. Dean grabbed her arm. "Oh, come on! I'm not a rapist! His girlfriend is just an easy lay, and he doesn't want to realize it. You're going to take some slut's boyfriend's word over mine?!"

Spin lunged for Dean, but Jimmy grabbed him around the waist and held him back. Karen made a face, and then turned and stormed out of the bedroom. Dean threw up his hands and turned to Spin, who was still pointlessly trying to punch him in the face. "God damn it! You just completely fucked that up. Now, I'm going after her to try to redeem myself, and you better not fucking follow me, alright? I swear to God." He hurried out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. After a few seconds, Jimmy finally released Spin.

"I could have had him, Jimmy," Spin snarled. Jimmy frowned.

"Just sit and calm down," Jimmy said, pushing Spin, who fell back on the bed in the center of the room. "Take a few deep breaths."

_Why is Jimmy being such a stupid loser?_ Spin wondered, but he took a few breaths anyway. He rubbed his hands on his jeans and shook his head. "I didn't even get to hit him," he muttered unhappily. Jimmy plopped down next him. "Yeah….well, that's probably for the best. But look- we're in his room," he pointed out, pointing to a framed picture on the desk of Dean and an older woman, most likely his mother. "I say we trash it."

Spin smiled slowly and nodded, and he and Jimmy slapped hands. They jumped up and began destroying anything they could. Jimmy tossed all the papers on his desk in the air, and then grabbed one and ripped it in half. "Oops! Hope he didn't need his term paper on the theory of evolution!"

Spin grinned as he began pulling drawers out of Dean's dresser. "That's a shame. I bet he worked really hard on that."

They trashed his room for a few more minutes, until Spin finally stopped and scratched his head. "I don't know. It doesn't give me that satisfaction, you know? Like, we messed up his shit, but all he has to do is pick it up." Spin sighed and snatched a pack of Dean's cigarettes off his dresser. He took one out and stuck it in his mouth. "The son of a bitch is just going to get away with it."

"That's not true," Jimmy said reassuringly, taking down a 50 cent poster on the wall that he rather liked, deciding to keep it. "Once Paige is alright, she'll tell you what happened. And then he'll get what he deserves." Spin lit his cigarette and nodded slowly. So he hadn't gotten Dean this time- there would be other chances. He wasn't going to let Dean ever ruin Paige's and his lives again.

Jimmy stuffed the poster into his baggy pants. "Alright, can we please go? I say we round up Craig and Marco and get the hell out of here. Go see how Paige is doing."

Spin nodded in agreement, and tossed his barely-smoked cigarette on the floor. "Yeah. Let's go." The two walked out of the room and headed down the hallway, in search of their friends. And they left so suddenly that neither noticed that Spin had forgotten to put out his cigarette. And they surely didn't notice a few minutes later when the cigarette managed to catch Dean's blue curtains on fire and as the small flame slowly crawled up the fabric…

"Ash….this is…this is really hard for me….but I think we need to break up. I just….I don't think this is going to work. You need a boyfriend who treats you right, and I'm just not that guy. I've put you through so much, and you deserve so much better. I just think things would be better for both of us." There. Craig had said. He let out a deep breath.

Roxie popped a Doritos in her mouth. "That was pretty good," she said, licking the cheese off her fingers and shrugging. "But it would have been absolutely perfect if you had actually said it _to_ _Ashley_."

Craig sighed, ran his hands over his face, and flopped down on the couch. "I know that. God, this sucks. But….I don't have the balls to actually say it."

"Then maybe you can break up with her in sign language," Roxie said sarcastically as she stared into her empty bag of Doritos in disappointment. Had she really actually just wolfed down that entire bag? Christ, what a pig she had become. "Look, Craig, I'm going to be honest with you- you're a complete wimp. I mean, you are way too sensitive and caring. We talked about this, remember? You know you have to break up with her. So do it. And then go buy me another bag of Doritos!" she demanded, crumpling up the bag and hurling it at Craig. It hit Craig in the cheek and he rolled his eyes.

"Yes, I remember the two hour lecture you gave me on what a spineless wimp I am. It was truly motivating. How would you like to break Ashley's heart?" Craig asked.

Roxie sat down next to him and snorted. "Somehow I think she'll manage to go on. Now, I'm having serious Doritos withdrawal."

"And why do I have to go buy the Doritos? I just bought you two bags last night. Plus, I didn't even get to eat any. Every time I reached for one you would shoot me an evil-death glare. No offense, but you've been hording all the food. And you're wearing my favorite sweater."

"Whatever. I'm hungry," she teased, and snuggled up even closer to him. Then she pretended like she was going to bite his neck, and he laughed. She gestured to the oversized hoodie she was wearing. "And you know I look hot in your clothes."

Craig rolled his eyes. "Yes. And you look very attractive with all that cheese on your face, too." Roxie leaned back and wiped the Doritos-cheese off her chin, smiling sheepishly. "Personally, I think you've had enough Doritos tonight. I'm cutting you off."

"Craig! You're just mad because you didn't get any. I'll tell you what-you break up with Ashley, and I'll start sharing my Doritos…_maybe_." She tossed her hair over her shoulder and stood up. "Anyway, aren't you in love with my new apartment?" She twirled around in the small, mostly empty living room of her new apartment. Ash had pulled some strings and managed to get the teen center, her parent's, and Spike Nelson, who sympathized with Roxie because she too had been a pregnant teenager, to fund Roxie to get an apartment. That was a week ago, and Roxie had just moved into her apartment the previous day. It was pretty small and bare, but Roxie really wasn't in a position to be picky, now was she? "Living by myself is honestly the best thing that ever happened to me. I can do whatever I want whenever I want. And you know what the best thing is- I don't have to worry about my Mom and my sister all the time. I don't even have to think about them!" Ok, so she did. A lot. But who had to know that? She smiled casually and rested her head on his shoulder. "It's the best thing that ever happened to me," she repeated quietly.

Craig smiled as he stared down at her blonde head. They had been secretly seeing each other since they had kissed in park. He didn't understand it, but seeing Roxie so happy made him feel Like everything she was feeling, he was feeling, too. He took that as a seriously good sign. "I know. This is great. And it's all because of….Ash," he said slowly, and then sighed. Roxie pulled her head back, and scooted over slightly. She rested her chin in her hand and stared out the window, and Craig couldn't believe how mentioning Ash completely killed the mood. He rubbed his hands against his jeans and smiled uncertainly. "Um….awkward silence," he said, glancing at her and chuckling. She just blinked at him, and he realized that pointing out it was awkward only made it more awkward. _I just need to stop talking, _he thought.

"You like me, right?" Roxie said suddenly, reaching over and lacing her fingers through his.

Like her? _Does liking someone mean you think about them 24/7? Does liking someone mean you would hurl your body in front of a moving care for them? Does liking someone mean you want to be around them all the damn time? No, I don't like you. I'm in love with you, _he realized suddenly. This could be the real thing, which totally scared and excited him. The whole idea was overwhelming. He nodded eagerly. "Of course," he said. "I want to be with you."

Roxie reached out and slapped him in the head. "Then break up with Ashley!" she barked out, jumping up and hurrying into the kitchen.

"But I'm trying!" Craig called out, throwing up his hands. "I almost did last night. It was, like, on the tip of my tongue, and then she told me she liked my shirt, so I_ obviously_ couldn't." Roxie reappeared, holding a bowl of ice cream. She rolled her eyes and walked over to the couch. "Well, obviously. Excuses, excuses. _Pathetic_."

"What did you do last night?" Craig asked, hoping to steer the conversation away from Ash.

Roxie shrugged. "Actually, I'd rather not say."

Craig smirked. "Oh, let me guess. You went clubbing, danced until the sun came up, meant some totally awesome guy who swept you off your feet…."

"Close. I ate Pringles and watched Brady Bunch reruns," Roxie admitted. "It was totally pathetic. I did see the one where Marcia got hit by a football and broke her nose, though."

"Wow! I bet it was the highlight of the night. If you got to see that episode, then it wasn't pathetic at all," Craig joked. Roxie reached over and pinched him.

He was stalling, trying to get off the topic of Ashley. The truth was, Roxie liked having a secret little romance with Craig. As horrible as it sounded, it was all so sneaky and romantic, and even a little naughty. The prospect of getting caught kind of kept things exciting. Like yesterday, when Craig had been there, and Ash had suddenly come over, forcing Craig to hide in the closet for a half hour.

"I know what you're doing. Trying to change the subject. Look, are you going to ever break up with Ash? Well, I know! You can just put it off for awhile! You know, eighty years from now, when you and Ash have been married for decades, have three kids and countless grandchildren, and you own a house together and all that, maybe you'll finally get the courage to break things off with her. At this rate, you're going to spend the rest of your life with Ashley Kerwin. You'll both complain to each other about arthritis, you'll have cute little burial plots side by side-"

"Ok, I get it," Craig interrupted. "I'm breaking up with her. It will happen."

"Good," Roxie said. "It's not that I don't like Ashley- I love her, I really do. Total sweetheart. I just sometimes wish she would jump off a bridge or run into traffic or something."

"Harsh," Craig said, smiling. Roxie smirked.

"I know. But can you blame me if I don't like sharing my boyfriend with someone else? At that school assembly the other day when you two were sitting together, I got so jealous and threw a pencil at you."

"That was you?"

"Well, if you hadn't been practically mauling each other the whole time, I wouldn't have resorted to violence!" she said defensively. Craig chuckled. "Alright. Let's stop talking about Ashley, alright? It's just the two of us tonight. We can just relax and watch T.V or something."

Roxie cuddled up to him, and he wrapped his arm around her. "Alright….maybe we can invite Ashley over. Since she is your _girlfriend_ and everything."

"Roxie, come on," Craig said, shaking his head. "I said drop it, alright?"

"Fine," Roxie said with a long sigh. Craig nodded and flipped on the television. "We could order a movie. Which one do you want to get?"

"I don't know. Why don't we call Ashley and ask her what she-"

"Roxie!"

Manny tossed back another Jell-O-shot as she surveyed the scene around her, taking in the flashing lights and the mobs of bodies dancing around. Manny and some of the girls had decided to blow off some steam and just go dancing, but now Manny was simply leaning against the bar, completely bored and in some serious need of some heroin. She tossed her silky black hair over her shoulder and glanced around, looking for some gorgeous guys to take her mind off shooting up. So far, she hadn't seen a single guy who had caught her eye, and no one had approached her. She glanced down at her seriously short skirt and her shimmering halter top, and she was just thinking about how maybe she didn't look as hot in black as she had thought, when suddenly someone slid up next to her. It wasn't a boy- it was a man.

"Hey, gorgeous. What's a perfect thing like you standing over here all by herself?" he asked, smiling down at her. His teeth were impossibly white. He was handsome, and in fact, he looked like an older version of Craig, which was a large plus. Manny shrugged casually and sighed in boredom.

"This is boring," she said simply. "Nothing is happening tonight."

The man chuckled and glanced around. "It is pretty tame tonight. Come on. Dance with me." He held out a hand, and Manny immediately took it. She wasn't in the mood to dance, but anything was better than hanging around the bar all by herself all night. They made their way to the floor and began dancing. He was a good dancer, but he kept getting a little too close to Manny. A few minutes passed, and his hands were suddenly all over. She stepped back subtly and smiled at him.

"I don't even know your name!" she called, trying to be heard over the music.

"It's Daniel," he called, placing his hands on her waist. They soon slid down to her butt, and Manny smiled tightly. She was no prude (obviously), but suddenly Manny felt uncomfortable. He hadn't even bothered to ask her name. She smiled again. "Well, my name is Manuela!" He nodded vaguely, not looking particularly interested. They danced for another minute, and suddenly Daniel's hand was on her breast, and he was leaning in to kiss her. Manny stepped back, placed her hands on his chest, and firmly pushed him away.

"What?" Daniel asked with a frown. Manny blushed and looked at the floor.

"It's just…I've only known you for five minutes."

Daniel smirked. "Most girls I would have had in bed by now," he said, stepping out and wrapping his arms around her tiny waist. Manny frowned and struggled to step away.

"Look….I want to leave."

Daniel nodded. "Alright. We can go back to my place."

Manny shook her head in disgust. "No. I want to leave…._alone_."

Daniel frowned. "What is your problem?" he asked, shaking his head. "You were all over me a second ago."

Manny's mouth fell open in surprise. "_I_ was all over you?" What was wrong with this guy? "You're the one with slimy octopus hands! Look, when a girl says back off, _back off_."

Daniel stared at her. "Please. Grow up. I'm going to find a real woman who knows how to handle a man." With that, he turned and walked off, disappearing into the crowd. Manny stared after him. Grow up? She was only sixteen, for god's sake! She was still considered jail-bait. She glanced down at her outfit again, realizing she didn't exactly dress like a normal sixteen-year-old. In fact, she was dressed like a complete tramp. Manny wrapped her arms around herself self-consciously, and all she wanted to do was get out of the club and to go back to Isabel's and change into her monkey P.J's that she loved.

A few minutes later, Manny was outside on the sidewalk, walking away from the busy club. She shivered as she walked through the dark streets. She kind of wished she weren't going back to Isabel's, but her own home. She could cuddle up with a bowl of popcorn and watch movie after movie in her den, just like she always used to when she had a crappy night.

She stopped a minute later in front of a dark alley that she knew was a shortcut, but she wasn't sure if she should take it. It was dark outside, but it was also cold, and Manny didn't feel like taking the longer way, so she ducked into the alley. She took a few steps, when suddenly she heard a rough voice behind her. "Hey." Suddenly, she felt two arms wrap around her waist, and she gasped. "What are you doing all by yourself, sweet thing?" they whispered into her ear. Before she knew what was happening, she was surrounded by three large men, all sneering at her. She swallowed hard.

"I've seen you before," one said, smirking. "Coming out of that whorehouse up the street. I bet you like it rough, don't ya?" He took a step toward her. Manny felt her stomach clench with fear. _Oh, god_, she thought. _Their going to rape me_. It didn't take a genius to figure that out. It wasn't like big, burly men stopped girls in alley's to chat about the weather.

"Get….get away from me!" Manny cried, finally able to find her voice. The men just chuckled.

"We will….once we're finished with you!" one said, reaching out and pushing Manny to the ground. She fell and landed hard on her knee, and she winced in pain. Another one reached out and pulled at her halter top, and the strings snapped, allowing her shirt to fall down. Manny gasped in shock and grabbed her shirt to her chest. The men just laughed, as if this was some fun game to them.

"You're not getting shy are you?" one asked, nudging his friend in the stomach as they began circling her. "Take it off!"

"No!" Manny said, tears streaming down her face. She considered getting up and running, but her knee was killing her, and she knew she wouldn't get very fart. "Leave me alone," she whimpered.

"Leave me alone!" one imitated, leering at her with a large scowl on his face. "I said, take it off!" He reached out and slapped her across the face. Manny fell back, stunned. The men stepped toward her, and Manny wondered exactly what he was planning to do to her….

"Hey!" someone suddenly called out. "Get away from her!"

The three men glanced up, and then before Manny knew what was happening, they turned and scampered off like little mice. She watched them go in amazement, half expecting them to come back and finish the job. But they soon disappeared out of sight, and the next second and man was leaning down next to her. "Hey- you ok?" he asked. Manny glanced at him, and briefly wondered if maybe he was just like one of them. But he was staring at her in concern, and Manny suddenly felt incredibly safe.

Thank God there are still good people in this city, she thought numbly, and she nodded. "Yeah….thank you."

"You shouldn't be out here all by yourself," the man said, taking her elbow and pulling her off the cold, hard ground. "Where do you live? I'll take you home."

'No!" Manny said quickly. "I can get there by myself."

"Are you kidding? So you can have another run in with those guys?" the man asked, shaking his head. "Can't let you. My cars right down the street. I'll drive you wherever you need to go."

Manny thought for a second. She didn't trust him, but it wasn't like she had any better options. Plus, her knee was throbbing, and the thought of sitting in a warm car was quite appealing. She nodded, and they walked out of the alley in silence. They finally reached his car parked down the street, he opened the door for her, and Manny climbed in. A few seconds later the man pulled away from the curb, and they were soon driving through the streets. Manny sat in silence, staring out the window, holding up her ruined shirt against her chest. She realized her breathing was slow and ragged, so she took a few deep breaths. God, that was the most terrifying experience of her life.

But hadn't she deserved it? Walking through dark alleyways, dressed like a hooker, she was practically inviting men to assault her. Shit, how stupid was she? Up until this point, Manny had thought she was invincible, like nothing could fucking touch her. She was wrong. If it hadn't been for this guy, she might be dead right now. Manny glanced out the window, and saw that Isabel's penthouse was coming into view. She pointed with a shaky finger. "Here. It's right here." The man slowed the car to a stop, but Manny made no move to get out. She just stared at the large house, wondering why she couldn't get her fucking body out of the damn car. Then she realized why- she didn't want to go back. This wasn't how a sixteen year old should be living. She should be going to school, going to the movies with her boyfriend, having sleepovers with her friends. Prostituting really didn't fit in there, did it? Manny bit her lip and turned to the man hesitantly.

"Actually….this isn't where I want to go."

"Are you sure?"

Manny nodded slowly. She never wanted to see that place again. "Yes….would you drive me somewhere else?"

"Yeah. Anywhere." Manny stared out the window.

"Great." And suddenly, Manny knew exactly where she wanted to go.

Ellie watched with blank eyes as they pulled the stretcher out of her room. They wheeled it down the hallway away from her, the body covered by a plain, bright, white sheet. Just another dead body, a lifeless corpse. Ellie rubbed her arms, suddenly feeling cold. A small group had gathered in the hallway, and once the stretcher was out of sight, they quietly went broke apart and went their separate ways. Ellie hung back, leaning against a wall as she fiddled with her two red braids. A moment later, Tina, one of the nurses, walked up and put a comforting hand on Ellie's arm. "Are you alright?"

Ellie swallowed hard and stared down at Tina's hand. She _hated_ when the _nurses_ here touched her. They didn't even know her. Why did they think they could go around touching her? "What happened?" she asked in a small voice.

"Dawn's heart stopped. She wasn't eating, and she was malnourished. I'm very sorry. I know this must come as a great shock to you," Tina told her solemnly.

Not really. How was it that even Ellie knew that Dawn hadn't been eating, but the incompetent nurses couldn't even figure it out? Ellie could have predicted that something bad was going to happen to Dawn, but she hadn't bothered to say anything. She had been too preoccupied with her own personal angst. And now Dawn was dead, and Ellie couldn't help but feel responsible. They had found her in her bed that evening, wearing her duck-pajamas and looking so innocent and pure with her shiny blonde hair pulled back in a neat braid. "Yeah…it is," she said distractedly.

"You two were very close?" Tina asked. Ellie shrugged. Ellie hadn't been there that long, but she had formed a special bond with Dawn. She was so cheery and upbeat you couldn't help but like her. One night, Ellie had almost thought about cutting again, but Dawn had talked her out of it. _Too bad I couldn't talk her into eating_, Ellie thought sadly. _Some friend I was._

"Well, this is going to be a difficult time for everyone. You can talk about your feelings in group therapy tomorrow."

Ellie didn't want to talk about her feelings. Why did they always want to "discuss their problems" here? Why couldn't the just leave her alone? They didn't even help people- look at Dawn. Look how she had ended up. This place was a fucking joke.

"I don't want to talk," Ellie snapped, standing up straight. "You suck at helping people here. You couldn't even help Dawn. How could you not know she wasn't eating? Isn't that your job- to make sure anorexics eat? This isn't just a place for messed-up kids to stay for awhile- you're supposed to be helping us with our problems!"

"Well….we….it's just…" Tina stuttered, looking taken aback.

"Never mind. I'd like to make a phone call." Tina nodded sheepishly, and the two walked down the hall to the phone lounge in silence. Ellie sat down in the small phone booth, picked up the phone, and dialed Sean's number. She tapped her foot impatiently as it rang. _Please be home_, she silently prayed. She needed to talk to someone. She couldn't believe Dawn was dead, and she didn't have anyone to talk to it about, because the person she always talked to _was_ Dawn.

Finally, the answering machine picked up. "You've reached Sean Cameron's...not around, so…yeah…leave a message, I guess."_ Beep_. Ellie opened her mouth, on the verge of spilling out the whole sordid story on the answering machine. Tell Sean how she was going to miss Dawn, how guilty she felt, and how much she just wanted to go home. But instead of spilling her guts, she slammed down the phone. Damn, she thought, irrationally angry at Sean for not being home and not knowing she was going to call. She leaned her head against the cool glass of the booth, and took a deep breath. This was not good. Things were not going well.

_I don't think I can take this anymore_.

Manny walked slowly through the maze of headstones, the plush grass crunching under her feet. She had only been there once, but she knew exactly where Carter's headstone was. Manny was slightly spooked out by trampling over people's graves at this time of night, but she didn't stop. She had to see Carter- even if he wasn't really there. She just needed to be near him, be near his presence, even if it was just a cold piece of rock. Manny finally came to the plain, gray headstone that read CARTER ANDREW MONROE in big letters, and then his date-of-birth and death. Manny knelt down in front of it, ignoring the pain in her knee.

"I really fucked up, Carter," she admitted to the headstone. "I mean, really bad. Not like the time I stole my Mom's car, or the time when I went to Toronto with you without telling my parents. Remember that? Anyway, this is serious. If you knew what I've been doing, you'd kill me." Gee, that didn't sound right, considering Carter himself was dead.

Manny wrapped her arms around herself and sighed. "I've had the worst night, Carter," she said, tears forming in her eyes. "I've had the worst couple of weeks, too. This is all your fault, you know." She half expected Carter to appear and start yelling at her for blaming him for everything like she always did, but she knew that wasn't going to happen. Her accusation was meant with silence. "Ok, so it really isn't. You were right. I am selfish. And stupid. And I've treated everyone like crap." More silence. "And I got what I deserved." She was sobbing now. "But I want things to be normal again! That's all. I want you to be here, and I want my parents to still love me, and I want to be the old, happy, bubbly me." But she wouldn't be that innocent, carefree, little girl every again. Things had changed.

Manny sat there for a few minutes. "Why did you fucking have to die!" she suddenly screamed. "You just left me!" She stopped and took a deep breath. "I really loved you."

And then, Manny knew it was time to go. She had said what needed to be said, and now it was time to leave. She'd come back- she'd be coming back to visit Carter for a long time. She stood up and brushed the dirt off her knees. She turned and walked through the cemetery, until she came to the large fence, and then realized she had no place to go and no ride to get there. She climbed over the fence and landed on the sidewalk. Manny really needed to start planning ahead. So she did the only thing she could do- she just started walking. And she felt safe, because she was back in Degrassi.

Manny had no idea where she was going, or what tomorrow was going to bring, but she suddenly felt better than she had in weeks. She kicked a twig out of her way and smiled faintly.

Suddenly, things didn't seem so hopeless anymore.

Ashley fiddled with the radio until she found a good station and the settled back in her seat as she drove through the dark streets of her town. Things seemed so peaceful at night. She had just come from Terri's, and now she was heading home. Ash rolled down the window to let some fresh air in. It had been a crazy week. Roxie had gotten her own apartment, and hadn't yet burned it down, and Paige was still in the hospital, but was finally getting better and healthier. Ash made a mental note to visit her tomorrow, maybe bring her a pint of her favorite ice cream and a trashy tabloid. If Paige had a weakness, it was fattening foods and celebrity gossip.

Ash still couldn't believe Paige had tried to kill herself. It was so…._un- Paige_. She had always acted like she was the most awesome things ever, like her life was so great and glamorous, and everyone had always thought it was. Sure, she could be a complete bitch (rewind to 9th grade, when Paige had totally managed to make Ash a complete outcast), and she was kind of conceited (hello- no one looked in the mirror more than her….except maybe Marco) but Ash knew that Paige was actually a sweet and caring girl. It was just hard to see sometimes underneath all the wholesome cruelty, that's all.

Ash turned a corner and glanced out the window. She saw a small girl walking down the sidewalk, and Ash frowned and glanced at the clock on her dashboard. Who the hell was wandering around this late? And dressed like _that?_ Ash got closer, and suddenly realized who it was. _No way. No fucking way. _

Ash pulled up next to the girl and leaned out the window. "Manny?"

_I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard  
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact that everyone can see these scars  
I am what I want you to want what I want you to feel  
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe this is real  
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do  
Face away and pretend that I'm not  
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I got._

Manny stopped and turned to her with wide eyes. Geez, she looked like hell. Her hair was all messed up, her eyes were red, she appeared to be holding her ripped halter top against her chest, and her bare knees were all covered in dirt. And she had been limping slightly. She looked like she had just walked away from some kind of car accident. Ash stared at her, not even sure what to say. _Hi! Why do you look like you've just been through some kind of natural disaster? _So Ash just sat there, staring at the girl she had always despised in wonder and amazement.

Finally, Ash blinked. "What are you doing here?" Not that it was any of her business, but Ash had never been good at keeping her nose out of other's peoples lives.

Manny shrugged. "Nothing."

Oh, _ok._ Like she always walked around the streets as night dressed like a hooker and crying. Like it was completely normal for someone to disappear for weeks and then just suddenly show up again. "To be honest, Manny, you look like shit."

_I can't feel the way I did before  
Don't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored  
Time won't take this damage anymore  
Don't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored_

Manny sighed. "I know."

Well, this conversation wasn't going anywhere. Ash really didn't want to do this, but… "Hey, do you need a ride?" Manny stared at her skeptically. "I'm not going to pull a knife or anything. You just look like you're… lost," Ash said. Manny looked thoughtful, and then finally walked around the car and climbed into the passenger side. Ash turned off the music and turned to her. "Are you alright?"

Manny glanced at her. "No, I'm not alright," she said. Suddenly, to Ashley's horror, she began sobbing.

"Manny….where have you been?!" Ash blurted out. "I mean….everyone's been worried about you." _Everyone….except me. _

"In…in the city," she said, wiping her face with the back of her hand. "I've been living there, and…..I've been doing some stupid things. And tonight…I got attacked by these guys…" she trailed off and covered her face with her hands. Ash mouth fell open in shock. "No one knows I'm here…."

Ash sat back in her seat. No one knew Manny was back. Suddenly, she felt like she had this huge responsibility on her shoulders. Like…she had to take care of Manny or something. What was she supposed to do? This sucked. But she had to do something. She would be a horrible, disgusting person if she just let Manny get out of the car and potentially ruin her life all over again. Ash glanced at Manny. But Manny must have wanted help, because she wouldn't have come back if she didn't. And even though Ash didn't know exactly what had happened to Manny, the girl looked like she had been to hell and back. And she probably had.

_I am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident  
Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make sense  
I am what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt  
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out  
So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do  
Face away and pretend that I'm not  
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got. _

Ash started the car. _I can't believe I'm doing this_, she thought. _This is the girl who stole my boyfriend. This is the girl that I know my boyfriend is still in love with, no matter what he says. This is the girl that, at one point, I wanted to run over with my car. This is the girl that, if she comes back into our lives, she'll most likely steal my boyfriend again, even if she doesn't even try, just because Craig is that attached to her. This is the girl that could ruin everything for me. _

But she kept driving, with that girl sitting next to her. And she was going to take her to the one place she could think of that could help.

_God, I'm a fucking saint_.

Author's Note- Gasp- will Manny and Ash actually become friends? Seems impossible, but who knows. And what happened at the frat house...find out more in the next chapter!


	12. My Happy Ending

_Ring! Ring! Ring! _

_What the fuck?_ Roxie thought groggily as she slowly sat up in her bed, yawning sleepily. Damn. She had just been lost in semi-erotic dreams about Craig, and she hated being woken up in the middle of a good dream. _This better be really fucking important_, she thought unhappily, rubbing her eyes sleepily and untangling the sheets from around her legs. _Maybe it's Craig_, she thought hopefully, flinging her legs over the side of the bed and standing up. _We've only been apart for a whole two hours, and he already misses me and just had to see me. _God, could they be any more adorable as a couple? She wondered if they had reached that point where they were truly nauseating yet- like Paige and Spin used to be, when they would feed each other and use baby talk. She doubted it. They'd only been dating for about a week and a half, but Roxie was already attached to him. _We are so going to be together,_ she thought happily. _He's going to break up with Ash, we're going to become an official couple, get married, have gorgeous kids….ok, you're getting a little ahead of yourself here. And you don't even know if Craig is really at the door. It could very well be some serial killer who wants to slice you up into little pieces and store you in a freezer. _

On that thought, Roxie reached under her bed and pulled out a bat Craig had loaned her- just in case, of course. After all, a girl living all alone in an apartment building was practically a pervert's wet dream. Roxie walked across her room, and spotted herself in the mirror hanging on her door. Ugh- she hoped to God it wasn't Craig, because her hair was a ratty mess and there was unattractive sliver of drool on her chin. She ran her fingers through her hair, wiped off the drool, and vowed never to allow Craig to see her right when she woke up, because it was definitely a turn-off. She crossed the small living room to the front door.

She peeked into the peep-hole, and saw a distorted image of…Ashley? She didn't look happy. _Shit,_ Roxie thought frantically, stepping back from the door and biting her lip. _Craig probably broke up with her, and she's here to maim and kill me I would have preferred the serial killer! I should just pretend I'm not here. _But Ash knocked again, so Roxie finally opened it an inch and poked her head out. _Judgment Day_. She checked to make sure Ash didn't have any weapons on her, and she smiled hesitantly. "Ash…hey. What a pleasant surprise….at two in the morning."

"There's something I need to talk to you about," Ash said seriously, a solemn look in her eyes. Roxie swallowed hard. She didn't blame Ash for hating her- what kind of best friend went after your boyfriend? Ashley was the best friend Roxie had ever had, and she had basically fucked up their whole relationship over a boy. A stupid boy named Craig Manning. She wouldn't even blame Ash if she threw a punch at Roxie- she deserved it.

"Look, Ash," Roxie began. "I know your upset with me, but I wasn't planning this. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. I never meant to hurt you, and I hope we can still be friends…"

Ashley stared at her in confusion. "Roxie, what are you talking about?"

Roxie blinked. "Um….what are _you_ talking about?"

Ash took a deep breath, glanced down the hallway, and nodded. Suddenly, Manny appeared out of nowhere, and Roxie jumped slightly. _What the hell is going on?_ She wondered. _What is this- the "We've Dated Craig!" club?_ It was two in the morning, Roxie was exhausted, and Ash and Manny were the last two people on Earth she had expected to show up on her doorstep _together_. Roxie noticed Manny had a swollen lip and dirt on her face, and her hair was all messed up.

"Jesus, you look like crap," Roxie blurted out. She'd never been very subtle. Manny stared at the floor. "I mean….I like your skirt." _Yeah, that was a nice save_, she told herself sarcastically. "So….do you guys want to come in?" They nodded, and Roxie pulled open the door. "Oh, don't mind the bat. It's the closest thing I have to a security system," she explained when Ash eyed the bat suspiciously. Manny and Ash wandered over to the small couch against the wall, and plopped down. Roxie closed the door.

"So…" she said, rubbing her hands together as she tried to fill the awkward silence. "Is it snowing outside?" she asked, glancing out the small window at the dark night sky. They nodded. "That's great. I love snow. I mean, I love Christmas…and snow. I can't wait, because I'm going to get a big tree and put it right over there….maybe, I don't know." She said, gesturing to the corner of the room. Great. She had resorted to babbling incoherently and making an ass out of herself. "Sorry, I'm a little tired. I wasn't expecting…" Wait, why was Roxie doing all the explaining here? Weren't they the ones who had just barged into her home? "What's up, you guys?"

Ash took a deep breath. "Roxie, can I talk to you in the kitchen?" Roxie nodded and led Ash to her small kitchenette. They stepped inside, and Roxie peeked around the door at Manny, who was sitting on the couch, fiddling with her bracelets. "Wow. What the hell is going on?" Roxie whispered urgently, turning around to face her friend. "Don't you hate Manny with a burning passion?"

Ash leaned against the counter and sighed. "I did. I mean, I still do….I mean, she needs a place to stay."

"Oh, really?" Roxie said, pretending to be interested as she pulled a box of cookies out of the cupboard. She stopped when it clicked in her mind. "Oh, you…mean….here?"

"Yes."

"No!" Roxie burst out. She knew it sounded totally selfish, but Roxie had finally got her own space, her own life. She had pictured lying around, dancing like an idiot as she played her music as loud as she pleased and being able to walk around naked if she wanted. She did not picture Manny Santos. She no longer had to deal with anyone else's problems but her own, and just looking at her, she could tell Manny was going to come with a shit-load of problems. Problems she didn't want to deal with. This was her apartment- why should she share it with some girl she hardly even knew?

"Please!" Ash begged.

"No. It's not happening."

'Come on! Don't you have a heart?"

"Yes. And it's cold and dead. No. I'm sorry, but it's a bad idea."

Ash took a deep breath. "You owe me, Roxie. You wouldn't have this apartment if it weren't for me. You'd probably be sleeping in some shelter or something right now if I hadn't helped you get this place."

_Oh, great. She's pulling out the "You owe me" card_. Roxie just chewed on her cookie and stared at her, unable to say anything because Ash was completely right. "You totally owe me. And I'm asking you to do this one thing."

"Ok, I owe you!" Roxie said, throwing up her hands. "Can't I like, take you out for dinner or buy you a C.D or something?"

"No. You saw Manny, Roxie. She needs someone to help her. She's been through a lot…I haven't gotten the whole story, but I'm pretty sure she was attacked. And I think she has a drug problem," Ash explained in a low voice. Roxie smirked.

"Ok, now I'm just dying to let her stay," Roxie said sarcastically. "Look, I feel for the kid and all, but I'm not going to let some drug-addict live with me. Do you know what it's like to grow up in a house where drugs were more fucking important than food? Do you know how many times I had to clean up my Mother's drug paraphernalia just so she wouldn't get arrested? If you think I'm going through that again, you're insane."

"Please, Roxie," Ash begged, grabbing her arm and staring desperately into her eyes. "I don't know what else to do with her. Please help me out here. You're my best friend, and I need you."

_You're my best friend_. The words echoed through her head. Best friends- best friends helped each other out. Best friends had each others back no matter what. Best friends would do anything for you. And most importantly, best friends most definitely didn't mess around with your boyfriend. Roxie stared at Ash, who had been a great friend to her through everything. Yet, she had stabbed Ash in the back, and couldn't the least she could do be letting Manny stay with her for a bit? Roxie did owe her- for the apartment, and for hurting her by stealing away her boyfriend, which Ash didn't even know about yet. Consumed by guilt, Roxie nodded. "Ok. She can stay. But it's only temporary, right?" Ash nodded. "Alright."

They walked back to the living room, and Manny stood up. Roxie folded her arms over her chest and glanced at Ash. "You can stay here," she said slowly. "But let's just get some things straight, ok? If you're going to live here, I'll let you stay for free, but you need to get a job for food and stuff. And don't eat all my food- I _will_ kill you. And most importantly, there won't be any drugs or alcohol, ok? Not at all." She gave Manny the-once-over, and nodded. "Got that?"

Manny smiled slowly and nodded. "Yeah. You don't have to worry. I won't cause you any trouble. You won't even notice I'm here. I'm going to get a job and everything. Thank you!" She reached out and hugged Roxie. Roxie hesitantly hugged back. It reminded Roxie that Manny was still just a little girl- confused, lost, and probably scared. Roxie knew that feeling- she knew that feeling well.

Manny stepped back. "Thank you," she repeated again quietly, a shy smile on her face.

And to her surprise, Roxie smiled back.

Ellie was lying on her bed, listening to her C.D player, when suddenly someone kicked open the door to her room. Ellie jumped. She despised when people just waltzed into her room without even bothering to knock.

"New roommate!" the girl said in a bored voice, tossing her suitcase on Dawn's crisp, neat bed that hadn't been slept in since…Dawn died. Ellie yanked off her headphones and sat up, analyzing the girl that was apparently her new roommate. She had long, straight, black hair and looked Hispanic, and she was wearing black fishnet stocking, combat boots, a short black skirt, and a tattered leather jacket. Ellie frowned and watched as the girl flopped down on the bed and kicked off her shoes. "What are you staring at?" the girl asked. Ellie shrugged.

"Nothing. So…you're new here, then?" Ellie asked. The girl smirked and shook her head.

"Nah. Been here a few months, actually," the girl said, resting her hands behind her head and staring up at the ceiling. "I stabbed my other roommate, so they thought it might be a good idea if we didn't live together anymore."

Ellie stared at her._ Oh, my, God. They put me with a fucking psycho._

"Just kidding. They just moved me from the third floor to this one, for space or some shit," the girl said with a laugh, rolling her eyes. "It was a joke. God, I requested a roommate with a sense of humor, too."

"Sorry," Ellie said angrily, lying back down on her bed and grabbing her C.D player. She had known this girl for two minutes, and already Ellie could tell they weren't going to get along. Things would probably go more smoothly if they just stayed out of each others faces. She really didn't feel like talking, anyway. Ellie slipped on her headphones and turned up the volume has high as possible, hoping the girl would get the message she just wanted to be left alone. But the girl obviously didn't get the hint.

"Hey!" the girl yelled, and Ellie ignored her and shut her eyes. A second later, a pillow hit her in the side of her head. Ellie sat up and scowled at the girl. "What's your name?"

"Ellie," Ellie replied through clenched teeth. The girl nodded.

"Jasmine," she said, sitting up and swinging her legs over the side of her bed. "Hey. Guess what?"

Ellie hesitated. "What?"

"I have an idea."

"That's nice."

"Don't' you want to know what it is?" _Not really_, Ellie thought. Why was this girl bothering her, anyway? So they were roommates- that didn't mean they necessarily had to be friends. Ellie would have been perfectly content with not having a new roommate at all- no one could replace Dawn. She didn't _want_ anyone to replace Dawn. She sighed and gave in. "Ok. What is it?"

"I'm breaking out of here," the girl whispered, glancing around, despite the fact that they were the only two people in the room. "Rehab is so fucking gay. I mean, they don't even give a shit, you know? So I'm leaving. I've been saving my money, and I'll be better off on my own than in here."

Ellie raised her eyebrows in interest. She set down her C.D player and scooted to the edge of her bed. She was intrigued. "Really? How?"

Jasmine smirked cockily. "It's easy. You know Ralph, the nurse? Well, I gave him a blow job and then stole the keys from him. Tonight, when all these other losers are asleep, I'm going to break out." Jasmine pulled out a ring of keys and twirled them around. "Then it's bon voyage to this shit hole."

"Gee, won't you miss Ralph?" Ellie asked sarcastically. Jasmine just smiled slyly. "Well, have fun. Don't forget to write," Ellie said unenthusiastically, lying back down and reaching for her C.D player.

"Wait. You should come with me."

Ellie snorted and shook her head. "No, thank you."

Jasmine examined her for a second. "What are you here for?" Ellie remained silent. "Come on. I'll tell you if you tell me. You're anorexic, right?"

"Why does everyone here think I'm anorexic?" Ellie asked, throwing up her hands.

"Well, maybe you should gain some weight," Jasmine suggested. "Alright….I cut myself." She shrugged off her jacket, revealing an arm littered with deep gashes and slashes. "I've been doing it for three years. It got really bad after awhile- practically cut off my arm. It always feels good to me," she said with a shrug. "They think I'm pretty fucked up here, but they don't know. They don't know anything."

Ellie stared at her in surprise. How could this girl talk so openly about her cutting problem to a total stranger? Ellie didn't understand it- here was this girl who was so brazenly showing off her scars, and Ellie couldn't even admit she cut herself at all. Ellie swallowed hard and looked away. Jasmine nodded slowly. "Yep. Thought so. You're a cutter, too."

Ellie was quiet. "Look, I'm not proposing we become lifelong best friends. I'm just asking if you want to get out of this hell hole. You hate it here- it's obvious. I know what happened to your old roommate- it's pretty fucking sick, if you ask me. They didn't even know she wasn't eating. They didn't even try to help her. And now she's dead. If you stay here, it's going to slowly drive you insane, and then you'll just end up cutting yourself until you cut too deep. Then your gone," Jasmine said, snapping her finger. "Just like that. This place is a fucking joke. So come with me."

Ellie thought for a moment. She couldn't stand this place- it was suffocating her, _killing_ her. She couldn't explain it, but ever since Dawn's death, things had become so bleak and shitty. Every day seemed more horrible than the next. Finally, Ellie nodded. "Alright. I've got some money saved up. Tonight. We're out of here."

Jasmine leaned over and held out her fist, and Ellie knocked her own fist against it. "We are_ so_ out of here," Jasmine said, grinning.

Sean tucked his blue dress shirt into his trousers, and then hesitantly pulled it out again. A second later he tucked it back in and stared into the mirror. He couldn't decide which looked better- tucked in made him look more formal and neat, but un-tucked made him look more rugged and daring. He began to un-tuck his shirt again, and he heard Jay begin laughing behind him.

"Dude, you are such a girl," Jay pointed out, reaching into the bag of chips he was holding. "Would you like me to paint your nails, or maybe curl your hair?" He popped the chip into his mouth and began chuckling to himself.

"Fuck you," Sean scowled, wondering why he even let Jay into his house. He ran a comb through his hair and frowned at Jay's reflection in the mirror. "I'm trying to look nice, ok? What's so wrong with that?"

"What's wrong is that you've been getting ready for the last half hour. Even Alex didn't take that long when we used to date," Jay said, glancing at his watch and sighing. "Um, why are you bothering, anyway? I thought we were watching the game tonight. You know, I bought chips and beer and stuff…."

Sean blinked. Oh, right. He and Jay had been planning on relaxing and watching the game on T.V that night. No girls, no distractions, just some beer and hockey to keep them company. "Oh….about that," he said, grabbing his jacket off his bed and turning to face his friend, who was leaning in the doorway. "I kind of have a date."

"Dude!" Jay exclaimed, shaking the bag of chips at him. "_Guys night,_ remember? _No girls_!"

"I know. How about next week?" Sean promised, walking past him to the living room. Jay turned and followed.

"You're such a fucking loser," he said. "So, who is she? She better be pretty smoking if you're ditching your boy for her."

Sean pulled on his jacket. "Look, this date is important. It might decide if Emma and I get back together. I can't cancel so I can watch a stupid hockey game with _you_."

Jay frowned. "Emma? You're going out with Emma?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Didn't you…break up?"

Sean nodded and sighed. "Yeah, we did. But we talked the other day, and we both agreed we did some stupid things. I mean, we're not officially together, but…." He smiled. "After tonight, we might be. I'm taking her out to dinner."

Jay opened a can of beer and took a long sip. "So let me get this straight- you're getting back together with Emma, just so she can boss you around and tell you what to do again?"

"What is your problem with Emma?' Sean asked. He hadn't said anything about the obvious animosity between Emma and Jay- he figured if he ignored it, it might just go away. Jay stared into his beer can. Sean frowned. "Seriously, what?"

Jay looked up. "Nothing…Emma's just…" _Amazing? Beautiful? Special_? He thought. He cleared his throat and shrugged. "I don't know. You're so much more fun when you're not with her."

Sean stopped. "No. Tell me why you're so Anti-Emma?"

Jay smirked and shook his head. "Oh, come on! She's a tight-ass goody-goody who's always on our case about something. Oh, don't steal! Don't be mean to people!" he imitated in a high, squeaky voice. "God, she fucking yelled at me once for throwing a gum wrapper on the ground. I'm sure the ground was really upset about it, too."

"So…she's environmentally consciousness. That hardly makes her a bad person," Sean pointed out, rolling his eyes. Jay opened his mouth to argue, but suddenly there was knock on the front door, and Emma stepped in. Jay stared at her, studying her long legs and modestly- cut blouse, but realizing that even in a conservative outfit, she still looked amazing. Her golden hair was pulled back in a low ponytail, and she was wearing a sparkly pair of hoop earrings. Emma's smile faded when she spotted Jay, and was replaced by a frown. _Yep, she still hates me_, he thought unhappily. But after the way he acted at the drive- in, what did he expect?

"You look great," Sean said, smiling at his date. Emma forced a smile on her face. "Oh, I left my wallet. I'll be right back." Sean turned and disappeared down the hallway, leaving Jay and Emma in an awkward silence.

"Emma," he finally said.

"Jay," she said coldly, folding her arms over her chest and refusing to look him in the eye. "Oh, drinking a beer, I see. What is that- your seventh? Eighth?"

Ouch. An obvious reference to his little drunken spectacle. When Emma was cold, _Emma was cold_. "Emma…about the other night…"

"I'd rather not talk about it," she interrupted. "Id rather not talk to you, period."

"Come on. You have to let me explain. Or at least let me apologize," he said, and then stopped. _God, you've become such a fucking wimp! _He thought, shaking his head. Since when did Jay apologize for anything? Here he was, practically graveling at Emma Nelson's feet. But he genuinely felt bad about the whole thing- when he was drunk, Jay somehow managed became more of a jerk than usual. "Hear me out, alright?"

"Why should I? We're not friends, Jay. We're not…we're nothing, ok?" she snapped.

"Fine. I'm sure Sean will be thrilled to hear that you kissed me."

Emma's mouth fell open. "You kissed me!" she said, and then glanced down the hallway and lowered her voice. "You better not tell Sean….you better not, Jay. I'm serious. It would only hurt him."

"Doesn't he deserve to know?"

Emma rubbed her hands over her face in frustration. "Why must you insist on ruining everything?" she hissed. "Sean and I have been through a lot, Jay. But no matter what, I love him. I could kiss every guy on this planet, and I'd still be totally in love with Sean. And he loves me, too. We're trying to make things work, and I'm sorry if you don't like it, but this isn't your business. Whatever there was between us….it's gone now, ok? I love Sean. I always will." Just then, Sean reappeared, waving his wallet in the air.

"Got it. You ready, Emma?" Emma nodded. They turned to leave.

"Sean, wait…" Jay said, and he turned. Emma turned and gave him a pleading look. "Um….I'll just leave this stuff here. I think I'll go over to Andy's to watch the game or something." He saw Emma sigh with relief, and Sean just nodded, oblivious to the whole situation. Then the couple walked out, leaving Jay all alone in the kitchen.

_All alone_, Jay thought with a sigh, tossing his empty beer can in the trashcan. _As usual, I end up all alone. _

Craig grunted under the weight of the large Christmas tree he was trying to lug up the stairs. Christmas was just around the corner, and Craig thought it would be fun to surprise Roxie with a nice Christmas tree for the apartment. He had even brought some old Christmas ornaments Joey had given him, so they could decorate it together. _She deserves to have a great holiday_, Craig thought. _After all she's been through; she deserves to have a good time_. "Ok, Marco, can you please try to help out here? I pull, you push. Think you can handle that?"

"It's heavy!" Marco whined from the other side of the tree. Craig rolled his eyes.

A few minutes later, they managed to get the tree off the staircase. They carried it down the hallway toward Roxie's apartment, and Marco smiled. "I love Christmas. The lights, the Christmas carols, the presents…And it's twice as better when you have someone to spend the holidays with."

"Yeah, it's fun," Craig said, setting the tree down in front of Roxie's door. "I can't wait to spend Christmas with Roxie. Hell, I even like all that stupid gift-shopping-"

"Wait, don't you mean Ashley?" Marco asked confused. Craig gave him a strange look.

"What?"

"You said you couldn't wait to spend the holidays with Roxie. You mean Ash….right?"

Craig nodded quickly and laughed, trying to cover up his mistake. "Yeah, Ashley…Of course. I just said Roxie because….you know. Ok, let's knock!" He rapped quickly on Roxie's door, and a second later Roxie pulled open the door. She saw Craig and Marco, and her mouth fell open and she stared at them like they were mutants. Craig smiled.

"Hey! Surprise-" Craig began, when suddenly Roxie slammed the door on his face. Marco and Craig stood there, staring at the door in confusion.

"That went well," Marco said, smirking. "Does she always greet you like that, because if so, there might be something wrong in your friendship?" Craig gave him an irritated look, and knocked on the door again. A second later, Roxie peaked her out of the door, examining them.

"Marco, Craig…" she said wearily. She spotted the tree and smiled slightly. "Craig, did you buy me a Christmas tree?"

Craig smiled sheepishly. "Yep. Merry Christmas! So, where do you want us to put it?"

"You can't come in," she said. "I'm…not dressed."

"Is that supposed to keep me out?" Craig joked. "Come on, I can see your shirt and jeans."

"I'm really busy right now," Roxie said quickly glancing over her shoulder. "So, you know, you can just leave it and I'll bring it in later…"

"No, let us just bring it in," Craig said, eyeing her suspiciously. "What are you doing?" He looked over her shoulder, and she tried to block his view, but she was a good foot smaller than he was, so it didn't work that well. Craig spotted a flash of dark hair, and he glanced at Roxie. "Who is in there?"

He reached out and tried to push the door open, but Roxie tried to close it at the same time. He tried to step inside, while Roxie pointlessly tried to push him out. "Wait! It's so messy in here! Um…I…I…." Craig finally managed to shove open the door and step around Roxie….and found Manny Santos standing in the living room. Craig's mouth fell open in shock.

_I can't believe I'm doing this. _

But she was. Ellie dragged her stuffed suitcase behind her as she walked along the side of the road, a few steps behind Jasmine. As soon as dinner was out and everyone retreated to their rooms for "reflective period", Ellie and Jasmine had snuck out of the school. They had run to the large steel gate that surrounded the grounds, which Jasmine had quickly unlocked. It had all been an adrenaline rush, and once they were on the other side of the fence, they were both grinning like fools. "We did it!" Jasmine had said, grabbing Ellie's hand and squeezing it. "It's smooth sailing from here…"

They had probably discovered their room was empty by now- but who cared? They had hitchhiked a couple of miles with two cute college boys, and now they were walking along the side of the country road toward the nearest town, where Jasmine promised there was a bus station.

"Are we close?" Ellie asked, shivering. Jasmine nodded.

"A few more minutes."

Ten minutes later the passed a sign that read "Glendale." Jasmine hollered in excitement, and Ellie smiled. Her legs were practically numb for the cold, but it was good to know that it had all been worth it. They entered the small town and finally came across the bus station. They hurried inside, Jasmine bought a Snickers from the vending machine, and then they headed to the ticket booth.

"May I help you?" the woman asked, staring them down. Jasmine nodded confidently.

"Um….two tickets to….Ashford," Jasmine said. Ellie tapped her on the shoulder.

"Are you sure that's where we want to go?" Ellie whispered. She had the sneaking suspicion that Jasmine had just picked a random city. Now that she thought about it, Jasmine hadn't really discussed a plan with her. Ellie had the feeling Jasmine wasn't the type that usually planned ahead. "Yeah. It'll be fine. You trust me, right?" Jasmine asked. Ellie nodded, and Jasmine handed the old woman the money.

They walked to the bus terminals, and found the bus heading for Ashford. They climbed on and found two empty seats in the far back. Jasmine plopped down in her seat and smiled at Ellie. "Isn't this fun? You're not rethinking this, are you?"

"No!" Ellie said, clutching her leather-back-pack to her chest and gazing out the window. "I'm not rethinking this at all…."

Roxie's stomach dropped about a thousand floors. Craig was standing in the living room, staring at a flabbergasted Manny, who looked like she was deciding between running out of the room or just simply crying. Marco had politely excused himself to wait in the car, because he clearly could tell he didn't belong. Now a heavy, tense silence had filled the room, and Roxie the whole situation made her feel the need to be sick- or maybe that was just morning sickness. She wasn't sure.

"Manny!" Craig finally said. He shook his head and whirled around to face Roxie. "Manny has been staying with you?"

"I should…I should go," Manny choked out, covering her mouth with her hand and hurrying past Craig toward the door. He grabbed her arm, stopping her in her tracks.

"That's it?" he yelled, shaking his head. "You fucking just get up and disappear, you come back, and that's all you can say? Jesus, Manny, everyone was worried sick about you. Do you understand that?" He stared into her dark, scared eyes, searching for some kind of clue to where she had been, what she had gone through. "Manny…" he said, and then he hugged her tightly. Manny seemed surprised, but hugged him back, burying her face into his shoulder.

Roxie, meanwhile, lurked in the corner, feeling unwelcome, like a third-wheel. She knew this was an emotional moment- Manny was back. _The world is now officially complete,_ she thought bitterly. She couldn't help the resentment- didn't Craig realize she was standing right there? Roxie was waiting for the inevitable moment when they would just start making out right in front of her. _He did, like, used to be in love with her_, she reminded herself. _Maybe he still is…._

Craig finally let go of Manny and took one of her hands. "Are you ok? What happened?" he asked, gesturing to her swollen lip. Manny smiled sadly and shrugged.

"I'm just….so glad to be home," Manny said quietly, even though it wasn't completely true. She wasn't technically home yet- she wasn't sure when she'd be ready to go back to her house. But it was nice to be back around familiar faces, and most of all, it was wonderful to see Craig again. He was wearing his favorite pair of worn-out jeans and his leather jacket, and as usual, he looked perfect. She just wanted him to hold her, and kiss her, and tell her everything was going to be alright. But he didn't.

"Um…Craig, could I see you outside for a second?' Roxie said, interrupting the little love-feast. Craig nodded and followed her out the door and into the hallway, where the Christmas tree stood, abandoned. Roxie shut the door behind her. "Roxie, why didn't you tell me about this?" Craig asked a second later. "You didn't think it was slightly important?"

Roxie's mouth fell open. "Wait a second- you're mad at _me_? I'm not the one that just ran away from home and didn't tell anyone where I went!" she said defensively, shaking her head. "Typical. You're taking Manny's side. Why am I not surprised?"

Craig held up his hands. "Ok, there isn't even a "Manny" side here. And what's that supposed to mean, anyway?"

"Manny's back," Roxie said, tears forming in her eyes, much to her dismay. _DO NOT cry_! "So, you can just start dating her anytime you want now."

"You're kidding me," Craig said, leaning against the wall. "You think that just because Manny's suddenly reappeared in my life, I'm going to just go running back to her?" Roxie stared at him. "Well, I'm not! Manny and I have a past…I'm not going to deny that." Roxie snorted and looked away. "Ok…a rather messy past. But that's over. We're not getting back together. Hell, I think it might even be hard for us to be friends again."

Roxie brushed away a tear. "Hey. If you thought Manny and I were going to get together, why did you let her stay with you?" Roxie shrugged.

"I didn't want to at first," Roxie admitted. "But what kind of person would I be if I didn't help out someone who obviously needed help that bad? I couldn't just kick her out," she mumbled, staring at the floor. Craig walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to her.

"That's what I love about you," he said quietly. Roxie smiled up at him. "So you're ok with Manny staying with me?"

"Yeah. I was just…shocked. But I'm cool with it," Craig said. "I love you."

Roxie smiled happily. _Manny isn't going to ruin us. Nothing can ruin us._ "I love you, too."

"Where exactly are we?" Ellie asked, glancing around the small convenience store they were standing in. Ellie had somehow managed to fall asleep on the bus ride, so she had no clue where they were. Jasmine walked down the aisle, and she grabbed a can of Coke. "In Ashford. _Duh_."

Ellie sighed. Jasmine had told her to trust her, but it was a little hard to trust someone who kept giving you vague answers about everything. "Well, maybe we should buy a map. Just figure out where we're going and everything."

Jasmine snorted. "Maps are for idiots. Look, I have it covered. Fuck, I'm hungry as hell. There's a restaurant down the street. Lets' go." She put the can of Coke back and motioned for Ellie to follow her out of the store. Ellie picked up her suitcase and followed her out. _Maybe this was a bad idea,_ she thought, as she and Jasmine walked down the street. _I mean, we're stuck in the middle of nowhere, with no idea where we are. _A car driving past honked at them, and Jasmine flipped them off. Ellie sighed.

A minute later they walked into the restaurant, and Ellie realized she hadn't gone to the bathroom all day. She bit her lip. "I'm going to go find a bathroom, alright?"

Jasmine nodded. "Sure. I'll get us a table. Want me to hold your bags?" Ellie nodded and set down her large suitcase, and handed Jasmine her back-pack. "I'll be right back."

Ellie hurried into the bathroom, which was deserted. She walked into the handicapped stall and sat down on the toilet, taking a few deep breaths. Was she fucking crazy? What exactly was she planning to do once they got far enough away? Live with Jasmine for the rest of her life, working as a waitress in some crappy little town? Ellie buried her face in her hands, confused as hell. Maybe she should just tell Jasmine she made a mistake, and that they should just both go back to rehab.

Uh-oh. There is was again. The uncontrollable urge to cut herself. It came so suddenly sometimes. Ellie sat up and reached into the pocket of her checkered black- and-white skirt. On the way to the bathroom, Ellie had grabbed a dull knife off one of the tables. She stared at it. The pressure was getting to her. _Life _was getting to her. She pressed the knife down on the pale flesh of her wrist. She squeezed her eyes shut.

Then she hurled the knife against the wall. _No! You're stronger than this. You can do it. Just like Sean said_, she thought. _He believed in you. Why can't you believe in yourself?_ And before she could have any second thoughts, she stood up and walked out of the stall. She pushed open the door of the bathroom, a new sense of empowerment washing over her. She hadn't cut herself. It was a step. It was a small step, but it was a step either way.

She hurried back to the front of the restaurant. She saw her bags sitting were she had left them, but no sign of Jasmine. She glanced around. Then she searched around the restaurant, but didn't spot her at all. She went back to the hostess stand.

"Excuse me. Did you see where the girl with long back hair went? She was standing right there," Ellie said, pointing. The lady nodded.

"Yeah. She left. Walked right out the door and into some truck that was out front. Then they left."

Ellie blinked. "Thank you," she said quietly, and then turned and marched back to her things. She grabbed her back pack and looked through it.

Shit. Her money was gone.

_That fucking bitch!_ Ellie thought, wanting to slap herself. _She screwed me over!_ Well, of course she did- Ellie had trusted a girl who she had known for an entire day. Jasmine had used her for her money- why else would she ask her to come along? And now Ellie had no idea where she was, with no money and no friends. She walked back to the hostess stand.

"May I use your pay phone?"

Sean smiled apologetically as he twirled some pasta around his fork. "Sorry about the restaurant thing. Who knew you had to call ahead and get a reservation?" Dumb ass, he thought, stuffing his food into his mouth and looking down at his plate. He and Emma had arrived at the restaurant, only to be told there would be a two-hour wait. Then the maitre de' had politely informed them to get a reservation next time. So Emma had suggested that they just gave back to his place, and they would cook dinner together, which had seemed like a good idea, until Sean had burnt the hamburgers and had dropped the mashes potatoes on the floor. Very classy. Emma had suggested spaghetti, since it's hard to ruin.

"Its fine," Emma said, smiling her soft, gentle smile. They were sitting at his kitchen table, and they had lit some candles, so the room was cast in a tender light. It was so romantic. "This is much better than some stuffy restaurant."

"I agree," Sean said. "The point it, we're together, right?"

Emma nodded. "Right. I'm so glad we're spending time together again. I really think we can…work this out."

That's exactly what Sean wanted- to work things out. Emma was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He had been unsure about their relationship, mostly because he was confused about his feelings about Ellie. But now it was clear- he and Emma were destined to be together. He needed her, or else things were going to fall apart. Sean didn't have his parents anymore, or his brother, and Emma had been the one person who had stuck by him. _Don't fuck up this time,_ he mentally coached himself.

Suddenly, the phone rang. Sean was going to ignore it, but Emma insisted he answer it. He stood up and walked to the kitchen. "Hello?" he asked, smiling at Emma.

"Sean?"

He quickly turned his back on Emma. "Ellie?" he whispered into the phone, hoping Emma couldn't hear him.

"Sean, I really need you," she said, sounding tense and upset. Sean rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. "I'm kind of busy right now. Can it wait till tomorrow?"

"No!" Ellie said. "I tried to run from rehab, and this girl….she stole my money. And I'm stuck in this town, and I don't know where I am, and I don't have any money. I'm…" she trailed off. "There are these weird men staring at me, Sean," she whispered urgently into the phone. "I need you to come right now. _Please_."

"I…I don't think I can."

"Sean, I hate to bring this up, but remember when I bailed you out of jail?" she asked. Of course Sean remembered. "You owe me. I need you, just like you needed me."

Well, when she put it that way, how the hell could he say no? He couldn't leave her stranded, could he? He glanced at Emma, who was putting some cheese on her pasta. But if he did go….he couldn't just leave Emma, not when things were going so perfectly. They were going to watch a movie, make some popcorn…. But….

"Alright. Where are you?"

"Um…Ashford. At Rhonda's Road House," Ellie said. Sean nodded. "I know where that is. I'll be there as soon as I can, ok?"

"Thank you."

A minute later, Sean hung up and turned back to Emma. "What was that? Seemed very top-secret, with all that whispering," Emma joked. Then she frowned when she saw Sean grab his jacket and car keys. "Um….are we going somewhere. I'm not done with my food…."

Sean sighed and pulled on his jackets. "Don't hate me, but I have to help someone out." He decided not to mention that it was Ellie Nash. "I'm sorry…"

"You're just leaving?" she asked, staring at him in amazement. "You're ditching me again?"

"I'm not ditching you…but they really need me, Emma. It has nothing to do with you…"

Emma sat down her fork. "Yeah. As usual, it has nothing to do with me. Why can't I be your first priority? We're in the middle of a date, Sean?"

"They need me!"

"I need you," Emma said, standing up. "If you go, we're through."

"You're giving me an ultimatum?" he asked in disbelief, shaking his head. "I can't believe you're being so selfish!"

"And I can't believe you're doing this."

Sean stared at her. He wanted to make things work with Emma, but why was she acting like such a Nazi? "Fine," he said, opening the door. "Whatever." He slammed the door shut behind him and hurried to his car. He climbed in and started the engine, trying to remember the fastest way to Ashford.

And trying to ignore the fact that he and Emma might be finished for good.

Author's Note- How will Manny affect Roxie and Craig's new relationship? And what about Ash? And who will Craig finally end up with? THanks for all the reviews! I love getting feedback, so keep reviewing. Also, there will be more about Spin and Paige in the next chapter, because they weren't in this one at all. Keep reading. Thanks!


	13. Because It's There

For a long time, Ash had viewed her as a super girl. She had been through so much and knew so much and just seemed to understand _everything. _Have you ever seen someone walk into a room, and right away you think, I want to be that person? You want to look like her and act like her and think like her, and have the same effect as her? That's how Ash had felt about Roxie the first time she had walked into their homeroom a few months before- she had watched her walk in, and practically demand the attention of everyone in the room. Everyone was fascinated by her, because she just had that presence. It was a rare quality that few people had, but Roxie had nailed it. She had this "fuck-the-world" look on her face. The rules didn't apply to her. She was real, and raw, and_ special_. She was everything Ash had always hoped to be, but couldn't. Roxie had captured some essence that Ash could only dream of- when you looked at her, there was something about her that made you know that no matter what, she would always come out on top in the end. She didn't let it on, but Roxie always seemed to be just one step above everybody. Like she knew something that nobody else did, her little, special, _perfect_ secret.

Only now did Ashley realize that Roxie…well, Roxie was just like everyone else.

She was trying to act tough, but she wasn't strong, you know? She was trying, she was trying so hard, but she couldn't pull it off. There was something special about her, something that set her apart from everyone else. But, she got sad and scared and depressed and confused like a normal person, probably because she _was just a regular person_. Roxie had been so happy when she had first moved into her apartment, and her bubbly cheerfulness had been so cute. But now…it was like she was slowly realizing that everything wasn't going to be okay. They just weren't. She was trying to act normal, but she wasn't normal. Not at all.

Ash realized it as she watched Roxie folding the laundry they had just done at the Laundry Mart down the street. The Christmas tree they had decorated twinkled in the corner, and Roxie was sitting cross legged on the floor, methodically and carefully folding the clothes into neat piles. She was doing it with so much focus and precision that you'd think the world depended on it. She looked so cute and motherly, and she was babbling away happily, but Ash knew it was all an act. That afternoon, Roxie had received a rather disturbing call from her mother, which had ended in Roxie slamming down the phone and running to her room in frustrated tears. Ash knew it had messed her up a bit.

_I couldn't tell you __Why she felt that way __She felt it everyday __I couldn't help her __I just watched her make __The same mistakes again _

"I'm thinking about painting the back bedroom a nice yellow color. You know, after Manny moves out and all. I'm definitely going to have to do some redecorating soon," Roxie said, folding a pair of jeans and setting it aside. She reached for a shirt and focused on folding it into a nice square. "I guess I should really start planning, get a crib and stuff. You know, for the baby's room."

Ash smiled and nodded. "It'll only be a few more months, and then you'll be a Mom and everything. It'll be so fun, to have a baby around." She got off the couch and kneeled to the floor, taking some clothes to fold. Lately, she hadn't been sure how to act around Roxie. She wanted to act excited about the baby, but something was telling her that something was going to go terribly wrong. Roxie was smart and tough and mature, but she was she really ready to handle a baby? This was the girl that had overfed Ashley's goldfish two days ago, killing it, and now she was going to be responsible for another human life. And with Spinner? Mind-boggling.

_What's wrong, what's wrong now?__Too many, too many problems __Don't know where she belongs __Where she belongs _

Roxie nodded and stared at the floor. "Yeah…yeah, it will be. But…" she looked up at Ash with big, scared eyes and smiled softly. "It's going to be hard. I mean, I've been thinking about it. Look at me," she said, laughing hollowly, but she didn't sound very amused. "I'm getting horrible grades in school, I'm living all by myself with no one to help me out, and I'm definitely not making any money. How am I supposed to take care of a baby, when I can barely even take care of myself?" She laughed again, but it was a sad laugh.

Ash cleared her throat and fiddled with the sweater she was holding. "Well….have you ever thought about….adoption?" With the way things had been going lately, Ash was beginning to think that the only thing to do was give the baby up. Wouldn't it be the better option for everyone involved?

_She wants to go home but nobody's home __That's where she lies broken inside __No place to go, no place to go _

_To dry her eyes broken inside_

Roxie stared out the window next to her, and a look came over her face that Ash couldn't exactly read. A distant, faraway look. It scared Ashley, and she held her breath, waiting for a response. She expected Roxie to nod, agree with her, tell her she had been thinking the same thing. Instead, she was surprised by Roxie's response. "This baby is the only thing worth anything for me in the world," she said in a slow, eerie voice, staring out the window the whole time. "The only thing I have going for me. No," she said coldly. "Nobody's going to take my baby from me." She reached over and snatched the shirt out of Ashley's hand. "Nobody."

_Her feeling she hides __Her dream she can't find __She's losing her mind __She's fallen behind __She can't find her place __She's losing her faith __She's fallen from grace _

_She's all over the place_

Ash was stunned. She hadn't meant to upset Roxie, she really hadn't. She felt bad for even suggesting it, and she cleared her throat awkwardly. "I'm sorry. I really am," she stuttered. Roxie avoided looking at her as she continued folding the clothes. "Of course no ones gonna take your baby. It's your baby, after all. That was stupid. I was just saying…" What was she saying? She wasn't even sure anymore. She wasn't sure about _anything_ anymore. She clamped her mouth shut.

Roxie stood up and picked up the laundry basket. "I'm going to put Manny's stuff in her room," she said curtly. "Then Spin is picking me up in a little bit for my check-up. So maybe you should go."

"Yeah. I probably should." Ash stood up and watched as Roxie disappeared into Manny's small bedroom. She sighed and grabbed her purse and coat. She wanted to talk to Roxie about the baby, but every time they started talking, Roxie would just become really distant and…well, delusional, almost. It scared Ashley, because she was worried Roxie may be losing touch with reality. She wanted this baby to be the thing that would change her life. She wanted it to work out so badly, that it broke Ashley's heart. This baby was going to be the thing that saved Roxie. Or was it? Ashley frowned and grabbed her purse and coat, and opened the door.

But as she turned back to shut the door behind her, she spotted Roxie standing by the window, staring out into the darkness with a detached, preoccupied look on her face. The face of someone who was looking for something, someone who was afraid and confused. And it killed Ashley, because she couldn't figure out a way to help. She had racked her brain for hours, but couldn't come up with a thing. She had managed to help Manny out, but she was afraid that helping Roxie wouldn't be so easy.

She closed the door behind her, leaving Roxie, the girl she had once thought was on-top of the world, standing all alone at the window, staring at her own reflection and watching the snow fall.

Jimmy pulled his car to a stop in front of the large apartment building, staring out the window at the falling snow and the velvet sky. He killed the engine and sat in silence for a second, leaning his head back against the seat and taking a deep, relaxing breath. It didn't help. He finally unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car, and he immediately heard arguing voices floating through the air. He crossed the street and spotted Roxie and Spin standing in front of Spinner's car, their loud voices slicing through the silent night, peaceful night.

"You're not driving me anywhere, Spinner. You and that car combined are a lethal death-trap," Roxie snapped, her hands placed on her hips. She was wearing a long winter jacket, and a festive knit-hat was pulled over her long blonde hair. "Do you think I'm stupid?" Just then, she spotted Jimmy a few feet away, and sprinted over to him. She grabbed his arm and pulled him aside before Spin could see him. "Thanks for coming," she said in a low voice. "He's driving me insane, Jimmy. You better hold me back, 'cuz I'm about to go at him. I didn't know who else to call, really."

"He's been drinking?"

Roxie snorted. "He smells like he bathed in it. It is…" she paused and glanced at her watch. "_Six_ in the evening. Six in the evening, and Spin is drunk. What a fucking moron. Showing up to take me to a doctor's appointment _hammered_. And he refuses to leave. He's like, _demanding_ to take me. I thought you could maybe help me out a little bit? You know, possibly tame the drunken beast?"

Jimmy sighed and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Alright," he muttered, although he doubted he'd do much good. He and Spin had barely spoken in days. "I'll try." He cleared his throat and walked over to Spin, who was leaning against the car and scuffling his feet on the cement. Jimmy patted Spin on the shoulder. "Hey, there. What's up, buddy?"

Spin looked up, surprised. "Jimmy? What the hell are you doing here?"

Jimmy shrugged casually. "You know. Just cruising around. Couldn't help notice you were giving Roxie a hard time. Look, how about this? I'll drive you home so you can lie down, and then I'll take Roxie to her appointment, and we'll call it a day?"

"No!" Spin shouted. "I'm here to take Roxie, alright? I've go to. I promised."

"And I guess you promised to show up drunk, right?"

Spin stared at him in silence for a bit, and Jimmy wondered if he had somehow managed to pass out with his eyes open. Finally, Spin stared at the ground and scuffled his feet. "I promised I'd take her," he mumbled. Good old Spin. He was an asshole sometimes, an insensitive jerk, but he was a sweetheart, when he put some effort into it. Which was rarely, but still… He was trying to do something nice, but in typical Spinner fashion he had completely unintentionally screwed it all up. It made Jimmy feel almost sorry for him. _Almost._

"I don't think that's a good idea," Jimmy said, and then reached out and snatched Spin's car keys out of his hand. Spin incoherently tried to get them back, but he just stumbled about, looking like….well, _a drunk_. A sad drunk. Jimmy stuffed the keys in his pockets. Spin sneered at him. "Give me my fucking keys, man." He suddenly reached out and grabbed Jimmy by the collar, and Jimmy was surprised by his strength. "Give them to me."

"No!" Jimmy said, pushing Spin away. The snow was falling harder now. Spin stumbled, and then shoved Jimmy back. Spin was about to punch him, but Jimmy quickly grabbed him by the arm and threw him down on the ground. Spinner landed on the snow with a thud. "I said no, Spinner. You can get your keys back when you've sobered up a bit and stop being such _a fucking ass_."

Spin stared at him from the ground, and Jimmy thought he was going to jump up and have another go at it. He was preparing for another shove, another sloppy punch. But instead Spin just lay in the snow. "I'm sorry," he whispered. Jimmy could see his breath in the cold. "I'm sorry." He rolled over and pulled himself up, and he plopped down on the front steps of the apartment building. Then he dropped his head in his hands.

Jimmy glanced hesitantly at Roxie. "Spin….it's ok. I mean, it's not ok, but….you've been drinking…again."

Spin took a shaky breath, his face still buried in his arms. "I know," he muttered. "I know. I'm just….I'm really scared."

He admitted it. At least he could admit it- wasn't that one of the steps in one of those rehab programs that always did people good? Jimmy watched him, realizing how horrible the past couple of weeks- the last couple of months- had been for his best friend. Look at him- he was slumped over on a stoop, drunk and practically crying over the disaster his life had become. Jimmy had thought that Hazel breaking up with him had been pretty shitty (read- hours of Jimmy pathetically begging her to take him back), but it all looked shallow and unimportant compared to what Spin was going through.

"So you think alcohol is going to make everything alright?"

Spin looked up. "No. Yes. I mean…I don't know. God, it's just….I can't handle it. Paige is still in the hospital, and I fucking killed someone…"

Jimmy glanced quickly at Roxie, whose mouth fell open. He cleared his throat. "Um…Roxie, could you go inside and get Spin a blanket or something? He's probably wet." He could tell she was dying of curiosity, but she nodded and hurried inside. Jimmy waited until she was gone. "So that's what this is about? Dean?"

Spin rubbed his hands together anxiously. "Yeah. Yeah. I…I didn't think it would bother me. I mean, I wanted him fucking dead. Jesus, I wanted to do it with my own two hands." He shook his head. "But now….there's just this empty void where that satisfaction should be. The bastard's dead, and I'm not even happy about it."

Jimmy stuffed his hands in his pockets and stared blankly at the white ground. It was like a dream. The flames, the screams…it seemed like it had happened to someone else. They hadn't done it. They hadn't trashed Dean's room, Spin hadn't lit a cigarette, and he hadn't thrown it on the floor without bothering to put it out. It had all happened to someone else; someone else was living with the guilt, the horrible memories. But it had been them. That night, Spin and Jimmy had found Marco and Craig, and they had quickly ducked out of the party, all of them wishing to forget the night had ever happened. But they had been halfway down the street, and Marco was insisting he was still completely gay, despite his mega-make-out session with that horny blonde, when they'd first heard the screams- there was a fire. People came rushing out onto the lawn, and soon, the house was slowly burning to the ground. Spin and Jimmy had stood there, dumb-founded, as they watched it crumble and fizzle and burn. It had been so surreal.

They didn't piece it together until the next morning. Dean's body had been found in his room, or what was left of it. The firemen had said it had started there, and Dean had most likely run back in to get some of his things, which was just about the stupidest thing he could do. He hadn't made it out- most likely inhaled too much smoke, and then the flames had gotten him. It was such a wrong way to die, so _unnatural_. They'd asked Jimmy and Spin some questions, and they'd lied like hell. Told them they were just walking by, having a chat when they'd noticed the frat house and the flames. After all, they weren't college students- no one could place them, put a name to their face. And they'd gotten away with it. They had just walked away, wiping their hands clean of their dirty work and trying to get on with their lives as normal. But apparently, Spin wasn't going at it so well. He'd been drinking all the time, not talking to anyone, showing up to school and band practice tanked. It was getting out of hand.

"I thought…I thought if Dean was gone, it'd make everything better," Spin explained. "But, like, it didn't help, you know? It didn't help Paige. He's dead. So what? I….I'm…" he shook his head, trying to clear his mind of all the booze. "I fucking killed someone, dude. It was my fault."

Jimmy was silent. He couldn't exactly argue with that- it was completely true. There was no point in feeding Spin pointless lies, because it wasn't going to help anything at all. "Yeah…" he said, trailing off. That wasn't helping much, either.

"Paige isn't talking to me, you know that?" Spin asked. His cheeks were tinted pink from the cold. "She refuses to see anyone. Not even me. I bet she doesn't even know Dean's dead yet. She might not be out for awhile, that's what they say. And it's not just that. I can't handle this." Jimmy spotted Roxie walk out the door behind Spin, holding a blanket.

"To top it all off, Roxie's having my kid," he said, oblivious to Roxie. "I mean, _my kid_. And he's going to grow up knowing his Dad is such a fuck-up. What if I'm not a good father? I'm just scared I'm going to mess this up real bad, cuz I don't want to. At first, I didn't want this baby. It seemed like such a burden. But now…" he bit his lip. "I'm kind of excited. Yeah. It's my baby. And it's going to love me and I'm going to love it no matter what. For the first time in my life, there's actually something for me to work for, something worth living for. Besides Paige, but she's done with me. But I'm just scared, because I don't think I can do it. I'm just a loser." Then he started crying. Not like hysterical sobbing, but angry, frustrated tears began spilling down his cheeks. Jimmy couldn't recall ever seeing Spin cry before.

That's when Roxie sat down next to him and wrapped her arms around him. "It's ok. It's ok. It's going to be ok," she kept saying, and Spin covered his face with his hands again. "It's going to be ok…"

Jimmy watched for a bit, feeling like he was stomping in on some intimate moment. Like, he didn't belong there, because he couldn't possibly understand. He watched as Roxie comforted Spin, and realized what a special connection they had. They didn't love each other, but they had formed such a special and important bond over this baby, it was just…beautiful. That sounded corny, and Jimmy knew it, but wasn't it true? They had each other, so maybe things were going to turn out alright. Just maybe.

So Jimmy nodded at Roxie, who nodded back at him, and turned and walked back to his car. He wasn't needed, not anymore. But as he pulled out his keys and unlocked the car door, he couldn't help feel like he'd just learned some major life lesson, but he couldn't exactly put his finger on it. Love…love could you get through anything, even if it wasn't the kind of love that made you want to jump into bed with each other, but love was love, just the same. And Roxie and Spin…they loved each other. And they'd be ok. Even with all this messed up shit, they'd be ok.

Things had been going so well. Yeah, they'd been going good. Ever since she'd moved in with Roxie, Manny had been clean, clean as a whistle. She still smoked a bit and lit a few joints, but it was better than the heavy shit, the stuff that could really mess with your mind and fuck you up _bad_. Ok, so she wasn't technically clean, but it was step in the right directions. That's what it was all about- taking little steps, making a little progress, and eventually it would all add up and you'd be _free_. Free. Yeah, Manny would like to be free. Free of all the drugs and other things that had dragged her down, free of all those toxic people, free of all the filthy, invisible dirt that seemed to cover every inch of her skin. She'd tried to get it off- she scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed, but it was still there. She hated feeling so dirty and worthless and _wrong_. For awhile, life without drugs had been so much better than life with them. Drugs…what a funny thing. Manny had always considered herself strong, but she knew she wasn't, not anymore. Because if she was, she wouldn't be hooked on drugs. Addicts were all weak, all of them. But it was so hard, just stopping. What people didn't understand was that it wasn't about the physical feeling you got from drugs- sure it was good and all- but it was really all in the head. You began thinking you needed it, and that you couldn't even function without it. Drugs…it's some nasty business.

Manny had been trying really hard to turn things around, make some permanent changes. She'd watched Roxie for the last couple of days, and she'd been thinking maybe she'd even like a baby herself. At least it would giver her something to look forward to, because lately life seemed so bleak and meaningless. Well, look at Roxie. She'd had it tough, but she was coming out ok. Not ok exactly…she was living alone and knocked…by Spinner (ugh)….but she seemed happy. Or as close to happy as you could get in a situation like that. But Manny did remember one night, when she'd first moved in and had come home to find Roxie sitting on her bed, crying. Just sitting there and crying. It was sad. Manny hadn't said anything or talked to her, and instead had just gone into her room and had gone to bed. Somehow she didn't feel like they were close enough for her to try to comfort her. But she couldn't forget that image. Well, maybe having a baby wasn't the answer, after all.

Manny had gone on a job hunt- mostly just because she was sick of Roxie constantly asking if she had "gotten to it yet." She'd kind of wandered around for a bit, and then had finally walked into the Quickie Mart on the corner to get a candy bar, and she'd noticed an "Employees Wanted" sign in the window. They'd offered her the job on the spot, because apparently working at a convenience store wasn't exactly the hottest job on the planet, but it was fine for Manny. She'd take the first thing she could get. She was desperate for money, anyway.

She here she was- standing behind the counter, wearing a grotesque green apron and visor, which much resembled vomit. She couldn't believe how heinously tacky it was. She watched as the tall, fat man dug into his pockets for his money. God. When Manny had taken the job, she'd realized she was going to have to deal with customers. She just hadn't known she was going to have to deal with _extremely stupid customers_. Finally, the man smiled and waved a bill in her face, like it was a glorious treasure. "Found it! There you go."

Manny snatched the bill out his hands, and opened the register. She just pushed a few random buttons- there were _so many_ of them- and put the money away. She glanced at the man, who was eyeing the six candy bars he had just purchased lustfully, and Manny made a face. She almost felt morally compelled to tell the man how he_ so_ totally didn't need those candy-bars, because he was enough of a fat-ass already. But instead she forced a smile on her face and handed him the change. "Have a nice day!" she chirped_. As you contribute even more to your own obesity_, she silently added. The man nodded and walked out.

A few minutes later, a teenage boy walked up to the counter. He dropped his purchases, and peered at her. "Manny? Manny Santos. You work here?"

"Oh. Jamie," she said without much enthusiasm, recognizing the scrawny, disoriented looking-boy in front of her. He was the type that always looked out of, constantly high. She took his packet of doughnuts and Coke, and turned to ring them up. "Yep. Started yesterday. And it's been non-stop excitement and adventure," she replied dryly.

He leaned on the counter and watched her, his eyes dancing. "So I heard you like, robbed a bank to pay for this massive load of cocaine from across the border, but then you got knocked up by your dealer, so you ran away to have your baby, like, on a sheep farm in Indiana. And then your baby was kidnapped by some religious cult," he said excitedly. "Is it true?"

Manny smirked and rang up the items. "Something like that," she muttered, pressing a few buttons. "Four-fifty, please."

He reached into his pocket. "That's some insane shit. Look," he said, leaning in as he placed his money on the counter. He glanced around. "We just got a bunch of good shit yesterday, including some Ecstasy. We're going down to the lake tonight. I could hook you up. You interested?"

_No_. That's what she should say. She should tell Jamie to go fuck himself and never speak to her again. Drugs weren't her thing, not anymore. Right? She bit her lip. She was being jerked back and forth- on one hand, she needed to relax. Go out, mellow down- what was one night, one little slip up? On the other hand- the moral, right hand- she couldn't fuck up, not after all the work she'd been doing. Sure, it had been easy when there had been no temptation, but now….now that the offer was out on the table, it was hard to turn down. She glanced down at the money and cleared her throat. "You need one more dime."

"Oh." He pulled out another dime and set it down. "So, you in? You're my favorite girl, you know that, Manny?"

Yeah. She was every guy's favorite girl, when they thought there was a potential to get some. Jamie- ugh, the boy was semi- retarded. He was good for nothing but a quick hook-up, but there really wasn't much going on up there, you know? But, he was pretty much harmless. Stupid, but harmless. She cleared her throat, fiddling with the bracelet on her arm. "Um…I'm not sure. I'll call your cell when I get off my shift, ok?" Then she jotted down her own number for him, just in case. Damn. The words had just spilled out of her mouth. She'd made a promise to Roxie, and she had intended to keep it.

"Cool. Well, hopefully I'll see you tonight," he said, collecting his things. He smiled and winked-_ ew_- and then turned and left. Manny watched him go, feeling like shit.

Because she was already thinking of a lie to tell Roxie about where she was going later that night.

"Stop messing with my boyfriend."

Ok, it was the end of the day, Emma was tired and cranky and in a terrible mood, her wool sweater made her feel like she was in a toaster oven, she was on her period, and she really, really wasn't in the mood for this. She wasn't in the mood for talking to anyone, let alone noisy bitches that dished attitude out with a shovel. She just wanted to sprint home and fall asleep, so another miserable day could be over. So the last thing she needed was Alex- the cold, hard, bitch of Degrassi- all up in her face.

"I'm hot, and I'm tired, and I'm PMSing like hell. I just had a terrible day, and your rat-like face is the last thing I want to see. And I hate you," she hissed suddenly, whirling around to face Alex. Alex stared at her in surprise. She hadn't thought Emma had it in her, but boy, did Emma have it in her. Alex eye's widened, and she smirked.

"Jesus. What did you have for breakfast?"

"A big bowl of "Get-out-of-my-face."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Oh, that was wonderfully original. What a scathing retort. Listen, answer my question. Are you still messing with Jay, or not?"

Emma narrowed her eyes. "One, I was never 'messing around' with Jay to begin with. Two, Jay is an idiotic, pathetic asshole. No thanks. I don't want your boyfriend, believe me."

"Oh, come on," Alex said with a haughty snort. "Admit it."

"Admit what?"

"Admit that it bothers you that rumors are flying around that Ellie is living with Sean. You can't tell me that doesn't bother you, even a little bit. Must be pretty hard to see your boyfriend shacking up with some other girl, like, three whole seconds after you broke up," she said, shrugging and glancing casually at her nails. "I'd be pretty pissed. I'd probably go slash her tires or-"

Emma sighed. "Yes, we all know what you would do, Alex. But I'm over Sean. I mean, he can do whatever he wants. Besides, Sean and I were never that serious." It was bullshit, complete and utter bullshit, but Emma couldn't admit the truth- that it hurt like hell. "Whatever. I mean…whatever."

"Not serious? Please! You two were practically married!"

"Ok, are you trying to make me feel like shit?"

"That wasn't the main goal, but it's an added plus," Alex said with a shrug. "Look, I'm just trying to make sure you've stopped throwing yourself at Jay."

Emma opened her mouth to tell Alex once again how she had never thrown herself at Jay to begin with, and had no intention to, but she realized it was a lost cause. Nothing was going to get through to Alex. Instead, Emma picked up her book bag. "You're right. I just _must _stop trying to seduce Jay. But can you blame me? He's so charming and classy," she said sarcastically. Alex smirked at her and shook her head, her oversized silver hoop earrings jingling.

"You know, Emma, you're not that bad." Emma stared at her. "No, I'm serious. I used to think you were just some stuck-up, anorexic bitch, but you're not that bad. You're actually kind of When you're not being such a geek, that is."

It wasn't really an insult, but it sure wasn't a compliment, either. Emma frowned in confusion. "Um…thanks?"

Alex chuckled. "Hey, listen, you should just get over Sean. Meet a new boy. Hey- you want to come to this party with me tonight? Well, it's just a little get-together, but whatever. Jay's been a real asshole lately, and I need some…"me" time, you know?" She smacked her gum and smirked at Emma. "It's pretty cool. You could meet someone. Some real men."

Real men. Yeah, Emma could use on of those, because boys just weren't working out for her. In fact, they sucked. And Emma was sick of being jerked around and used, and then just thrown out like a dirty rag. It was high time she found someone who treated her with a little respect, a little dignity. Sean and Jay…they were just boys. Stupid, silly boys that were more concerned with hockey and cars than about having a meaningful relationship.

"Ok," Emma said, nodding. "I'm game."

"Great," Alex said. "Pick you up around nine." She knocked on the locker behind Emma. "See you then." She turned and walked off.

Emma closed her locker. Tonight, she was going to have fun. She was going to do something wild and crazy, and she wasn't going to think twice about it. Tonight, she was going to let loose. Fuck Sean, and fuck Ellie. Tonight was about _her_.

"Hello?"

"Hey, is Manny there?"

Roxie shook her head and cradled the phone against her shoulder as she ripped open a bag of cookies. "Sorry. I think she's still at work. She should be home soon, though. I'll tell her you called- who is this? Is this J.T? Haven't I told you not to call every second of the day?"

"Uh…this is Jamie Wilder. I was just wondering if she was coming to the lake tonight. But I'll call her in a while, I guess."

Roxie frowned. Oh, yeah. The stoner who sat in the back of her Math class, the one that always fell asleep and drooled a little on the desk. What was Manny doing hanging with a loser like that? It clicked a second later- of course. Drugs. Why else did Manny do anything? She narrowed her eyes into the phone. "Actually….where did you want to meet her again?"

"Down at Pine Lake, on the beach."

Roxie bit her lip. "Ok. I'll let her know you called, then." And she hung up.

_Shit, Manny_, she thought, setting the phone down and putting the cookies back into the cupboard. She'd lost her appetite, anyway. Really, she had no actual reason to assume Manny was going to be doing any sorts of drugs, and if she did, so what, because it wasn't really Roxie's business, anyway. After all, if Manny wanted to go and fuck up her life again, then that was her decision. But then Roxie started getting a little mad, because it was sort of her business if Manny was living in her house. And Roxie had seen Manny' withdrawing, and it wasn't pretty at all. She wouldn't feel good and she'd get sick to her stomach, and then she'd get all these aches. And she tried to hide it, but Roxie knew. It scared Roxie sometimes, she'd seen it before- her parents would try to quit, be clean for a little while. Then they'd feel awful and they'd take some more heroin, and the pain would go away like _that_. It was a sick little cycle. And Roxie knew that she'd have to do something about it, because she wasn't just going to sit by and watch Manny do stupid shit, she just couldn't.

He didn't want to love her. She was everything he shouldn't want- fucked up and selfish and stupid. She was everything that could pull him in and drag him down all over again. She was the one thing he regretted, the thing that he'd been trying so hard to put behind him. He hated her sometimes- just thinking about everything she'd done- but at the same time, he couldn't stop loving her. He figured he never really had. You didn't turn your back on the ones you loved, you just didn't. No matter what they did, you had to stick by them. Seeing her had been great- it had been real great. He'd missed seeing her face, her smile, smelling her hair, as creepy as that sounded. When he'd hugged her, he'd never wanted to let go. He'd just wanted to stand there, smelling her hair and taking her all in, and he'd been afraid to let go, because she might slip away from him again.

His heart was such a fuck. It could never make up its damn mind about anything, especially girls. He'd been all happy with Roxie, thinking about what a cute little family they'd be, how he wanted to protect her for forever. He'd been content, for the first time in awhile. Roxie needed him. But then Manny had reappeared, at Roxie's apartment of all places, still looking as beautiful and perfect as ever. And now he didn't know anything anymore. He couldn't just ignore the feelings for Manny. Roxie and Manny were so different. Like, Roxie was the girl that Craig should be with, and Manny was the girl that he'd always end up with. That's how he felt- that Manny was that one girl that would always be there, waiting for him. He could date every girl in the universe, but somehow, he'd always end back up with Manny. Whether that was good or bad, he wasn't sure.

Craig pulled his car to stop at Pine Lake. Roxie had called him a bit ago, and told him that she thought Manny was going to get into some trouble tonight. Then she'd begged Craig to go find her, and make sure she was alright. Craig hadn't wanted to, to be honest. Manny wasn't his girlfriend, she wasn't even really a friend anymore. Did he really have the right to follow her around and tell her what to do? But he'd gone, like he always did, because he was one of those people that just had to make everything right.

He got out of his car, and spotted a group of kids on the snow-covered beach, huddled around a large bonfire. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked toward them. He walked near the fire, and no one really noticed him or gave him strange looks, so he figured he was ok. He went up to a girl and tapped her on the shoulder. "Excuse me. Have you seen Manny Santos?"

The girl turned to him with a large, weird smile. Her pupils were like pinheads. "Manny? Yeah…well….yeah. I think she's here. Oh, right! She went off with Jamie, over there. I haven't seen them in awhile."

Craig frowned. "Over where?"

"Their probably in his car," the girl said, shrugging. "Want a beer, baby?"

"No," Craig said, shaking his head. "I'm just looking for Manny." Then he turned and walked toward the parking lot, wondering which car was Jamie. What the hell was he doing? He was like, stalking Manny. Even he could admit it was weird, but he couldn't stop himself. The thought of Manny doing _anything_ with another guy was nauseating. He spotted a car set apart from the others, and he thought he saw people moving inside. He hurried over. When he got closer, he could see the hazy image of a girl with black hair through the frost on the window. Without thinking, he pulled open the door.

He'd found Manny. Yeah, he'd found Manny alright. Unfortunately. She was sitting on the floor in front of the passenger's seat, and the boy Craig could only assume was Jamie was sitting in the seat. His parents were unzipped, and it was painfully obvious what was about to occur. And to top it all off, a bag of white powder was lying on the driver's seat. Lovely.

"Craig!" Manny said, looking shocked. Her lip gloss was all smeared; her hair a mess.

_Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real_

"God, Manny," Craig said, shaking his head. He shook his head, not even sure what to say. "God," he repeated.

"Hey, buddy, what the fuck?" Jamie said, looking pissed off. Craig ignored him.

"Come on," he said, reaching down and grabbing Manny's arm, pulling her out of the car. He wasn't going to have this- even though it wasn't really his business, he refused to do nothing about it. Manny had no idea what she wanted, what was good for her. She was really actually quite stupid about life in general. Manny had never really had her head screwed on right to begin with, but now it was like it was rolling around all over the place. God, why was she so stupid? And why couldn't Craig just stop caring? He pulled Manny out of the car, and the Jamie-kid kept cussing at him and stuff, but Craig ignored him.

"Shit, man, why you charging in on us like this?" Jamie asked, shaking his head. The boy was messed up, real messed up. "I had her first."

Craig glanced at Manny. "You didn't _have_ her. And I don't think she wants to stay. So I'm taking her home. You want to leave, Manny?" She nodded slowly. Craig turned and smiled at Jamie. "Guess the ladies made her choice. You have a nice night, ok? Drive safely." Jamie stared at them for a second, and then scowled and stomped off back to his friends, giving Craig the finger.

"Loser," Craig mumbled, shaking his head. He took his keys out of his pocket and nodded toward his car. "Come on," he muttered, and began walking across the parking lot. Manny sniffled and hesitantly trailed behind him. Craig kept walking- he couldn't even look at her.

_There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming/confusing  
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending  
Controlling/I can't seem_

"I…I wasn't going to sleep with him," Manny said quietly. Craig smirked to himself.

"Yeah? Well, that's nice. You were just going to give him a blow job, but not sleep with him, right? You wouldn't want to look easy, would you?" he asked sarcastically. He finally reached his car, and walked to the driver's side.

"You know, I don't see how you can judge me," Manny said. "You don't even know me."

"I don't know you?" Craig repeated. She was so selfish and self-centered sometimes. He unlocked the door. "That's bullshit, and you know it."

"I'm not the same girl anymore. I'm just not."

"Well, your right about that. See, the Manny I knew wouldn't be here. The Manny I knew wouldn't be doing drugs and fucking up her life for no reason."

"I had a reason. I lost my boyfriend. The guy I loved. You wouldn't understand," she muttered angrily, shaking her head. Craig froze and laughed bitterly.

"Oh, my, God. Your so fucking self-centered, Manny. I don't understand? I don't fucking understand what it's like to lose someone? Both my parents are dead. You don't think I know how much it hurts? God, don't you ever think about anyone but yourself? Wake the hell up." Manny was silent. "You know, I used to feel sorry for you. After rehab and Carter… everyone did. But now…it's really hard. It's really hard to pity someone who's just making things worse herself. Trying to help you is so pointless."

_To find myself again  
My walls are closing in  
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)  
I've felt this way before  
So insecure_

"Gee, I don't remember asking for your help," Manny pointed out, folding her arms over her chest.

"Then why don't you go back and mess around with that kid and get high," Craig said, pointing back to the beach. You know that crazy thought he'd just had, about still loving Manny? Not so much anymore. She was so ornery and difficult, and Craig was just plain sick of it. Roxie was never like this. It was like, Manny was _purposefully_ attempting to piss him off. She was having a good go at it, too. "I don't really fucking care anymore."

"You just think I'm a slut," Manny said slowly, looking Craig in the eye.

"I never said that. I just think you've seemed to loose all _self-respect_," Craig said, sounding tired and defeated. This conversation was going absolutely nowhere. "I don't think that. Because I know that inside, somewhere, there's still the Manny Santos that I remember. The Manny I fell in love with…forget it." He shook his head.

Manny bit her lip, and the two stood there for a few seconds in silence. "Craig?" she finally whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Will you take me home? I've had a really awful night."

_Discomfort ,endlessly has pulled itself upon me  
Distracting/reacting  
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection  
It's haunting how I can't seem..._

_To Find myself again_

_My walls are closing in…._

Then, suddenly, she was the old Manny, asking for help and being vulnerable again. Finally asking for a little help. Maybe she'd taken something; maybe she hadn't. Craig really couldn't be sure. But it didn't even matter anymore, because Manny was reaching out for a little help, and damn it, he was going to give it to her. He didn't really have anywhere to take her, because she really had no place to go. The hell she'd get from Roxie when she went back to the apartment. He thought about putting her up at his place, maybe just for the night, but that wouldn't be a good idea, he just knew it. What the hell should he do with her? She looked cold and wet and tired. She wasn't clean- it would be a long way before that happened. But she wasn't completely messed up, because Craig could see a bit of the old Manny shining through. And that was all he could ask for right now.

So they got into his car and Craig gave Manny a blanket, because she just looked so cold. And then he drove back to his house, and let her stay in the garage for a night.

Because just like he'd said, he'd never get rid of Manny Santos, even when he tried. She'd always be there, needing him. And in some weird way, he needed her.

"Are you sure I look ok?" Emma asked, running her hand through her hair and biting her lip. "It's just…this is so not me."

Alex smirked and unbuckled her seat belt. "I know it's not you. That's why it works. You look like your Mommy used to pick out your clothes. Seriously- you dressed like a blind ninety-year-old woman. It was unfortunate. But this- this is so you. You look hot. Accept it."

Emma smiled faintly. Hot was the word she would use to describe what she was wearing- it was more…angry. Her short black skirt, her black tights, her black leather jacket…it was all so angry. Emma had never really been into angry clothes, but even she had to admit her usual pastels were lame. But this….it was intense. And a little slutty. She tugged at her skirt. She wondered if she looked like a huge poser, because she sure felt like a poser. She was sure she couldn't pull off the whole "punk" look. But then she reminded herself that she was trying something new, make some changes. "_O-k_. If you say so."

A few minutes later, they were inside the house, and Emma glanced around. There was beer cans littering the floor, the room smelled faintly of pot, and people were practically dry-humping on the couch. It was not Emma's kind of party. Well, not the old Emma's kind, but new Emma totally fit in. Well, kind of. She followed Alex through the house to the kitchen, where Alex got them some beers. Emma stared at the beer, and Alex laughed.

"What- you don't like beer?"

Emma forced a careless laugh. "No! I was just… checking out how many carbs are in it. I'm trying not to eat carbs."

They walked around for a bit, talking with people, and Emma was surprised to find herself having a good time. They weren't really her kind of people, but she liked them, anyway. She was determined to have a good time. She had a lot to drink, and she smoked some pot, but it wasn't anything she couldn't handle. Good time. That's what it was all about- just relaxing and having a good time. And trying to forget that Sean Cameron ever existed. No, no, this wasn't about Sean. Don't' think about Sean. Don't think about Sean. In Emma's opinion, she could probably do better. And Alex kept telling her she could do better, and was acting like Emma was the one that dumped Sean and everything, not the other way around. It made Emma feel good, and she really stared to relax. And people were so nice. Or maybe they just seemed nice because Emma was a little stoned and a little drunk.

Emma was standing by herself, when Jay suddenly popped up next to her. He smiled slowly and glanced her over appreciatively. "You look good. New clothes?"

"Ew. Alex said you weren't going to be here," Emma said, making a repulsed face.

"Alex is an idiot. But I'm here," Jay said, smiling slowly.

"Well, if I had known that, I guarantee I wouldn't have come," Emma said. She frowned. "Now get away from me." She pushed him away. Jay smirked.

"You're drunk or something," he said, looking amused. "Emma Nelson, getting trashed. Hey, since when do you hang out with Alex?"

"For your information, Alex and I happen to be best friends." The girl had no idea what she was talking about.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Jay said, rolling his eyes. He glanced at her again. She was wearing black boots and tights and a deliciously short skirt, and a worn leather jacket. She looked like a dominatrix, one of those girls that just oozed sex. Which was funny, because Emma wasn't sexy at all. Sure, she was beautiful, but she didn't have that thing that made her a little sex-vixen. She was too wholesome or something. But now….Alex had clearly done a good job.

"Your looking hot, Emma. What- you didn't let your Mommy dress you today?"

"Why- do you like?" Emma said, twirling around and smiling. "I thought it was just a little much, but I kind of like it. I'm not little, perfect Emma Nelson that everyone hated."

"Everyone doesn't hate you-"

Emma snorted. "Please. Everyone thinks I'm an uptight bitch. I guess I kind of am." She laughed loudly. "God, no wonder Sean ditched me!"

"You know, I don't think you're a bitch," Jay said, stepping a little closer to her.

"Are….are you flirting with me?"

"I don't know. Do you want me too be?" He smiled flirtatiously. Maybe Emma was finally coming to her senses, and realizing that deep inside, she really wanted him.

"No," she said curtly. "Not even a little bit." Ouch. Shot down. Jay frowned. Why was it that Emma always managed to make him feel like crap?

"You know, I could really show you a good time."

"Yeah? Well, why don't you show me?" she said. Jay was taken a back. Emma was turning him down and then flirting with him a second later. This girl was so off sometimes- he never knew what was coming. "Alright. Come on." He took her hand and guided her across the room to the staircase. He caught Alex's eye and smiled smugly. She frowned at him and mouthed "fuck you". Alex was notorious for her insane jealous, and this was probably _killing_ her. All the more reason to go through with it.

He found an empty bedroom, and he and Emma sneaked inside. He felt a little bit bad- Emma was obviously a bit impaired. But not enough to be completely out of it- that wasn't really taking advantage of her, right? They had kissed before, so there was something there- it wasn't like Emma was completely repulsed by him like she claimed. They started kissing a bit, and this time, it wasn't uncomfortable or unplanned. It was…_right_. Emma lay down on the bed, and Jay began kissing her neck. 'Is this ok?" he asked after a minute. Emma nodded and smiled at him. Jay wasn't going to make a girl do anything she didn't want- only real desperate bastards did that.

Emma couldn't believe she was making out with Jay- it seemed so against everything she believed in. But at the same time, it felt so right, so natural. She still wasn't sure how she felt about him, but she just felt ready to do something wild and crazy and totally unlike her. Wouldn't hooking up with Jay be just the thing? No one could ever imagine Emma Nelson sleeping with a guy at a party, but that made it even more appealing.

Jay took off his shirt, and Emma stared appreciatively at his toned chest. He leaned in to kiss her again, but his ring snagged on her shirt, and there was a loud ripping noise. In that second, Emma panicked. It brought back horrible memories of her rape, the struggling as he tried to tear off her clothes. "No!" she muttered, but he didn't hear her.  
"No!" she screamed. Jay stopped.

"Emma, are you ok?"

She pushed him off, breathing hard. "Get- get off me! Just…stop!"

Jay sat back and stared at her. "Emma, I didn't mean to….look, if you don't want to do this, then…"

Emma jumped up and bolted from the room, but Jay reached out to grab her arm. "Emma, wait- are you alright? You're-"Emma swallowed hard and jerked her arm away. "Stop it!" Then she turned and sprinted out of the room and down the staircase, tears pouring down her face. As soon as she got to the living room, she spotted kids being ushered out the door by two uniformed officers. The party had been busted. Everyone turned to look at Emma, with her messy hair and torn shirt. Jay came barreling down the stairs after her. "Emma, I didn't mean to-"

"Miss, are you ok?" one officer asked her. The room was silent. Emma took a deep breath.

"He- he attacked me."

"Who?"

"_Him_," Emma said, the tears still spilling down her cheeks. She pointed a shaky finger at Jay, whose mouth was hanging open in shock. "He…he tried to rape me. I…I said stop, and he…" she trailed off and began sobbing again. The officer touched her arm gently, while the other officer grabbed Jay.

"Hey!" Jay said, shaking his head. "What are you-"

"Son, you're going to have to come with us," he said gruffly. Jay glanced at Emma.

"No! That's not true!" he said, staring at Emma. "Emma, tell them that's not true…"

"Don't talk to her," the officer commanded, taking his arm and leading him toward the door. Alex, who had her arm around Emma, scowled at him as he passed. "Bastard!" she yelled, shaking her head. "You fucking bastard…"

"Alex…Emma…" Jay stuttered as the officer lead him out the front door. "I swear I didn't…" his voice trailed off as the door closed shut behind him.

Emma sat on the stair, crying uncontrollably as Alex tried to comfort her. "He's dead…he's such an asshole…" Alex continued muttering, but Emma wasn't listening. Images of the party months before kept popping into her head, images of Kevin, the boy she had meant and thought was so nice….blurring with images of Jay. Soon her mind just became a complete mess. She shook her head and cried and cried, until she felt like she couldn't cry anymore.

Author's Note- Finally- an update! Thanks to all those who read and review my work, and thanks for the advice....If you read this soon after I updated, I think there might be some confusion about parentheses and question marks or something that was wrong with the upload feature on here...but I'm updating again, just to be sure. So...what will happen with Manny and Craig? Wha'ts up with Emma? And will Roxie and Spin be ok? REad to find out! THe songs I used were "Nobody's Home" by Avril Lavigne, and "Crawling" by Linkin Park....Keep reading and and reviewing! THanks.

By the way...if you liked my story "BreakDown", I'm sad to say it won't be finished for awhile, if ever. I just didn't plan it out and I can't think up anything good....Sorry! I'm going to focus on this story and Don't Say A Word...but thanks for reading it!


	14. Drowning

Craig grabbed his shirt off the floor and looked over at her.

"I really think you should go now, Manny. I dont want...I dont want Joey to see you or anything," he said, pulling his shirt on and staring at the ceiling. Manny swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry, Craig...."

He looked over at her. "Don't be. I mean...it's not your fault. It was mine..." he muttered, running a hand over his face. "That was a mistake, Manny. A really....huge...mistake."

Manny leaned over and gathered up her clothes. "Oh." She looked at the clock."Shit. I'm late for work. Shit...." she muttered, sadly, obviously upset about basically being called a "mistake."

Craig felt bad, but he just had to get her out of his room, out of his house. He couldn't understand why this kept happening. Again and again...Once Manny was dressed, she stood up, and turned toward him. She opened her mouth as if she wanted to say more, but she didn't. Instead she just turned and hurried out of the room, but he could have sworn he heard her mutter "I'm such a slut," or something like that, to herself. Craig stood up.

"Manny, wait!" he called, but she was already gone. Craig plopped down on his bed in frustration. He reached over and turned on his stereo, and loud rock music blasted from the stereos. He closed his eyes, allowing the music to take him away from the mess he had made. _Again_.

Manny stumbled through the doors of the Quickie Mart, hastily pulling her revolting orange visor onto her head. She tripped over the frayed rug in that laid in front of the glass doors, but regained her balance and hurried toward the front counter. She was dismayed to see her boss, Mr. Grove, waiting for her behind the register, his fat arms crossed over his chest and a disapproving frown on his flabby face. Manny smiled apologetically, hoping if she looked really sad and pathetic, he might take pity on her. "Mr. Grove, I am _so_ sorry. See, this thing happened, and, well, this other thing happened, but then-"

Mr. Grove held up a hand, demanding silence. "Excuses, Manuella, get you nowhere in life."

Why did he always have to say retarded things like that? Manny nodded. "I know, Mr. Grove. But I promise it's not going to happen again-"

"You're right," Mr. Grove interrupted, glancing at his wristwatch. "Because you're fired."

"What?!" Manny shrieked, her mouth falling open in disbelief. "I was late _one_ day! And it's not like this place is exactly crawling with people, you know!"

"Yes, I'm very aware of the fact that you were late," he said, shaking his head. "On your _second_ day. That shows a sloppy pattern of unprofessional behavior. I already have more employees than I really need, and I'm going to have to let you go."

"Mr. Grove, please don't fire me," Manny whined, gripping the edge of the counter. "You really, _really_ don't understand how much I desperately need this job." Great- she had resorted to pathetic gravelling. But desperate times called for desperate measures. And Manny was willing to swallow her pride for once, even if it did mean throwing herself at the mercy of boring, morbidly obese Mr. Grove. "Please give me another chance. I'll wash the floors! I'll clean out the bathroom. I'll even stand on the corner and wear that burrito costume and do that weird little dance!" She just wanted to reach across the counter, grab him by the collar, and shake the hell out of him. Was his heart made of stone? Was he _trying_ to make a little girl cry?

Mr. Grove looked sympathetic- for about a second. He shrugged. "I'm sorry, Manuella. Hopefully, you'll grow from this experience. Now, you'll have to return your _official Quickie Mart_ uniform." He eyed her, acting as though he was taking away the most important thing in her life. _Oh, no, please not the tacky apron and dumb hat_, she thought sarcastically, yanking off her visor and pulling off her apron. She slammed them down on the counter and scowled at her _former_ boss. "Here. Take your gross uniform. I can't believe you do this to people. How do you sleep at night?"

"Thank you," Mr. Grove said, pointedly ignoring her last comment. "You know, Quickie Mart has an excellent reputation, and our employees are the best and the brightest. Quickie Mart is customer-service at its best. We display ourselves with respect, dignity-"

He was going off on one of his boring speeches about how wonderful his shitty little store was. "Yeah, yeah," Manny interrupted impatiently, drumming her hands against the counter. "When do I get paid?" She just wanted to take her money and leave this shit hole forever."

"Your money, which will total about 25 dollars," Mr. Grove pointed out dryly, "Should be arriving in the mail shortly. Now, I hope you have a nice day." He smiled tightly at her, turned, and walked off. Manny sighed and ran her hands through her hair in frustration. "Fuck you, you dirty bastard," she muttered, but it didn't make her feel any better.

She had no family, no money, and now, no job. God, she was like a fucking plague or something. Everything she touched turned to crap. Well, Merry fucking Christmas. Once again, Manny had fucked up and now she was going to have to pay for it. Failure- it was the gift that kept on giving. Manny swiped a candy bar from a display and walked out of the store, vowing never to step foot in that place again. It was snowing, and J.T had agreed to pick her up in his new car. Problem was, he wouldn't be coming for another three hours, since that was when Manny's shift _would_ have ended, if she hadn't just gotten canned. She bite into the candy bar and sighed.

Looked like she'd be walking.

"Emma, are you alright, sweetie?" Spike asked, rubbing her daughters shoulder and staring at her in concern. Her daughter looked like hell, but Spike hadn't expected anything different. Emma was slumped over the table, her eyes bright red from crying. She was staring at the table, her head in her hands. Spike bit her lip. "Sweetie, I know this is hard…but will you talk to us?" Emma remained silent.

"Emma, we need to know what happened," the large man said from across the table, as he flipped his notebook open. He had told Emma his name, but she couldn't remember it now. He smelled like cigarettes and cheap cologne. "If you could just go through what happened…"

Finally, Emma looked up and took a deep breath. She didn't want to talk about- she just wanted to go home and take a bath and fall asleep, and completely forget about the entire night. But if talking about it was the only way to get out of the cold, small room, then she'd do it. "Well…I was at the party, and Jay was there. He started talking to me and-"

"Did you have anything to drink?" the man interrupted, clicking his pen.

"What?"

"Do you recall having anything to drink?"

Emma glanced at her mother. "Well….yeah, I might have had a beer or two. I don't really remember, exactly….does that matter?"

The man was quiet, and then glanced down at his notebook. "No. Not really." Emma could tell he didn't mean it. He clicked his pen once again, which was really beginning to irritate Emma. He cleared his throat. "Ok, so you said Jay approached you?"

"Yes," Emma said, nodding quickly. She was sure about that. "He came up to me, and we talked for a moment. And then we went upstairs…"

"So you went willingly with him?"

Emma thought for a second. "Well, yeah…I mean, he didn't force me to go with him." She saw the man make a note, and she hesitated. "I thought we might talk or something. I don't know. But I did go upstairs with him, into one of the rooms. It was dark, but he didn't turn on a light. I mean, we both didn't."

"And then what happened?"

Emma took another deep breath, and her mother squeezed her hand. "We started…kissing. I mean, we were kissing, and he….I didn't want to. I mean, I did, but I really didn't." She stopped and frowned. That didn't make sense, even to her.

The man looked up. "Emma, did you tell him to stop kissing you?"

"No. I thought it was ok…I didn't think he was going to try…"

"What did he try?"

Emma closed her eyes for a second. She saw Jay, kissing her, touching her. He reached out and ripped her shirt- just like Kevin. And then she saw Kevin, sneering at her, holding her neck down to kiss her. Kevin pining down her legs so she would stop struggling…her eyes snapped open. "He….he ripped my shirt. No, he grabbed my arm, and then ripped my shirt. No…wait…"

"Did you tell him to stop?"

"Well, I did. But he didn't listen."

"At what point did you say no?"

"I…I don't know," Emma said, frowning. "I can't remember. _But I said no_. He should have stopped. But he grabbed my neck and pinned me down, so I couldn't move. But then I got up and tried to leave, and he grabbed my arm…"

"So when did he rip your shirt?"

"He….he…" Emma trailed off. She thought back to what had happened- hadn't Jay ripped her shirt while they were still kissing? Yes, he had. But his ring had gotten snagged, right? Or was that Kevin? No, that was Jay. God, she couldn't even think anymore. Jay and Kevin kept getting jumbled in her head, and she couldn't separate what had happened. Jay- he had stopped, hadn't he? He'd said he'd stop and he's backed off, but she kept screaming anyway…

"Emma? At what point did he rip your shirt? After you said no? When did you say no?"

Emma felt tears build up in her eyes. "I…I just don't know."

"Emma, did Jay force you into doing something you didn't want to do?"

Emma looked at the man, at her mother, and then at the table. "N…No," she choked out. "He didn't…he didn't try to rape me. I'm sorry." She started sobbing. "It's not true. I'm sorry…."

Emma just kept crying and crying, and she barely noticed as her mother helped her up and guided her from the room. God, what was wrong with her? She had accused Jay of attacking her, but that's not what had happened at all. Sure, Jay was a slimy jerk, but he was no rapist. She'd had too much to drink, flirted with him a bit, made out with him. But then when things had started getting more serious, she had freaked out, because it reminded her of her rape a few months before. She'd lied. Jay had stopped, but she kept panicking. What the fuck was wrong with her? Emma didn't know anything. She didn't know anything about anything. She hadn't been the same since the rape- she'd pretended to be fine for Sean, but she wasn't. And now that Sean had heartlessly dumped her _yet again_, and this time for another girl….well, everything was falling apart.

_She_ was falling apart.

Manny twisted her key in the lock of the door to Roxie's apartment, and pushed open the door. As soon as she was inside, she ripped off her scarf and jacket and tossed them aside. She had just walked home through the bitter cold, the bottoms of her jeans were soaked, and she could no longer feel her face. She sighed and shook the snowflakes out of her long black hair and turned to walk to her bedroom. She found Roxie standing in the middle of the room, staring at her. Manny jumped and giggled softly. "Roxie, you scared the hell out of me-"

"Where the hell have you been?"

Manny hesitated. "Work." Roxie stared at her. "Ok, fine. I quit." Roxie continued to stare. "Ok, fine, I got fired. But I really hated it there, anyway, and I'm going to find a new job. I swear I will."

"God, you can't even keep a job for two days!" Roxie cried, throwing up her hands. "And last night? You were with Craig, weren't you?" She was tapping her foot furiously, and Manny shifted uncomfortably.

Manny frowned. Why was Roxie suddenly attacking her? "I said, I'll find a new job. I got fired a half hour ago. Could you give me some time? And you sent Craig to come spy and get me- where the hell else would I be?" Manny hoped she didn't look as guilty as she felt…it Roxie only knew the truth about last night….

"So, why'd you get fired?" Roxie asked with a shrug, apparently deciding to drop the Craig-subject- at least, temporarily. "Spill something? Rude to a customer? Show up _high_?"

Manny ran a hand over her face. She couldn't handle this. "I haven't done any of that stuff. I'm clean."

"Really?"

Manny sighed. "Yeah. I haven't touched it." She walked past Roxie to her room, imagining crawling into bed and moping around for as long as possible. Her life was going down the shit hole- _again_. When was she going to get a fucking break?

"Then what is this?"

Manny turned slowly and saw Roxie holding up a bag she hadn't noticed before- a small bag of Coke. Manny swallowed hard, unable to look Roxie in the eye. "I…where did you get that?" she stuttered, her mind working rapidly to think up some sort of explanation that wouldn't result in Roxie bitching her out. She came up blank.

"I was looking for my sweater- which, by the way, I found in a crumpled ball at the back your closet- and I stumbled across this. Interesting, isn't it? So, what is it? Laundry detergent? Cookie crumbs? Huh, Manny? What the fuck is it, then?"

"You were going through my things?"

Roxie snorted. "Please. Don't pull that "you were going through my things!" bit, because I've tried it myself, and it doesn't work. We had a deal. Did I not make myself perfectly clear when I let you move in here? I said _no drugs_. And when I said no drugs, I didn't mean you could horde them in the back of your closet. And I'm not even going to bring up where you were last night, because I think we both know what went down." Roxie said, her eyes flashing. Manny swallowed hard and looked at the ground.

"I didn't take any, I promise. I just had them leftover….you just don't understand!" Manny yelled in frustration. "You don't get it!" She turned and ran into her room, slamming the door shut behind her. She felt like a little kid arguing with her Mommy, and she sunk onto the bed and took a few deep breaths. A second later, the door burst open and Roxie trooped in. "Get out!" Manny said angrily. "All you want to do is yell at me and accuse me of thing. You've hated me since the day I showed up here. Because I was with Craig, and you have a thing for him. Look, I just can't handle this right now, alright? It's my life. I can do what I want. Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you have to go all "Mommy" on me."

Roxie nodded slowly, and walked over to the closet. She pulled down Manny's suitcase from the closet and tossed it onto the bed. "Fine."

"Wait- what are you doing?"

"Fuck up your life some more; I really don't care. Just don't do it here. So just pack up your things and go, alright? And take your shit with you." She tossed the bag of Coke on the floor at Manny's feet. Manny stared at in confusion.

"Are….are you kicking me out?" Manny asked in disbelief. "You….you can't do this to me."

Roxie shrugged. "You knew the rules, Manny. I'm not going to sit around and watch you fuck up again and again. You just can't stay here anymore." She didn't sound happy or even satisfied about it- just frustrated and sad and worn out. She didn't look well. Heavy bags under the eyes looked vivid against washed out skin. She obviously couldn't take the added stress of Manny Santos anymore. No one could. She was beginning to realize that.

Manny couldn't believe this was happening. She had thought that, of all people, Roxie would understand her best, have her back. Sure, they weren't friends, but she had thought they'd had an unspoken understanding. Manny knew Roxie's parents had been drug addicts and all that, but shouldn't she know how hard it was to just stop? Manny was trying her fucking best to just stay strong and get things together, but things weren't coming along very well. "Where am I supposed to go?"

Roxie sighed. "Go home, Manny. Go home to your parents, and their cozy little house."

"I can't go home!" Manny said, standing up, on the verge of tears. "I just can't. I can't take my parents. You don't get it."

Roxie placed her hands on her hips and frowned. "Whatever. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself. I know you lost your boyfriend, and that sucks, but you can't keep living like this! You're lucky, Manny. You don't see it, but you are. I wish I had parents who cared about me like your parents do. I don't have a home to go back, too. At least, not one I'm welcome at." She sighed. "But this isn't a pity-fest about me. This is about you, and the decisions you make, and all that other psycho-babble shit. Anyway, the point is, go home."

"I can make it on my own," Manny said in determination, holding her head up high. She used to be this weak, mousy little girl, Emma's bouncy little side-kick, nothing Manny Santos. But now…she was tougher. She knew more about life, and, although it wasn't all pretty, it would get her by.

"You think that just because you wear lots of makeup and dress up in flashy clothing, you're suddenly a woman?" Roxie retorted. "You're just a little girl. Go home, Manny. I'm telling you, you have to go home. But I can't make you do anything, so….I don't know. Do whatever you want, I guess." Manny stared at her suitcase, her emotions jerking her back and forth like a game of tug-of-war. Silently, she began packing her things, and Roxie slipped out of the room. When she was finished, Manny picked up her suitcase and walked into the small living room. Roxie was leaning against the entry to the kitchen, looking miserable and tired. Manny grabbed her scarf and finally managed to look Roxie in the eye. "I'm really sorry things couldn't work out," she whispered.

Roxie nodded. "Yeah. Me, too."

Craig pressed the remote and flipped the channel. "Ok, there are only so many Ben Affleck movies I can take, and I've had my yearly limit," he said, stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth. He glanced over at Roxie, who was slumped over on the couch, staring blankly at the screen. She'd hardly said a word the whole night. Craig shifted uncomfortably. "Hey, someone's a little moody tonight, someone needs to cheer up!?" He nudged her gently in the arm.

Roxie glanced at him quickly. "Hey, someone's a little noisy tonight. Someone needs _to shut up_." she snapped, ramming her elbow into his gut. He grunted. Roxie went back to staring at nothing unhappily. Craig sighed, deciding to change the subject.

"I've been thinking…"

"So?"

"Well, I was thinking, you need a little vacation," Craig suggested, grabbing the remote and switching off the T.V. He turned to face Roxie, who stared at him in disinterest. "After Christmas, you and I are going somewhere special, ok? Where do you want to go?"

Roxie shrugged. "An alternate galaxy?" She was only half-joking.

Craig smirked. "We could, but I heard you have to book that months in advance. No, seriously."

Roxie thought. "Well….New York City wouldn't suck. And, before you say anything else, I said it wouldn't suck, which doesn't necessarily mean I want to go there. It just means that if you must drag me on one of your deluded little adventures, New York City wouldn't be the worst place possible. "

Craig rolled his eyes. "Um, _ok_. Well, it's done. Joey will lend me a car, and you and I are going to New York City, to soak in the ambience of big city life."

Roxie sat up and sighed. "Great. We can soak up the polluted air and witness multiple muggings and rapes. You sure know how to show a girl a good time." Craig sunk into the couch. He gave up. Roxie was obviously in one of her "leave-me-alone" moods, and Craig would do exactly that. He picked up some more popcorn. "So, where's Manny tonight? Working?"

"I wouldn't know. She doesn't live here anymore."

Craig nearly choked on her popcorn. "What?!"

"I kicked her out. I mean, she left. This afternoon."

"Roxie….how could you just kick her out?"

"Um….she was using again. In my book, that's cause for the boot."

"No, she wasn't." Craig froze. Why had he just said that? He knew it wasn't true, not after last night. But he just felt like he had to defend Manny. He wasn't sure why, but it was a natural instinct for it. "I mean, you don't know that's true." Roxie stood up suddenly and walked into the kitchen. Craig jumped up and followed her. "You're so blind, Craig," she muttered, piling some dirty dishes in the sink.

"What?"

Riley whirled around. "I said, you're so blind. Don't' you see what she really is? She has a problem. I can't have that in here, ok? I told her straight out, no drugs, and she didn't listen to me."

"So you figured leaving her on her own was a better alternative?"

"She has a family," Roxie pointed out. "Why are you defending her? She had drugs. Wake up- she's not changing."

"She…she needs help, that's all."

"Exactly! Rehab would do her good. I'm sure her parents-"

"No, it wouldn't. You don't know Manny. It would only mess her up even more. I can't believe you just abandoned her!" Craig said. Roxie was very quiet and very still. "Fine. Alright. If you think she needs help so bad, why don't you go help her? I'm sure you'll find her at some crack house."

"Fine. Maybe I will," Craig said defensively. "You know, I just can't deal with all this. I just want to go back to being a normal teenager. You know, as hard as it is to believe, we were all normal at one point. But then all this shit happened and everything's really fucked up…This isn't how being a teenager should be! I just want things to go back to being normal."

"Oh, ok. I'm sure you'll find complete normalcy with Manny," Roxie said sarcastically with a snort. "She's just the poster-child for a perfect, ordinary childhood, isn't she?" She paused. "So, exactly what happened between you two last night?"

Craig's heart dropped. Had Manny told her something? "Nothing!" he insisted. "I picked her up from the lake, and took her to my house. She slept in the garage. I slept in my room_." Lie_. "Nothing happened between us at all." _BIG Lie._ "She left without even saying anything." Another lie, but Craig couldn't bring himself to tell Roxie the truth- she was dangerously close to the knife drawer. A lot more had happened, but Craig knew it wasn't the time to bring it up. "Why are you so jealous of Manny?" Craig took one look at Roxie and knew it was time to leave. "Ok, so, I'll just be leaving, then." He turned and hurried into the living, and snatched up his jacket. Craig heard the dishes clink in the sink, and Roxie quickly followed behind him.

"You think I'm jealous of her?" Roxie asked in disbelief. "You don't know anything. I can't believe-"

"I can't do this anymore," Craig said evenly, putting his hand on the doorknob. Roxie frowned.

"Fine. Me neither."

Craig nodded and opened the door, stepping out. He shut the door behind him, and Roxie plopped down on the couch. Craig took a deep breath and walked away, wondering if he'd just done the right thing.

It didn't feel right.

"Hey, Cameron."

Sean turned and saw Alex walk up behind him. She had her usual tough-ass look on her face, and she was chewing obnoxiously on her gum. "Oh, hey, Alex." He didn't dislike Alex, but he wasn't exactly into making small-talk with her. She plopped down in the chair next to him, and Sean glanced at Mr. Simpson, who was sitting at his desk, busy at work. He didn't even notice. Alex stared at him. "May I help you?"

"Yeah, you can," she said, leaning in closer. "So, you heard about Emma?"

Sean stared unhappily at the computer screen and clicked the mouse. "No," he snapped. Emma was still a touchy subject with him. "Emma pretty much wants nothing to do with me."

Alex smirked. "And that's surprising? You ditched her for psycho-chick. I would have chopped off your balls and fed them to my dog."

"That's very charming, Alex. And Ellie's not psycho."

Alex held up a hand. "Alright, calm down. This isn't about Ellie. This is about Emma and Jay."

Sean glanced at her quickly. "Emma and Jay? What are you talking about?"

Alex glanced around. "I'm surprised you didn't hear. Two nights ago, at that party, Jay tried to rape Emma. The police came and took him away and she filed a report and everything," she muttered, her eyes narrowing into angry little slits. "Your fucking _best friend_ tried to rape your girlfriend."

"You're messing with me, right?" Sean asked in disbelief. He wanted everything Alex was saying to be a lie. It would make Alex sick and twisted, but at least it wouldn't be the truth. Alex frowned, obviously insulted.

"I don't mess around," she said. "I was there. Along with twenty other people."

Sean stared angrily at the computer. "Jay tried to rape Emma." He'd never felt so much rage and hate boil inside of him.

"Yeah," Alex said, leaning in closer. "So, what are you going to do about it?"

Kids crowded around the bonfire, laughing, talking, and drinking. But mostly drinking. It didn't matter what day of the weeks it was- kids were always willing to get drunk. The ravine was a 24-hour party spot. Their always seemed to be an abundance of alcohol and a constant fire burning. Sean was temped to just grab a beer, say fuck it, and get completely hammered. But he didn't stop or get anything to drink, because he was there for a purpose. He stopped near the fire and glanced around. He finally spotted a lone figure standing against a tree a few feet away from the crowd. He clenched his jaw and stalked over. They looked up.

"Sean," Jay said, pushing himself off the tree. "What are you doing-"

Sean didn't let him finished. He grabbed Jay by the collar of his black t-shirt, jerked him forward, and then hurled him against the tree. Jay's hat went tumbling to the ground. "So, you're not so tough now, are you? Huh? Come on, you fucking rapist." He threw Jay to the ground.

"Dude, it wasn't like that," Jay said, shaking his head. "I wouldn't do that to her, man, I swear-"

Sean kicked him in the stomach. "You shouldn't be touching Emma to begin with, but taking advantage of her like that?" He grunted and gave another hard blow right to Jay's chest. "It's disgusting."

"Sean," Jay moaned, hunching over on the ground and he clutched his stomach. "I didn't try to rape her. Look, just let me explain-"

"Shut up!" Sean yelled. Jay looked up and staggered to his feet.

"Fine," Jay said, charging Sean. He punched Sean in the face, and Sean fell into the tree. "I said, I didn't try to rape her."

And suddenly, the old Sean came out. The Sean who deafened that kid back in Wasaga Beach. The Sean whose only solution to anger was violence. The Sean that had no mercy. He grabbed Jay and punched him repeatedly in the face, until Jay fell backwards onto the ground. He heard people yelling and screaming, but he ignored them as he took Jay's arm and dragged him into the nearby woods. He found a small clearing and threw Jay down, and delivered another kick to his face. "You really want to mess with me? With Emma?" He continued to beat the crap out of Jay, until he became tired and stopped for a second.

"Sean….don't do this," Jay moaned. Blood was pouring out his nose, covering his neck. "She was drunk. I was probably drunk, but who knows. We made out and fooled around, but it wasn't rape. I swear to God it wasn't rape."

Sean kicked him again. "Emma's off limits, man."

"She's not you girlfriend anymore, Sean," Jay said. "You dropped her for Ellie, remember? She's a big girl. She can make her own decisions."

Sean froze, and stared at Jay, who was lying on the ground. His lip was busted up, his eye was already swelling, and he had blood running all over his face. He was a mess. A big, fucking mess. Sean was just debating exactly what to do when he heard leaves rustling behind him, and suddenly, someone was grabbing his arms. "Hold it." Sean felt handcuffs clamping over his wrists. "Jesus, you did a number on this kid."

Sean watched blankly as another officer kneeled beside Jay. Reality hit as the officer grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the woods, away from Jay, and into a flashing cop car…..

"This isn't good, Sean," the officer said, slamming down a file on the tabletop and staring Sean straight in the eye. "Look at me. I said, this isn't good. Do you know why this isn't good?"

Sean slumped over. "Don't I like, have the right to remain silent or something?"

The officer chuckled harshly. "Sure. But I advise you start talking, Sean….Alright. Just sit there. But you've got a record, Sean. Assault, another assault, and now- surprise- another assault. I'm seeing a pattern, Sean. Give me one good reason I shouldn't throw you in the juvenile detention center. You certainly fit the profile."

"Alright," Sean said, holding out his arms. "Go ahead."

The officer smirked. "Well, lucky for you, this Jay Hogart kid is refusing to press charges." Sean looked up.

"He's not?"

The officer clucked his tongue and nodded. "Lucky, lucky you. So I can't put you away- yet. But I did talk to some people, and we've all come up with a nice solution." He smirked at Sean again. "I think you'll enjoy it."

"What is it?"

"The county is requiring you attend anger management classes for a minimum of two months, three times a week."

"Fine. Done."

The officer held up a hand. "I'm not finished, son. You'll be attending anger management, doing community service, and moving back to Wasaga Beach with your parents."

_I'll be coming home  
just to be alone  
Cause I know you're not there  
And I know that you don't care  
I can hardly wait to leave this place_

Sean rolled his eyes. "Alright, then can I….wait- what was that last one?"

"You. Wasaga Beach. You're parents. You do remember them, right?"

"Yes," Sean snapped. He pounded his fist on the table. "I'm not moving back with them."

"Uh, yeah, you are. Obviously, living on your own is doing nothing for you. You need stability and your parent's guidance."

"That's shit!" Sean yelled, shaking his head. "Stability? Guidance? You really think my parents can give me that? Maybe, if their not too busy drinking themselves stupid. Why the hell do you think my brother and I moved away in the first place?"

_No matter how hard I try  
You're never satisfied  
This is not a home  
I think I'm better off alone  
You always disappear  
Even when you're here  
This is not my home  
I think I'm better off alone  
Home, home, this house is not a home, home  
This house is not a home_

"Because you deafened a kid."

He had a point with that one, but that hadn't been the only reason. His parents hadn't been able to deal with him, because they were constantly drunk, so they had just sent him away. Sean shifted in his seat, racking his brain for ideas. "I'm not going back to them. I just….I just can't. It's not fair. I've been living here for four years, and you expecting me to just pick up and move?! This is a cruel and unusual punishment, man."

_By the time you come home  
I'm already stoned  
You turn off the tv  
And you scream at me  
I can hardly wait  
till you get off my case_

The officer stood up. "Well, you should have thought of that before you beat the shit out of some kid." He gathered up his papers. "You need to be packed up and ready to leave in two days. You can shape up, Sean. You just need a little help. This might do you some good." With that, he turned and walked out of the small, cold room. Sean watched him go, realizing that he wasn't going to be able to talk his way out of this one.

Sean took a deep breath and put his head in his hands, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do now.

_This house is not a home  
I'm better off alone._

_Author's Note- _I finally updated. Not alot of action, but I had to move the story forward. What's going to happen to Sean, Emma, and Jay? Manny, Craig, and Roxie? Updates will be coming soon, so keep reading and reviewing. The song I used was "Home" by Three Days Grave. Thanks for all the reviews so far! Any idea or suggestions are welcome!


	15. Sleeping with Ghosts

Emma reached out and turned the faucet on, and then ran her hands under the cool, clear liquid that gushed out. With one hand she gathered her long blonde hair into a loose ponytail at the nape of her neck; with the other, she splashed the icy water onto her face. It felt like a bitter slap. When she was finished, she yanked a paper towel out of the dispenser, and patted herself dry. She was relieved that class had already started, and that the girl's washroom, which was usually bursting with girls gossiping or reapplying their eyeliner, was strangely deserted and quiet. She tossed the towel in the trash, pulled out a small comb from her purse, and began neatly brushing her golden hair. Involuntarily, her mind wandered back to the somewhat hellish events of the day. She had been faking every illness she could think of and had been skipping school ever since the "incident", as she liked to call it, and today had been her first day back after a few pointless days of lying around in her room, listening to depressing music, and gorging on Skittles and Doritos. She had quickly learned that she had been demoted to the school's hottest current gossip, the resident tramp of Toronto. Most of the stories were false, but that was the thing about rumors- they kept growing until they eventually blew up in someone's face. She'd walked down the hall that morning, trying to ignore the curious whispers and stares, when she'd nearly collided into Jay. He hadn't even looked at her. She's been expecting some kind of confrontation, for him to throw around a few scathing insults, _at least_ an angry glare. But instead, he brushed past her, without a flicker of recognition or emotion on his face. _Like she wasn't even there_.

Emma jumped when the bathroom door banged open, and dropped her comb into the sink. She glanced into the mirror, and, just when she thought her day couldn't get any worse, she was proven wrong. Amy and Alex, the daughters of Hitler himself, were standing behind her, glaring her down. They looked pleased they had found her alone, but at the same time pissed that she had even dared to show her face at school. Emma quickly gathered up her things and tried to casually walk past them and out the door, but Alex shoved her in the chest, pushing her back. "Where do you think you're going?"

Emma stared at the floor. "Just leave me alone."

"Sorry, we don't take requests from whores," Alex snapped, shoving her again. For someone so skinny, Alex had already managed to push Emma halfway across the room.

"I have one," Amy said. "What do Emma Nelson and railroads have in common?" Alex shrugged. "They've both been laid across the country."

"You're right," Alex said with haughty smirk. "Emma's just like a shotgun- two cocks and she's ready to blow."

Emma clutched her purse. She had thought her best defense was just to keep quiet, but she didn't know how long she could stand around while Alex and Amy hurled only semi-clever insults at her. She looked at Amy, whose enormous boobs were practically falling out of her shirt, which looked ten sizes too small. If anyone was a whore here, it was Amy. "Please don't tell me you actually thought those were funny," she replied, looking up. "So you two really _are_ as stupid as everyone says."

Amy and Alex glanced at each other. "Little-Miss-Save-the-World has a smart mouth, doesn't she, Amy?" Alex said, taking a threatening step toward Emma. She reached out and knocked Emma's purse out of her hands. "Jesus, Emma, don't make such a mess. What's the matter with you?"

Emma bent over to pick up her things, mentally demanding herself not to cry. People like Alex and Amy thrived on making people cry. That's how they got their kicks. Before she could get anything, Amy grabbed her by the collar and pulled her up. Alex grabbed her other arm and they dragged her over to small nook in the corner of the bathroom. They banged her against the mirror that was hanging on the wall, and Emma winced. "Who the hell do you think you are, trying to fuck with my boyfriend?" Alex hissed, getting so close to Emma that she could almost smell the Snickers bar on Alex's breath, which she must have had for lunch. "Do you _really_ think you can mess with me, you stupid bitch?"

"Get off me!" Emma yelled, pushing past Alex and trying to make a beeline for the door, and to the safety of the hallway. But Alex and Amy grabbed her again, and threw her to the ground. Emma hit the floor with a loud thud, and her elbow rammed into the hard tile.

"Alex, it's not what you think…." Emma insisted, biting her lip. Alex and Amy hovered over her, and she felt incredibly weak and small.

Alex snorted. "Alright. Then tell the truth. Did Jay try to rape you? _Yes or No_."

Emma hesitated. She was tempted to say yes and save her own ass. "No," she whispered.

"So you are a just a boyfriend-stealing slut. Like your little friend Manny," Alex said, and with that, she punched Emma in the face. Emma reeled back, shocked. She never been hit so hard in her entire life, and her cheek throbbed painfully.

For the next few minutes, Amy and Alex knocked her around a bit, cussing at her and yanking her hair. Emma tried to defend herself, but soon realized it was pretty useless. Alex was a beast to begin with, but with the help of Amy, they could easily maim Emma for life.

Finally, after an eternity, the bell rang, signaling that class was over, and ensuring that girls would come pouring into the bathroom at any minute. Amy and Alex stopped suddenly, backing away from Emma. "Oh, shit," Amy muttered, grabbing Alex's arm. "Let's go!" Amy turned and began hurrying out of the bathroom, but Alex lingered for a moment, staring at Emma. She But a second later, she was gone, too, and Emma was, thankfully all alone. She sat on the ground, her back against the wall, and buried her face in her hands. A minute later she heard the door open again, and for a second, she thought it might be Amy and Alex, coming back to finish her off. She could hear the footsteps, and finally looked up. Ellie was standing in front of her.

"Oh, god," Ellie said, putting a hand to her mouth. "What happened?"

"Alex and Amy happened," Emma replied.

"Oh….." Ellie said, shaking her head. She reached into her bag and pulled out a tissue. "Here. You're lips bleeding."

Emma stared at Ellie, and then at the tissue. She suddenly remembered that because of Ellie, Sean wasn't her boyfriend anymore. Thanks to Ellie, she'd lost the person she loved the most. Unwanted images of Ellie and Sean living together popped into her head, and she sniffed. Ellie was the last person on Earth she wanted any help from. Ellie noticed and sighed. "Oh, come on. I know you hate me, but just take the tissue, ok?" She waved it in front of Emma, and Emma finally reached up and grabbed it. She blotted it onto her lip and sighed. "Well….thanks."

Ellie nodded toward the contents of Emma's purse, which were scattered all over the ground. "That your stuff?"

Emma nodded, crawled over, and began picking it up. Ellie bent down and helped her out. Once they'd finished, they both went and sat down against the wall. Emma glanced into the mirror and flinched. Her cheek was already bright red. She couldn't believe she'd gotten the shit beat out of her all because of Jay Hogart, a guy she hardly even liked and was usually repulsed by. Before she knew what was happening, tears were streaming down her face and her nose was running.

"Don't cry," Ellie said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "It's going to be ok."

"Alex and Amy hate me."

"You're crying because of _that_? Because Amy and Alex, the biggest bitches in the school, don't like you? I'd call that an accomplishment."

Emma sniffled and wiped her cheek with the tissue. "Look what they did. I'd rather they like me than occasionally use me as their punching bag in the girl's bathroom."

Ellie shrugged. "Well, they'll get over it, and they'll get tired of picking on you. As someone whose been teased by Amy religiously since third grade, I should know that they'll move on. Of course, Amy still insults me all the time, but she doesn't quite have the spite she used to. Same with Alex. She'll most likely never be nice to you, but she can't passionately hate you forever."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Emma asked, glancing at Ellie. She didn't want to admit that Alex and Amy weren't the real reason she was crying. It was so much more than that, so much more complicated. She sighed. "Why are you even bothering? Don't you like, hate me or something?"

"No. Why would I?"

"New girlfriend always hate old girlfriend. It's like, the first commandment of the ten commandments for girls."

"Thou shalt not like thy boyfriend's ex-girlfriend?" Ellie joked. "Well, lucky for you, I don't follow girl code. Never have. And I know you're mad that Sean dumped you….well, for me, I guess. I'm sorry it had to happen that way. But it's not like it matters now, anyway." Ellie suddenly looked sad, and she glanced away.

"Oh…did you two break up?" Emma asked. _Don't look happy. Ok, don't look TOO happy_.

Ellie looked at her quickly in surprise. "You heard, didn't you?"

"Heard what?"

Ellie paused, and then reached into her bag. She pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to her. "I don't know why I'm carrying it around. I'm a loser. Anyway, read it."

_Ellie,_

_I had to move back to Wasaga. It's a long story. I know your visiting __Montreal__ with Ashley, so when you get this, I'll be gone. I'll call you._

_I'm sorry,_

_Sean_

Emma stared at the letter in shock and confusion. "This is a joke, right?"

"Yeah. It's really funny, isn't it? That is, it _was_ funny until Sean didn't come home for two days."

Emma shook her head. "He moved back with his parents. Why? He _hates_ his parents. What happened?"

Ellie threw up her hands. "I'm just as confused as you are. He hasn't even called yet."

"So he just left a letter? That's so typical Sean," Emma muttered, rereading the letter over and over. "Always just running away."

"Yeah. Really sweet, right?"

Emma set down the letter and stared at the ceiling. "So he's…gone. I can't believe he's really gone."

Why did things like this keep happening to her? Everything was going downhill, and she felt like everyone she cared about was just abandoning her. Manny was a complete mess and had her own problems to deal with, and now Sean had just picked up and left. Was it because he had found out about Jay and Emma? Sure, he would have been pissed, but would it really have driven him to just pack up and move? It didn't make sense.

But Emma was beginning to realize that her _whole life_ didn't make sense anymore.

Going home to his parents had been like a bad sequel to the fucked-up childhood he was trying so hard to forget. As soon as Social Services had dropped him off, his Mom had come running out of the house, her arms opened wide and tears streaming down her face, like she'd actually missed him. Then she'd had the nerve to hug him and whimper about how glad she was he had come back. Sean's father had just stood in the doorway, looking old and tough, just like Sean had remembered him. He had shaken his father's hand, and they had made a silent agreement that they would try to make this work. Sean had to make this work, and he knew perfectly well that he couldn't fuck up again, because there were no alternatives. This was it. Next time, he'd be sitting in a juvenile detention center, longing for Wasage Beach and even his drunk parents.

Speaking of drunken parents, Sean's had sworn to him that they were both sober and had been for a few months. Sean knew it was a load of shit. You didn't suddenly go from being drunk every night to not drinking at all. But his parents reminded him that he'd been gone for four years, and a lot had changed. Sean had laughed. _Whatever_. He was just waiting for them to stumble home one night, trashed out of their minds. But strangely, it hadn't happened yet. Once, when they had left for a few hours, Sean had ransacked the house, looking for his parents booze. He'd come up empty-handed. How was that possible? So Sean decided he'd just have to wait, wait for them to fuck up so he could rub it in their faces.

Three days after he'd arrived, Sean was wandering around the surf shop he'd used to go into when he was a kid. Tracker's friend used to work there, so he'd always hang around and watch the customers trickle in and out. Since it was winter, the place wasn't as busy as usual, but Sean didn't mind. He stopped in front of a nice black surf-board with flames. He checked the price, and then put it back. Yeah, right. In his dreams.

He walked around some more, and spotted a few wet suits sitting on a shelf. He didn't have one anymore, and figured he'd probably need one once it was warm enough to go out in the water. Without thinking, he glanced around, grabbed a wetsuit, and stuffed it into his gray zip-up sweatshirt. Stealing had become his worst habit. Sean was addicted to it. He'd gotten really good at it, and it was probably the only thing he was good at, besides fixing up cars. And it's not like that was much to brag about. The only problem was, Sean didn't feel any remorse after he did it. It worried him sometimes. He could probably steal from a mother on welfare with three kids, and he wouldn't feel anything.

He walked around some more, checking some things out and pretending to look like he might buy something. He was examining another board that was more in his price range, when a girl walked up.

"Need any help?"

Sean looked at her. She looked about his age, maybe a little older. She long, wavy black hair, and tan, smooth skin, no doubt from hours on the beach. She was wearing a pair of army pants, a black tank-top, and a black zip-up hoodie. She had the bluest eyes Sean had ever seen on a person. "Um…no," he said, coughing. "Just checking out this board."

"Cool. This one is pretty good. You surf?"

"Kind of. I haven't in awhile, though." He shrugged. "I just moved back here." She nodded and kept looking at him. Sean shifted uncomfortably. The girl was hot, but he wished she'd just go away. "But thanks, anyway." He went back to looking at the display.

"So…" she said, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her hoodie. "You gonna pay for that wetsuit in your jacket or what?"

Sean froze and looked at her. He had no idea what to do in a situation like this. He'd never been caught before. His eyes darted for the door, and she noticed. "Don't try to run. You won't get ten feet."

Sean sighed. "So….what are you going to do?"

The girl smiled and shrugged. "I don't know. I could tell Bernie and Marty over there," she said, turning and pointing to the two guys behind the counter, who were completely oblivious to them and were flipping through magazines. "Don't be fooled- their a lot tougher than they look. Or…I could let you put the suit back and we could call it a day?"

Sean sighed and nodded. He pulled it out, and set it back on the shelf. He stared at it. "There. Um…sorry?"

The girl laughed. "Are you apologizing to the wetsuit or me? Anyway, we get a shit load of stealers in this place. You know, I don't usually just let them walk away, but since you're so cute and all…."

Sean blushed. He knew flirting when he saw it, and this chick _was flirting_. "Well, thanks…" He squinted at her nametag. "Kelsey?"

"Just so you know, if you ever come into this store again, I'll be watching you like a hawk. Standard procedure. So don't think about stealing from here again." She smirked.

"You have my word, as a gentlemen."

She smirked. "Yeah, right. Do all gentlemen steal?"

"No. Only the really sexy ones."

She laughed. Sean smiled, because he thought her laugh was so cute. She shook her head. "Oh, I see. So, if you're such a sexy gentlemen, when are you going to ask me out on a date?" She glanced at the watch on her wrist. "We've been talking, for like, five minutes, and you still haven't asked me out."

Sean liked this girl. "Hmm….well, I usually wait ten minutes, but I'll make an exception. You want to go out tonight? Maybe get something to eat?" _ELLIE, ELLIE, ELLIE!_ His mind suddenly screamed, and he blinked. Oh, right. He had a "girlfriend". Well, he probably didn't anymore, considering he still hadn't called her after heartlessly abandoning her in his apartment. So, why the hell not? "Say tonight, at seven?"

Kelsey grinned. "You're on."

Manny burst out laughing as she stumbled, and grabbed Nicks' arm for support. "Oh, shit," she said, giggling. "Thank God you were here, Nick, or I seriously would have fallen on my ass in front of everyone." Then she paused and laughed again. "Actually, that would have been pretty fucking funny." She glanced around the crowded mall, and suddenly frowned. "Why the hell is like, everyone in the fucking city at the mall tonight?"

Nick shrugged. "Like there's anything better to do?"

Manny grabbed his arm again and grinned up at him. She felt so incredibly free and blissful. She hadn't even thought about any of her many problems. "Well, we found something, didn't we?" Before coming to the mall, Manny and Nick had split two large bottles of Smirnoff Vodka and a joint. "We totally partieeeeeeeeed!"

Nick laughed. "And you're totally drunk."

Manny pretended to look shocked, and then smirked. "No way. You're the one who's drunk." Then she punched him as hard as she possibly could in the shoulder, simply because she felt like it. Nick smiled at her and rubbed his arm.

"You are right. If I weren't so drunk, that probably would have hurt way more," he pointed out. They both laughed and continued walking aimlessly around the mall, making fun of people and looking at the display windows. "You hungry?" Nice asked, and Manny nodded eagerly. Hungry? She was starving! They headed toward the food court, and as soon as they got into a line, Nick began kissing Manny's neck as she studied the menus. "Stop," she said a minute later with a girly giggle. "I'm trying to focus." Nick ignored her, took her hand, and led her to a small corner in the wall, next to a large, fake, plastic tree. He gently pushed her against the wall, and kissed her enthusiastically. Manny let him for a bit, until he began working his hands up her shirt. She pulled back and pushed him off. "Hey. We're in public."

"Haven't you ever wanted to do it in a public place?" Nick whispered with a devious grin, and Manny frowned. She was losing her buzz, and this wasn't fun for her anymore. And what was he talking about- did he really think she was going to hike up her skirt and have sex with him in a mall?

"Um….no," Manny said, wrapping her arms around her waist self-consciously. "Let's just go eat." She made a move to walk away, but Nick stepped in front of her, blocking her path. "But I want you now." He grabbed her waist more roughly than before and pulled her toward him in one swift motion. He kissed her hard on the mouth. Manny tried to resist, until she finally managed to push him away again. "Ok, I said stop. What part of that don't you get?"

Nick smirked. "Oh, come on. Don't tell me you, Manny Santos, is going all cold on me."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Nick smirked again, and Manny resisted the urge to slap him in his cocky face. "Please. You don't have to act all proper for me. Everyone knows you like it. Everyone knows you get around."

"That's….a lie," Manny said. "Excuse me, but this date is officially over." She turned to leave, but he grabbed her wrist.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Oh, Manny, there you are," came a voice, and they both turned around. J.T was standing behind them, dressed in his official Chicken Palace uniform. "Been looking all over for you. You didn't forget about that thing tonight? _Did you?_"

Manny frowned. J.T could be such a freak sometimes. "Um…what?"

Nick smirked. "J.T Dork, why don't you run back to your little job shoveling out chicken fingers and leave us alone, ok?"

J.T continued staring at Manny. "You know," he said, widening his eyes and wiggling his eyebrows. "Tonight we were going to meet at my house after my shift? To work on that big project for Kwan?" He just kept staring at her, until finally Manny got it.

"Oh….oh, right. God, I'm such a ditz. The project…of course. Slipped my mind. Anyway, I should be going, Nick," Manny purred, stepping next to J.T. "I'll just get a ride home with him."

Nick looked confused, and then angry, but he finally just shook his head. "Whatever." He turned and walked off, and Manny sighed with relief. She turned to J.T and grabbed his hands. "Oh, my, God. Thank you. How did you know? That doesn't matter! Thank you!" She gave him a kiss on the cheek, not knowing that J.T had been dreaming of that moment his entire life. He just smiled and blushed. Manny sighed. "Well, I guess I better catch the bus_." Not like I have anywhere to ride it to. _"See ya."

"Wait," J.T said, pulling out the keys to his new Lexus. "I was serious about my shift being over. And about you coming over to my place. If you want."

Manny turned back around and smiled. "That would be great."

She didn't know what she was doing. Every rational part of her body was yelling at her to turn around and go home, where she belonged. Because she most certainly didn't belong there, _with him_. But there was another part of her, the one that didn't make any sense, that had forced her into coming. Maybe it was all the emotional drama of the past couple of weeks. Maybe it was just because she damn well felt like it. But Emma needed an escape. She needed a distraction. She needed _someone_ to take her away, away from who she was and what was going on. And she needed to apologize. She needed closure.

Emma shivered as she hurried toward the large bonfire, unable to understand why kids still partied at the ravine, even in the winter. It was cold and wet, but kids were still wandering around, laughing and having a good time. Emma had never understood the attraction of the ravine- it was a bunch of low-life's drinking cheap beer and listening to loud music. It wasn't her scene, and it never would be. But it was exactly Jay's type of place, and that was why she was counting on him being there. She spotted him sitting on some picnic tables, wearing his signature backwards hat and worn-out black jacket. She took a deep breath and walked over. "Jay."

He looked up. "Will the police be arriving soon?" he asked sarcastically.

"No," she said. "I had to talk to you." Jay just stared at her. "Really. I'm sorry. I really….what happened to your face?" Now that she was closer, she noticed the bruises and cuts in the firelight.

"Oh, these?" Jay said, and he set down his beer can. "Sean beat the crap out of me. You know, _because I tried to rape you_."

"What? Oh, god….I'm sorry."

Jay shrugged. "Whatever."

"No. This is my fault. All of it. I should have never said….you tried to take advantage of me. Because you didn't. I knew what I was doing, but I just freaked out." She sighed. "The truth is…I'm just really messed up. I don't know why I did what I did. Well, I do….I was raped before. At a party."

Jay nodded. "I know."

"Sean told you."

"Not really," Jay said, picking up a twig and snapping it in half. He tossed it away. "Remember that fight Sean got in? When he got arrested?" Emma nodded. "Well, he was wailing on this kid named Kevin. He didn't tell me the whole story, but I figured that kid had to do something bad to you, or else Sean wouldn't have gone so crazy."

Emma's mouth fell open. "He never told me it was him. Wow…"

"Yeah. So he didn't just pick some random dude. It doesn't make it right or anything….but at least he had a reason."

Emma nodded. "So….do you still hate me?"

Jay sighed. "Well, I didn't like being handcuffed. Or verbally assaulted by the police. But I understand."

Emma smiled softly. She felt better. She scooted closer to him. "Good. Because….that night. I really liked you. I liked….being with you." God, what was she doing? But she couldn't help herself.

Jay glanced at her and smirked. "Yeah?" He looked closely at her, and frowned. "What happened to your face? Don't tell me Sean knocked you around, too."

Emma smiled sadly. "Close. Alex and Amy basically jumped me in the bathroom today. Apparently Alex wasn't too happy about us getting together."

Jay nodded. "That's Alex. After what happened the other night, she smashed my bedroom window out with a rock."

"So why do you keep getting back with her?"

Jay shrugged. "She understands me. I don't know. She doesn't give me shit all the time, and I like being around her. _Usually_. When she's not being a huge bitch." There was a moment of silence. "So, why did you really come down here, Emma?"

Emma shrugged. "To apologize. And…." She leaned over and kissed him. He kissed her back. After a minute, Jay pulled away. "Wait- you're not just doing this because Sean left, right?"

Emma sat back. "No. This isn't about Sean," she said, more harshly than she meant to. "This is about us. I'm not with Sean, and you're not with Alex….and I want you. I want you to take me away from all this." She grabbed his hand. "Will you take me away?"

Jay paused for a second, and then finally nodded. "Yeah. Come on." He stood up, holding her hand, and she followed him. He led her away from the crowd of people and to a plain, rusty van sitting next to a large tree. He opened the door and stepped aside so Emma could climb in. She did, and glanced around. The van was nothing special, with a few lighted candles lying around, and a big, soft blanket covering the floor. She heard the door close behind her, and she smirked to herself. "Candles are just a bit tacky, don't you think?"

"I didn't put them here," Jay said quietly, took her arm and turned her around, and immediately began kissing her. Emma wrapped her long arms around his neck and lost herself in the sensation of Jay's kiss. She wasn't in love with him. In some sense, she didn't really even like him. But for now, he wanted her, and she wanted to forget everything. She slipped off her sweater and lay down on the blanket. Jay took off his jacket. Emma told herself not to be nervous as Jay began trailing kisses down her neck. With Kevin, she wasn't in control, and she'd been scared. But this was different.

She pushed aside any thoughts of Sean or what people would say or think, because she really didn't give a damn anymore. This is what she wanted.

This is what she _needed_.

It had started raining outside. Manny stared out the window. She used to love stormy nights. She and her Mom would grab some blankets and put in a movie, or they would go and sit out on their screened-in porch and just watch the rain and the lightening. Manny watched as the raindrops ran down the glass, and she could see a distorted, wavy reflection of herself. She sighed and turned away. J.T walked in a minute later with a steaming bowel of popcorn, and he set it down on the table. Manny wandered over and sat down on the overstuffed couch. "So, what movie do you want to watch? I don't like to brag, but we have quite the extensive collection."

"Ok. How about Titanic?"

J.T stared, and then shook his head. She loved how his shaggy brown hair got all messed up when he did that. ""No. As respect to my dignity and man-hood, I have to refuse to watch that."

"Alright. I'm not in the mood for a movie, anyway."

"Oh. What are you in the mood for, then?"

Manny thought for a second. She knew exactly what she was in the mood for, but it wasn't something J.T could provide. She needed a hit of something_, anything_. She could see the small bag of cocaine sitting in her pocket, the one she had jacked from Nick as he was practically raping her in the mall. Boy was he going to be mad when he noticed it was gone. She wanted it so bad, and she was positive she wouldn't make it through the night if she didn't get high at least once more. She bit her lip. She knew she couldn't excuse herself and go off and then come back high. She bit her lip. "Hey, J.T?"

"Yeah?" He was fiddling with the remote control, trying to turn on their big-screen television.

"You want to do something?"

"Like what?"

"Like…this?' She reached into her pocket and pulled out the small baggie. She held it up and dangled it.

"Is ?" He looked surprised, confused, and even hurt. Like he couldn't believe Manny Santos, the girl he'd always been in love with, was carrying around a –gasp- illegal drug in her pocket. Well, he was just going to have to deal with it. She nodded. "Try it. Come on, I know you're a little curious."

J.T frowned. "I don't know. Drugs are…bad."

Manny rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. Do I have to mention you're little adventure with Ecstasy at Ashley's end-of-the-year party in seventh grade?" J.T blushed and shrugged.

"I didn't take any, though…"

Manny started laughing. "Oh, right. You took a vitamin pill instead!"

"Hey, shut up!' He walked over and sat down next to her. "Besides, cocaine is some serious shit, Manny. You're not like, addicted to it, are you?"

"Um…no," Manny lied. She wasn't sure, really, but she told him what he wanted to hear. "Come on. It's just a one-time thing. You can just try it, and then you'll be able to say you know what it's like." J.T looked at the Coke, and then back at her. He was debating with himself. Suddenly, Manny wanted J.T to get high with her more than anything in the world." Please, J.T? Come on!"

Finally, he nodded. "Alright. Just to say I did."

Manny nodded happily. She ordered J.T to bring over a large, hard-cover book from the bookshelf, and he did. Then she poured the Coke onto it. She pulled a playing card out of her purse and arranged the drug into a few neat lines. "You got any cash?" J.T nodded, and pulled a few bills out of his pocket. Manny rolled one up and handed it to him. "Ok. You first."

J.T accepted the bill, and he looked nervous. For a second, Manny wondered if she really should be pressuring innocent little guys like J.T into doing drugs, but she shoved it aside. What's the worst that could happen? She watched as J.T put the bill in his nose, leaned over, and took in a few lines. When he was done, Manny smiled. He wiped his nose and smiled back. Then she did her lines, and she felt immediately better. She sighed happily and sat back on the couch.

After a few minutes, Manny glanced over at J.T, wondering if he was feeling anything yet or not. But she found him bent over, grasping his chest and making an odd wheezing noise. She jumped up. "J.T?" she said, tapping him on the shoulder. "J.T?" She pushed him backwards and found that his eyes had rolled back and he was turning a weird purple color. Manny felt nauseous. "J.T?!" she screamed, shaking him. He didn't respond. "Oh, God. Oh, God."

Without thinking, Manny jumped up and scurried over to the phone. She dialed 911, until the operator came on. "Yes," she said, panting and swallowing hard. "I need an ambulance. My friend in turning purple…."

"Is he unconscious?" the lady asked.

Manny grasped the edge of the couch. "I don't know," she moaned. "Just please come."

"Do you know CPR?"

_No_. She'd spent health class last quarter with Carter in the school parking lot, fooling around! "No. I don't."

"What's the address?" Manny rattled off J.T's address, which she had memorized after years of hanging out around his house. A minute later, she hung up and ran back to J.T. He looked _awful._ It was the worst thing Manny had ever seen. She'd heard about people having bad reactions to Coke, but she'd never really believed it. She started crying and coughing and her teeth were numb from the cocaine, and she felt _sick_.

Then she realized that if she stuck around, she'd be screwed. Manny bit her nail, trying to think up some kind of way out of this. She glanced at J.T. Help was on their way, and she really wasn't needed, right? They'd assume J.T was trying cocaine all alone, right? Right? She couldn't even think anymore! She ran a hand through her hair in desperation. Then, she snatched the car keys to J.T's precious new silver Lexus, and ran out the door, into the rain. Sure, they'd notice his car was missing, but by then, she'd be long gone. Off to somewhere where no one knew who she was. Where she could start over. Where she could forget about Degrassi and all the people, and maybe even get help.

Manny opened the car door and slid into the leather seats. She started the engine, hoping that J.T would forgive her. She was possibly the worst person on the face of the planet, but she had gotten so used to thinking only about herself, of saving her own ass all the time.

She'd fucked up _again_. Except this time, she couldn't make it right.

Manny peeled out of the driveway and went racing down the street, crying hysterically.

Roxie shook the present, and smiled. "Oh, my, God! What is it? What is it?"

Spin smiled. "Gee, Roxie, you're getting a little_ too_ excited about the presents, if you know what I mean."

Roxie sat down on the couch and smiled. "Sorry, but I love Christmas presents." She glanced around at all the people in the living room. She was having a little Christmas party with a few close friends, and she'd never felt more at home. She nudged Spinner in the arm. "This is so great. And sorry I didn't let you and your little band perform. It was only because….well, I thought you kind of sucked."

Spin held up his glass of eggnog. "Now that's the holiday spirit! Putting people down and shattering their dreams. Merry Christmas!" He smirked. "Alright, open your present." Roxie tore open the wrapping paper and took off the lid. It was a nice, expensive looking knit-sweater. Roxie held it up. "Oh, Spin, it's great. How did you know my size?"

Spin shrugged. "I didn't, so I just asked the lady to give me the biggest size they had, and hoped you'd fit into that."

"Spin, you're such a jerk. But, a jerk with extremely good taste."

Just then, there was a knock on the front door, and Roxie started to get up, but Ashley shooed her back down. "Sit! I'll get it!" She bounced over to the door and pulled it open. Craig was standing there, and she squealed. "Craig! Look who finally showed up." She grabbed his hand and pulled him in. Craig shrugged and smiled.

"Hey, how could I turn down an invite to the hottest Christmas party in town?" he asked, taking off his jacket.

"Easily, since _you weren't invited in the first place_," Roxie said, narrowing her eyes and frowning at him. Craig's smile disappeared.

Ashley just laughed, like it was a joke. "You guys are hilarious. Come on, Craig. The mistletoe is hanging over there."

"Hey, you ok?" Spin asked a minute later, as Roxie watched Ashley and Craig kiss under the mistletoe. How dare Craig barge into her home, and then make out with Ashley right in front of her face. He was completely flaunting his stupid relationship with Ashley! "Yeah, I'm fine," she snapped, and then realized she was being a bitch. "I'm sorry, Spin. I'll be right back. Oh, thanks for the sweater. I love it."

Roxie wandered into the kitchen, and leaned against the sink, telling herself not to be upset. Craig was just a stupid, two-timing asshole, who only cared about himself. It was _so obvious_….so why was she so fucking in love with him? Just then, she heard footsteps, and she whirled around. Craig was standing in the doorway, his hands stuffed in his pockets nervously. Damn him for being so cute and irresistible. Damn him! "What do _you _want?"

"Pretzels. Oh, and to talk to you," he said, taking a deep breath. "I think things ended pretty badly the other night…"

"You think?" Roxie said with a snort. Craig rolled his eyes.

"Ok, they definitely did. But do we have to hate each other?"

"_Yes_."

Craig sighed. "Ok, I'm trying to be nice about this, but will you please be mature about this?"

Roxie looked thoughtful. "You're right. I should be more mature. And I think the mature thing is to tell Ashley about us."

Craig's eyes nearly bulged out of his head. "What?"

Roxie shrugged carelessly. "She deserves to know. So she can see what you _really are_."

"Roxie…" Craig began, and then took a deep breath. "She'll be pissed at you, just as much as me. You'll lose your best friend."

Roxie stopped. Well, she hadn't thought of that. "Well…I….I…" she stuttered. "I'll have to take that chance. I can't lie to her anymore, and neither should you."

"You're just doing this because you think there's something between me and Manny. You're jealous."

"Of that Coke-head? _Yeah, righ_t."

"Yeah."

Roxie grabbed the bowel of pretzels and shoved them at him. "Here. Go back to your little girlfriend, because I'm done with you."

"No," Craig snapped, setting the pretzels down. "I'm leaving."

"Good!"

Craig turned and stomped out, and Roxie grabbed a few pretzels and rammed them into her face. She always ate when she was stressed out- it was a miracle she wasn't morbidly obese by now. She didn't care what Craig thought- she was going to tell Ashley, because she couldn't stand to see Ashley prance around, oblivious to what backstabbing people her best friend and boyfriend were. Tonight she'd tell her. She grabbed more pretzels. She heard Ashley ask Craig what was wrong in the other room, and thenshe heard thefront door open and slam shut.

Manny fiddled with the radio, and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. She hadn't been driving long, but it seemed like an eternity. She squinted to see the dark road in front of her, and the constant movement of the windshield wipers didn't help at all. She gripped the wheel tightly. Images of the last few months whirled through her head. _Overdosing. Going to rehab. Coming back to find Craig with Ashley. Carter dying. Running away. Working for Isabel. Nearly getting raped. Moving in with Roxie, only to be kicked out. Practically killing J.T, the one person who had actually seemed to care_. It was like a bad soap opera, except Manny usually found those pathetic and funny, but there was nothing to laugh about now. She felt trapped and suffocated, and high and confused, and scared. _Especially_ scared. Rain pounded against the window; Destiny's Child was playing in the background on the stereo.

_I wish I were dead, like Carter,_ she thought, sniffling. At this point, she wasn't even paying attention to the road. _Then it would all be over. _

Just then, Manny realized she had drifted into the wrong lane. She heard a loud honk. Headlights flashed in her eyes, and she grabbed the wheel andspun it sharply. The car went skidding across the slick road.

As the car whirled around, Manny squeezed her eyes shut. _I'm going to die. Just like Carter did._ A strange sense of peace settled over her.

Just before the silver Lexus slammed into a tree.

Authors Note- Finally an update! Thank you so much to all those who have reviewed....it makes me feel so good to know someone appreaciates my writing. Comment and critism are welcome! So whose this Kelsey girl? What is Emma thinking? And what's going to happen to Manny? Keep reading to find out! Thanks!


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